Tuesday, March 29, 2005


velveteen habit

The Velveteen Habit will be playing

Crown & Anchor, Grenfell St Adelaide
with Frameshift & Loemax
Bands start @ 9:00 PM - VH @ 10 PM

Jade Monkey, Twin St Adelaide
with Everest, The Story Of + Unprovoked Attack
Door @ 9:00 - VH @ 9:15

Austral Hotel, Rundle St Adelaide
with Fighterpilot

be there

Monday, March 28, 2005

don't dream it's over

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you’ll never see the end of the road
While you’re travelling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won’t win

Now I’m towing my car, there’s a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there’s no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the t.v. page

Hey now, hey now
Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won’t win

Now I’m walking again to the beat of a drum
And I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now
Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
Don’t ever let them win

you will no doubt be hearing this a lot in the next week or so. crowded house was a fucking brilliant band, and paul hester was a cool guy. no, i didnt know him personally, but i'd seen enough of him in interviews, film clips and on hessie's shed to know it'd be fun to hang out with him

Somewhere deep inside
Something’s got a hold on you
And it’s pushing me aside
See it stretch on forever

I know I’m right
For the first time in my life
That’s why I tell you
You’d better be home soon

Stripping back the coats
Of lies and deception
Back to nothingness
Like a week in the desert

I know I’m right
For the first time in my life
That’s why I tell you
You’d better be home soon

So don’t say no, don’t say nothing’s wrong
Cos when you get back home maybe I’ll be gone

It would cause me pain
If we were to end it
But I could start again
You can depend on it

I know I’m right
For the first time in my life
That’s why I tell you
You’d better be home soon
That’s why I tell you
You’d better be home soon

he was found dead in a park not far from him home. apparently he'd been depressed for so long, it had just become too much for him

i've been finding it harder and harder to stick around lately. my smiley face is slipping a hell of a lot quicker than usual and my heart is right out there on my sleeve.

im not happy

i'd like to blame it on something, like the court stuff or a bad time at work, but it started before i knew the court date, and im still actually enjoying work. im just finding it harder and harder to be motivated to do anything. even my baby's crys dont move me as quickly as they should.
i'm considering going back to the doctor and asking to review my meds. they arent working as effectivley as they were, and its really causing me some troubles. im drinking for starters, and thats just not me

i cant go into detail. its not that i dont want your help. its just that i cant tell you. and i cant tell you because i dont have the words

You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know
I know
I know,
It's easier to let go.

missy higgins - night minds

Sunday, March 27, 2005

happy easter

according to a boy in zac's class, easter is the time when jesus died on a cross and we all celebrate


happy easter everyone!
anyone got a spare 11,000 US?

thanks to SJ who found it, YOU could have your very own haunted plushie. imagine all the freaky sex you could have with this one. yeah, i knew you were thinking it.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

*** this news just in ***

there are 4 eggs in the budgie box
preview is an important click

i cannot stress the importance of the preview button enough. i always seem to fuck up my blog in some way or another but i always click the preview button first, see that i've done it, an click undo edits.

not this time

oh no, i just clicked away, checked my blog later and saw that i had nothing. zilcho. i am so uncomputerish its not funny.

so, again, thankyou sean for fixing my fuck ups. i promise* not the touch the code again

*you know this isnt a real promise, dont you? i just cant leave things alone

Friday, March 25, 2005

uh oh
yeah! i mean, thankyou sean

thanks to everyone who offered me space to store my pics. that wasnt the problem tho, it was that im too cheap to buy an ftp thingo so i wanted a free one. got one now. core ftp lite. no problems so far, but i've only ftpd 3 pics.

here they are

easter eli

easter eli

how the easter bunny gets around

oh, and this one


wanna see how hot i'm looking lately?

sexy me

you all want me, don't you?

this is my new favourite pic

go on then

yeah, go crazy with the cheese whiz...or with the ftp pic thingo, your choice.

wanna know something fucked? i rang an old friend of mine. i've known him for 11 years, he was the first guy i had sex with (story will follow in another post one day, btw, i just wanna scan a pic in first...not of the sex, you dirty dirty monkey). so court stuff has come up again (which i will talk about in a sec) and since phillip was the first person i actually realy spoke to about this, i rang him and let him know. well, i messaged him first cos i didnt want his wife to answer cos she hates me. anyway, i messaged him and asked him to give me a call. and he does and he says, 'i get in trouble for talking to you'

what the fuck? what have i done wrong? i said, yeah, well she can shut up and he said, no she cant cos she's the missus. now really, would i want to do *anything* with someone who calls his wife 'the missus'? i told him it was crap that he couldnt speak to me, told him my news and wished him a happy life. he said he didnt want to be mean and he knew it sucked but he had to do it. good for him for standing by his promise, no matter how ridiculous, to this girl, but i hung up on him anyway.
crappola. hello??? its history. 11 year old history, sheesh

anyway, court stuff. the date has been set. everything's going down on the 6th, 7th and 8th of december. it's a closed court and there will only be a judge there, no jury. this is all his choice, by the way. nina at the dpp said she doesnt understand why he'd choose to not have a jury because he would have more chance of creating a reasonable doubt with 12 people, but then she said perhaps he thinks one person to convince is easier than 12, i dont know.
and i dont know whether closed court means absolutely everybody or just people i dont want, like people walking in off the street. nina said it will definatley be closed when i give my evidence because when everything happened i was a minor so no one but the essential people are allowed to hear it.
i will be in the court room to give my evidence, but if i need it, i can use a screen in front of him so i dont have to see him.
i was given the choice of giving my evidence via closed circuit television but i want to be in the room, and i want to show myself that i am strong enough to do that. i think i'll have to use the screen though. i really dont want to see him.

i'm feeling pretty confident. well, at least more on the confident side since last week a man was jailed for 4 years for sexual abuse that he commited 30 years ago. this was 15 years ago. going by my maths he should get 8 years. i hope he gets strung up like that poor orangutan and ass raped, the fucker.

im glad i know when it's all happening now, but it sucks that i have to wait all this time. it just gives me more time to freak out about everything

last weekend we had to go out and buy partners for our birds. i told you about that down there. but i couldnt post pics cos i was a cheap ass, so now you can see them, complete with my notations


the new parents to be

new chick on the block

i dont mean to be disgusting, but poor meewee, she's all open. and the wind is blowing to, she wouldnt be comfortable. poor little hing can't even stand a lot of the time. her little claws just slide to the side and she ends up resting on her tummy.
i hope her egg baby is alright.

alrighty, now comment you bastards. im sticking around you know. im not closing down my blog like a lot of people, yet i get nothing, nothing! oh, except you, ista, because you're stupid and you're a bitch. see what i did there? i actually said it. now you can talk to me about it
ahoy there!

ben! simon! raechel! is that you??? someone searched for anatone and the velveteen habit from a hostel in england


Thursday, March 24, 2005

its all good

i have the cheese, the crackers, the internet and in a little while, a queen sized bed all to myself

ooooh yeah
re: mormons!

here's a copy of an email conversation i just had

>>> me 03/24/05 10:02am >>>
the mormons are here. i dare you to ask them to show you their knickers

From: A
To: me
Date: 3/24/05 10:40am
Subject: Re: mormons!

I found out that they have little symbols on their undies:
A compass on one nipple and a square on the other. Then on their belly button they have a buttonhole type shape.
They can't take them off ever unless they wear out and if they have a bath etc they have to hold onto them.
Their undies are to guard against evil spirits

Wednesday, March 23, 2005


anyone know whats going on? my blog only opens to what i've written, no links bar or purple faeries or anything, and i cant get any email...

stupid computer


Monday, March 21, 2005


since it seems like i cant write one actual entry, just lots of little crap entries, i'm just going to keep this window open and write what i think and press enter instead of publish. that way i can just type out the next thing i think without having to click create again and wait for everything to load.

why the hell have i been singing mona by check 1-2 for the past week?

please take the time to read the indepth lyrical pizazz of mr mclachlan

Hey Mona

Ooh Mona

Hey Mona

Ooh Mona

Tell you Mona what I wanna do

I'll build a house next door to you

Can I see you sometime

We can go kissing through the blind

When you come out on the front

Listen to my heart go bumpity bump

I need you baby and that's no lie

Without your love I'd surely die

Hey Mona

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

Hey Mona

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

Hey Mona

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

I said hey Mona

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

Tell you Mona what I wanna do (tell you Mona what I wanna do)

I'll build a house next door to you (I'll build a house next to you)

Can I see you sometime (can I see you sometime)

We can go kissing through the blind

When you come out on the front (ooh-ooh)

Listen to my heart go bumpity bump

I need you baby and that's no lie (ooh-ooh)

Without your love I'd surely die

Hey Mona (ooh-ooh)

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

Hey Mona (ooh-ooh)

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

I said hey Mona (ooh-ooh)

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

Hey Mona (ooh-ooh)

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

I said hey Mona (ooh-ooh)

Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)

I said hey, hey Mona

we can go kissing through the blind? surely he could have thought of a better rhyme than that...*shakes my head in utter disgust*

i just called someone a fucking freaky lesbo dyke. im so pc its not funny

my budgies are having a baby! im gonna be a grandma! we got a new budgie on the weekend to stop sunbird getting killed by harry. we now have harry and meewee as parents to be and sunbird and his new girlfriend (birdfriend?) nicehappy. we also got a boyfriend (quailfriend?) for owie. he's yet to be named. anything could happen.
i have photos of them, cos i know how you're all on the edge of your seats wanting to see my birds but since I CANT FUCKING WORK THE STUPID PHOTO....THING you'll all just have to be patient little vegemites and wait. i also have a photo of the easter bunny which im hoping to get up before this weekend so you know who you're looking for when you're out rabbit hunting

why cant i find a house that i like? i see all these nice looking houses on line and when i walk into them at the open inspections theres nothing there. the houses are tiny. they're set out all wrong. why cant somebody just drop a nice looking, well set out 2 storey building out the back of my house and join it seamlessly to mine? why? why? why?

the whitlams are playing at the barossa valley festival! how did i not know?? there wouldnt be many places to go out afterwards so jak will just have to take me back to his room

why am i all of a sudden hetro?? just wait there a sec. mmmmmmuch better

i just finished reading 'speak softly, she can hear'. anyone out there got any ideas about what i should read next? im reading razor in between books. its about the early 1900's in sydney when razor gangs ruled the place. its really interesting but i want a novel too

my kitchen is really messy but its all the way over there and im all the way over here and you know how it is

im downloading a song at 2kb a second. ooh, my computer is just so zippy!

funny things i have read on other people's blogs lately

from the sherriff

I'm pretty free for the next 11 days and it sounds like you need to release some tension so let's get together and I'll release my tension all over your tits and your face and you can do the same to me.

I am Mount Vesuvius and this right hand can only Pompeii myself for so long.

dear daniel,
please have sex with me

love carly
dear kent

i'd be happy to look at your underwear if you'd like to show me.

love carly
happy harmony day!

i just got back from watching x and the rest of the junior primary kids sing the harmony day song then they all stood up and sang 'absolutely everybody' by vanessa amorosi. it was all very cute, a sea of orange with these little faces singing their hearts out.i'm off to watch them walk down beach road now and sing to the kids at school. i'll take photos, dont worry...cos i know you were
can somebody please help me?

why is it that i can't just pick something up? why do i have to have numerous goes at it, including yeling and huffing and grring?
to post picture i used to use ws_ftp and i could work that. click the picture, click the arrow. good, all done. i spentthe morning downloading picasa and hello and somehow they're sposed to work together so i can post pictures in blogger, except all it says is 'please wait, loading'. i left it like that while i did a load of laundry and when i came back it was still loading.

is there anyone out there who can suggest something?

Friday, March 18, 2005

new news

rehearsals for equus are back on. on sunday we'll be going to horsey school to learn how to properly groom the horses, and what the tools are and what they do. then after tea, nathan and i will be doing our first semi naked rehearsal. i'm not exactly looking forward to it, but i got myself into this, i need to follow through.

A naked boy stands in the frosty moonlight, silently caressing the massive head of a panting horse. From the darkness we hear the voice of the psychiatrist:
With one particular horse, called Nugget, he embraces. The animal digs its sweaty brow into his cheek and they stand in the dark for an hour like a necking couple. And of all the nonsensical things I keep thinking about the horse, not the boy, the horse and what it might be trying to do. I keep seeing that huge head kissing him with its chained mouth, trying to nudge through the metal some desire absolutely irrelevant to filling its belly or propagating its own kind. What desire could that be?…

What desire indeed? And who is this strange boy? For the answers to these and other provocative questions, come along to our May presentation of Peter Shaffer’s electrifying and dramatic play Equus.
Best described as a psychological thriller, Equus has been exciting audiences worldwide since its award winning arrival on theWest End and Broadway stages in the early 1970’s.
Directed by Harry Dewar and Paul Kaeslar, with original music by our resident genius composer, John Wilson, this latest OPUS production uses the Noarlunga College Theatre in a new and innovative way to create an intimate, compelling experience for its audiences.


Tuesday May 24th until
Saturday May 28th
at 8:00pm

Bookings open May 1st
82073977 (box office)
0421366101 (Harry Dewar)

Tickets $16 and $10
Group Concession available!

i got a call from someone at MAPS about some film work. i guess they still had my number on file from all those years ago. the film is, at the moment, called 'parkbench' but other than that i dont know anything lese about it. more news to come when i have it

things have been happening at work there was a job going at woodcroft because somebody there was caught looking at inappropriate websites at work and got the sack. i went for the job but found out yesterday that i missed it by this much. i'm actually happy i didnt get it. i really enjoy going to work at noarlunga, and i like my office and the people in it. i get the feeling i wouldnt be able to stand around and look at pictures of penises (in books) at woodcroft.

ista! where have you gone? have you run off to create some work of genius so you can prove just how better you are than me? ooh, i cant wait. antici pation

how's things with everyone else?
the new addition to the goodnight routine

me: ninight guys, i love you, sweet dreams, see you in the morning
e: good night mum
x: good night mum. i love you very very very very very very very much*
me: thank you x, i love you that much too
x: i love you more than all the numbers...does that make you feel special?
me: you make me feel special x, sweet dreams
x: ilove you forever, mum. good night

*yes, just like the brighteyes song. it's his new favourite

Thursday, March 17, 2005


i just served 2 19 year old boys from utah who were mormons.

anne said mormons wear magical underwear.

i want to know if it's true

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

dear ista,

*shakes my head* i really dont know what to do with you. i have a problem with people who say things without evidence to back it up. you say i'm stupid, you also say i'm a bitch, but why?
this is my blog where i record my personal ideas and thoughts. you are a visitor to my space. you dont have to come here. i wonder what it was that made you visit in the first place. are you someone i know? have i done or said something to or about you knowing or unknowingly?
thats lots of questions, i know, but it seems to me that if you feel the need to visit more than once and comment on things that you know nothing about, then i have the right to ask the questions and have them answered.
you leave no email or website address, all i can do is judge you on your comments. you appear to think that you are above me both in intelligence and personality. prove it. do you have a website i can look at? have you perhaps written a story or some songs? give me something to work with here or i'll have to take you at face value with what you've given me.
up to you

love carly

Thursday, March 10, 2005

matts computer

its been upgraded to something or other,i dunno, cos they fucked him around.
torrid have some very pretty things at the moment

i borrowed a book from work today called tangled whisper by deborah paauwe





im wondering if i can use the image of the two girls holding each others hair on my blog somewhere. yes, more different ideas, i know. i'll never make up my mind
i know i havent been writing much

but i've been pretty busy being brilliant in the bedroom. not exactly what you're thinking though.
matt bought a specky mac and we've been recording. we've started off a new project, branching off from humble bee. its dancy and trancy and pretty cool. we recorded over the weekend, and i'd just like you to hear about my brilliance in music

i managed to fart on the beat and in tune

it's staying in the song and just sounds like part of the music

i really am one of the most amazing musicians of our time

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Sunday, March 06, 2005

stupid cupid, stop pickin on me!

i got this test from ok cupid, found on kents blog

You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 66% Expert!
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

oh, and this

i, of course, am not as clever with, you know, those things your say, words, yeah...as kent is. which is why i'll be laying with my head in his lap while he talks to me, rather than the other way round.

remember kent? you promised. ok, you said maybe which is basically the same thing

Friday, March 04, 2005

a little lesson in history

warning : long post ahead

my mum and dad are divorced. they broke up one day long ago when i was about 10 i think. i remember my dad out the back of my house one night, fixing my bike and telling me about a new sister i was going to have. yeah, those were the days.
my mum found out that dad had been cheating on her one day while doing the grocery shopping. no, she didnt see dad with another woman, no she wasnt approached by the other woman. the wife of a man dad worked with saw her and said that she missed her coming to the work dos, but it was really big of her to let dad take his girlfriend instead.


its possibly this that has started my dislike for my father, except that i didnt know this fact until much later. maybe i just picked up on how my mum was feeling and laid the blame deservedly. i dont know. whatever the reason is, i dont like him. i am uncomfortable around him and i dont know how to speak to him. someone once said to me 'but imagine if he died, wouldnt you feel bad for not seeing him?' and i thought, but i dont see him anyway now, what would be the difference?

last year i was really busy and really bad at returning to phone calls to people i actually wanted to speak to, let alone people i'd spent half my life avoiding. dad would call, leave a message and i'd never get back to him. then his birthday and fathers day came and i didnt cal him. mum apparently put my name on a card because she does that sort of thing, still. fathers day and birthday cards every year, written out by her and posted with our names on them. she is that sort of person. but the fact that i neglected to call him yet again must have been the last straw for him and he began having a cry to brett, my brother, about how i never called him, i didnt speak to him, etc. this is coming from the man who never called or visited me until i had kids.
bret is getting really annoyed at me and him. he thinks we should just call each other. i dont care. im sorry that brett has to put up with dad, but i just dont care enough to do anything about it.

that was until my birthday, and i didnt get a phone call or a card. some people might see this as a selfish act. sure, i usually get $50 from dad, but thats not my point. my point is, isnt he supposed to be the adult? the grown up? i know i'm 27 now, but as my father isnt he supposed to be the big one, love me anyway.

so i wrote him a letter and tried to explain...me

brett said that you keep talking to him about me not returning your calls and stuff. i gather from the fact that i didnt get a phone call for my birthday that that is part of some petty get back at me thing and i'm supposed to come crawling back all upset and sorry. no, it's not going to happen.

kristin told me that she suggested you apologising for whatever it is that you've dont wrong. i know what heather's response to that was, by the way.
even if you did do that i doubt it would work because whatever my problem is, its bigger than that.

an apology from you would help in some way, i guess, but to be honest i dont know what you'd be apologising for.
i do have some sort of a problem with you but i think its to do with other things that i'm dealing with.

at the moment i am in the process of taking someone to court. he has been charged with seven counts of unlawful sexual intercourse and three counts of indecent sexual assault. this isnt something everybody in the family knows. just mum and matt and it took me 12 years to tell mum so dont feel like you're being left out.

it's because of this that i have a problem dealing with some people.

when i started seeing councillors for post natal depression, i was referred to a psychologist for treatment for post traumatic stress disorder and i'm still on anti depressants now.
i have problems dealing with any males in positions of power. i cant trust any and i cant get close to any.

i also have nearly no memory of my childhood so even if you did do something that i was mad at you for, i dont know what it is.
dont be mad at mum about any of this. brett, aaron and i are all very protective of her.

i dont think im mad at you for cheating on mum because apart from us having no money, i think we were better off.

so i dont know if that explains anything or not but thats the way it is. i cant help that i'm not home when you call, and im not even sure of where you're living at the moment so i wouldnt know where to call you.

that's my answer and till i get better thats all you can get


i'm posting it today. i'll let you know what happens.

maybe im mad at him because some things are passed on and i've got them. its not just eye and hair colour that is passed on through generations. sometimes i wonder if my predisposition for fucking things up comes from him. i've cheated on matt. i cheated on the guy i was with with matt. and a lot of he time i have no fucking idea.

and i guess thats my major qualm with him. he has no fucking idea. none at all.

we'll see

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

from the book 'it's really all too much' by david baird

i shall stay the way i am because i do not give a damn
dorothy parker

hugs can do great amounts pf good - especially for children
diana, princess of wales

get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please
mark twain

love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction
antoine de saint-exupery

and my favourite

the little reed, bending to the force of the wind, soon stood upright again when the storm had passed over
happy birthday me!!!

20 years young, wow...