Sunday, June 30, 2002

one last thing before i go to sleep, can i just say that lyndell rocks. no one else in the world makes me laugh as much as she does
thanks for cheering me up sweet thing :)

end credits

so it came screaming to a halt
jumped out of the drivers seat this isn't what she wants
god gets out his irony stick and beats me to a pulp
are you happy?
are you happy now?

because i want you to be here again
because i want you to be here again...again

and all the most purile songs made sense
everything conspires to make me think of you again
i go down down baby, down down the rollercoaster
sweet sweet baby, how can you let me go?
are you happy now?

because i want you to be here again
because i want you to be here again

because it's not enough just to be someone who comes and goes
you read my books and you wore my clothes
you've seen so much and you've let me go
because it's not enough just to be around when you need a laugh
i can feel the connection fading fast
can't accept it's the way we are

are you happy?
are you happy now?
do you love me?
even if you don't want me anymore?

because i want you to be here again
because i want you to be here again

because it's not enough just to be someone who comes and goes
you read my books and you wore my clothes
you've seen so much, now you've let me go
do you love me?
do you love me now?
well, are you happy?
even if you don't want me anymore

career girls

ok then, link didnt work. stupid blogger. or pehaps stupid me for not having minor computing skills.

i'll just type it

okies, trying that now
alrighty, i reckon i've found a template i like. could do with a bit of colour but im not messing with that weird html stuff......might leave that to my computer geek friend Mr S :)
aaaanyway.....stupid people of australia, you voted out sahra!! how could you??? she was so cool. not to mention cute and sexy and bi. dammit you people! with sahra gone, now the odds are only 50/50 that marty will win. and if pete wins, there will be trouble, my word, will there be trouble.

hmm...wonder if that link is gonna work. if not, just type it in you lazy gits.

Friday, June 28, 2002

sorry if you're trying to look at this and it keeps changing, i'm not happy with my not happy that i have a mobile phone and no one calls or messages me either
stupid auditioning people havent called me yet. oh, the bahness of it all.......*pondering changing the name of my blog to that....hmmm, could work, take notes, we'll look into it*
alot of things in my life reek of bahness lately. i'm not going to go into any details since the people who read this most know it all anyway, i'll just say that, although i know that things arent always rosy, it'd be nice if the shiny parts of my life lasted a little bit longer occasionally, or at least the feelings that i get when everything is shining.

Saturday, June 22, 2002

i auditioned for a theatre production of little shop of horrors on thursday night. apparently i sang better than the people who said they were singers, so ner
this was my monologue

excerpts from been there licked that - or things i wish i had known at 25

nostalgia is that weird emotion which makes things seem 100 times more wonderful now than they actually were then.
at 25 we were so busy getting laid that we somehow mislaid the essential ingredients of romance, passion, adoration, devotion. and that it's loving emotion, not an all night performance with a well-read penis which makes sex sensational.
i wouldn't return to the genital dictatorship of those days for anything, hell, i'd rather remove my own iud with gardening shears.
but when i truthfully analyise my 25th year, my predominant wish is that i'd known that lycra hotpants give a whole new meaning to the expression 'read my lips'. coupled with a tie-dyed boob tube, it was a look which didn't quite come off, but gave the impression that it definatley would later. and probably for the whole band.

and the song i sang

labour of love, frente

am i fooling you?
do you fall for it all
or do you just see right through?
are you as cool as you believe?
are you playing hard?
are you waiting just to quietly clock my card?
are you waiting for a moment to leave?

i don't know how i bent what you said
to what i believe you meant
i don't know anything at all
i'm standing in the push and shove
and i'm just within the rescue
of the labour of your love
i can't do anything but fall
a-fall, a-fall-fall-fall
why do i feel like i can never find you?
why do i feel like i'm the only survivor?
why am i thinking of -
you and me and the labour of love?

one chance, one shot
that's all anybody ever got
newborn still warm
naked in the rush hour
dancing in my gutter
and if you want to find me
call me, i'll be far from
the cars and guitars and
why do i feel like i can never find you?
why do i feel like i'm the only survivor?
why am i thinking of -
you and me and the labour of love?

and i never knew before
but i feel like a child in a cold, cold war
so strong, so tough
sitting in suburbia, waiting for the wind up
and i don't want to dance
i just want to jump from the prison of circumstance
why am i thinking of -
you and me and the labour of love?
why do i feel like i can never find you?
why do i feel like i'm the only survivor?
why am i thinking of -
you and me and the labour of love?

Friday, June 14, 2002

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable

I don't want to be stinky poo poo girl,
I want to be happy flower child.
Drew Barrymore
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. Dorothy Parker

Wednesday, June 12, 2002

nice things that Mr M does....aka, not always the bad guy

makes me cups of tea
rubs my feet
works at a crappy job so we can have money
plays with the boys
feeds the dog
builds cool stuff
is honest
loves me
takes me op shopping
listens to good music
puts up with my toast addiction
buys me cute stuff

and many other things which im sure i'll think of after i publish this

Sunday, June 09, 2002

strangely enough, i suddenly feel the need to explain myself.....big breath in, big breath out...
i'm doing this for me, not for anyone else....take offense to that if you will, but it's just the truth. i'm not out to hurt anyone with this, it's just to get it out of my head. no one i'm telling seems to understand so i'm putting it out here to get it off my chest, to sound it against something, if only to help myself.
the people mentioned in here all mean a lot to me. no one is part of some weird experiment my brain has conjured up, everyone is part of my life in one way or another and i want them all to stay there.
this is a way for me to get out what i need to with no questions asked and no suspisions raised.
it's something for me to spell out my thoughts and feelings to, no matter how truthful or sane they may seem to begin with. who's to say what i wrote last week will be what i'm feeling today or tomorrow or next year for that matter?
some bad song had the line 'sometimes love just aint enough'...i think there's something in that for all of us, don't you?

Friday, June 07, 2002

so last night we probably had what could be described as one of the worst nights of our relationship. i was achey, as usual, and asked Mr M to rub me...'only if i can play with your bum for 5 minutes'. i'm all for massage, and i was also willing to do stuff i didn't want to to get our relationship back on track. so this happened, he had sex with me, (which wasn't part of the deal, i may ad), i felt nothing, i cried, i told him i wanted to go, he cried, he went to sleep, i lay there thinking of places i could go, then i go to sleep.
and when i get up in the morning, there's no apology or anything like i was kinda expecting, there's just a message on the answering machine saying that he's full of bacon and eggs. yeah, full of something.
i think the luscious Miss H had the right idea....matching tattoos.....' we don't need boys'

Thursday, June 06, 2002

well hi, thanks for visiting. i hope you can all fit since, as you can see from the title, this is a small room in a small house.
so the idea i was having was, i'm seeing this councellor, right, and she reckons i need to get out more. but, the car/kids/money situation kinda prevents that so i thought, what better way to socialise with millions of billions of people than the internet??......dress me in a 50's skirt and apron, and put me on a black and white tv commercial to get the full impact of that statement. so here i am, looking around.
here's what i see......a screen....aah, look further, perhaps turn around? good idea. well, im in my kitchen inwhich i've just taken part in a giant masacre of a rather large family of ants. i hate ants. along with bees and those annoying sticky flies, ants are my least favourite insects.
you don't really want to hear about my kitchen huh? well, what about my love life? or sex life? or lack there of? i actually have rather an interesting/confusing love and sex life. see, i've been with this guy.....Mr M, for almost 5 years. he's nice, i have two kids with him, Little X and Little E. they are cool....little monkey boys. they both look a lot like pixies or some other small forestlike creature. anyway, so i'm with Mr M, and lately....( lately being the last 4 or so years) i haven't really felt like being in anyway sexual with him. don't get me wrong, he's great. gives good oral. but i just dont want it. but hows this, i meet this rather sexy young boy named Mr D. mmmm, nice dreams i've been having with him. i even woke up one morning after having quite an intense dream about him, and i wanted sex. hmm, i dont think i put enough emphasis on that. I WANTED SEX!!! i was waaaay horny, bizzarre. i actually contemplated calling him and letting him know but he has a girlfriend so i doubt he'd come over.
and, on top of all this, i've just started an exciting and kinda naughty phone relationship with the luscious Miss H. mmmm, mmmmm, MMMMM. nice.
well, i reckon thats enough to keep you guys interested. if not, don't bother stopping by, if....( and the opposite to not is???) you want, please drop in again. i'll be sure to put the kettle on.