Monday, October 25, 2004

keep on walking, dont look back

next week i am going to the info meeting for the next production opus will be working on. the panto has just had its auditions. we're doing cinderella but as i start work next week i wont be able to make it to the performances. but that means that i can focus on the production i really want to be involved in, which is equus.
here is a pic from the film version of equus. the girl pictured is the role im considering. yep. naked. as harry said, its just another costume, but im still a little iffy about it. i could go for this role. although i'd look cute in the uniform, i feel like i need to push myself. yeah, jill isnt that much of a stretch from any of the other roles i've played, but the whole naked part will be a major stumbling block for me. i'm really not happy with the way i look, and if im going to let a few hundred people see me unclad im gonna have to get happy.
so yesterday i took daisy for a walk around christies beach. we were only gone for just over half an hour because i had the feeling i could just keep walking and not go back.
i cant put my finger on what the actual problem is right now. i guess thats basically what depression is, its just that down feeling. the heaviness that surrounds your head and weighs you down. everything about you seems a little lower. your head is tilted towards the floor, your eyelids dont open as much, shoulders droop. it seems you cant even open your mouth as wide as you used to, and the volume of your voice is lower.
im reading alice in wonderland. when she shrinks down so small to fit through the door but realises she's left the key way up high on the glass table, i can totally relate. here i am, way down here. i can see that there are answers somewhere but the key to fixing the problem is way up there beyond my reach.
there i go again, reverting to faerietales.
i'll keep my eye out for a cake that says 'eat me'

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