lemming

as most people are doing at this time of the year, im looking back at the past year and reminiscing. remembering all that happened, all that could have, all that should have.

its been a pretty big year for me. for the first time in my life i moved out and lived on my own. i found my own place and lived alone. sure, i have the boys fortnightly, but on the other weeks im by myself (but for my cats, of course). this has been a huge thing for me. as much as i like my quiet alone time, i need other people around me as well, and i think that is what i've found the hardest over these past months. having someone in my life constantly for the last seven years, and then having no one, has been pretty daunting to say the least.
there have been times when i've handled it really well, and times where i've fallen to pieces not knowing if i'd ever get myself back together again.
but im here, and im writing this today, so things must be doing ok.

i started a new job in a new place, full of people i didnt know. i wasnt to sure about it to begin with. i missed my old job, and the new people didnt sit with me right. for starters, there was the hugely whispered about rumour that i was a *shock* *horror* lesbian! but its ok, i know who started it, and i know who was told, and the thing that makes me the saddest about that whole debacle was the fact that person felt it needed to be spoken about. some people have sad lives.

ive met some great people this year, both online and in real life. adrian has been really inportant to me, and im glad i seem to have made a positive impact on his life too.
tom has been wonderful for me. he's made me feel apecial and princessy again, and he's let me feel love again, something i wasnt sure i was going to do.
simon was a good friend. and i know that somewhere, he still is.

online, i think mattyb has had the most effect on me. as far as friendships, bevis has to be up there. he's come to my rescue a few times, like a knight in...fuzzy felt? and i am now in posession of a way cool compilation cd from him. yay. incidentaly, i made a cd today, if anyone is interested in a copy, send me your address by email and i'll post you out one.

back to home grown friendships, ive started to hang out with sandi more, and also with karlie again, after quite a few years apart. ive also managed to go about a year without speaking to my dad. we'll see how this goes on sunday....

i guess the biggest thing that has been going on this year has been my sojourn into the legal system. very temporary, to say the least, but all who are involved know the story and know it will all be sorted out soon *waves*

i cant even begin to talk about the goings on of the world around me, let alone my own country. i've been angry, i have cried, i have stared in awe at stupidity and at bravery.

but all in all its not that bad
not been the bast but its not the worst day i've ever had
i found that extra dollar in my purse so i guess i couldnt put it down as the worst day of the year

so here's to 2005. you were there, you will be for about another week or so, and then you will be gone. and heres to 2006. let us all hope there is a lot more understanding, empathising and helping next year.

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