Wednesday, December 28, 2005

sa tur day night (dododoooododoooododo)

so where will you all be? i am as yet undecided but its a toss up between crank! at the cranker or revolution at fowlers

what will you be doing?

Monday, December 26, 2005


after sending my kids off to the other sides christmas do, i went back to bed and have just awoken. you know, thats one thing about depression, you can get al the sleep you want and more! then of course there are all those times when you're so tired but your eyes just wont stay closed even when you try and hold them there, but those sleeping times? rock!

speaking of rock


christmas morning started off pretty well. the boys came round and opened their presents and then we drove off with the rest of the relatives having to visit other relatives. first stop was my nannas house where i managed to sya perhaps three words to my dad, but still, i dont think i could have been considered rude. just a little untalkative. e was a little sooky too to begin with so i spent a lot of time just holding and talking to him

then to personwhosnamemustnevrbemention's parents house where x swam until he turned blue under the supervision of a surf life saver, and to my aunties house where my mother, aunties and almost sister in law were drunk and my uncle said 'massive cock'. my mum also went around cupping her hands around her flashing brooch and inviting people to her disco

i love christmas


Saturday, December 24, 2005

to you

happy sunday to you all

scared santa

or as eli says, faerie christmas

scared santa

Friday, December 23, 2005

to the uninvited


see the skull and cross bones? he means business
you know you want it

i want a piece of happiness

Thursday, December 22, 2005


there is a difference between sexual harrassment and dobbing

but you seem to be good at both of them

i really hope you're proud

well done

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


as most people are doing at this time of the year, im looking back at the past year and reminiscing. remembering all that happened, all that could have, all that should have.

its been a pretty big year for me. for the first time in my life i moved out and lived on my own. i found my own place and lived alone. sure, i have the boys fortnightly, but on the other weeks im by myself (but for my cats, of course). this has been a huge thing for me. as much as i like my quiet alone time, i need other people around me as well, and i think that is what i've found the hardest over these past months. having someone in my life constantly for the last seven years, and then having no one, has been pretty daunting to say the least.
there have been times when i've handled it really well, and times where i've fallen to pieces not knowing if i'd ever get myself back together again.
but im here, and im writing this today, so things must be doing ok.

i started a new job in a new place, full of people i didnt know. i wasnt to sure about it to begin with. i missed my old job, and the new people didnt sit with me right. for starters, there was the hugely whispered about rumour that i was a *shock* *horror* lesbian! but its ok, i know who started it, and i know who was told, and the thing that makes me the saddest about that whole debacle was the fact that person felt it needed to be spoken about. some people have sad lives.

ive met some great people this year, both online and in real life. adrian has been really inportant to me, and im glad i seem to have made a positive impact on his life too.
tom has been wonderful for me. he's made me feel apecial and princessy again, and he's let me feel love again, something i wasnt sure i was going to do.
simon was a good friend. and i know that somewhere, he still is.

online, i think mattyb has had the most effect on me. as far as friendships, bevis has to be up there. he's come to my rescue a few times, like a knight in...fuzzy felt? and i am now in posession of a way cool compilation cd from him. yay. incidentaly, i made a cd today, if anyone is interested in a copy, send me your address by email and i'll post you out one.

back to home grown friendships, ive started to hang out with sandi more, and also with karlie again, after quite a few years apart. ive also managed to go about a year without speaking to my dad. we'll see how this goes on sunday....

i guess the biggest thing that has been going on this year has been my sojourn into the legal system. very temporary, to say the least, but all who are involved know the story and know it will all be sorted out soon *waves*

i cant even begin to talk about the goings on of the world around me, let alone my own country. i've been angry, i have cried, i have stared in awe at stupidity and at bravery.

but all in all its not that bad
not been the bast but its not the worst day i've ever had
i found that extra dollar in my purse so i guess i couldnt put it down as the worst day of the year

so here's to 2005. you were there, you will be for about another week or so, and then you will be gone. and heres to 2006. let us all hope there is a lot more understanding, empathising and helping next year.

share the love
last night

left me feeling unfulfilled

Monday, December 19, 2005

the end

so, kirsty and i are gearing up for the season finale of queer as folk tonight.
a couple of weeks ago, disgusted as i was with the calibre of writing in the show, i had a look online to see what was going on, and what others opinions were. apparently kirsty and i are quite alone in our beliefs that season 5 is the.worst.season.ever. all i could find was 'wow! what a fab episode! i love justin and brian! they are so hot!' etc. so i've resisted the urge to look around and see what happens tonight. i'd prefer to have the slow pain hit me over the hour.

how the hell are they going to finish the show in an hour? how? please tell me how?

are brian and justin are gonna get married? will justin fly off to new york instead? will the lesbians finally stop whining? will someone slap some sense into michael so he gets that frowny worry face off and actually starts to enjoy himself? will ben get aids and die within the hour, leaving time for an emotional funeral and flashbacks of uncle vic? will hunter and cally get back together? teds only just met this new guy and he's already inviting him off for a birthday weekend which is going to ruin the birthday plans he has made with all of his old friends, its too early in the relationship to have anything major happen with this guy, whats going on? will karl finally get debbie to marry him? will footy guy propose to emmett just to round off the whole 'im gay and want to stand up for my own rights so im gonna get married to my same sex partner so ner and there isnt anything you can do about it because you cant treat us as second 'hell even third class citizens' (thankyou mel) anymore, we're real people with feelings too, you know, so watch me and all my friends get maried, you heteros!'

fuck. its all too much. in an hour? i just dont see how it can be done

Friday, December 16, 2005

nodding in awe

We need to force change in the Labor Party and we need to do it sooner rather than later. We need to remind Australia that a social conscience is more important than a budget surplus, a happy boss or a stinking cricket game. We need to write to these cunts, FORCE them into action, force them to depose the meek sack of poofy potatoes that currently masquerades as an alternative Prime Minister and force them to show Australia that what we need now more than anything is not a set of rules that erodes at our civil liberties, that sparks mistrust between minority groups and inflames the religious sensibilites of every single fucking person, but LEADERSHIP. We need leadership. We need someone who bashes their fist on the lecturn, who has the conviction to speak their mind, the mental capacity to back it up and the courage to face us. To face ME. I want to follow a leader, I want to follow a leader who stands up for themselves, who doesn't play politics.

beautiful mattyb

this is my camera. its great. it takes good photos. but only when the people are standing still and im not getting that shaky hands icon up on the screen. and the reason? well, what i think the reason is, is that it takes too long to take the picture. and when the things you photograph most are two young boys and two kittens, you need the photo to be taken in a split second.

so, does anyone have any advice as to what camera i should get? i've been looking on ebay at nikon d50's, which are a step down from what dooce uses (see question 2 here). i dont need a d70, i can do just fine with a d50, but i dont really want to pay $1000.

any ideas? doesnt have to be an SLR, but it needs to be able to take a photo quickly

Thursday, December 15, 2005

topless christmas present wrapping

its the only way

kirsty and tom came over last night to watch virgin suicides. josh hartnett, ha! looked like my cousin. anyway, kirsty and i swapped presents and tom and i got gold class tickets woohooo!! maybe we'll see narnia? dunno, maybe.

i gave kirsty a puzzle and a game. but not just any old game

take a look

butt out

we played it last night. kirsty won which only seemed fitting, since it was her present. you can see the puzzle in the background. its charlie and the chocolate factory. sexy johnny.

see my christmas tree? its so great. banjo has pulled it over 4 times now so its a little dishevelled, but it'll do the job for a couple more weeks.

school finishes tomorrow, and our OSHC has been cancelled for the holidays which is extremely crappy. xans will be able to go with marc, but its still crappy. he's going there tonight to say goodbye to all his oshc friends.

back to work on sunday. splah. i'll be working sunday, monday, wednesday, thursday friday this week which will be a bit of a shock after three weeks holidays. i am disapointed that my time off wasnt used for what it was intended, but it will happen in good time, i just need to be patient.

sorry for the disjointed all over the place post. im gonna go finish wrapping the presents.

hope you're all enjoying your chrismukah
hold onto your hats

ie, it is very windy today

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

where is it?

ive managed to misplace my brain, i think (how can i think, without a brain? i am just clever that way).
i had to pay for xanders school photos by money order, so i got the money order, wrote out the envelope, sealed it up and posted it. only i didnt put the money order in the envelope, did i? no, i didnt. its still sitting on my bench.

stupid head? yes

Sunday, December 11, 2005


i finally know what that means.

i smiled because i knew i could scream Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck me! Fuck old people! Fuck children! Fuck peace! Fuck peace and write it on my car window

Friday, December 09, 2005

what a good idea


i found this via icnh and i think we should all join, and make a time where we all go hard for peace. wouldnt it give you a warm fuzzy feeling to know that you and all your friends were all working together for the greater good?

Thursday, December 08, 2005

and it all falls into place....

the original owners of my house ran a wallpaper shop

everything makes sense now

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


why am i here? why am i blogging when im smack bang in the middle of my 3 week busy? if you really want to know, you can email me. im not to talk of it on this here blog.

instead, i'll give you some lists of christmas presents you may like to get for me

(did she just blatantly ask for presents?)

yes i did


*anything homemade. i particularly appreciate hand/homemade gifts. makes it a lil more special
*this also includes mixed cds which i adore
*apparently im hard to buy for even though i am quite vocal in the things that i like, so a gift card is perfect. shops like angus and robertson, target, kmart. even online stores like amazon and candlerecords
*i particularly like avon stuff. i dont usually buy perfume, but the last avon catalogue i got had a 'rub your wrist here' for passion dance and it was really nice. oh, what i really like though is dream angels heavenly by victorias secret
*a housecleaner. aaahahahahaha, that would be great. oh, i can dream
*time. if any ofyou would like to go out and just spend time together, i would love it. friends are great and really important. and it doesnt matter what you do together, just that you're doing it
*donations to 'keep the dream alive!' apparently im flying overseas next year. im puzzled as to how im going to afford it, but again, i can dream
*any cds by the postal service, belle and sebastian, death cab for cutie
*oooh this!
i dont hate christmas as much as kirsty does, because i absolutely love getting presents, and i love giving presents, even though im sometimes pretty slow on the whole postage thing.
it bothers me that x has to sing christmas carols at school and learn about god and mary and joseph. but i saw an interesting thing on speaking in tongues on monday night, where john said that if we try and ban them speaking and teaching about god and christianity in schols, then we'd have to stop them teaching any kind of spritual beliefs like the aboriginal dreamtime. that said, if they are going to teach them they should broaden their views a little and try to incorporate a few more belief systems.

anyway, im off to watch gay strippers tonight. kirsty reckons tom will get pulled out of the crowd cos he's so cute.

im very hopeful

Monday, December 05, 2005

stop it! it hurts

5 is a good number if you are singing childrens songs that require counting and the involvment of frogs/fish/little ducks/jellyfish sitting on a rock etc. its good for high 5ing someone. its good for taking a break, ie 'take 5 everyone'.

it seems that what it is not good for is the current and last series of queer as folk.

is anyone still watching it? are you all like me and kirsty, feeling like we owe it to ourselves to watch the entire series, just to see if it gets better?

season four was fucking great (and great fucking). you wanna know what happened tonight? brian proposed to justin, sold babylon and the loft and bought a country house with a swimming pool, tennis court and stables. all because he loves him. all because now he believes in the sanctity of marriage and blah blah blah i liked you better when you were just fucking.

yes, i admit, i actually left the ground last week when he told him he loved him. we'd been waiting 4 and 3/4 seasons. it wasnt as beautiful as i had hoped but it was nice and it did make justin smile. but that doesnt mean you have to go all hetro and denounce your badboy ways, does it?

and as for the rest of you. fuck. i mean, emmett is in shock and camps on the couch having a big sook, but by the end of it he's at the candle light vigil, punching gah haters, and then going jogging the next morning. hunter has moved back home after being dopey at disneyworld. lindsay and melanie have gotten back together. yeah, some minor character friend of theirs died in the bomb blast, but honestly, can anyone remember which one dusty was?
its like the writers are tying up all the loose ends into one big happy bow and its not even a gay happy bow. its just an hour full of bad BAD lines.

apparently there are 2 episodes left, and something called 'queer as folk say goodbye'. im quite sure that little package is just going to get wrapped up neater and neater. lets just hope they use a lot of gay ribbons
relax and breathe now

i had my inspection today to see if im being a lovely tenant or not. and i am. of course (thanks for vaccuuming, mum). my agent said the house suited me perfectly and that she was sorry the owners didnt care enough about it to fix a few things over the years. its ok. i mean, its livable and its cute and it does suit me, it'd just be nice to have a proper backyard for the kids. a nice front yard would be a bonus too, especially to the neighbours who have informed me that some people have said the house is nice...'its just a shame about the state of the neighbouring yard'

good luck on getting the landscaping done

Friday, December 02, 2005

danger : lyrics post

if she wants me

I wrote a letter on a nothing day
I asked someone “Could you send my letter away?”
“You are too young to put all of your hopes in just one envelope”
I said goodbye to someone that I love
It’s not just me, I tell you it’s the both of us
And it was hard
Like coming off the pill that you take to stay happy
Someone above has seen me do alright
Someone above is looking with a tender eye
Upon your face, you may think you’re alone but you may think again

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered
my ashes
On second thought I’d rather hang around and get down with my best friend
If she wants me

And far away somebody read the letter
He condescends to read the words I wrote about him
And if he smiles, it’s no more than a genius deserves
For all your curious nerve and your passion
I’m going deaf, you’re growing melancholy
Things fall apart, I don’t know why we bother at all
But life is good and “It’s always worth living at least for
a while”

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered
my ashes
On second thought I’d rather hang around and get down with my best friend
If she wants me

If you think to yourself “What should I do now?”
Then take the baton, girl, you better run with it
Cause there is no point in standing in the past cause it’s over and done.
I took a book and went into the forest
I climbed the hill, I wanted to look down on you
But all I saw was twenty miles of wilderness so I went home

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered
my ashes
On second thought I’d rather hang around and get down with my best friend
If she wants me

i'm a cuckoo

I'm glad to see you
I had a funny dream
And you were wearing funny shoes
You were going to a dance
You were dressed like a punk but you are too young to remember

I'm glad to see you
I'm outside the house
I'm not thinking right today
I've got no energy
I'm glad that you are waiting with me
Tell me all about your day

Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
I'm wondering how things could've been

I'm happy for you
You've made it hard for me
I counted on your company
You are staying with your friends tonight
I'm feeling sorry for myself
I keep taking everything to be a sign

I'm happy for you
But now I know this hurt is poison
Too sharp to be bled
I'm sitting on my empty bed
I'm on my empty bed
At night the fever grows it's pounding pounding

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something worng with me, I'm a cuckoo

Scary moment, lovin' every moment
I was high from playing shows
We lost a singer to her clothes
My trouble raised its ugly head
I was revealed
And I was home in bed
I was a kid again

Jesus told me, go after every coin like it was the last in the world
And protect the wayward child
But I'm a little lost sheep
I need my Bo Peep
You know I need My Shepherd here tonight

Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
I'm wondering how things could've been

I'd like to see you
But really I should stay away
And let you settle down
I've got no claims to your crown
I was the boss of you
And I loved you
You know I loved you
It's all over now

And I was there for you
When you were lonely
I was there when you were bad
I was there when you were sad
Now it's my time of need
I'm thinking, do I have to plead to get you by my side?

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cuckoo

stay loose

I was choking on a cornflake
You said “Have some toast instead”
I was sleeping maybe three hours
You said “You should get to bed”
I was waiting at the church door
For the minister to show
I was looking at the new year
You said “Walk before you crawl”
I was feeling like a loser
You said “Hey, you’ve still got me”
I was feeling pretty lonely
You said “You wanted to be free”
I was looking for a good time
You said “Let the good times start”
With a quiver of your eyelid
You took on someone else’s part
Maybe I’m a little greedy
You said “Think before you speak”
Sometimes I’m a little seedy
You said “Everyone is weak”

belle and sebastian
me: how was school?
xans: ok
me: (asking the question or i wont find out) did you get in trouble?
xans: yeah
me: what for?
xans: not finishing my art, we had to colour in
me: (trying to change the topic slightly) ah...what was your drawing of?
xans: we had to colour in a picture of baby jesus
me: uhuh....and do you know who baby jesus is?
xans: yeah, son of god
me: ok. and who's god?
xans: some guy who put the first man and the first lady on the world
me: uhuh. (about to go into how *some* people believe that, and others believe other things)
xans: except they didnt say anything about the big bang and the millions of tiny atoms, or evolution
me: i love you xans

Thursday, December 01, 2005

e: x can you please get me a tissue cos there's coco pops on my wincey wincey spider jammies