Tuesday, October 28, 2008

josh pyke - the summer

If I could bottle up the sea breeze I would take it over to your house
And pour it loose through your garden
So the hinges on your windows would rust and colour
Like the boats pulled up on the sand for the summer
And your sweet clean clothes would go stiff on the line
And there’d be sand in your pockets and nothing on your mind

But every year it gets a little bit harder
To get back to the feeling of when we were fifteen
And we could jump in the river upstream
And let the current carry us to the beginning where
The river met the sea again
And all our days were a sun-drenched haze
While the salt spray crusted on the window panes

We should be living like we lived that summer
I wanna live like we live in the summer

And I’ll remember that summer as the right one
The storms made the pavement steam like a kettle
And our first goodbye always seemed like hours
In the car park in between my house and yours
And if the summer holds a song we might sing forever
Then the winter holds a bite we’d never felt before

But time is like the ocean
You can only hold a little in your hands
So swim before we’re broken
Before our bones become
Black coral on the sand

Monday, October 27, 2008

things ive been doing apart from sulking lately

eating toast
drinking tea
reading cloudstreet
having a music war. good music vs justin timberlake
waking up to messages from boys asking for sex
being grateful i didnt answer those messages whilst still asleep as i apparently do sometimes
waiting for something exciting to happen on facebook
signing up to unearthed
trying to organise a float for the pageant
sleeping
sulking

Thursday, October 23, 2008

stop looking at the tv and listen to me, you idiot



x - g7
e - um
x - well?
e - well... if you said g7 and a bomb hit there and there were boats all around g7, would the bomb hit them too, or just the water?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

on a completely unrelated note to what i've been feeling lately, (apart from the continuous buffy dvd watching), how hot is andrew from buffy

blue - splendid

Night falls,
I fall,
And where were you?
And where were you?

Warm skin,
Wolf grin...
And where were you?

I fell into the moon,
And it covered you in blue...
I fell into the moon
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night?

High tide,
Inside...
The air is dew,
And where were you?
Wild eyed,
I died...
And where were you?

I crawled out of the world
And you said I shouldn't start...
I crawled out of the world,
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night....
Alone, alone....

I fell into the moon,
And it covered you in blue...
I fell into the moon
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night....
Alone?
choice cuts from letters to many

im really disappointed in myself
i keep falling for the same tricks again and again
i believed you, the first time
i was a bit sad, because i liked you, but i was glad you told me the truth and didnt hurt me more than you had to
i liked you, but i knew where i stood
but then you had to go and say all those things
lies
nasty lies
you cant sit there and tell me im beautiful, that you want me to be your girlfriend, when its all lies
how can you possibly be that mean?
i dont understand
the same could have happened without those words
we would be in the same position as we are now, without you having told all those lies
it was totally avoidable
i had a bad feeling about you from the start, remember?
you said all the right things and it made me wary because i'd been there before and been hurt
i should have stayed away
but as much as i could see the bad in you, i am stupid and naive enough to want to see the good, and thats what i held on to
part of me still wants to believe that
that you're good
that maybe you're just scared, and thats why you've gone away
see?
stupid

you said it'd be ok
you said i was beautiful
that you wouldnt go away

send me missing messages to make me smile
keep it going, keep it up
for a little while

lie to me
come back and lie to me
i'll fall for it again, for sure

lie to me

Monday, October 13, 2008

trust - the cure

there is no-one left in the world
that i can hold onto
there is really no-one left at all
there is only you
and if you leave me now
you leave all that we were
undone
there is really no-one left
you are the only one

and still the hardest part for you
to put your trust in me
i love you more than i can say
why won't you just believe?


i have a trust problem. its not that i cant, or dont, its that i do, too much and too readily.

you're beautiful
be my girlfriend
i want to be with someone like you
im sorry for last time
thank you for giving me a second chance
i'll call you
i'll see you in the week
i want to see you tomorrow

is that the reason that people lie to me so much? that they say things to get what they want, and then leave?

this is really hard. i have no words. to not be capable of writing things is possibly the hardest part of all this

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

no new messages

there are constant reminders, and they're everywhere. spoken, thought of, imagined, on purpose or by accident. jokingly thrown towards you, or forcefully pushed back down.

threw away something good, took on something bad
this book ended before it should have


we're talking about growing up, about who is a grown up. apparently thats where i sit, at the grown ups table. i want the grown up things. i want the house, the husband, the baby, the dog. i have none of those things, not anymore, and i wont be getting them any time soon, probably never,

ive been escaping to sunnydale, trying to take on their problems as bigger than my own. watch out for that demon, some vampires arent bad, i love you, but i shouldnt. i'd like to choose less confusing pancakes, but i dont even have that option

ive been home for a month. i dont go out much anymore. i thought i had hayfever, but then i remembered i dont do outside, so i must have just been sick.

i rarely leave my room. the boys have taken to camping in bed with me, with books or toys. we watch dvds together. they even watched the princess bride with me which is a source of predictable conversation between us:

them: lets watch a dvd
me: can i choose?
them: yep
me: princess bride
them: you can choose anything but the princess bride

everyone is busy, they all have something to do, someone to do things with. im disappearing more and more into books, dvds and games, and i dont know if i want to come out or not.

my head hurts. i think from keeping it all in. i dont want to let it out. i dont know where it will stop

im afraid i'll lose my job, and that'll be the end of me. i barely make it there as it is. i know how hard it was for the three newer people to win their positions, i doubt it'll be hard for them to find a reason to let me go

i should probably go now

Saturday, October 04, 2008

happy anniversary!

its my one month anniversary of staying home every saturday night, alone, and doing nothing.

yay!

watching buffy, building rome on my ds (im on my way to having a harbour, if you're interested, messaging people i shouldnt, and not messaging people i want to

any guesses how long this is gonna last for?