Friday, December 31, 2004

im my dream last night i was kissing chris elze and he was really bad. i also possibly touched his penis but it was through his pants so, yeah, whatever.

took you about 13 years but i made you kiss me, sucked in!

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

i cannot wait until a day on the green

10 Days

So we've put an end to it this time.
I'm no longer yours and you're no longer mine.
You said this hill looks far too steep
if I'm not even sure it's me you wanna keep.
And it's been ten days without you in my reach,
and the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes and
I let you go but you're still the only one
that feels like home.

You won't talk me into it next time,
if I'm going away your hearts coming too.
'Cos I miss your hands I miss your face.
When I get back let's disappear without a trace.

'Cos it's been ten days without you in my reach,
and the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes,
tried letting go but you're still the only one
that feels like home.

So tell me, did you really think...
oh tell me, did you really think
I had gone when you couldn't see me anymore?
When you couldn't...

'Cos baby time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
And I've tried cutting the ropes,
I let you go but you're still the only one
that feels like home, yeah,
you're still the only one that feels like home,
you're still the only one I've gotta love.
Oh yeah...

Written By Missy Higgins & James Major Clifford
so, whoever out there has that voodoo doll of me, can you refrain from sticking the knife up my vagina for just a little while thanks, its really getting quite old

oh....i can see my keyword stats now

Monday, December 27, 2004

carly carly carly carly carly

you know, i just gogled 'carly' and im on the 8th page now with so far NO references to my blog. im only searching australia too.

i obviously dont talk about myself enough

ok, so right now im falling about the place laughing
so, im in love with missy higgins. is that a problem??

my christmas wrap up (a spelling joke i stole from the panel)

christmas was pretty good all round this year. the boys were suitably impressed by their bikes and 'christmas surfboards'. e has declared his bike to be his 'favwit owange tigor bike'. that is until today when one of the training wheels fell of and all thise little orange plastic bits keep popping off all over the place.
right now they are in the lounge watching the secret of nimh, and next x would like to watch willow. he's been playing with his magnetix all weekend and e keeps changing into all his new clothes so i think we can safely say they were both pleased with their new aquisitions.

now, the all important stuff: what i got. matt got me a 1 hour massage voucher, missy higgins cd, teen wolf video, welcome to the dollhouse video, sample people vidoe, a cute little suitcase, a muppet christmas annual and some huge weird mushroom house thing. i am currently scouring the internet for it so i can show you what i mean. when i turned it upside down to see who made it there was a really old sticker of shannen doherty stuck to the bottom.

mum got me a really cool buddha statue with a candle holder. cant decide yet whether to put her inside or outside. and my aunty got me some cute little lantern lights for under the pergola.

vicki got me a ticket to a day on the green so now i get to see missy higgins in real life. i will let everyone know if she is bi/lesbian after the concert when i'll smile at her and she'll either instantly fall in love with me or we'll end up just being good friends

got a bit of money too which should come in handy since a day on the green is a camping over night thingy with no bring your own food or drink which is pretty sucky. im lookng forward to the breakfast the next day tho

cant think of anything that stupid that i got this year...oh! some denim mugs. no, they arent made of denim, thay have a print of denim on them...yeah..denim mugs...came in a shoe box sized box with denim print on it as well...yeah

no plans for new years yet. its quite possible i'll just stay at home like i do every year and drink half a bottle of something alcoholic like i do every year. sorry if i just ruined your picture of me as an all night party girl who's into anything and everything...i still could be, thats what makes me so mysterious...doesnt it? fuck it, whatever.

ive got my period and a headache so i dont really care. im goin to have a nap

Sunday, December 26, 2004

i was so totally having sex with daniel boud in my dream last night. we were both fucking ace.

then i went to a $2 shop to buy a beaded curtain but they only sold them by the strand and they were up really high and i couldnt reach them and when i asked the shop assistant she was pissy at me and i said if you dont hurry im leaving cos i have a headache and its really hurting. then i left.

i liked the first part better

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Friday, December 24, 2004

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star.
You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight.
You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party.
Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty.
Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

dear kent, im also a weeping willow tree and an english cocker spaniel

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) -- likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.


i apologise for playing with the smilies while at work

Monday, December 20, 2004

im in a gang!

discovered via sexy kent, theres some moron around who's been defacing some good bloggers names. if you've ever clicked over there -> on the adelaide blogs link it would have taken you here. its a great thing for me to scroll down the page, click on someone who looks interesting and discover that i indeed have never seen this person in my entire life, despite who 'adelaide' adelaide is.
a while ago i went to click 'little miss stacked' because glancey had mentioned something about being obsessed with her blog. so i thought id go have a squiz. lo and behold, the link to her blog on the adelaide blog list says this

No longer available - SHES A SLAG
53 minutes ago
Diary of a chick who lives in a world of confusion and turmoil because, although she's a slag, she's not slag enough to survive in the mean streets of Adelaide.

the blog isnt there anymore, but last time i looked it was full of stuff like 'oh, i just had sex with my dad' and stuff like that. things im sure glancey wasnt talking about when he mentioned her. oh, i found it

well, its been a while since i grazed through adelaide blogs. i visited after reading kents post and lo and behold, i've been attacked!
my description used to say

girl - 25, in christies beach...what could possibly happen to me?? oh, i've been 26 since march, how did i not realise that?

it now says

girl - 25, in christies beach...what could possibly happen to me?? I dunno, shark attack? LOL! oh, ive been 26 since march...heh, how'd i not realise that...and all I want is some of Frizee's disease ridden cock full of pus from Monica's skanky twat. LOL!

so i'm apparently in need of a good fucking by ryan fitzgerald. riiiiight. anyway.

but that is where you are wrong, mon cherie, for it is you i long to ride, and it is your disease ridden cum i want to injest. there is nothing that turns me on more than...ooh, i cant even type it without orgasming.....internet...terrorists....aaaahhooooh, yeah, say it again, do me again, type more skanky lies about me, do it, do it, harder ohhhhohhhhh

if you'll excuse me

i'm now retiring to the lounge where i will be watching a dvd that i want to watch. sorry, mr lorax, although you are funny and entertaining, you are now going back to the the kids dvd shelf.
i am snuggling down with a cup of tea and watching i capture the castle

mmm, rose byrne, mmm

this is honestly one of the most beautiful songs ever written

I was just bony hands as cold as a winter pole
You held a warm stone out new flowing blood to hold
Oh what a contrast you were
To the brutes in the halls
My timid young fingers held a decent animal.

Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days were long.

Cool of a temperate breeze from dark skies to wet grass
We fell in a field it seems now a thousand summers passed
When our kite lines first crossed
We tied them into knots
And to finally fly apart
We had to cut them off.

Since then it's been a book you read in reverse
So you understand less as the pages turn
Or a movie so crass
And awkardly cast
That even I could be the star.

I don't look back as much as a rule
And all this way before murder was cool
But your memory is here and I'd like it to stay
Warm light on a winter day.

Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days go slowly by
Two loose kites falling from the sky
Drawn to the ground and an end to flight.

the shins - pink bullets
see me?

watch me, journey in the dark, as i swipe thee from my links and replace you with one before unlucky because i get lots of links from him and he takes pictures of koalas.

yeah, take that!

i also linked clem bastow cos that photo of her is hot

wow, im so deep
mat just rang. he's having a pretty crap day. says nothing is working right. and i'm trying to sympathise, i really am, its just bloody hard to do when i have the house to myself, and im naked, sitting in front of the computer drinking a cup of tea and eating baklava.

Friday, December 17, 2004

go marci, go!

check out the humble bee website. marc's actually done something and its pretty darn good. it's still only there until sean gets off his arse (ever widening?? mehehe, oh funny funny. sorry, only certain people will get that joke) and makes us a proper website.

the picture is the possible cover for the pancho and maria concept album.

yes i said concept album. you can stop laughing now. well, at me anyway, it wasnt my idea

Monday, December 13, 2004

so can anyone tell me why im dreaming about kent being friends with mark vella, and then calling scott healey to take me out cos im bored?
oh vincent, how i love thee

the quote from last night actually came from eames

'wow, i didnt know you had an older, geekier brother'

and it was balkis cousin from perfect strangers!!!!
im in an extremely whiney and complainy mood today. this is not helped by the fact that it is school holidays and i have to listen to the boys. yes, just listening to them is grating my nerves today. poor babies. i do love you...just so you know guys.

did i write about melbourne? i cant remember...hang i didnt. i will now.

last weekend, not the one just been, the one before, personwhosnameimustnevermention, x and i went to melbourne. it was a birthday present for x. yeah, of course a 5 year old gets to go to melbourne for his birthday, why the hell not? actually as you would all probably know, x's birthday is in june. personwhosnameimustnevermention's mum was going to send him on a mystery flight back then with her flybuys points but decided to wait till she had enough to send the three of us to melbourne instead. so we went.

we arrived at melbourne airport about 9:30 saturday morning. this would have been ok except it was at about this time that i realised i'd left my effexor at home. do i need to say that again for you? I LEFT MY EFFEXOR AT HOME. this is not like leaving your toothbrush, your hairbrush(which i also left home) or your favourite t shirt. this is like leaving something that is imperitive to your existence 45 minutes flight away or an 8 hour drive. and with it being a saturday we couldnt exactly get someone to post it to us, could we? no, no we couldnt.
so we went to a chemist. they said it was fine to get the prescription faxed to them and they could fill it for me. what nice chemist people. all i had to do was call the doctor and get them to send it.

"medical centre, how can i help you?"
"hi, im in melbourne at the moment and have just realised ive left my medicine at home. i need to take it every day. is it possible to get the prescription faxed to me?'
"i'll have to talk to the doctor, i'll get back to you"

after taking my name, number, fax number, medicine info and all that, the conversation was finished and i told the chemist people and i went to have some breakfast, happy in the knowledge that i will soon be downing 2 effexors with a strawberry thickshake from mcdonalds*

so i went to mcdonalds, bought the thickshake, met up with the boys and waited for a while as x made his way s l o w l y through three chicken mcnuggets. still no phone call. we were very close to the victoria markets so we thought we'd wander through there. they're only a couple of minutes away from the chemist, we'll be fine.

the markets are very cool. they are very cool for about the first 3 aisles. then you start to wonder if you've seen that face before. wasnt that guy 2 aisles back selling bizzarre wind up toys and spaderman toys? im sure ive seen those trinsformers before. didnt that girl shove a strange self heating muscle pack on my back 10 minutes ago? and im sure i saw that dead kangaroo skin hanging up as soon as we walked in.
yeah, same shit, different aisle. regardless of this you HAVE to keep looking because you WILL find it cheaper. the trick is to remember which one was cheapest. we ended up paying $6 for a pack of yu gi oh cards instead of $10. i dont know if saving that $4 was worth the 6 aisles of "THE YUGIOH CARDS WERE BACK THERE. BACK THERE!!!!" but we saved $4, goddammit.

you may have noticed that i am yet to take my medicine. this is because i am yet to get the phone call from the doctor. this is also an hour and a half since i spoke to them.

"hi, i rang earlier. someone was supposed to fax a prescription to me in melbourne"
"the doctor is very busy and has 13 patients ahead of you. im not even sure if she will get to you today (starts to say something while i quietly freak out)"
"you said you would speak to her, you said you would ask"
"i cant go in there now, she is with a patient"
"yes, but you said an hour and a half ago you would..."
"there are 13 patients ahead of you"
"could you please..."
"i cant go in, you'll have to wait"
"but i just..."
"im sory, but you'll have to wait. there are 13 patients ahead of you, she is very busy"
'fine, finish your sentence"
"you said you dont even know if she'll get to me. all i want to know is IF she will get to me. please ask her if she is going to do it. if she is not i will find another way to get my medicine"

i am then put on hold

doctor robin gets on the phone. i hear her voice and calm down for a split second until she says "i cant have you abusing my staff"

so this is where i lose it. i am sitting in the middle of the victoria markets, surrounded by people and stalls selling a bazillion things i do not want and i am crying into the phone

'i just want to know if you are going to get to me. i didnt abuse her, she wouldnt let me talk. i know you are nice and i dont want you mad at me, i just want to know if i am going to get my medicine. i can wait for it, i just want to know if im going to get it.'
doctor robin is telling me to chill. that its ok, that she's faxing my prescription now, that everything is going to be fine. she calls me matey and i of course turn 6 years old and cry even more. i imediatley start composing an apology letter in my head. not to the stupid bitch at the desk though.

so in the end i get my medicine, we walk back to the hotel and x and i sleep for a couple of hours while personwhosnameimustnevermention walks the city.
the next day we tackle the aquarium and brunswick street which rules and then we meet theresa for drinks at the pub. yayayayayay theresa!!!!

she and i proceed to spend an hour in the toilet catching up and x makes himself at home playing pool with the locals and scoring free drinks at the bar. the night finished with a promise that i will come to melbourne by myself so theresa and i could talk without unintentionally leaving everyone for an hour.

on monday we headed down to st kilda so x could stand at the closed gates of luna park and cry. then we went to chapel street and i wished for more money, then we went to intencity so x could play games which was all he was asking for all weekend.

my phone had run out of batteries and we were using personwhosnameimustnevermentions. oh look, it 5 o clock, we need to catch the plane at 6:30, we should head off.

so we walk back to the hotel, grab our things, walk to the shuttle bus terminal, hop on the bus and it is then that i look up at the clock. um, does that clock say 6:20? um, yeah, i think it does. personwhosnameimustnevermention, did you not change the time on your phone? is your phone still on adelaide time? cos accordning to your phone its 10 to 6.

needless to say we missed our flight. they were kind enough to put us on the next adeladie flight which was at 8:45. that was fine. we got to have some tea and sit around for a while and not feel rushed.

it wasnt until the storm rolled in that everything started to suck. apparently the people who work on the tarmac dont like the rain and the lightning, so they dont really want to work out there, so we had to wait

and wait

and wait

waiting is ok. i dont mind it. in and out was on tv and that was cool. its funny in a 'oh look at that american man pretending not to be gay when he so clearly is' kind of way. except kissing tom selleck is not my idea of a lightbulb moment.

at quarter to 11 we got on the plane. there was no food because if we waited for the caterers we'd miss the curfew in adelaide and have to wait till the next day to get home. that was ok, we got a coke and a packet of peanuts. we also got to watch an episode of absolutely fabulous AND an interview with missy higgins..mmmmmm
btw, if anyone wants to by me a ticket to a day on the green for christmas, they are most welcome

*because we were travelling with a 5 year old, we survived the weekend on pizza and mcdonalds. i feel so dirty. they didnt even have the yummy chicken ceaser roll, BASTARDS!

Friday, December 10, 2004

now that im working there are at least three days a week where i cant just be naked


Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


i was away all weekend and there are no tags AND i did that huge update post and there are no comments. i cant believe it. no hang on, yes i can. you all suck

im tired

go away

Friday, December 03, 2004

y'all should go wish holly a happy birthday

mehehe, y'all
so, like, whats been happening?


not much different than usual. over the last couple of weeks i've just been doing the same mum/librarian/actor/sex goddess stuff.
i didnt take the full time job at woodcroft. i would have liked to for the job security, but im liking noarlunga and i also dont want to have the boys in childcare every day of the week. i couldnt get the childcare right now anyway, which was the main reason i didnt take it, but im glad that i didnt.
i met the girl who's job im doing at the moment. she's really nice. sweet and cute, and has a cute baby. so im not going to feel bad when i have to give her job back. she said she was thinking of coming back in july so that gives me a bit of time still.

im going to melbourne this weekend. woohoo! i get to see theresa!!! personwhosnameimustnevermention's mum bought x a flight to melbourne for his birthday but i said he wasnt going with just personwhosnameimustnevermention so we had to wait until now wso the three of us could go. e will be spending the weekend with them. im sure both the boys will enjoy themselves. not entirely sure what we'll be doing there yet. probably got to the zoo and do some sciency things with the boy. and see theresa!!! im hoping she can suggest somewhere cool to go out for tea or something. ooh, good idea, i'll message her now.

rehearsals are going pretty well. im still not toned and all that jazz for my nude scene but i've got a while yet till i have to nude up in front of thousands. ok hundreds. of, tens of people. heehee, i get to kiss mousie. here's a picture of us from cuckoos nest. we're all stoked and tired cos its after the last perfomance and we're about to get smashed on tequila

so the new harry potter came out on dvd on wednesday so we bought it. we all sat down and watched it as soon as i got home last night. is there something very wrong with me? is it so bad to find harry and hermione that attractive? and ron too at times. he's getting pretty funky, what with that beanie and everything. and he doenst sleep in pyjamas like the rest of the nerds, he sleeps in a tshirt and comfy pants. ooh, i cant wait for the next one where they'll actually get to kiss people.

i really am a sicko, arent i....hang on, let me find out how old they are in real life

the christmas pageant was on a couple of weeks ago. i had to work, so personwhosnameimustnevermention took the boys. see how cute they are?

personwhosnameimustnevermention has shaved his beard off now. would you like to know why? he was at a hospital taking photos of where some signs were going to go. he's a sign guy, you see. the lady in the cafeteria where he was taking photos asked him what he was doing, and he told her. seems simple enough, dont you think?
so he heads back to work and when he gets there he's called into the office. it seems that the nice old cafeteria lady didnt believe his 'just taking photos for work' story. no. no, she thought that he was part of a terrorist group, and noted down his license plate number and called the police.

so personwhosnameimustnevermention shaved off his beard. not before spending the rest of the day wearing a tea towel on his head

feel like buying me something? i'd like to try this. and this too, cheaper version.
but i think i'd really like one of these. oh, and this does say any, doesnt it?

ok, daniel radcliffe is 15, rupert grint is 16 and emma watson is 14. would you look at them??!!??
i dont blog much anymore and thats sad

i'll blog later, got stuff to do

Sunday, November 28, 2004

i just checked my stats and someone...possibly even matthew baldwin HIMSELF visited my blog. i hope i was writing something snazzy and hip and not in any way embarrasing that day

Carly for sale. aff
Check out the deals now!

that was an add on a google page i just saw. so i went to ebay and searched for carly.
of course there were a hell of a lot of carly simon things for sale, but there was also this. its kinda cute in an ugly way, BUT if you scroll down further you will see something extremely frightening. go on, keep scrolling. believe me, you'll know it when you see it.

i also found this, mehehe
yeah, im not going. its far too hot for my sexy self to drive into the city and sit in the sun.

have fun without me

Thursday, November 25, 2004

meat me!

well, it's been semi organised. the gorgeous glancey and myself have decided to have our blogger meet up at the feast picnic on sunday.
please feel very free to flaunt yourself in front of the lesbians at the lesbian and gay day in the park and join us for a big gay out

Monday, November 22, 2004

thankyou australia

you helped the fat girl win!

i always had a soft spot for casey. i really liked chanel and courtney, but once they were gone i was going for casey. i guess i really would have gone for anyone who was up against anthony. as you may remember i called him a plastic cunting bastard, and i stand by that. no, i do not have any hard evidence to back up my claim but everyone knows i rule so you should just believe it anyway.

i really didnt think casey would win. i said to kirsty earlier in the night that i thought anthony would win, but i had a tiny glimmer of hope, thinking that casey might actually have a chance. i'd really like to know exactly how many people voted.
i never thought she had a choice. not being mean or anything, but she's a fat aboriginal girl from the western suburbs of sydney, there is no way anything like this should be happening to her.

on the australian idol message boards there are cries of a conspiracy from anthony fans. that just makes me laugh. especially the comeback from this casey fan

By: bferbear_73
6 minutes ago
Message #419386

In reply to:
Re:jealousy and cons ...

Yahoo! Profile:

Re:jealousy and conspiracy theories

It was Professor Plum in the Library with a candle stick.

That wasnt a theory on how Anthony lost idol btw, but how he lost his virginity.

we had the first read through of equus last night at harry's house. it went really well. i'm really looking forward to it. the cast is diverse (thanks kirsty) and harry's ideas and vision for the play sound great.

i'm currently in an arguement with optus. i went the strathfield last sunday and signed up for a mobile phone plan. my phone is really cool. i'll try and find a pic of it. the deal is pretty good too. send 3 texts and get the rest free each day. now thats all well and good for me, but the people who i talk to most and in a back and forth way are with virgin which is only 5c a message between virgin customers. and i doubt they're gonna want to write back to me all the time if its gonna cost them 15c more each time.
now, the reason im arguing is because i signed up on sunday and i havent been able to use the phone all this time. optus havent switched me over properly yet. so i fail to see why i should have to be paying $25 a month for a phone im not using. especially when i can pay $15 a month with virgin and get the same deal.
they're ringing me back today to see what they can do. if it doesnt work out for me, can anyone remember the name of the website that investigates things like this and does all the calling and explaining for you? it was on today tonight or a current affair a while back.

mmm, yoghurt

ok, im off to do the washing and enjoy my monday at home while i still can.


Sunday, November 21, 2004

the natural order

without realising it i have an order in which i do things, and if i dont do them in that exact order, my life is turned upside down.
for instance, i must boil the kettle, and while its boiling i get the cup ready with the tea bag and honey, i get my effexor out of the cupboard and then i get the milk. if i differ from this i will more often than not forget my effexor thus fucking up my whole day.

i didnt realise that this effects me and my car as well. today when i pulled into bilo i but my hand break on first rather than putting it into park, turning my car off and THEN putting my hand brake on. this caused me to try and leave my car with my seatbelt still on

even i think this is pretty bad

Reward offered for 'baby Jesus'
November 18, 2004

THE South Australian Brewing Company has offered six cases of beer to anyone who can produce Jesus.

The company today offered the reward after thieves made off with baby Jesus from its traditional nativity display earlier this week.

Brewery managing director Mark Powell said security footage showed a man scaling a fence and swiping baby Jesus from his manger along the banks of the River Torrens.

The nativity scene is part of the brewery's wider Christmas display - an Adelaide tradition for the past 45 years.

"The Christmas riverbank display has been an icon event in South Australia and this is the first time that anything of this kind has happened," Mr Powell said.

"We are very concerned about the wellbeing of baby Jesus and we are calling for his swift and safe return."

Mr Powell said a reward of six cases of beer had been offered for the return of the "child".

"That said, you would have thought that the incentive of a guaranteed exit through the right door after purgatory would be enough of an incentive in itself," he said.

there is a picture of the display here. its a pretty crap picture but its the only one i can find.

i used to love going to see the christmas lights. there were always kids there in their dressing gowns and slippers and for some reason i was always jealous of those kids. i suppose that was an early insight into my love of spending all day in my pyjamas.

the christmas display is totally and utterly lame. there are even things in it that have absolutely nothing to do with christmas. for instance, my all time favourite, that guy who hits the thing with the hammer. im sure that is his official name...i'll look it up later. this guy lives in a volcano, and he hits something with his huge hammer and then 2 seconds later theres a spark and a bang, its great.

i wonder if they've put anything in the cradle in jesus's place. it'd look pretty scary for the kids who know what is supposed to be in there if it was empty. perhaps i could donate my pretty little maori doll. she's just sitting in a box in the boys room and they dont play with her that much. she'd definatley be a closer colour to the real baby jesus, if there was such a guy

Saturday, November 20, 2004

warning - pic heavy post

haalllrighty, first up, party pics. so far we've only seen photos from nathans camera. nathan is the guy in the pic with me. and there are no full length shots of me so you'll have to make do with this one for starters

next, a couple of months ago i was stolen and taken down to the beach to be a model for a day. i sucked at it, but i like this photo

i photo shopped mazz out of it. he was under the stairs making a face.

next, you will see my special little guy eli.

last year he had his photo taken by this lady and he was holding a sword. this year she dresed him as a wizard and i was a bit fneh about it cos i thought he'd look lame, but the photo turned out really sweet. until you look at it again and realise that that boy has the devil in him

now, i cant see these pics so i dont know if they've worked or not, so could someone let me know? thanks


pics have been fixed, i still cant see if they work or not, but apparently they do
If you are depressed, please know that you are not alone. Please get help. If you know someone who is depressed, please understand that they are in pain, and please help them get help. Most importantly, listen to music a little louder, dance a little crazier, sing out loud in the shower, honk your horn for no reason, give your dog an extra treat, call your mother and tell her you love her, hug your friends even if they aren’t the touchy-feely type, eat french fries once even though your diet tells you not to, walk around your house naked, and hold tight to your motherfucking family.


Friday, November 19, 2004

decisions decisions

ooh, pay me! lower your salary please! sorry, just had an 80's television commercial flashback. dont get me started singing the song about germs or vitamins.

so you al know about my stellar job that rules the rulingnest? yes. 23 hours a week, library officer, collection management. what that means is that i process the books so they can be put on the shelves; checking the barcodes, printing and sticking on the spine lables, putting the tattle tape in, then entering them into the computer. i cover books, i process cds, videos and tapes, i do a whole heap of stuff and as well as that i get to do desk duties for a couple of hours a day.

im really liking it at noarlunga. the people are really nice and they seem to have accepted my uniqueness straight away. even when i unintentionally outed myself in front of them they're still cool.

the one thing that sucks about my job is that its a contract position. because i'm covering somebody else maternity leave hours, my job could end after 6 months, or a possible 12.

so while i'm working away, hapily cleaning gunk off of books to make them shiny and new again, gill comes in and says quietly, 'carly, have you got a minute?'
i freak a little bit, wondering what i've done wrong. she walks me to the bosses office and i freak a litle more. i calm down a bit once i realise he isnt in there, but helen is and she's still a boss to me.
'take a seat, we just want to have a little chat'
now by this point i am understandably shitting myself. so much so that i ask what i've done wrong and tell them that they're freaking me out. they laugh a little and tell me to calm down, that its absolutely nothing bad, 'well, it might be for us, but not you'

woodcroft library called and offered me a full time permanent position in their library.

38 hours a week, monday to friday. but that's not all. i would be in programs, specialising in childrens, which means i'd be in charge of all the activities and guest speakers for the childrens library, adult programs, school holiday workshops, and outreach into near by schools and kindys.


full on decisions need to be made.

the main reason im thinking no is that i dont want eli in childcare for that long. he's my baby and i want to see him grow. i should be the one looking after him, not somebody else. he's my responsibility. but i cant turn something like this down. noarlunga said they dont want to lose me, that they'd be very sorry to see me go. but that they would rather lose me now to woodcroft, than lose me completely at the end of my contract.

i dont know who i slept with to make things swing my way but i must have been bloody good.

i have to make a decision by monday. i'll let you know
if liking her makes me a lesbian, then colour me dyke!

He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note
That said "use these down to your bones"
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him
I thought "this one knows better than I do"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

So the next one came with a bag of treats,
she smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea
And she told me don't trust them, trust me
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one,
looked at my insides clicking
her tongue and said "This will all have to come undone"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

I think I realized just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
Could you leave me with a scar?

AND she's sexy

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


i'm blogging from work. what a sneaky sneak i am.
today is the first day i have to work late. i'm here till 8 tonight. bleh. i will get home in time to see all saints tho so im not complaining too much.
hmm. nothing too exciting going on!

i got the part of jill in equus.


so i did a lot of walking yesterday and i've been taking the stairs all the time at work today

i WILL have a sexy bum

Monday, November 15, 2004

To link it (the actual code):

Many people long to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex - but you’ve taken it a little too far! Everyman and his dog is chomping at the bit to… erm, chomp at your bits. If this was Sweden, you could have both of them. As is, you might just have to wash five times a day to control the overpowering pheromones that ooze from every pore.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

sandy update

i decided that sandy was possibly fibbing to me and wasnt actually going to give me a million US dollars, so i thought i'd see what would happen if i never wrote back again.
as suspected, sandy stopped writing to me.

what a fibber. i had plans for that money

imagine my delight when somebody craved my indulgence and sent me this

From:Danny Merchant

Dear Sir/Madam,

May I crave your indulgence to open this business discussion with you by an informal letter of this sort. It is pertinent that a business of this magnitude should have commenced properly with a formal meeting between you and us to enable both parties know ourselves, have a fore knowledge of the nature of the business, discuss and acquaint ourselves with the responsibilities and functions of both parties and appropriate shares accordingly.

I am Danny Merchant, secretary to Finance Minister of Nigeria .This is an urgent and very confidential business proposition.

Nigerian government is about to collapse, so I with the help of various other ministers am trying to transfer money outside Nigeria. I am looking forward to invest US$21,500,000.00,(Twenty-One Million, five hundred thousand Dollars) in your country with your assistance. Because my main problem I need assistance from a foreigner who can invest money on our behalf in other countries. As I am public servant I can not use this money on my own, I need your assistance.

I will give you 25% of the total money for assisting me. For the confirmation of your willingness to assist me reply via my email with your full name, address, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. It will also help me to prepare relevant documents to transfer money to your account.

Due to the nature of confidentiality in this Transaction our communication can only be via email, and fax mostly.

Awaiting your urgent reply via my private email:

Thanks and my regards.

Danny Merchant

i'm wondering id danny got my email address off of sandy. and you know what else i'm wondering? im wondering where all these millions came from. i didnt think nigeria was that well off but there's at least two people who have several millions of dollars between them. surely they could get together and help each other out?

perhaps if he doesnt already have it, i'll give danny sandy's email

Saturday, November 13, 2004

it's been a while since i've actually writen anything of merit on here. i realise most of my posts are self indulgent rants about how cool i am.but this time im actually going to write about something that is important.

i was at work the other day and an old guy was telling me that he didnt have a problem with gay people getting married and having the same rights as normal people, its when they start wanting to have kids that the problems start.

this shits me.first of all, the inclusion of the phrase 'normal people'. obviously that shits me. secondly, he says he has no problem with gay people having equal rights but then says they cant have kids so what is it? equal rights or no? he says the problem arises when a heterosexual couple want to have kids and need to use IVF. and then a gay couple come along and need to use it to, and if the gay couple get teh help, the straight couple wont. now, not only is this utter bullshit, its crap!

gah, people make me so angry. i really wish those fuckheads at two cents would let us silly lefties see their site again. it was full of useful fodder for me to get angry about.

check out this site for the inequalities between gay and straight couples

i went to the party as a school girl, complete with white ankle socks, mary jane shoes, pig tails and a back pack.

there will be photos
i hereby reclaim the queen of funny throne

vicki says:
apox on ur higher wage rate.
carly says:
$16.16 an hour. time and a half till 12 on saturdays then double time after that
carly says:
vicki says:
while ur sitting in ur air conditioned lil building surrounded by books and doing what you've always wanted to do, spare a thought for me sweating in the sun and in a shed surrounded by dirt and dust and fucking farmers for $10.50 flat rate
carly says:
you fuck farmers for $10.50 and hour? i'd be asking for more than that
vicki says:
oh har har you are so fucking funny.
carly says:
i know

Friday, November 12, 2004

where is my imagination?

im going to a fabcy dress party tonight and i have no idea what to go as. i cant think of anything remotely cool. i guess i could go as a geek, but then i wouldnt have to dress up.

oh, and vicki's ex bf is maybe coming just because i smsd him and said he was cute. bwaaahahaha.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

i honestly have no words for these people. i...nope, no words...
a letter

you are a sexy, dark haired girl. today you wore your hair in a messy ponytail with the end tucked under. so did i but it didnt look half as good on me. you were wearing blue jeans, a pale green knitted jumper and a scarf and were looking at the dvds in noarlunga library around 12 o'clock
if this is you, please come back. you were very pretty

love carly

Monday, November 08, 2004

anthony callea is a plastic cunting bastard

dear miranda airey branson and andrew bolt,
this post is dedicated to ms fitts

casey is adorably cute, and courtney fucking rules. anthony stood there afterwards looking like he knew damn well he shouldnt be there. what with his gay arse cover band already traipsing their pansyness all over australia, aided by mark holden who i will shoot and kill if he ever says one word to me

oh, im talking about australian idol incase you didnt know.
anyway, im off to watch law and order*

*if you are ms fitts, please read that as 'masturbate myself stupid over sexy lesbians'

hang on, i'll write that again for you. one thousand six hundred and ten. that is how many words i have written so far for nanowrimo. national novel writing month. novel. as in a whole book. as in way fucking more than one thousand six hundred and ten words. as in actually 50 000 words (fifty thousand words).

there is no doubt in my mind that i will fail

Friday, November 05, 2004

the flag on the round about along the esplanade is flying at half mast.
did someone important die or did they just realise the whole world has gone to shit?
imagine a donut in the shape of australia. so the coast line of australia is a doughy mess with sugar and all that gear, and the middle is a hole, right? you got that?


did you know it is raining everywhere except the hole today? dont you find that bizzarre? great for the farmers, yeah, but bizzarre none the less since this is australia and its november.
november is hot. australia is the driest continent. (south australia is the driest state in the driest continent, i know this because i am a library officer). and it is raining. not just drizzling, but stormy and pissing down with rain.

i have playgroup today. here is a photo of what the weather looks like right now in seaford.
this is my new favourite website, btw. it proves my donut story from before. see this?, melbourne...raining.

rain is one of my favourite things.

alright, down to business. what the fuck is wrong with the world? i completely forgot about the reults of the US election. as in, i remembered people were voting that day, but then the next day forgot about it all together. and then im driving to work that morning and i hear the speach that the other guy gave, conceding defeat before everything was even counted. i was both completey taken aback and completely not surprised at the same time. here i was thinking that the american people would see what a crock that wanker is, and they proved me right by turning out in droves to vote. but what i didnt think about were the people who would have been sitting at home thinking, 'well we never voted before because we knew he'd always there are all these weed smokin hipies who are against our country who want some other horse faced loser to win...well gee cletus, we'd better get off our porch and vote for the pres-E-dent.'
but you know what? it may not have even been that. if he can lie his way through four years before, who's to say he cant lie his way through counting votes?


cunt stained smegma, thats what that man is.

well fucking done, gah!

i cant imagine how broken half the american population must feel right now. they got out there and tried their best, most believing that they could actually make a difference. so many blogs i had read mentioned how good they felt after voting, how they could feel the change in the air. the results must be so disheartening to them, more than anyone else from other countries.

i'll finish off with some good news

go aussie go!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

library officer from collection management = me


ok, my back is really hurting, and im very very bloody tired, but all in all my job is pretty good. i think my favourite part so far is checking the books in. i like using the clunker. i am the only person who calls it the clunker. it doesnt even make a clunking noise so i dont know where that came from, but yeah, clunker, woohoo!

today i worked in collection management for the first time. this is where i will be based for the majority of the time. when they told me this i thought it meant i'd be in charge of calling people and telling them they have overdue books and owe us money (vicki, i'm looking in your direction....did you order a symphony orchestra too?). but its not. collection management is the management of the collection, ie, the group of books that belongs to the libraries. we get to buy books, catalogue them, put the stickers on them and the anti theft thingoes, which are called tattle tabs or something like that which i think is really cute. then once they're processed and all that gear we send them off to the other libraries or down stairs to be put away on the shelves. the whole system from woah to go takes a few months actually, its very involved. i dont understand the majority of it and i dont plan to. can i just say at this point that woah to go is wrong, isnt it? because if it was round that way we'd be stopping first and then starting which makes no sense at all. so strike that, reverse it.

so yeah, i do that. i work on the desk for a couple of hours a day. only an hour at a time too. and tomorrow i'll be down in the childrens library which will rule. i got to look at so many cool picture books this morning while i was collection managementing. more books, more books i say!

no one has visited me. i repeat, NO ONE. this is despite many promises too. i am deeply hurt and upset.

oh, and while i was tidying my shelf today...yes, i have a shelf, and its poems, plays and theatre bizzo books so thats cool, i came across a book by none other than the delightful and delectible, miss alie beck. she has also written in a few other books. we love alie. everyone say it together, we love you alie.

my eyes are hurties.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

WHY CANT I SEE MY PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 01, 2004


stupid blogger. yeah, ok, its probably stupid me. but how come i can post pictures for months and now it goes and be's stupid. be's. what an intelligent word for a librarian to use. well i guess technically im not a librarian for another 10 and a half hours or so.
i think i might take this opportunity to use non librarian words.

tekalogicool (yes, i am a retired cricketer)

tommorrow i'll either be smarter,(cleverer)or i'll know just how dumb i really am.

so yeah, all the massive blank spaces are suposed to be photos. i'll fix it when i work out how. shame really. this one especially had a tit shot....
your windows drive has only 4MB of free space

i'm getting really fucking sick of this message. admittedly the number of megabytes mentioned has changed over the last couple of weeks from 26 to the current amount of 4, but its still a boring annoying message.
what is also boring and annoying about it is that it seems that no matter how much i delete and or move, the number is still going down rather than going up.
there are no more files to move. they all say that as a windows program they need to stay there. can i move windows? can i pick the windows icon up from my D drive and carry it over to my C drive where i have some inordinate amount of space, and dump it there? can i do that without fucking my whole computer?
i doubt i can do anything computerish without fucking my computer. i suppose the only compfort i can take from this is that my computer neither has a penis or a vagina, so at least i cant fuck it literally. even if it did, i dont think i'd do it. nothing against ugly people, but generally you just dont do it for me.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

dre e e e eam, dream dream dre eam

i start work on tuesday. i'll be working as a librarian. being a librarian was my first wish when asked what i wanted to be when i grow up. now, when i eventually do grow up, i'll be all organised and know what it's gonna be like.
i've gone out and bought some sexy/funky clothes. im so gonna be the favourite librarian around there.

regardless of whether or not i can do my job, people are gonna ask me questions just so they can talk to me. now, i know this for a fact, so stop huffing and guffawing. i just have a quick favour to ask everyone who'll be coming my way in the coming weeks, could you ask me something fun and interesting? please? i hate working. i really do. when i was working at bunnings i averaged one sick day per fortnight purely because i couldnt stand the place. im dreading this happening with my new super sexy library job so i need everyone's help in ensuring i keep interested and unbored.
that said, im subconsciously freaking out about work.
i dreamed (dreamt? as a librarian i should know that. oh well, i'll wait till tuesday to find out, im not a librarian yet, sheesh) i was working. they made me work fucking hard. all day. hours and hours. and hours. and hours and hours. with no break. and by the end of the day i was so achey and sore and tired. i went home and i cried and fell asleep and when i woke up the next morning i realised i'd slept in and even though i was so sore, when they rang me and yeled at me to come in or else i just said yes and left.


even though i know that im only working 8:30 till 5, and i know i'm having an hour for a lunch but somewhere inside my head im freaking out about working there.


as well as starting work next week, i've also roped my self into NaNoWriMo. it's been a long time since i've had to write with any sort of a time frame. i know i dont have to finish it in the month, but the fact that it is possible, and that i've almost promised myself that i will, well im sure to be making myself feel guilty about it if i dont.
thursday night is the info night for equus. i'm gonna be so tired for that but i have to go. i also have to stop eating bilo brand fake tim tams if i wanna be 'jill'

that big blank space is supposed to be a picture. it sucks. tell it i hate it

Friday, October 29, 2004

i have a bottle of painstop for children. i like to read every piece of information on the bottle. actually, thats not entirely true. its not exactly that i like to read it, its like its a decision my brain and eyes make without me knowing. about everything that has words. i read everything. anyway, i digress (me digress? oops, there i go again, digressing). i was reading the bottle, and i come across this

this product may cause drowsiness

ok, thats fine. drowsy kids i can deal with. i'll just stick them in bed, they can drowse away in there, no probs

and then this

if affected do not drive or operate machinery. avoid alcohol

so i took away eli's keys and put the whiskey on the high shelf. i dont want any car accidents around here
this little boy is acting like the spoiled child he is, stop encouraging him

from glancey (who didnt write back to my email or text message, *sniffle*)

Thursday, October 28, 2004

car crash in the blue

i just heard stone me into the groove by atomic swing. hello early 90's (hello carly)
georgie should pack his bags and head for niger

did you vote?? huh?? hey, i dont even know when the US elections are on but i know they're about now. check out this link sent by leeza.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Special Ones

Isn't it funny how you never really screamed at my face,
but your anger so unspoken and unchannelled permeates my essence to the point where I
Don't want to see you hear you, be anywhere near you,
you probably think I'm threatened by you but your illusionary power doesn't threaten me
Actually I think it's kind of funny that you create an illusion that is a mirror,
I don't appreciate you and I know that that surprises you
I suppose you see that those who follow their heart always win,
those with integrity have won the match before it's begun

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

Some can see beyond the barrier of threshold whereas others can't see beyond their sculptured mould,
you could offer me nothing, you could offer me nothing that I need
Do you think I'm asking too much?
A kind of respect and trust that shouldn't even be questioned,
how can I open my heart with dishonesty sitting next to me?
I've honoured your honour to the point of embarrassment,
but innocence in the hands of the guilt-free is kicked to, is kicked to the curb
I was ashamed of my innocence,
I was ashamed of my innocence but now with clarity I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

I don't want to be angry....
This is not worthy of me and now with clarity I see that I can walk away, I can walk away
a funny feeling

sitting here at my computer, quietly minding my own business by snooping into other peoples (ie reading blogs) i feel a cold wet...something on my lower back. i turn around and eli is sitting on the floor behind me, looking up and smiling. i figure he must have licked me because, for some reason he enjoys doing that. in a lot of ways he's like justin from parenthood "he likes to butt things with his head"
so i turn around again and continue with my perusal and i feel it again. this is definately not the feeling of a three year olds tounge on my back. and i know what that feels like. in a very unsick way, sickos!
i turn around and look down, and ask eli what he's doing

'making you a yogurt bum' he says, holding up his tub of yogurt and a spoon.

----- Original Message -----
From: sandra bilo
To: Carly
Sent: Monday, October 25, 2004 10:33 PM
Subject: call the bank director on how to transfer my late father money intoyour bank account

Dear good friend Carly,
compliment of the season to you infact i dont know how to thak you for yor effort in helping me but i believed you will be happy for the rest of your life for knowing who i am you will never in your lifev regret helping me rather you will gain a lot from me , infact is not that i am silence on you i wasz having a smail problem because my wicked uncle went to the bank to claim this money then the bank director told him that he is not the right person to claim this money that it is i sandra is the right person for the claim the bank director to him that i am the next of kin of my late father that i am the claimer so since that time i dont have chance to go to the computer so please dont be offended now please that is what i was telling you to call the bank so that they will kinow that you are the right person to help me so that another fake person will not come to the bank to claim it please understand me you have to call the bank right now because the bank director told me that if they did not hear from you they will not transfer any money so please and please for the safety of my life and the safety of this money please call the bank director told him that you are calling on my behalf mension my name tell him that you are the right person to help me transfer this my late father money into your account please if realy you want to help me call the bank director immediately you receive this message because delayed is dangeriuos for the safety of my life remember the direct number of the bank director is +22507516392 or 0022507516392 the name of the bank director again is Mr david okita so please call him now if realy you want to help me thanks

i am eagerly waiting for your urgent response that you have contacted the bank director

your good friend

sandra bilo

Monday, October 25, 2004

dear sandy,
your silence worries me. here i am giving you my bank details in good faith and i've not heard from you or seen 10 million US dollars in my account. dont tell me you wee pulling my leg all along?? i specifically went down to the bank and started that account just for you.
that money will realy come in handy for our town. did i tell you where i live? a little coastal town in southern australia. we even have a post office and a bank now. i'm not sure what sort of schooling you're thinking of doing here. you'd have to catch the bus to the city and it takes over an hour, but its ok.
anyway, give me a yell when the moneys gone through. im gonna donate some to the council so they can finish putting the bitumen down on the roads. the dirt is really fucking with my asthma

thanks, love carly

keep on walking, dont look back

next week i am going to the info meeting for the next production opus will be working on. the panto has just had its auditions. we're doing cinderella but as i start work next week i wont be able to make it to the performances. but that means that i can focus on the production i really want to be involved in, which is equus.
here is a pic from the film version of equus. the girl pictured is the role im considering. yep. naked. as harry said, its just another costume, but im still a little iffy about it. i could go for this role. although i'd look cute in the uniform, i feel like i need to push myself. yeah, jill isnt that much of a stretch from any of the other roles i've played, but the whole naked part will be a major stumbling block for me. i'm really not happy with the way i look, and if im going to let a few hundred people see me unclad im gonna have to get happy.
so yesterday i took daisy for a walk around christies beach. we were only gone for just over half an hour because i had the feeling i could just keep walking and not go back.
i cant put my finger on what the actual problem is right now. i guess thats basically what depression is, its just that down feeling. the heaviness that surrounds your head and weighs you down. everything about you seems a little lower. your head is tilted towards the floor, your eyelids dont open as much, shoulders droop. it seems you cant even open your mouth as wide as you used to, and the volume of your voice is lower.
im reading alice in wonderland. when she shrinks down so small to fit through the door but realises she's left the key way up high on the glass table, i can totally relate. here i am, way down here. i can see that there are answers somewhere but the key to fixing the problem is way up there beyond my reach.
there i go again, reverting to faerietales.
i'll keep my eye out for a cake that says 'eat me'

Sunday, October 24, 2004

all about me

Name Origin: Latin
Number of Syllables: 2.00
Gender: Female

More interesting facts about the name Carly:

Lucky Number: 5
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Element: Air
Primary Color: Blue
Traits: Active, both physically and mentally. Inquiring, exploring. Fond of reading and researching. Good at languages. Would make a very good teacher, writer, secretary. Makes friends easily. Usually methodical and orderly; adept at simplifying systems.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

coming out

i havent written much about the election. even if you arent from australia, you probably would know by now that john howard is still our prime minister.
this bothers me more than slightly.

whoever i meet that says they voted for howard says it was because he'd done such a good job with the economy over the last 3 years. statements like this make me uneasy. it bothers me because 'the economy' is something that the public generally find out by what is written in the newspapers. it isnt something that you can actually experience. i dont know about anyone else but i havent experienced the joy of opening my purse to find extra cash. last night i pulled into the petrol station, opened my purse, saw that i had $7 left the day after pay day and decided that i could go a bit further with my almost empty tank of petrol. $7 isnt going to buy much when you're paying 112.9 cents per litre.

all my bills have gone up. petrol has gone up. it seems like you have to pay more for everything these days. the economy may well be doing ok, but its more than likely because we're paying all this extra money to boost it up.

when i voted i wanted to make a difference to my life. it probably sounds selfish, but im the one who has tolive it so why not make it as comfortable as possible. i wanted better healthcare, more money for schools, a promise to not fuck up the environment anymore than we already have and to fix what we've already done.

another important part of my vote was gay marriage. i cant seem to put my thoughts eloquently enough. i tend to get angry and swear instead of calmly putting my point across.
perhaps you could read this instead

Sadly, it is in such times that great opportunity to lead and rise is lost. Those that preach intolerance and forgiveness and faith miss a wonderful opportunity to include others when they marginalize those who believe differently. It doesn’t take more than 30 seconds into the debate over marriage rights to see that it’s about God. If you believe in God, why don’t you want your brothers and sisters to be happy? If they want to marry, to show their love, why would you deny them this? Because of stories from an old book, which may or may not be true, despite what you might think? We don’t live in ancient times. We live today.


it makes me sad that a person cannot be who they truly are. i was at a 21st birthday party last night for a friend who happens to be gay. he told me earlier in the night that he was thinking of coming out o all of his friends that night. as he stood up to make his speach his mum said something about how he was nervous because he'd been drinking. he stood and said 'im not worried about what i wont say, im worried about what im going to say'. i sat upright and got tingly, 'he's going to do it' i thought. but he didnt. he thanked everyone for coming and stood there with his announcement on the tip of his tongue.
it hurts me that someone who was having such a great time with his friends cant be himslef when it comes to the crunch. i was ready to run to him and hug him tight and tell him how proud i was of him. instead he just smiled and shrugged a little uncomfortably and sat back down again.

if you are unsure about gays...poofs, faggots, lesos, whatever you call them, i'd encourage you to get along to feast. take an open mind and the ability to listen

Friday, October 22, 2004

----- Original Message -----
From: Carly
To: sandra bilo
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:23 PM
Subject: Re: *****SUSPECTED SPAM***** urgent

ok sandy,
ive had a good think about this. you're obviously very determined, and im sure you're shit scraed of your late father brother so i have decided to help you.
i dont think i need to contact the bank. im sure you are an honest god fearing person who would never lie or trick somebody into doing something illegal.and anyway, as i have absolutely no money i cannot afford the international phone call. im just gonna have to trust you on this one, sandy. you said i was your good friend, and good friends look out for each other, right? wow, i cant wait to meet you. how old are you anyway? will you be continuing your education here in australia? at university or are you still in high school. hang on a sec, im not gonna have to marry you or something weird like that am i?

so here are my bank details

Bank SA
bsb 290-835
account number 229975340

now, how much did you say i'll get from this? i need a new dishwasher and theres a pair of shoes i'd really like to get.
love carly

i'm sure you have all been following my little email chats with sandy bilo with excitement and antici pation. i love spamers. well, sometimes. i love the ones who take the time to talk to you nicely and have a real story to tell.
unfortunatley i got an email today that was not nice at all.

i couldnt read the email or see the attachment because my internet company were mean enough to remove it cos they thought it was a virus, yeah right, whatever. whoever heard of viruses being senty by email? you pick them up from trolleys and bus seats, morons. anyway. this email had the subject line : ok cunt.

i take immense offence to that. i do not have an ok cunt. i have a marvellous cunt. its quite pretty, it does its job like a good cunt should. how dare this peter whatsisface accuse my cunt of being just 'ok'. bastard.

peter, you have an average penis
i know where you are

in about 20 minutes you will be in christies beach magistrates court hearing what charges are being laid against you

have a nice day

Thursday, October 21, 2004

----- Original Message -----
From: sandra bilo
To: Carly
Sent: Wednesday, October 20, 2004 5:41 PM
Subject: *****SUSPECTED SPAM***** urgent

Dear good friend Carly ,

i receieved your message and i cannot understand you please if you dont want to help me tell me so that i can look for another God fearing person who is capable to help me , infact i can not understand you i told you that my life is in dager that my late father brother is after my life he wanted to kill me so that he can claim this money from me but it seems you dont want to understand me i have gave you the contact of the bank where my late father deposited this money for you to call them but you did not , even i have introduce you to the bank director , he promise me that immediately they here from you they will transfer this money into your account immediately then i will prepare to join you over there to finish my education please i want to here from you please if realy seriuos to help me call the bank for intoduction thanks

i am eagerly waiting for your urgent call after discusion with the bank director

sandra bilo

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

voices in the night

ever woken up and thought you'd just spoken? saturday morning i awoke and laid very still for a few seconds as my brain tried to come to terms with something. did i just speak? did words just come from my mouth? wasnt i just asleep? and then it hit me with full force. my dream came hurtling back to me in excrutiating detail.

running into the shower block. he pushes me from behind against the tiled wall. suddenly we're naked and he's biting into my neck fucking me hard and strong from behind while one hand plays prettily with my clit. he tells me he's going to cum. i say its ok, do it, im on the pill. he bites into my neck again and i wake up

and i wake up and i realise ive just spoken and im pretty sure i called out a nice grunty vowel sound that would accompany such a dream

i have eaten all the biscuits

eli has worked out how to get whatever he wants no matter what.

he winks.

has anyone out there actually seen a 3 year old wink? once i work out how to put a video on here i'll show you
I Wish That I Was Beautiful For You

I wish that I was beautiful for you
I wish that I inspired tiny fireworks inside the way you do
So delicately made
A prayer left un-prayed
Before the morning sun fades up to blue
And I wish that I was beautiful for you

I wish that I could change things with a pill
For a quick fix modern tonic that would change me with one swallow I would kill
Watch folks line up to pay
To stare at me all day
But I’d turn them all away if that be thy will
One tiny little innocuous pill

But a wish is just a pin in a swimming pool of needles
If for one night you need the room I wish to be your tomb
You can lie in me

It’s possible I have other things you need
But to be worthy of a single page out of one of those magazines you need
As glossy as a mirror
And mirrors never lie
They’re difficult on the eye it’s true
And I wish that I was beautiful for you

I dreamed that we were travelling on a bus
Speeding along an un-named plain between somewhere and nowhere there was us
We came to a stretch of road where a fire
Had burned the edges all along it looked as though the highway wore eyeliner
You kissed me by surprise
But when I opened my eyes
You’d turned into some old guy
I screamed
But don’t forget of all these things I only dreamed

Darren Hanlon
----- Original Message -----
From: Carly
To: sandra bilo
Sent: Tuesday, October 19, 2004 9:35 AM
Subject: Re: *****SUSPECTED SPAM***** Waiting to hear from you soonest.

dear sandy,
look, i really hate saying this becuase i despise people who tell me that they are right all the time, but this time you're just gonna have to listen to me. your god is a big fat stinky liar. if he is real, and to you no doubt he is, then he is sitting up there now laughing his ever widening ass off because he has sent you to me.
i am not going to help you. not in a way thats gonna get your money out of your country anyway. all i am going to do is toy with you, laugh at you, and post our conversations on the internet.
perhaps your friend at the bank has an account he is willing to fill up with your US dollars?
i've tried helping you. i offered you other ideas about how to get your money out. from buying a plane to the bizarre notion of getting a bank account of your own. this is not going to work between you and i. if you do somehow manage to get your money to me i will steal it and run away to switzerland where everyone is free and safe. and besides, i need a new watch

lots of love, carly

Monday, October 18, 2004

morally deficient
Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
today is monday

i would have written yesterday about how fantastic cuckoos nest went this weekend, but i was sleeping. yeah, the whole day. well, i did get up to wee and watch australian idol, but for the most part i was sleeping.

4 tequilas, 2 cowboys, a beer and a cider = a whole day of hangover

but yay, we deserved a fun night. saturday night in particular was a fanfuckingtastic show, crowds of over 100 on both nights and almost 100 for the matinee. i think opus has cemented itself as a quality theatre group now. 2 brilliant shows in a row, and equus and a clockwork orange coming up, we are a force to be reckoned with. i just have to try to decide whether i can be naked on stage for equus...hmmm. yeah, i reckon you peckerheads will come see the show then, wont you. or maybe not.

cast party started at the pub, with them letting us bring our own drinks in which was nice. i spent a lot of the time crawling around on my knees cos it was too damn hard to stand up after i got down there. i won the 'highest score' award for the night, for kissing adam, theo and jarrod in one day, and followed that up by giving all the boys a nice litle kiss. im a good girl, i share. jarred thanked me for being his little whore and told me he'd introduce me to his wife later. they are both so geeky and cute its adorable. cant wait to see their baby all growed up and geeky.
poor kylie tequilad herself into the sink and had some vommies and had to be carried to the carpark and sent home. poor kylie.

we got kicked out at 3 and decided to walk to theos factory and continue the party there. the girls hopped into some trollies and the boys pushed us through the carpark. as we were passing the train station, the amazing gillian drove past and offered us a lift in her van so we all piled in, went to theos, listened to frank sinatra and made shrinkamajigs.

got home at 6am. all in all i had a great night and although i cant wait to do it again, i can wait a little while cos im still sleepy.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

----- Original Message -----
From: sandra bilo
To: Carly
Sent: Saturday, October 16, 2004 12:46 AM
Subject: *****SUSPECTED SPAM***** Waiting to hear from you soonest.


I received your mail with glad.I really knows that you are a honest cool person that is why i have the trust and confident that you will not let me down after confirming this my only hope money to your bank account that is why i didn't also hesistate to contact you after my praying because,i ask God to give me a reliable person who will not betray me after all is do not fear and rest assured and have trust in God because,with him all things are possible.

Everything is ready and my money is now to be transfer to your bank account.I can explained to the bank director about you and the transfer,he assured me that, there is no problem, that he will do his possible best to effect the transfer to whom ever bank account we provided for the transfer.He told me that he have to be very careful because of the amount involved so that the money will not transfer to the wrong bank account.he also said that you have to contant him as well so that he will confirm and verify that you are the right person before he start any act or proceed with us for the transfer.

So please,just contact him with the contact information below so that he will explain to you in detail how and when the transfer will take place to your bank account.

Bank Name Universal Trust Bank CI
Bank Director Mr David Okita
Bank Website
Director Private Tel 0022507516392.

So please,contact him now and get back to me so that i will know the outcome of the discussion and please,try to take everything urgent so that the transfer will take place to your bank account.again,do not forget to tell him that you are calling on mybehalf regarding the transfering of my late father's money to your bank account.You mention my full name and my late father name so that he will know who you are reffering to.

I wait to hear from you soonest after your contact with him.
Thanks with regards,
Sandra Bilo

Friday, October 15, 2004

dear sandra,
i would love to help you out, really i would. there are just a few things that concern me. first of all, why me? i mean, i know im a pretty cool person and all that, but i dont think my name and email address is on some list of people who are likely to help unknown people on the internet. if i am, could i please have the site addy? i'd love to find out how i got there.
you obviously have access to a computer a phone and the internet, couldnt you contact a swiss bank and start up an account there? they're push overs and everyones safe in switzerland. they also make very good watches.

good luck,
love carly
So who else yelled at the tv when the 4400 finished monday night? What was with the trees? Were they bowing? Were they magnetically attracted somehow to the car or the people inside it? And whatever they were doing, why???
So lily was pregnant; alien implant baby I thought. But then we find out baby has sickle cell anemia which apparently means the father must have been black. Enter whathisname who is her boyfriend, another of the 4400, who is black. Ok, makes no sense since they’ve never slept together but he know he was seeing lily’s great grandma in the 50’s or something so we can assume/imagine that somehow their relationship has been zoomed into the future and the child actually does belong to lily and the black guy.

stupid television
----- Original Message -----
From: sandra bilo
To: Carly
Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2004 8:46 PM
Subject: please i am for real help me

Dear good friend Carly,

i received your message and i am not happy with what you are saying dispite the condition that i am facing here in my country please i know that this message will come to you by surprise but that is life ,infact you can not understand me because it is a long story but please i know that there are some bad person in this world but they dont allow people to know the good one , please my late father was killed by his business associate due to his wealth,, could you belived that my late father wicked brother was among of those who planned and killed my late father , he is after my life he wanted to kill me so that he can claim my late father money from bank that is why i ran into a local hotel for the safety of my life , so please help me i am for real this is 100% risk free just try and see you will never in your life helping me rather you will gain from me please help me out my life is in dager it was that my late father brother who is doing all this to you he dont want me to transfer this money please try to understand me i am for real call me immediately now so that i can give you the contact of the bank where my late father deposited this money for you to call them and verify remember my number again +22507394845 thank

please put away fear from you just try and see this is 100% risk free

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

----- Original Message -----
From: "sandra bilo"
Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2004 6:58 PM

The following message was sent to you by another member of sandra bilo. The message from sandra bilo is:

PLEASE ASSIST ME +22507394845







dear sandra,
you say you are a boy but you have a girls name. it must have been very hard
growing up with everyone teasing you. do you think that your parents realy
wanted a daughter, and thats why they called you sandra?
its funny you know, ive gotten quite a few emails asking me for my account
number to hide their millions in. its always american dollars too. where do
you people get your money from? especially american money. you all have so
many millions of US dollars, and you're al looking for help to get rid of
it. surely you could all put your money together, buy a plane and fly your
millions out.
i dont know, just thinking out loud i suppose.
anyway sandy, may i call you sandy? sandy, let me know when you get out of
the country. for some reason your email didnt tell me that your family had
been killed by militants and are being harrassed by snipers and the like,
but im sure thats happening, so good luck with that. i hope all your dreams
come true

love from me
promises of presents

by the end of october i should be able to show you a picture of me looking like a librarian. yep. i am now a librarian at noarlunga library. i start on either the 25th of october or the 1st of november. ohh, 1st of november, new series of queer as folk. btw, while im thinking of tv shows, sean, ive missed the entire 2nd series of 6 feet under and so far all of the third.

back to my news

i am a librarian. it is literally a dream come true. apart from being on young talent time or being an olympic gymnast, librarian was the first proffession i aspired too. i imagined that sitting in a library all day would be the most wonderful thing ever. all those books, all that paper, geeky boys and girls who read....mmmmm, bliss.

i'll be working 25 hours a week, including one or two saturdays a month. yay. im a librarian.

last night we had a catch up rehearsal for cuckoos nest. on saturday at the matinee performance, theo is playing macmurphy. and since allen announced over the headset that i was excited about kissing theo, everyone knows im excited about kissing theo.
he's sweet, i cant help it. adam said that i should think about theo when im performing with him, so im amore touchy feely with him. poor baby :) actually, im playing theo's girlfriend today in a film that a few of us are making. you can read more about it here

i should go get my self hippied up. remember, friday nights performance is cheaper, with all tickets $12. if they kick up a stink at the box office, just say that you heard about it on SAFM, that works.

here, read the press release:

A mental institution of misfits, a nurse who thinks she’s got everything under control and a convicted gambling rebel who wants to change the system!

This psychological drama based on the novel by Ken Kesey and written for stage by Dale Wasserman is a classic story and in 1975 the film starring Jack Nicholson won multi Academy Awards.

Adam Morgan is Randle Patrick McMurphy, the convicted “gambling fool” who is institutionalised. Adam is currently filming the feature film Pobby and Dingan with Vince Colosimo and Jacqueline McKenzie. He is the voice behind numerous television commercials - Mitsubishi, Sip & Save and Keno – and appears in the feature films Australian Rules, Black & White, One Night the Moon, In a Savage Land and has several guest appearances in McLeods Daughters.

Multi award winning actor and director Harry Dewar portrays the well educated and effete President of the Patients Council Dale Harding.

Psychology student Jarrod Chave, plays stuttering thirty year old suicidal virgin Billy Bibbit.

Peter Dewar is the tall strong native American Indian, Chief Bromden who feigns muteness and deafness to protect himself from pain.

Dael McCarthy portrays the strict and authoritative Nurse Ratched who demands respect and obedience from her patients and staff.

Winner of the 2002 Hills Drama Festival best male actor award, Paul Kaesler together with budding young actor Nathan Lambert play Aides Warren and Williams.

Don Davies portrays the bomb making Mr Scanlon, George Garcia Jnr plays the hullucinating Italian Martini and Brian Oates is the translucent Charles Cheswick III.

Helen Matthews plays Ruckly, a chronic patient who once undertook a failed lobotomy. Barry Becker is the licquor drinking and drug smoking, night duty Aide Turkle and a chronic patient, Colonel. Theo Badics is also a chronic patient as well as head technician for electric shock treatment.

Carly Whittaker is the refreshingly delightful and playful Candy Starr and Kylie Toogood plays her friend Sandy.

Well known Adelaide actor Don Hutton portrays the harrassed resident phsychiatrist Dr Spivey and Jillian Wheatland is the vapid young catholic Nurse Flinn.
The extraordinary John Wilson is composing and will conduct original music to compliment the production, while Alie Beck has created a visually exciting set design.

Opus Artistic Director Leeza Peters says, “It is a fascinating journey into the lives of people who are outcasts of society and who continue to struggle with their individuality and personal identity.”

“This is an amazing story that can be viewed on so many levels. There is an underlaying struggle of seclusion, intimidation and dehumanisation.”

Audiences will be stimulated by an incredible performance by a talented cast and tantalised with multimedia images and poignant music.

Only $12
15th October at 8pm
Noarlunga College Theatre
Ramsay Place,
Noarlunga Centre
20 metres east of the Colonades Tavern

October 2004
Sat 16th 2 pm Matinee
& 8pm Evening Finale
@$16 adults
& $12 concession
Phone Victoria:8207 3977

and i WILL see you there