Monday, June 30, 2008

see this?



cute, you reckon?

you

have

no

idea


after countless vet trips, including an almost fatal brown snake bite, we landed on the doorsteps of the local clinic again over the weekend, as my cat now looks like this



not so cute now, is it!! not only has she ripped the fur on her bum out, she's also plucked her chest and tummy, all down the inside of her legs and a big circular patch on her back. vet said its probably a flea allergy, gave her some steroids, wacked the bucket on, and off we go. take it off in a day or so, she says, when the meds have kicked in.
i took it off sunday night and she went right back at it, so she's gonna have to wear it.

except now i find she's taken to plucking other things. like the dead bird i found when i came home. no blood, no puncture wounds, no missing limbs, just a cleanly plucked tummy and under wing area

asshole cat

Saturday, June 28, 2008

in an attempt to be a normal human. i will be going out to gosh tonight

apart from singing, i dont plan on opening my mouth for any words at all

Thursday, June 26, 2008

for those of you playing along at home

awake

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

last night/this morning


, originally uploaded by superbomba.



*turned off the light, rolled over, willed myself to go to sleep
*sleep did not come. rolled over the other side, grabbed ds, played animal crossing til the shops shut. we are now at 1am. turned off ds
*willed myself to sleep
*sleep did not come. got up, went online to see if anyone was around
*no one was around, went back to bed and played mr driller on ds until i got really mad that i couldnt get past 475 metres
*try and sleep
*wrote a letter that i should never, ever, ever, in my right mind, send to someone
*realise i am not in my right mind, but try and promise myself not to send letter anyway
*try and sleep
*turn on tv and actually consider for more than a moment, buying some face polisher thing and a pilates chair from guthy renker
*try and sleep
*decide that at least walking to the shops to post the letter will be exercise and cheaper than pilates chair
*try and sleep
*write a song that kinda actually has a catchy chorus
*laugh at the ridiculous of my song. think about letter some more
*try and sleep
*set timer for tv to turn off by itself and eventually fall asleep listening to jessica simpson talking about proactive
*while sleeping, dream that i am late for work, and have to get there by riding a trike uphill. SYMBOLIC MUCH??
*wake up and notice i have slept through 2 messages, a reminder to take medicine and a reminder to 'go for a walk, you fat lazy pig'
*reminder to go for a walk reminds me about the letter
*realise i will spend the rest of the day thinking about it unless i make a decision
*procrastinate by going online
*read everything i need to read.
*procrastinate more by blogging about it
*and now we're all caught up

Sunday, June 22, 2008

the science of sleep



if i lived next door to you
would you marry me when we're 70?
we'd ride a felt horse into a forest boat,
floating in a cellophane sea

if we have nothing to lose
would i be the one you'd choose?

Friday, June 20, 2008

i have just taken two mersyndols for the headache i have had, more or less, for a week now

please dont call me
the wizard of oz

e: can we watch this?
me: yeah, sure
e: i like the tin man
me: me too, can you remember what he needs?
e: um....
me: they're all looking for something. do you remember?
e: oh yeah
me: so, the tin man is looking for....
e: oil?
me: no...a heart. what about the lion?
e: um....shoes?
me: ah, no...he needs courage. dorothy needs to go home, and then theres the scarecrow. what does he need?
e: he needs to have no birds on him

Thursday, June 19, 2008

how dare they

this makes me sad

if they think for even a second about going after dan, bart, jack or erica, they will have me to deal with. and probably kirsty. and i wouldnt want to get on the wrong side of von

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A MATTER OF GREAT IMPORTANCE

if there is anyone out there that can help me with this, i will be indebted to you forever.

i need a copy of the nintendo 64 game legend of zelda : majoras mask.

i will pay you $30 for it

i have just had to fight a war with an ebay seller, who decided it was fine to charge me $33 postage for 3 N64 games, and now i hate ebay.

i have promised this game to x for his birthday and i cannot find it

your help is greatly appreciated
prognosis

itchyness took over and i got myself (and kids) to the doctor today. armed with bags full of books, biscuits and various toys, we walked up to the desk knowing we may have to wait longer that the 1 and a half hours mentioned on the phone.
i showed the girl my rash. she says 'oooh!' and tells me to sit 'over there, someone will be there shortly'. shortly! as if by magic my name was called before i even put my cards back in my purse and we were in the office with the door shut. it takes me 6 weeks to get an appointment when i am depressive. it takes 30 seconds when im covered in itchy redness. will bear that in mind for future visits.

it seems that it is almost definitely a reaction to my medication, which i stopped taking sunday. i was given tablets, a prescription for creams and told to buy antihistamines. $17 later and im happy and itchless. still look pretty gross tho.

does that mean its all over? not by a long shot. as a result of stopping my medication, my house is now full of imaginary cats. imaginary wha?? imaginary cats. many of them. im not entirely sure how many there are, but there are more than the two i really have, and they're quicker and never seem to stay still, always leaving the room as i walk in. one lives full time in the kids bedroom, and one in the kitchen. the rest move around.

and yes. i have stopped driving.

so, its home for the rest of the week, another appointment tomorrow to find out when i start my medication again, and hopefully it wont take long for the cats to move out. i dont mind them living here, i just dont want to get to the stage when im feeding them

Monday, June 16, 2008

itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy

even now, you dont understand, just how itchy

Saturday, June 14, 2008

quote from last night

"excuse me, it's actually a girls head, giving head"
"aaaaaah, oh, thanks!"
my hands are itchy

since the fluoxetine should be in my system by now, im googling to see if itchiness is a side effect. it is. how fun! so is 'no blood pressure or pulse'. i'll be sure to keep an eye out for that one

Friday, June 13, 2008

4:22 pm, today, 9 years ago



i spoke to him on the phone last night. he expressed his wonder at turning 9. i agreed. 'i cant believe it was 9 years ago that me and your dad drove down the expressway to the hospital, on a rainy night, just like this. and the next day, there you were'
i hear sniffles, and the voice that means he has tears in his eyes. 'thanks mum'

happy birthday, my beautiful, wonderful guy. i love you

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

happiness is a warm pair of trackies

new trackies. lovely

i got a role in cosi. this time i get to keep my clothes on
im sad and im afraid

my whole body aches and i cant find a comfortable spot to lay to fall asleep. its 1259am. i want to sleep. i want to sleep so that i stop thinking. im 5 days into doubling my medication and i cant see a change. i still lay here and think about the things i should be doing, things i want, things i cant change.

right now im laying still and searching my body for reasons i can call up sick tomorrow and not have to leave my house. my tummy is gurgling a bit. perhaps i could use that? while i decide on illnesses another part of my brain takes over.

its only lunch, for fucks sake. its an hour of your day to spend with friends

friends

hmmm

for the first time in however long ive let myself wonder about someone who isnt him. i wondered out loud and a friend says 'me too' and he says 'not me'...to me anyway.

how will i make it through lunch? do i have reason to be upset? to not go? to be mad? to be sad? can i stop sabotaging whats left?

i dont know the answers to any of these questions

my legs ache and my tummy still gurgles. i think about things i could be doing, should be doing. i try and close my eyes and they spring back open again and stare into the dark

'you'll never find it here'

i need to get out. to go away. i want to go away. i want to get out. out of bed, out of my house, out of here, out of my mind. but the blankets are warm and i know that sleep will come if i let it.

i just have to give in

i give up

Monday, June 09, 2008




is it just me, or does he have hick teeth?
about how i should know by now, and how i should be used to it, but how it still hurts

its a public holiday, and its 5:20, and i get a phone call saying 'i'll come round now and pick the bags up, we're just at the shops'.
since its a public holiday, the shops can only mean one place, and those shops are about 500 metres away.
knowing this person as i do, 'now' can mean a few things. but i also figure that you're at the local IGA, how long can you stay in there, really? and even if you go home first to drop off your groceries (a waste of time and meaning you have to drive 500 metres away from my house, and then the 1 kilometre back) i dont see how it can take more than half an hour. and that is being extremely generous.

so after an hour, i call. no answer. maybe no answer cos they're just pulling up in the driveway? no, no they're not. so half an hour after that, i call again, and there is still no answer. now im starting to panic. surely i would have heard sirens from here? if they're only around the corner and something happened to them, i would have heard the crash, i would have heard the sirens. then i calm myself down and think, well, its dinner time. maybe they went home first to have tea. sure, it probably would have been good manners to let me know, but its possible thats whats happened.

so i call the house. the phone answers. 'hi mum!' they're alright. calm again, before im mad. 'wheres dad?' 'band practice'

i call again, no answer. so i text

'thanks for forgetting me again'

not that he'll probably even read it

Sunday, June 08, 2008

:(
stolen from pavlovs cat

What was I doing 10 years ago?

living in a shack by the sea, with voldemort and our dog and being happy

Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world:

1. Chocolate

2. hot chips

3. cookie dough

4. nutella, straight from the jar

5. chips

Five snacks I enjoy in the real world:

6. toast

7. when someone cuts up fruit for me

8. roasted vegies

9. camembert

10. caramello koala when ive finished work on a thursday

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. buy a house

2. pay off friends and families houses

3. give money to organisations and causes that need it, not, for instance, sporting arenas that need new seats, boohoo

4. go on a holiday

5. put the rest in the bank

Five jobs that I have had:

1. check out chick at bunnings

2. library faerie

3. mum

4. actor

5. singer in a band

Three of my habits:

1. biting my nails

2. eating when im not hungry

3. sleeping

Five places I have lived:

1. morphett vale

2. christie downs

3. christies beach

4. whyalla

5. in my own little world?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

i have a lot to do today

ive just got home form school drop off, and now i should be sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, hanging out washing and doing dishes before i go to the doctor then come home for my house inspection

except i dont think im going to be able to do any of it

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

must



not



be



allowed



to



text



people



for



any



reason



what



so



ever



under



any



circumstances