Wednesday, March 30, 2011

if i could go anywhere in the world, i would still go to find you

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011


"you're so lovely, i bet you have no trouble finding guys that like you"

which would be fine, if the boys who did like me werent such idiots

Saturday, March 26, 2011

against gay marriage? cos its not right in the eyes of jesus? doesnt fit in with your christian upbringing of love thy neighbour, and treat everyone with respect and care?

Friday, March 25, 2011


the boys decide to watch the tudors, as it 'sounds interesting'. and it is, until a few royals start to get their sex on. x changes the channel, as 'its inappropriate'. a couple of minutes later, he changes it back and its onto a different scene.
e - i thought it would go longer than that
me - it never lasts that long
x - yeah
i look at x
x - well... i guess

Thursday, March 24, 2011

today there were tears

and there were tears yesterday

i think i might have to take steps to...... do something about this problem

this pokemon problem

yesterday, after hours of playing, the game was switched of... WITHOUT SAVING! this is devastating news. at least, it was to one small boy who curled up in a ball and cried and cried. do you understand how hard that was? all that work, and now, back to snorelax?? can we please not talk about it?

so we didnt talk about it, i just rubbed his back and tried to ease his fists open and calm him down. eventually his body started to sink further into the couch. he was letting it go. his hands unclenched and his face relaxed, he hugged me and he stomped off to bed.

but today. my goodness.

there was a trade happening. something im not keen on, because i dont know enough about pokemon to know if everyone is getting a fair deal, but i understand its part of the game. also, e has been playing for long enough now that he should have some idea of what's going on. hes also pretty suspicious of x, so i dont think he'd let anything get past him.


something happened

the game blacked out and we lost lugia

through the tears and the face buried into the pillows, i made out 'he was a legendary!!!!'

this is apparently very important

x felt so bad that he ran off down the road and sat on the footpath on the corner, something i remember doing myself... odd how these things are passed on. e cried and cried, balling himself up in my lap and sobbing. i called x home and he was crying too. each time he calmed himself down, he'd start up again and tears would roll out of his eyes. i suggested he come inside and have some quiet time.
'i dont deserve to come inside'
he's also banned himself from any computer games as a self punishment.
then he locked himself in the toy room. when i checked on him he had chosen 6 rare pokemon cards, and an average pokemon card, plus an offer of golbat in the game. golbat is average and was not accepted.

they're ok now. quietly reading. x put himself to bed at 730 and hasnt played any games since 430, but is reading a gaming magazine. e is reading tashi. every now and then they'll speak, and the other one will answer

The Honey Pies - 'Don't Mention the War'

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

new diet idea

sleeping instead of eating

outcome : worked until i woke up, than i was hungry, so i ate cereal

Sunday, March 13, 2011

part four

18. If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?

I’d like to go back and see things that I’ve been involved in, and watch them from an outsiders perspective. Maybe I remember things differently than they really happened. Or maybe I’ll appreciate things more if I see them from a different point of view.

19. Would you generally be overdressed or underdressed at a party?

Im generally carly-dressed, which means regardless of what im wearing, I don’t feel comfortable in it, and think I should have worn something else, so either of those choices would give me the same feeling

20. If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick?

Do I get to be me again? Am I me, but inside someone else, or am I still that person, just with me inside, as if the body im in has two brains? I think zooey deschanel would be a pretty cool person to be

21. Would you have one of your fingers surgically removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases?


22. Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it?

no. ive thought about it, but im much too lazy

23. If you could have one superpower, which would you choose?

I’d like to be able to read peoples minds and have the ability to plant thoughts in their head so that they do things, thinking that it was their idea in the first place. Invisibility would also be handy

24. What was the most recent movie that made you cry?

I can tell you the last time I cried.
An hour into my birthday I was sitting on the couch feeling fat and sad (this is my new favourite thing to do. Well. It’s the thing I do most, lately). Again, I was considering the fact that I will be alone forever. I got a text message that said :

It is your birthday. To celebrate I am picking up new car at lunchtime and driving you to the gig tonight. You will have to tell me if you are doing anything in the evening. Enjoy your few hours of sleep and remember there is ALWAYS someone who loves you

Then I cried

I cant remember what movie made me cry though

25. You can cast any actor (alive or not) to play you in a film about your life. Whom would you cast in the role?

Zooey? She’s pretty great. She doesn’t look like me though.

26. If you could be any age again for one week, what age would you be?

I would like to be every age for a week to re experience them all, and then I would decide the best one and be that one for a week again. It would be nice to be 7 or something, and not have any worries

27. If you could plan a trip anywhere in the world, where would you like to go?
To the place where I am happiest

Friday, March 11, 2011

part three

13. Would you be willing to commit perjury in court for a close friend? What if your lie would save his life?


14. Would you be willing to eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?

how big is the bowl? Would I get a portion of the money if I only ate a portion of the crickets?

15. Would you be willing to give up sex for five years if you could have wonderfully sensual and erotic dreams whenever you wished?

wonderfully sensual and erotic and satisfying? If satisfying, yes. If not it would just make it more frustrating, wouldn’t it?

16. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, whom would you choose, and how would you torment them?

oh. Um. I guess I would choose someone and something that would help make a difference. Like, picking on a bully til they wouldn’t bully anymore. Or making a politician watch same sex couples together until they realised that it actually wasn’t going to end the world after all.

Or I’d just feed a vegetarian meat

17. Do you feel that children should be sheltered from unhappiness?

not exactly. I think that children should be given as much love and happiness as they can get, but its important to learn how to deal with unhappiness. And if the way they deal with the death of a yabbie is by laying in bed and wailing ‘citizen sniiiips!’, then I guess that’s want you have to let them do

Thursday, March 10, 2011

currently lusting after

and coming up to 2000 posts... thats a bit scary

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

part 2

6. What dead person would you least want to be haunted by?

Someone super scary? Voldemort wouldn’t be very nice.

7. Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with? Least like?

how long am I stuck in there for? Macguyver would be handy, cos he’d get us out quick smart. Jim sturgess would be very nice, because we would totally end up making out. Miffy, cos we’d be laughing the whole time.
I’d least like to be stuck in there with quite a few real life people, so I’ll not name them, for fear of stabbings with scissors or something. In general, someone who smelled really bad or panicked. That wouldn’t be fun

8. Would you rather go a week without bathing, but be able to change your clothes, or a week without a change of clothes, but be able to bathe?

Hmmm. What would I be doing in my week? Just the usual that I do every week? Cos if so, I’d probably go the week without changing clothes but be able to bathe. Because, normally I don’t do a lot, so I can just go to bed naked and not worry about dirtying my clothes because I wouldn’t be wearing them very often in the first place

9. Which of the four seasons do you most anticipate?

autumn. End of summer, w00t! and its my birthday, so I get presents, and its easter, so theres an actual excuse to eat chocolate.

10. If you had to be trapped in a TV show for a month, which show would you choose?

I’d love to be in buffy, just to hang around people. And be there for oz when willow goes lesbian. I’m helpful like that. Laid is really funny, and I’d love to have those characters as friends. It’d also be fun to hang out inside the big bang theory. Those guys never cook at home, always eating takeaway.

11. You can select one person from history and ask them a question to which they must give a truthful reply. Whom would you select, and what question would you ask?

jesus. But only if he could see into the future, or it be after all the magical stuff he had apparently done. And I’d say, ‘for realz, bro, whats up?’, cos then if he said ‘its mad, hey! People think im a magician or something, but im just a hella good carpenter. Would you like me to build you something? Im really good at display cabinets’. And then I would get him to write that down and I’d come back and say ‘all youse guys warring over religion, what the fuck, its not even real’


I’d ask people who are dead, that I really want back alive, to come to my house for a cup of tea and I’d try and cheer them up. Like mark priestly, kurt cobain, jeff buckley…

12. If you joined the circus, what act would you most want to perform?

some sort of flying trapeze thing. If im doing it lots im obviously good at it, and probably quite thin and light. And coordinated

Monday, March 07, 2011


part 1

1. What famous person do other people tell you that you most resemble?

my poppa always said I should star in a film as meryl streep when she was younger. Im thinking that as I get older, this isn’t going to happen.
Once in an interview for the band, it was said that I looked like Catherine o’hara. I like her.
Who do you think I look like?

2. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

I don’t often eat strange things. I probably ate something odd in japan without even knowing it. When we were on the plane, they brought out this stuff that looked, and tasted, a lot like playdough. I nibbled on it, but I didn’t eat it.
Quite often when im holding something in my hand, I want to swallow it. Doesn’t matter what it is. I don’t do it though

3. If you could bring one character to life from your favorite book, who would it be?

imma come back to this question. Its far too tricky for right now

4. Do you believe honesty is the best policy?

this is also a tricky question. I think its important to tell the truth, but there are certain times where if you told the truth it would be the totally wrong thing to do, and for various reasons. What about the almost truth? Or the roundabout truth? Truths that are better sugar coated so that they’re more palatable for the receiver?

5. What vegetable do you most resemble?
potato. Sits around. Is round. Pale. Likes the dark.
i dont write much any more

have you noticed? maybe? maybe not?

to try and fix this, if you ask me a question, i will answer it

Sunday, March 06, 2011

to you,

there are lots of things i want to right here. knowing that you read this makes it easier to say, because if you questioned me, i could just say 'oh, that wasnt about you, that was someone else'.

love from me