Thursday, February 27, 2003

elijah broke a plate in the shopping centre today and i just walked away, kristin inadvertantly stole two strawberry ripes and i let the girl charge me 6 cents for a rockmelon :)
i think today, to a certain extent anyway, i seem to have found my voice. and i'm typing in a way that actually resembles words without having to try too hard, so there's a plus aswell.
i'm sorry i havent been writing much in here lately. i havent been doing much communicating at all really. over the last few weeks some pretty heavy stuff has been going on inside my head, and it's taken it's toll on me outwardly. i've started therapy with deidre at the health village to try and work through sexual abuse stuff, and i've been reading a book called 'the courage to heal' which i'm almost finished. i basically fell apart. i fell to the floor crying, i couldnt stand i couldnt talk i couldnt think. i was shaking. poor x was there to hug me and tell me that everything would be ok. it was after that that i decided i needed some stronger anti depressants. i had to go three days without medication and i dont remember a lot of what went on in those three days except that it wasnt good. i couldnt speak, i couldnt type, 4 letter words were coming out with 15 letters, not much was working for me.
i went to mums for a while and just hung out there cos it was quiet. thats really all that i want right now is quiet time to read and sleep and just be.
i'm feeling a lot better today. it's the second day that ive been taking my new medicine and i went shopping with kristin to colonnades and i was ok.
i saw deidre this morning. i had a good session. i got a bit upset trying to work out why i'm so scared to tell mum. i think it's because she's happy at the moment and i dont want to make her sad. i always kinda made the connection between things and me not wanting her to move in with henk. not that i think henk would ever do anything like that, but i think i prefer mum on her own just incase.
brett and kristin were at my house the other night and i said to kristin that she could borrow my book when i'd finished with it. brett saw the book and comes out with 'were you sexually abused?!' i just kinda said 'mm' and he's like 'who? was it dad? who was it!' i said it wasnt dad, and then kristin told him to stop asking me. he rang me today and said that he and i have to have a talk. apparently it's all he's been thinking about since he found out, and kristin said that she's noticed it as well. i keep telling him there's nothing he can do. i know he feels bad that i didnt tell him. he said to me, 'it's all i've been thinking about since i found out, and i only found out last week'. he asked if mum knew and i said that i wasnt sure but that i thought she did. im hoping that he doesnt talk to her about it. im pretty sure she knows anyway, but it scares me to have it out in the open.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Sunday, February 23, 2003

ok, can someone please go and watch donnie darko and tell me what the fuck it means?

Saturday, February 22, 2003

from there to here
and here to there
funny things
are everywhere

dr suess

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

I wonder if Titania be awaked; Then, what it was that next came in her eye a midsummer nights dream

it was a donkey, or, an ass, to be exact. i would be pissed if a donkey came in my eye, let me tell you

Saturday, February 15, 2003

oh, by the way, happy war day

i havent seen the news today so i dont know for sure if its happening yet, but just incase my poppa was right with his prediction

happy war day everyone...i hope its as fun as im sure it will be
happy valentines day

Title Fight: Heart v Mind
There's a good chance that before we met
There were days I'd walked right past her
But now I'm seeing her tomorrow or maybe the day after
I have to tell myself to slow down, it's early days still
Anything can happen and it probably will It's early days
My mind's just put on boxing gloves, my heart's refused to fight it
I watch the station pass me by where I should have alighted
Could this turn into something I'll be writing home about?
The inspector shakes his head and says "so you just forgot to get out?"
It's early days
She's got a face just like an angel, what does she see in me?
Why does my stomach feel like it's just eaten food that don't agree?
It's early days
It's early days
It's still early days (you've gotta slowdown)
It's early days


Tuesday, February 11, 2003

while my kids are relaxing in the loungroom, wearing no pants, watching the great muppet caper, and i am sitting in the kitchen eating a fairy floss flavoured iceblock, i look over to my pile of mail and there is a large envelope there. on the front it says, an important message from the prime minister. on the front, there are pictures of australians on the beach, having a bbq, talking to a friendly police woman, and kids, clapping and laughing at school. basically there is a letter, saying the same things we've been hearing since september 11, 2001, and a booklet, telling us what has been done to try and safeguard us against acts of terrorism, and what to do if something does occur, or you think something may be suspicious. also, according to the booklet, it is now illegal to join or form a terrorist party. i'm sorry, what? i'll quote the booklet :
it is now a crime to plan, support or engage in a terrorist act, or to train with or be a member of a terrorist organisation.

i'll repeat, it is NOW a crime. why wasnt this a crime to begin with? what, did we think that they were just doing that for fun? running around 'pretending' to learn how to spray biological poisons around, that they learn all this stuff just for general knowledge? that they werent really going to do anything about it when they'd learnt everything? oh, and our very brave prime minister, who has promised troops and lied to the rest of us by saying he hasnt, has armed us against the threat of terrorism with a fridge magnet. i know when the bombs are falling i can run out the front of my house, safe in the knowledge that my fridge magnet will keep me safe from harm. it says to stick it on my fridge, but i'm sure i'll have to take it off and hold it over my head or something, to make it work to the best of my ability. luckily it's got space on it to write in my doctors phone number...i'm sure i'll need to call him
right now i'm practising to become an international spy. i'm doing pretty well, i havent been caught yet. but, im actually only watching an empty room, so it's not like i'm collecting any important information about anything or anyone, other than when sean is out of the room, the light from his computer makes everything glow green. i should come up with a code name for myself. and dont think i'm gonna go sharing it with anyone cos then it just wouldnt be secret anymore, and, like secret squirrel, secret is my middle name. or, my first name. hang on, that doesnt really work. i'll have to think about this...

Friday, February 07, 2003

i have a severe disliking for the people that deliver my newspaper

last week, they delivered it at midnight in the rain and this week its not even here

severe disliking.....severe

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

stupid

you know how im doing avon, right, well, i knew i wasnt going to make a lot of money out of it, but i thought i'd get a bit. so i did my first campaign and i sold just over $100 worth of stuff. out of that i made about $15 something, but then, i had to take about $11 out of it for postage or something, so it says i made $4, but, i bought 2 deoderants and together they cost $3.90, so all in all, i made 10 cents.
avon can go fuck itself

and, i suck at programming
(that was for sean)
ok, the boyish charms link works properly now. stupid little slash in the wrong place. well excuuuuuse me, mister petty exacto!
anyway, now it works

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

i have often tried to read the bible, but its boring. if anyone else has felt this way, i wholly endorse this site. it's much easier and a lot more enjoyable
excuse me, how much for a smurf job?
that'll be 8 smurfs, now, do you want me to smurf you, while i smurf you?
no thanks, i just want you to smurf me off
ok, a bit of background first. my mum and dad are divorced and have been for....ages....(im starting thereapy on thursday that will hopefully help me to actually be able to remember timeframes and dates). the divorce, as such, didnt affect us. mum and dad apart were pretty much the same as mum and dad together, it was the fact that dad was 'oh so poor' had 'absolutely no money' ;waaa waaa whine lie blubber cry poor im living in a gutter and not a two story townhouse!!!' and decided that it was easier to hide his money in many different places rather than pay maintenance for myself and my brothers. i have recently found out that the amount of maintenance you are required to pay is 17% of your previous years earnings. my mum only asked for $5 a week for each of us, thats $15, put into a bank account and we could have it when we were older. but apparently dad was too busy buying leather jackets and cars to be able to afford that, so he just outright didnt pay. and hasnt paid. not a cent to this day. he once bought me a pair of sneakers. that was part of the deal too, that he pay for our school shoes. he bought me a pair of sneakers when he bought his girlfriend at the time, a new pair of shoes and you got the second pair half price. he actually is still required to pay maintenance for aaron since he went back to school this year.
so now he's engaged to heather, im not going into that. heather has a son, chris. and chris got this girl, annette pregnant. then there was this huge thing about how she was apparently cheating on chris at about the same time she got pregnant so there wasnt 100% assurance that the baby was his. heather was talking to chris about how if it turns out that the baby is his, he'll have to pay maintenance. chris says he doesnt care, and in heathers words, 17% of his wage isnt that much anyway. then i said...
'yeah, its beter off that he finds out if the baby is his now. imagine not paying anything for years, and then the kid gets to 25 or something, and he has to pay it all back'
oh, how i laughed, (inside my head). it's a shame that dad wasnt in the room to hear it. and its an even worse shame that heather is too stupid to tell dad what i said. i hope she does tell him ,and that he gets at least a little scared.
another thing i said.... aaron is turning 18 in may and he's never really had a girlfriend, let alone gone out and done...well, anything. but he's with a girl called lisa know who is lovely. dad found this out and said, 'it's about time your brother started going out and doing something' i said, 'well, at least he wasnt going out and getting into any trouble'. dad agrees with this, and says, 'not like brett, but you didnt go out that much, you didnt get into any trouble' and to that i say, 'well, you wouldnt know'. pause......'no, i wouldnt'
yeah, you take that! and you'd better start saving your pennies bucko cos one day a lawyer will coming a tap tap tapping on your caravan door.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

today is the first of feburary. according to my poppa we have two weeks to enjoy life before the ar on iraq starts. or was that the war on terror? i get confused you know, with "president" bush and his dad. anyway, so the war is going to start on the 15th of feb. the day afetr valentines day which i thought was nice of them. let us have a nice day first before we blow up the world. that is unless you dont get anything for valentines day, in which i guess you'd be thinking, well, i suppose yesterday wasnt that bad afterall.
so, while we wait for america to invade iraq, and iraq to say, 'oh hi guys, come in and blow us up. stop you? nah, we're not gonna stop you, we're just gonna blow up america while you're all over here pretending to look for our weapons (which you'll never find, bwahhahahaha ).' and then they have their button pushing competition to find out who's penis, i mean, bomb is bigger, i thought i'd share this song with you. it's by tripod.....aaaaah, tripod.

im way to skinny for the army
way to slender for the job
what can i do if my country doesnt want me
cos my talents only stretch to mini golf?

im way to unco for the army
all that running through car tyres
i guess that would come in handy
if you invaded a country who's terrain was all car tyres

but im skinny and i'm clever
maybe now more than ever
the technology has caught up with me
if wars have gone all electronic
i could fight them with my joystick
as long as they bring pizza to me
then i could be in the army

it's not tricky to imagine
me in a bunker at a screen
controlling reconaissance robots
maybe mine detecting robots
even robots who run through tyres

but im skinny and i'm clever
maybe now more than ever
the technology has caught up with me
if wars have gone all electronic
i could fight them with my joystick
while watching mcleods daughters on tv
then i could be in the army

i was never good at pacman
but at defender i'd light up the skies
i was never good at frogger
it's much too much like hopping over tyres
and if i dont get in the army
i might become an evil mastermind
live in an underwater tower
and wearing shiny skivvies all the time,
that would be fine

but im skinny and i'm clever
maybe now more than ever
the technology has caught up with me
if wars have gone all electronic
i could fight them with my joystick
as long as they bring pizza to me
then i could be in the army
firstly, sunburn - ow
secondly, you am i are the best fucking band in the entire fucking universe
thirdly, you need to experience a big day out.

we went to tim's house for breakfast. we had pancakes, sausages, and bacon. well, thats what i had, there was also toast, onions, beer, champagne and various types of wine. i had a lemonade. matt drank 14 beers before 11:30. i disowned him at about 10.
we caught the tram to the showgrounds and went in to see augue march first off. wow. i've never seen augie march play. i've heard them. i went to see them with matt and marc once but i was so tired and hot i just sat outside in the beer garden and listened. it wasnt as powerful as i remember, but i think that has to do with it being an open air concert and it being 1pm, but it was definatley impressive. i have no idea how that guy can write the songs he does, let alone play the guitar, and remember the lyrics. they're al like chapters of books. talented talented talented.
next up we walked around for a bit and then went to see the waifs. i really like them. those girls are soo cool and the guy is an amazing guitarist. it's really...country-y, like, there was a song that was pretty much just harmonica for a few minutes, and it is so cool. really feel good sort of music that maked you happy and makes you dance. vikki got us to sing the chorus of london still twice because she was feeling so good about the whole thing, cos we liked their music so much. she's cute.
what next...matt and marc went off to watch the deftones and then the music and lyndell and i walked around and tried to find sharyn and rory.
we saw a bit of the vines and i was suitably unimpressed again by them, which im glad about. i dont want to end up liking them cos they shit me. they were so very boring.
im not sure how i cameto miss rocket science. i remember hearing them but i was on my way somewhere. probably looking for someone cos we all lost each other quite a few times over the day. it's ok though, you always find someone you know.
i saw wilco. i was really looking forward to them and i was pretty dissappointed. they didnt play any songs off of the album i have, and i didnt know many of what they did play. their drummer is a psycho though. i cant understand how he can remember what he's doing. it's not like it's super fast or anything, it's just complicated and all over the place.
i caught up with sharyn and rory after wilco. apparently i was walking around in a daze looking like a little lost puppy or something. we looked for everyone else but couldnt find them. i saw a bit of queens of the stoneage. their bass player played the whole show naked. that went down well apparently, so matt said. i looked for matt the whole time through pj harvey. we'd organised to meet behind the slingshot ride and we both went there but neither of us saw each other.
jane's addiction. wow. i was a bit worried at the beginning cos perry didnt seem to be really singing anything. just, making noises and speaking the words. but he got into it after a while. everyone knew all the songs and was singing and dancing along happily. no pushing and shoving. everyone was getting along nicely. actually, i wasnt pushed around at all, lovely well behaved people out there in the crowds yesterday.
i had planned on staying until jane says and then running iff to see machine gun fellatio, and thats what i did do, except that they played jane says last so as soon as it finished, sharyn and i ran over to the other stage to watch machine gun felatio, (who, by the way have a new t shirt out that says 'machine gunillingus', which i would very much like to own) and oh my god. if that wasnt the most amazinga stage show ive ever seen. there were g strings ahoy, asian girls dressed in fluffy tutu's, a man with a head like a 70's pornstar wearing spiky rubber underpants, another asian girl with a toaster on her head, who was, rightly called, miss toast. they are cool. i mean, they are really really cool. they are coming back to adelaide in a month and i will be there.
then i ran back for a bit of foo fighters which wasnt all that impressive. maybe if i'd been there the whole time i would have gotten into it more, but i was just standing to the side and i couldnt see that well. that said, id still fuck dave grohl.
then, there was more running for you am i.
you am i
you am i are the best austrailan band. and i would easily say that thay are the best band in the world. they're talented, entertaining, attractive in some wierd way, and they're just......cool. i danced and danced and rocked out with the rest of the crowd, and i was aching from hours of only sitting down at the toilet but that didnt matter cos you am i were playing and they were doing it for us, and they care so we have to give it back to them. tim was talking to all of us, 'have you had enough of the 'big' us bands? had enough nakedness? had enough big stage crowds? had enough (then he sang some of a foo fighters song but i cant remember which one) had enough of wandering around? well now you're here and we're gonna rock for you! you who've come to listen to our little band! you who've fought against the majority to come and see an aussie band rock out!' etc etc. you cant ehlp but get into it when timmy starts all that. that and it was lil davey's 22nd birthday. happy birthday davey :)
then we hobbled back to the tram stop. hobbled very slowly. the tram wasnt coming for another 20 minutes so we caught a taxi home, got hungry jacks on the way and slept at matts parents house. i woke up with a stingy stingy back, an aching body, and after cursing the big day out last night, im looking forward to the next one already.

sorry you couldnt have been there