Saturday, September 30, 2006

~*** NEWSFLASH ***~

from the horses mouth*

toobs will be in coles by the end of next week

*where the horse is my mum who does not resemble a horse at all, and the mouth is my mobile that she texted me on

Thursday, September 28, 2006


two books i have read recently, that you really really really should read

the book thief, by markus zusak

Which in turn brings me to the subject I am telling you about tonight, or today, or whatever the hour and color. It's the story of one of those perpetual survivors--an expert at being left behind.

It's just a small story really, about, among other things:
* A girl
* Some words
* An accordionist
* Some fanatical Germans
* A Jewish fist fighter
* And quite a lot of thievery

I saw the book thief three times.

so very very amazing. it has so much in it...i dont want to try and explain it, just know that it isnt like all the other books set in nazi germany. it is so much more. please read this book

also, markus is cute in a college boy kind of way. he needs to get a little more scruffy anf grubby for my liking though

the history of love, by nicole strauss

"The first language humans had was gestures. There was nothing primitive about this language that flowed from people's hands…The habit of moving our hands while we speak is left over from it….Holding hands, for example, is a way to remember how it feels to say nothing together. And at night, when it's too dark to see, we find it necessary to gesture on each other's bodies to make ourselves understood." (p.74)
when i started this book, i just read and read and read at any moment i could. its about a girl who is named after every girl in her parents favourite book, its about a man, his friend, its about the girls mother and little brother, and its about everything you'll ever need

Sunday, September 24, 2006

for my darlingsx and e, my beautiful, wonderful guys...
what i want most for you in your life is for you to be whatever you want to be. for you to feel free to choose whatever path you want, and end up where it takes you.

i want you to explore, to think, to question. to listen and learn and to switch off if you want to.
to read books in the nothing in the sunshine.

to feel sand, dirt, grass, gravel, mud, and magical crystal quartz beneath your feet.

to look to the sky and know there is a whole universe out there, waiting for you to explore it.

and know that wherever you decide to go, you will always be home in my heart.

i want you to grow to be kind and generous, patient and loving, courteous and giving.

i want you to know that sometimes its ok to be selfish. that sometimes you need to do what you want.
i want you to feel that you are strong enough to take on the world.

and that sometimes, its ok to just lay down and rest

i want you to dream, to make wishes, to tell stories, to draw and to sing and to dance.

i want you to run around in the rain and feel how special it is to be young

i want you to be happy
emotional esmotional

i dont know what it is with me at the moment. im crying at the huggies ad, at jessica mauboy singing beautiful...if i start tearing up at ducks and kittens, thats when i'll know i have a real problem. but this is the one that really got me today
"you have every right to miss someone you love"
and the reason it sucks so much is because its so fucking true but there isnt a damn thing i can do about it.

distance isnt only kilometres, thousands of them or only one

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

it is in no way wrong that i am in lust with a 20 year old boy

"yes australia, i am saving myself for carly, for i love her with all my heart"

Sunday, September 17, 2006

much sunnier

i pushed play on the cd player and we all hugged. we held hands and swayed and sang along as loud as we could. the little one...he only knew the last word of the sentences. the bigger one....he knew the words with a little bit of help. i knew them all.

and we sang

Saturday, September 16, 2006


he walked in to my bedroom. it was dark in there, as it had been all day. i was in bed, as i had been all day.

"i heard you were crying... so i came in here to help you feel better"

he put his arms around me and rubbed his hand up and down my back.

"its ok, you dont have to cry...cry if you want to, but you dont have to. you'll be alright. you'll be ok"

after a day of feeling like my whole world call fall apart at any second, these words did make me feel a bit better, but they also made me cry so much more.

"its ok mum, i'll look after you"

my tears should not fall upon his seven year old back. he will live so much of his life as an adult, he doesnt need to start acting like one now. i love how caring he is, how thoughtful and considerate. but he doesnt need to be looking after his mum, not at seven years old

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Don’t You Think It’s Time?

Don’t you think it’s time
Time to start a new
Time for changing views
Time for making up your mind
Don’t you think it’s time
Time for moving on
Time for growing strong
Time to leave the past behind

You’ve been on my mind
Oh you’ve been on my mind
You’ve been on my mind
Oh you’ve been on my mind

Don’t you think it’s time
Time for quelling fear
Time for a new year
Time for meaning what you say
Don’t you think it’s time
Time for easing doubt
Time for reaching out
Time to open up your eyes

You’ve been on my mind
Oh you’ve been on my mind
You’ve been on my mind
Oh you’ve been on my mind

Don’t you think it’s time
Time for trusting more
Without keeping score
Time to let forgiveness out
Don’t you think it’s time
Time for showing grace
Time for having faith
Time to make more of your time

You’ve been on my mind
Oh you’ve been on my mind
You’ve been on my mind
Oh you’ve been on my mind

bob evans
something a little sunnier

Monday, September 11, 2006


i've found that on the whole, when i attend training courses for work, i basically come out of there after a rehash of things i already knew. customer service focus blah blah that sort of thing.
today was different.

working, as i do, with the community and in particular children, i had to undertake mandatory notification training, what to look out for, and what to do if you believe that a child is suffering abuse at the hands of anyone. this covers all kinds of abuse, mental, physical, sexual and emotional.

again, this was a rehash of things i already knew, but instead of walking out and thinking 'gee, people are gonna do that for about 5 seconds before reverting back to the way they've always done it', i thought to myself
'there are 1500 people working in south australia, to take phone calls and investigate reports of abuse.

and there are 80 000 calls each year'
what the hell kind of statistic is that? its a bullshit kind of statistic, thats what. how can there only be that many people? how can 1500 people be expected to help all those kids?

when a call goes through to the child abuse report line (CARL), the information is taken down and the case is given a priority, tier 1, 2 or 3. in the case of tier 1, there is immediate action particularly if the abuse is of a sexual nature. tier 2, cases are looked at within 48 hours. tier 3, a letter is sent with an invitation to come in and talk.
ok, thats all fair enough, not every report is going to be as serious as the next one. (we were told of a phone call from a grandmother upset that the other grandmother didnt give the kids afternoon tea). but the sad fact is that as more and more reports are made, with the amount of people there to take care of them, cases are pushed backwards, left another day, another week...
abuse isnt going to stop, so there isnt going to be a reduction in cases. people are more aware, so there wont be a reduction in calls. what is needed is more people to field the calls, to go out and see whats going on and to help these kids.
to do that they'll need money, and i imagine the government would say that they've given as much as they can to things like this, that there are more important things like security against terrorism.
if the money isnt spent to help these kids, there wont be anyone here in australia to protect.

and the money is there. perhaps there would need to be some shuffling done, but its there.

how about, for every packet of cigarettes purchased, $5 goes towards helping the kids
or every lottery ticket, every carton of beer, every block of chocolate.

what if for one week, companies decided that they made enough money to give back into the community. not with competitions that require you to buy more and you might win, but by giving away their profits to charity. not 10 cents, or 30 cents, but actual money.
how about channel 10, australian idol and big brother combine their profits from sms lines and give it all away

cos it shouldnt have to be this way

Saturday, September 09, 2006

because if me looking hot isnt a good enough reason to come... *

stolen straight from the email
A big one for tragic fans of the 1980's. We are giving away copies of the excellent CD and DVD's of VIDEO HITS COLLECTION 86-96. Featuring masses of the cheesiest tunes from the era. How cheesy? Well try this lot for a track listing :
Europe ­ The Final Countdown
Mel & Kim ­ Respectable
Rick Astley ­ Never Gonna Give You Up
George Michael ­ Faith
INXS ­ Need You Tonight
Bananarama ­ Love In The First Degree
Bros ­ When Will I Be Famous?
Taylor Dayne ­ Tell It To My Heart
Robert Palmer ­ Simply Irresistible
Transvision Vamp ­ I Want Your Love
Fine Young Cannibals ­ She Drives Me Crazy
New Kids On The Block ­ You Got It (The Right Stuff)
Sinead OConnor ­ Nothing Compares 2 U
Paula Abdul ­ Opposites Attract
MC Hammer ­ U Cant Touch This
Kylie Minogue ­ Better The Devil You Know
Faith No More ­ Epic
Deee-Lite ­ Groove Is In The Heart
Vanilla Ice ­ Ice Ice Baby
Divinyls ­ I Touch Myself
Extreme ­ More Than Words
Martika ­ Love Thy Will Be Done
Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch featuring Loleatta Holloway ­ Good Vibrations
Shakespears Sister ­ Stay
Mr Big ­ To Be With You
Vanessa Williams ­ Save The Best For Last
Ugly Kid Joe ­ Cats In The Cradle
4 Non Blondes ­ Whats Up
Culture Beat ­ Mr Vain
Salt N Pepa ­ Shoop
Bryan Adams ­ Please Forgive Me
Crash Test Dummies ­ Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Crystal Waters ­ 100% Pure Love
Tina Arena ­ Chains
Boyz II Men ­ I¹ll Make Love To You
The Cranberries ­ Zombie
Real McCoy ­ Another Night
Take That ­ Back For Good
N-Trance ­ Set You Free
Everything But The Girl ­ Missing

I can't promise you'll hear Mr big or Boyz ll Men, but chances are you'll hear a good chunk of the rest of it this week. be there or suffer eternatal status loss.

*if i was naughty and rude, i could have made that a joke
it sucks that i feel the need to write this first, but here goes...

yeah this is a public place, and by putting my thoughts and feelings out there, as well as adding a comments feature, i am inviting your thoughts and feelings on what i have written, but can i please ask this time for none of the following:

no mention of the word 'fat' or anything meant to convey the idea that you believe i am fat

no teasing or snipey remarks about me or my weight

nothing derogatory about me

for the first time in a long fucking while i am actually feeling ok about myself and i really dont need any of you out there ruining it

alright, on to the actual post


yesterday i bought a pair of size 12 jeans

i honestly could not tell you the last time i bought size 12 pants

i bought size 12 jeans and i look fucking nice in them and if you would like to tell me so, i will be at the cranker tonight, wearing them, and feeling good.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006


sandi made a request for the first time ever at crank on saturday night, and she made it to the newsletter

"Summer Of 69. Come on, we all love it deep down!" Erm. No we don't.

i made it twice

"Pippettes, Pippettes, Pippettes, Pippettes Your Kisses Are Wasted On Me. I know you don't have it, but the internet has it for free. And can Sandi please have a song by Bucks Fizz. xx" Actually I do have it I just couldn't find it on Saturday night. However next Saturday for have my solemn pledge

"A year ago I met a French boy here and spent a year with him. It's our anniversary tomorrow but he's not my boyfriend anymore." Ahhh baby that's the saddest request ever.
dont speed

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

wouldnt you rather spend the next 100 seconds frolicking on a pony?

no! i just want to read the book!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.

Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and i'm lonely.
there was a moment in your relationship where you both felt exactly the same
its ok

i think i have the answer

an army of helpful mice and birds

Friday, September 01, 2006

can anybody help with an idea of where to go tonight? i thought i read something about an 80s/90s night but i cant find anything that looks like that in rip it up or db.

you have a few hours to get back to me

hop to it

i started a post last night about how i felt like i was starting anew.

id had a pretty shitty week. there had been some crying. some crying. some screaming...did i mention the crying and the screaming? there was gret need for a friend to dance in a shopping centre to avert my eyes when they were quite ready to shoot daggers and poison arrows from them. there was also screaming, sobbing, crying messes on the loungeroom floor.

but then came...i dont know...i cant see how it was different from any other morning. id gone to bed the night before just the same, thinking about how in the morning i would clean the lounge, i would fold the washing and put it away, i would eat healthy. i slept and dreamt my usual annoying dreams. i woke up. i got the boys to school. i got home. and i started.

i cleaned the boys toy room.

i cleaned the entry.

i did all the dishes.

i did all the washing.

i sorted out my kitchen cupboards.

i emptied boxes that had been sitting in my lounge for months.

i did a little more each day until i started to feel like i was actually doing something. i was proud of myself for achieving something. i could see that what i was doing was a good thing, that i was actually worth something.

i started having conversations with someone and we could speak and smile at each other like normal.

and then in one phone call its all gone and i cant reach it again. im back in bed. im crying. im screaming silently because i have no voice for what im feeling. i start to fight, i say 'no, get up.' i make a cup of tea and spill it. crying starts again. i remember watching 'about a boy' and how i wanted to stand in the kitchen with toni collette and cry and cry and cry because i knew. i knew exactly what was going on. i couldnt talk to her about it because there are no words, but i knew.
i came on line. i read pippas blog. i cried again. i read the comments and cried some more. i went back to bed and cried. hopefully i will run out of tears and that will make me stop but im sure i have an everlasting supply of snot to keep me going.

it only took one phone call. one oneway conversation that ignored my previous question and continued on with what he needed. dont you understand? i dont want to help you. and i especially dont want to help you spend time with her.