sa tur day night (dododoooododoooododo)

so where will you all be? i am as yet undecided but its a toss up between crank! at the cranker or revolution at fowlers

what will you be doing?

yesterday

after sending my kids off to the other sides christmas do, i went back to bed and have just awoken. you know, thats one thing about depression, you can get al the sleep you want and more! then of course there are all those times when you're so tired but your eyes just wont stay closed even when you try and hold them there, but those sleeping times? rock!

speaking of rock



christmas morning started off pretty well. the boys came round and opened their presents and then we drove off with the rest of the relatives having to visit other relatives. first stop was my nannas house where i managed to sya perhaps three words to my dad, but still, i dont think i could have been considered rude. just a little untalkative. e was a little sooky too to begin with so i spent a lot of time just holding and talking to him

then to personwhosnamemustnevrbemention's parents house where x swam until he turned blue under the supervision of a surf life saver, and to my aunties house where my mother, aunties and almost sister in law were drunk and my uncle said 'massive cock'. my mum also went around cupping her hands around her flashing brooch and inviting people to her disco

i love christmas

to you

happy sunday to you all



or as eli says, faerie christmas

to the uninvited




see the skull and cross bones? he means business

you know you want it

i want a piece of happiness

thanks

there is a difference between sexual harrassment and dobbing

but you seem to be good at both of them

i really hope you're proud

well done

lemming

as most people are doing at this time of the year, im looking back at the past year and reminiscing. remembering all that happened, all that could have, all that should have.

its been a pretty big year for me. for the first time in my life i moved out and lived on my own. i found my own place and lived alone. sure, i have the boys fortnightly, but on the other weeks im by myself (but for my cats, of course). this has been a huge thing for me. as much as i like my quiet alone time, i need other people around me as well, and i think that is what i've found the hardest over these past months. having someone in my life constantly for the last seven years, and then having no one, has been pretty daunting to say the least.
there have been times when i've handled it really well, and times where i've fallen to pieces not knowing if i'd ever get myself back together again.
but im here, and im writing this today, so things must be doing ok.

i started a new job in a new place, full of people i didnt know. i wasnt to sure about it to begin with. i missed my old job, and the new people didnt sit with me right. for starters, there was the hugely whispered about rumour that i was a *shock* *horror* lesbian! but its ok, i know who started it, and i know who was told, and the thing that makes me the saddest about that whole debacle was the fact that person felt it needed to be spoken about. some people have sad lives.

ive met some great people this year, both online and in real life. adrian has been really inportant to me, and im glad i seem to have made a positive impact on his life too.
tom has been wonderful for me. he's made me feel apecial and princessy again, and he's let me feel love again, something i wasnt sure i was going to do.
simon was a good friend. and i know that somewhere, he still is.

online, i think mattyb has had the most effect on me. as far as friendships, bevis has to be up there. he's come to my rescue a few times, like a knight in...fuzzy felt? and i am now in posession of a way cool compilation cd from him. yay. incidentaly, i made a cd today, if anyone is interested in a copy, send me your address by email and i'll post you out one.

back to home grown friendships, ive started to hang out with sandi more, and also with karlie again, after quite a few years apart. ive also managed to go about a year without speaking to my dad. we'll see how this goes on sunday....

i guess the biggest thing that has been going on this year has been my sojourn into the legal system. very temporary, to say the least, but all who are involved know the story and know it will all be sorted out soon *waves*

i cant even begin to talk about the goings on of the world around me, let alone my own country. i've been angry, i have cried, i have stared in awe at stupidity and at bravery.

but all in all its not that bad
not been the bast but its not the worst day i've ever had
i found that extra dollar in my purse so i guess i couldnt put it down as the worst day of the year

so here's to 2005. you were there, you will be for about another week or so, and then you will be gone. and heres to 2006. let us all hope there is a lot more understanding, empathising and helping next year.

share the love

last night

left me feeling unfulfilled

the end

so, kirsty and i are gearing up for the season finale of queer as folk tonight.
a couple of weeks ago, disgusted as i was with the calibre of writing in the show, i had a look online to see what was going on, and what others opinions were. apparently kirsty and i are quite alone in our beliefs that season 5 is the.worst.season.ever. all i could find was 'wow! what a fab episode! i love justin and brian! they are so hot!' etc. so i've resisted the urge to look around and see what happens tonight. i'd prefer to have the slow pain hit me over the hour.

how the hell are they going to finish the show in an hour? how? please tell me how?

are brian and justin are gonna get married? will justin fly off to new york instead? will the lesbians finally stop whining? will someone slap some sense into michael so he gets that frowny worry face off and actually starts to enjoy himself? will ben get aids and die within the hour, leaving time for an emotional funeral and flashbacks of uncle vic? will hunter and cally get back together? teds only just met this new guy and he's already inviting him off for a birthday weekend which is going to ruin the birthday plans he has made with all of his old friends, its too early in the relationship to have anything major happen with this guy, whats going on? will karl finally get debbie to marry him? will footy guy propose to emmett just to round off the whole 'im gay and want to stand up for my own rights so im gonna get married to my same sex partner so ner and there isnt anything you can do about it because you cant treat us as second 'hell even third class citizens' (thankyou mel) anymore, we're real people with feelings too, you know, so watch me and all my friends get maried, you heteros!'

fuck. its all too much. in an hour? i just dont see how it can be done

nodding in awe

We need to force change in the Labor Party and we need to do it sooner rather than later. We need to remind Australia that a social conscience is more important than a budget surplus, a happy boss or a stinking cricket game. We need to write to these cunts, FORCE them into action, force them to depose the meek sack of poofy potatoes that currently masquerades as an alternative Prime Minister and force them to show Australia that what we need now more than anything is not a set of rules that erodes at our civil liberties, that sparks mistrust between minority groups and inflames the religious sensibilites of every single fucking person, but LEADERSHIP. We need leadership. We need someone who bashes their fist on the lecturn, who has the conviction to speak their mind, the mental capacity to back it up and the courage to face us. To face ME. I want to follow a leader, I want to follow a leader who stands up for themselves, who doesn't play politics.

beautiful mattyb

advice

this is my camera. its great. it takes good photos. but only when the people are standing still and im not getting that shaky hands icon up on the screen. and the reason? well, what i think the reason is, is that it takes too long to take the picture. and when the things you photograph most are two young boys and two kittens, you need the photo to be taken in a split second.

so, does anyone have any advice as to what camera i should get? i've been looking on ebay at nikon d50's, which are a step down from what dooce uses (see question 2 here). i dont need a d70, i can do just fine with a d50, but i dont really want to pay $1000.

any ideas? doesnt have to be an SLR, but it needs to be able to take a photo quickly

topless christmas present wrapping

its the only way

kirsty and tom came over last night to watch virgin suicides. josh hartnett, ha! looked like my cousin. anyway, kirsty and i swapped presents and tom and i got gold class tickets woohooo!! maybe we'll see narnia? dunno, maybe.

i gave kirsty a puzzle and a game. but not just any old game

take a look



we played it last night. kirsty won which only seemed fitting, since it was her present. you can see the puzzle in the background. its charlie and the chocolate factory. sexy johnny.

see my christmas tree? its so great. banjo has pulled it over 4 times now so its a little dishevelled, but it'll do the job for a couple more weeks.

school finishes tomorrow, and our OSHC has been cancelled for the holidays which is extremely crappy. xans will be able to go with marc, but its still crappy. he's going there tonight to say goodbye to all his oshc friends.

back to work on sunday. splah. i'll be working sunday, monday, wednesday, thursday friday this week which will be a bit of a shock after three weeks holidays. i am disapointed that my time off wasnt used for what it was intended, but it will happen in good time, i just need to be patient.

sorry for the disjointed all over the place post. im gonna go finish wrapping the presents.

hope you're all enjoying your chrismukah

hold onto your hats

ie, it is very windy today

where is it?

ive managed to misplace my brain, i think (how can i think, without a brain? i am just clever that way).
i had to pay for xanders school photos by money order, so i got the money order, wrote out the envelope, sealed it up and posted it. only i didnt put the money order in the envelope, did i? no, i didnt. its still sitting on my bench.

stupid head? yes

what a good idea



i found this via icnh and i think we should all join, and make a time where we all go hard for peace. wouldnt it give you a warm fuzzy feeling to know that you and all your friends were all working together for the greater good?

and it all falls into place....

the original owners of my house ran a wallpaper shop

everything makes sense now

splah

why am i here? why am i blogging when im smack bang in the middle of my 3 week busy? if you really want to know, you can email me. im not to talk of it on this here blog.

instead, i'll give you some lists of christmas presents you may like to get for me

(did she just blatantly ask for presents?)

yes i did

deal

*anything homemade. i particularly appreciate hand/homemade gifts. makes it a lil more special
*this also includes mixed cds which i adore
*apparently im hard to buy for even though i am quite vocal in the things that i like, so a gift card is perfect. shops like angus and robertson, target, kmart. even online stores like amazon and candlerecords
*i particularly like avon stuff. i dont usually buy perfume, but the last avon catalogue i got had a 'rub your wrist here' for passion dance and it was really nice. oh, what i really like though is dream angels heavenly by victorias secret
*a housecleaner. aaahahahahaha, that would be great. oh, i can dream
*time. if any ofyou would like to go out and just spend time together, i would love it. friends are great and really important. and it doesnt matter what you do together, just that you're doing it
*donations to 'keep the dream alive!' apparently im flying overseas next year. im puzzled as to how im going to afford it, but again, i can dream
*any cds by the postal service, belle and sebastian, death cab for cutie
*oooh this!
i dont hate christmas as much as kirsty does, because i absolutely love getting presents, and i love giving presents, even though im sometimes pretty slow on the whole postage thing.
it bothers me that x has to sing christmas carols at school and learn about god and mary and joseph. but i saw an interesting thing on speaking in tongues on monday night, where john said that if we try and ban them speaking and teaching about god and christianity in schols, then we'd have to stop them teaching any kind of spritual beliefs like the aboriginal dreamtime. that said, if they are going to teach them they should broaden their views a little and try to incorporate a few more belief systems.

anyway, im off to watch gay strippers tonight. kirsty reckons tom will get pulled out of the crowd cos he's so cute.

im very hopeful

stop it! it hurts

5 is a good number if you are singing childrens songs that require counting and the involvment of frogs/fish/little ducks/jellyfish sitting on a rock etc. its good for high 5ing someone. its good for taking a break, ie 'take 5 everyone'.

it seems that what it is not good for is the current and last series of queer as folk.

is anyone still watching it? are you all like me and kirsty, feeling like we owe it to ourselves to watch the entire series, just to see if it gets better?

season four was fucking great (and great fucking). you wanna know what happened tonight? brian proposed to justin, sold babylon and the loft and bought a country house with a swimming pool, tennis court and stables. all because he loves him. all because now he believes in the sanctity of marriage and blah blah blah i liked you better when you were just fucking.

yes, i admit, i actually left the ground last week when he told him he loved him. we'd been waiting 4 and 3/4 seasons. it wasnt as beautiful as i had hoped but it was nice and it did make justin smile. but that doesnt mean you have to go all hetro and denounce your badboy ways, does it?

and as for the rest of you. fuck. i mean, emmett is in shock and camps on the couch having a big sook, but by the end of it he's at the candle light vigil, punching gah haters, and then going jogging the next morning. hunter has moved back home after being dopey at disneyworld. lindsay and melanie have gotten back together. yeah, some minor character friend of theirs died in the bomb blast, but honestly, can anyone remember which one dusty was?
its like the writers are tying up all the loose ends into one big happy bow and its not even a gay happy bow. its just an hour full of bad BAD lines.

apparently there are 2 episodes left, and something called 'queer as folk say goodbye'. im quite sure that little package is just going to get wrapped up neater and neater. lets just hope they use a lot of gay ribbons

relax and breathe now

i had my inspection today to see if im being a lovely tenant or not. and i am. of course (thanks for vaccuuming, mum). my agent said the house suited me perfectly and that she was sorry the owners didnt care enough about it to fix a few things over the years. its ok. i mean, its livable and its cute and it does suit me, it'd just be nice to have a proper backyard for the kids. a nice front yard would be a bonus too, especially to the neighbours who have informed me that some people have said the house is nice...'its just a shame about the state of the neighbouring yard'

good luck on getting the landscaping done

danger : lyrics post

if she wants me

I wrote a letter on a nothing day
I asked someone “Could you send my letter away?”
“You are too young to put all of your hopes in just one envelope”
I said goodbye to someone that I love
It’s not just me, I tell you it’s the both of us
And it was hard
Like coming off the pill that you take to stay happy
Someone above has seen me do alright
Someone above is looking with a tender eye
Upon your face, you may think you’re alone but you may think again

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered
my ashes
On second thought I’d rather hang around and get down with my best friend
If she wants me

And far away somebody read the letter
He condescends to read the words I wrote about him
And if he smiles, it’s no more than a genius deserves
For all your curious nerve and your passion
I’m going deaf, you’re growing melancholy
Things fall apart, I don’t know why we bother at all
But life is good and “It’s always worth living at least for
a while”

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered
my ashes
On second thought I’d rather hang around and get down with my best friend
If she wants me

If you think to yourself “What should I do now?”
Then take the baton, girl, you better run with it
Cause there is no point in standing in the past cause it’s over and done.
I took a book and went into the forest
I climbed the hill, I wanted to look down on you
But all I saw was twenty miles of wilderness so I went home

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered
my ashes
On second thought I’d rather hang around and get down with my best friend
If she wants me


i'm a cuckoo

I'm glad to see you
I had a funny dream
And you were wearing funny shoes
You were going to a dance
You were dressed like a punk but you are too young to remember

I'm glad to see you
I'm outside the house
I'm not thinking right today
I've got no energy
I'm glad that you are waiting with me
Tell me all about your day

Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
I'm wondering how things could've been

I'm happy for you
You've made it hard for me
I counted on your company
You are staying with your friends tonight
I'm feeling sorry for myself
I keep taking everything to be a sign

I'm happy for you
But now I know this hurt is poison
Too sharp to be bled
I'm sitting on my empty bed
I'm on my empty bed
At night the fever grows it's pounding pounding

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something worng with me, I'm a cuckoo

Scary moment, lovin' every moment
I was high from playing shows
We lost a singer to her clothes
My trouble raised its ugly head
I was revealed
And I was home in bed
I was a kid again

Jesus told me, go after every coin like it was the last in the world
And protect the wayward child
But I'm a little lost sheep
I need my Bo Peep
You know I need My Shepherd here tonight

Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
I'm wondering how things could've been

I'd like to see you
But really I should stay away
And let you settle down
I've got no claims to your crown
I was the boss of you
And I loved you
You know I loved you
It's all over now

And I was there for you
When you were lonely
I was there when you were bad
I was there when you were sad
Now it's my time of need
I'm thinking, do I have to plead to get you by my side?

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cuckoo

stay loose

I was choking on a cornflake
You said “Have some toast instead”
I was sleeping maybe three hours
You said “You should get to bed”
I was waiting at the church door
For the minister to show
I was looking at the new year
You said “Walk before you crawl”
I was feeling like a loser
You said “Hey, you’ve still got me”
I was feeling pretty lonely
You said “You wanted to be free”
I was looking for a good time
You said “Let the good times start”
With a quiver of your eyelid
You took on someone else’s part
Maybe I’m a little greedy
You said “Think before you speak”
Sometimes I’m a little seedy
You said “Everyone is weak”


belle and sebastian

me: how was school?
xans: ok
me: (asking the question or i wont find out) did you get in trouble?
xans: yeah
me: what for?
xans: not finishing my art, we had to colour in
me: (trying to change the topic slightly) ah...what was your drawing of?
xans: we had to colour in a picture of baby jesus
me: uhuh....and do you know who baby jesus is?
xans: yeah, son of god
me: ok. and who's god?
xans: some guy who put the first man and the first lady on the world
me: uhuh. (about to go into how *some* people believe that, and others believe other things)
xans: except they didnt say anything about the big bang and the millions of tiny atoms, or evolution
me: i love you xans

e: x can you please get me a tissue cos there's coco pops on my wincey wincey spider jammies

no!

they're reading old pig on play school today :(

at least noni isnt reading, then there would be a guarantee of tears

review - part one

track #1 opening: the muppet show theme. suddenly i'm 7 years old. i'm sitting cross legged on my nanna's loungeroom floor and i'm eating only the pink and white from the neopolitan icecream, covered in milo. the muppets have started and im bobbing my head to the music as i eat

track #2 bevis' life motto : dumb things - paul kelly. i fucking love this song. i fucking love paul kelly. so far, fucking excellent cd and i'm only 2 songs in!

track #3 BTTF: back to the future theme. i love this movie. i love this movie. can i say it again? i love this movie. i want to learn to dance how they do at the under the sea ball

track #4 mahna: mahna mahna do doo dododo
i dont think i need to say anymore. except that miss piggy is scary 'kermit...make time

track #5 ode to all us bloggers: we got us - the muppets Why sing a melody as a soliloquy When its more fun to be Harmonizing? *nods and smiles* i love this movie

track #6 take a stand: i am what i am who is this sung by? it sounds like its from a musical? i should get more musicals on cd. yes i should

track #7 wifey: she's so fine - john farnham apart from the fact that its john farnham, its a great song. i was actually singing beatles songs with xans the other day. he sang me golden slumbers before he went to bed. could my son be any cooler? no, i dont think so

track #8 philosophy 101: rainbow connection - kermit aaaaw....i used to have this on record and i have no idea where it got to. im so glas i have it on cd now. 'somebody thought of it, and someone believed it, look what its done so far'

track #9 katrina: walking on sunshine - katrina and the waves heehee, ok, so this probably isnt the memory this song *should* be bringing back, but it makes me think of young talent time. rad. i love it

track #10 bevis' best stage role: mister cellophane - chicago the musical rad.
rad

track #11 hey, a movie! starring everybody, and me! i already yayed about this song, but i can happily yay again. yay! 'its ok, i landed on my head' 'gee, i wish i were you guys seeing this for the first time'

track #12 quincy: feeling pretty funky

track #13 life: movin right along - the muppets i had this on record too! yaaay!

i walked outside and the sun was warm, the breeze cool. the man across the road walked out at the same time as me. what does that mean? does it mean anything? maybe i'll just ignore him. i wont look at him. i dont look at him and he goes away. i cant see him anymore.
as i reach the end of the street there is a man pushing a stroller across the other side of the road. he is talking. i cant understand him. i dont look at him. if i dont look at him he wont see me. i turn and walk past the gym. i practice in my head over and over. a pastie with sauce please a pastie with sauce please a pastie with sauce please. i contemplate just going to the servo. no. i can do this. there are cars everywhere. they're looking at me, right? dont look at them. dont meet their glances.
the horizon catches my eye and for a moment i forget everything and sink into the colours. the sky, the clouds, the sea. the colours so vivid they're almost unreal. and then im at the shops.
a pastie with sauce please
and im gone. the breeze is blowing my hair off of my face as i walk back up the road. the sun is warm and the breeze is comforting. i decide at the last minute to go to the servo and buy bread. i practice 'i already bought these at the deli' and i only need to practice once.
i turn onto my street and i am alone. there are no voices and no cars. and i am home

the mariners revenge

over the last few weeks of school, x's class have been bringing in various things for show and tell. there was a favourite toy, something you got while on holiday, a photograph, that sort of thing.
so far x has forgotten about all of these until the last minute and then not been able to find anything he wanted to take

until this week

this week is the one he's been waiting for all along

this week is 'your favourite cd'

no, gentle readers, please sit back and read the lyrics to the song x will be playing his classmates. from the decemberists album, picaresque, i give you

the mariners revenge song

We are two mariners
Our ships' sole survivors
In this belly of a whale

Its ribs are ceiling beams
Its guts are carpeting
I guess we have some time to kill

You may not remember me
I was a child of three
And you, a lad of eighteen

But I remember you
And I will relate to you
How our histories interweave

At the time you were
A rake and a roustabout
Spending all your money
On the whores and hounds
Oh Ohhhhh

You had a charming air
All cheap and debonair
My widowed mother found so sweet

And so she took you in
Her sheets still warm with him
Now filled with filth and foul disease

As time wore on you proved
A debt-ridden drunken mess
Leaving my mother
A poor consumptive wretch
Oh Ohhhhh

And then you disappeared
Your gambling arrears
The only thing you left behind

And then the magistrate
Reclaimed our small estate
And my poor mother lost her mind

Then one day, in spring
My dear sweet mother died
But before she did
I took her hand as she, dying, cried:
Oh Ohhhhh

"Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pole and break
His fingers to splinters
Drag him to a hole until he
Wakes up naked
Clawing at the ceiling
Of his grave
*sigh*"

It took me fifteen years
To swallow all my tears
Among the urchins in the street

Until a priory
Took pity and hired me
To keep their vestry nice and neat

But never once in the employ
Of these holy men
Did I ever, once, turn my mind
From the thought of revenge
Oh Ohhhhh

One night I overheard
The prior exchanging words
With a penitent whaler from the sea

The captain of his ship
Who matched you toe to tip
Was known for a wanton cruelty

The following day
I shipped to sea
With a privateer

And in the whistle
Of the wind
I could almost hear...
Oh Ohhhhh

"Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pole and break
His fingers to splinters
Drag him to a hole until he
Wakes up naked
Clawing at the ceiling
Of his grave

"There is one thing I must say to you
As you sail across the sea
Always, your mother will watch over you
As you avenge this wicked deed"

[haunting, sailor-esque musical interlude lead by mandolin, accordion and tuba]

And then that fateful night
We had you in our sight
After twenty months at sea

Your starboard flank abeam
I was getting my muskets clean
When came this rumbling from beneath

The ocean shook
The sky went black
And the captain quailed

And before us grew
The angry jaws
Of a giant whale

[instrumental noise]
oh ohhhhhhhhhh
[screaming]
ohhhhh
[screaming]

Don't know how I survived
The crew all was chewed alive
I must have slipped between his teeth

But, oh! What providence!
What divine intelligence!
That you should survive
As well as me

It gives my heart
Great joy
To see your eyes fill with fear

So lean in close
And I will whisper
The last words you'll hear
Ohh Ohhhhh

1/3

well, i'm a third of the way through my 3 week busy time. this week i managed to squeeze in a qaf night, some storytime training, a doctors appointment, babysitting, 3 days of work, looking after a sick person, a day in the botanical gardens, a visit with my mum, a gig, participating in an almost break up, and cleaning half my house and watching HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

week two will start with a qaf night/going away for vicki, a tupperware party (?!), police and dpp meetings, seeing HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, reviewing bevis' cd, cleaning the rest of my house, visiting new babies and school and kindy bizzo plus anything else that happens to pop up in the course of the week.
i know there will be a lot of going over of things, and a lot of psyching myself up for the following week, but right now im feeling pretty good about it all. perhaps not 100% positive, but at least more positive than i have been lately.

just an insect, remember?

i'm going to be stupidly insanely busy over the next few weeks, so instead of a proper post, you get a linky post full of things i've seen recently and even not so recently that have made me laugh or smile or whatever.

here they are

without further achoo*

~ i want this baby to play with my kids
~ i am currently listening to a cd made by this lovely man. i will be reviewing soon. so far, all smiles
~ current post by above lovely man, i actually laughed like i commented
~ i want to be friends with ms fits. i cant help myself. i want to be part of the cool gang. i cant believe amanda vanstone said this. actually, yes i can
~ ha! i just went to the music sa site to find info on the gig i was going to tell you all about and look who is the featured band. be there!
~ i get to pash ben! theres no link for that...hang on, yes there is...oh, no there isnt....but ben!!!!
~ i bought a typewriter last week for $5. im hoping it will be the star of the show
~ in a fit of sookiness i spent $100 on t shirts from here. you can guess which ones i got, and i'll post pics when they get here. merry christmas me! (also, merry christmas other people these shirts are for too)
~ 12 months of chuckles. this rules
~ starring everybody, and me! heehee, cd review soon

* achoo, aaahahahahahahaaaa, im so funny

you + me

you shouldnt assume

it just makes you a cunt

trust

deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to cllimb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch. or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter

lemony snicket - the penultimate peril

work vs school

are you aware that your library subscribes to databases from all over australia, and around the world? ask us to show you how to access this new world of information!

actually dont, because we havent finished our homework yet. we've been given a workbook which we are to go through and answer using the databases.

the first question

who is robert zimmerman better known as? print a picture of this person

i immediatley go to write down 'bob dylan' but then think, no, i should do this properly. so i log on. (new window opens)what? oh, i need a library card number. k (new window opens)...and...what? oh, click here? k...(new window opens)....click here? ok....(new window opens)library card number again? i just put it in..stupid computer...(new window opens)...click where? (new window opens) this is fucked

my answer:

i tried to use the databases but they were very user UNfriendly so i typed 'robert zimmerman' into google and it came up with 'bob dylan'. then i did a google image search and printed him out

i hope i pass

hungry

smiling and shaking my head

man...i really wish i could share these blocked comments with you all...if only i didnt delete them, silly me. they're so full of insightful glimpses into my life and other peoples lives that i am so sure you all need to read about, but unfortunately, i just cant do it anymore. apparently, according to the people i've spoken to, im not allowed to insight the comments. i just have to keep them all filed away and pass them on, which is what im doing.

so, to "all" of you who are commenting....and commenting...and commenting, dont despair. i do read your comments. then i copy them and send them away, and then i delete them. and i do feel all warm and fuzzy inside that you keep coming back...and coming back...and coming back. i must be such a huge part of your life

its 2am and im still awake and my eyes burn from crying

depression is fun!

dear enetation,
i'm just writing to you to let you know how much i appreciate your services.
i particularly enjoy your 'block' feature, which enables me to block peoples IP addresses so their comments arent seen unless i sign in.
and funnily enough, im only signing in occasionally and, gee, you know, it makes me laugh how many people have the same ip address, and how they keep trying to comment, even though it isnt chowing up. and how they'll comment the smae thing, but different names, and then get pissy and comment on my tagboard, and i can just delete it.
its so much fun, and its so satisfying.

so thankyou for your commenting system. it has made me smile quite a bit lately. very entertaining

love carly

i think lee might win australian idol

open

"i think it's a reason i should love you"
"what is?"
"the fact that you're trying hard to be honest and good, and you're doing it"
.....
"do you love me?"
"yes, i do"

tag! you are the one


surly gregory tagged me, so here are 20 things you may or may not know about me.

pleasant reading

1. when i was younger i was obsessed with young talent time. i'd video episodes and replay them in the loungeroom where we had one wall entirely covered with mirror tiles (yeah! 80's decor!), and copy all the moves. i would also make my brother and the kids over the fence learn the dances as well. when i thought we were good enough, i rang a hospital...i cant remember now whether it was ashford or flinders...and told them that i was part of a dance group that would like to come and perform for sick kids. they sent me out a letter to confirm us coming in. i never wrote back

2. most photos of me which are taken outside, will result in my having one eye scrunched closed because of the sun being too bright. someone told me the reason i could see perfectly well with one eye closed in the sun was because by closing one eye, i had limited the sunlight going into my eyes my 50%. i still dont know if i believe that.

3. more often than not i feel as though my life should be a movie. a very boring movie, yeah, but there's always some sort of voiceover in my head that just seems too scripted to be anything else. when my "mentalness" was at its "craziest" i was pretty much convinced i was being interviewed by today tonight at most times of the day, and that they were terribly interested in me hanging out the washing and so forth

4. my dad doesnt drink beer. im still not sure of the reason, but when i was little i thought it was because he would turn into a werewolf if he did. i would have a recurring dream that mum, brett and i would be sitting at the traffic lights on wheatsheaf road, facing flaxmill road, and my dad would be at the lights on south road heading towards the city. its night time and he has the interior light on in his car. he's had beer. he's a wolf. and im so scared he will turn and see us. i wake up before the lights change.

5. i steal. all the time. mostly small things i dont need. i've done it ever since i can remember. i remember walking into the deli when i was younger, looking the shopkeeper in the eye, dipping my hand into what, in my memories, seems to be the biggest bucket of small chocolate easter eggs in the entire universe, taking a handful and walking out. i never got in trouble for it and he would even let us choose a packet of hubba bubba on halloween.

6. it makes me sad that i will never be able to send the kids up the shop with $2 to buy a loaf of bread and a litre of milk and say 'keep the change'. i cant do this for a couple of reasons. one, because there is no way thing will ever be that cheap again, and 2, because the world is such a shitty place now that you cant even trust that your kids will be safe playing in the front yard.

7. at the first house i lived in, we had a mandarin tree out the back. the fuit that it grew wasnt very nice, but it would do if you couldnt be bothered walking inside for food. one day i got the bright idea to sell these amazing mandarins. i got an empty icecream container, wrote 'coorara primary school' on the front in crayon, and filled it with tiny mandarins.
i think i sold a few, but then i made my mistake. i knocked on the door of a house nearby, and two little twin boys answered the door.

shit

it wasnt the fact that these kids were only 6 and had they already had the school wary of them, it just happened to be that the boys mum was the deputy principal of my school. she took my mandarins, and my earnings and told me she would donate my takings to the school for me. all up, about 70 cents

8. i am addictive. not me, as in, my actual self, i mean, i get addicted to things very easily. for this reason im really scared of taking any drugs again, or drinking much alcohol.
here is a list of things i've been addicted to so far.

green grapes
green and orange iceblocks
watermelon
tomato and onion tuna
fairy bread
mint chocolate areo bars
feel good iced coffee
fruit and spice muffins

9. i love to give and recieve mixed tapes/cds. it takes a lot of thought to make a good compilation. the songs, the order, the meaning behind everything. is it just a group of songs to introduce them to a genre of music? is there a special meaning behind each song that you're trying to convey? or is there a meaning behind the whole cd?

10. high fidelity is one of my all time top 5 favourite movies. probably has a lot to do with number 9 up there. right at this moment as im typing, with the words coming out quick, no stopping to really really think about it, my top 5 favourite movies are amelie, high fidelity, the breakfast club, charlie and the chocolate factory and to kill a mocking bird.

11.i have never, to my knowledge, broken a bone. i think i may have broken my litle toe once. i remember walking around a corner and catching it on the doorway. it really really really...i dont think i can write enough really's....hurt and its a bit of a funny shape now, compared to my other toes. i think the reason ive not broken anything is because i drink so much milk. i cant put it down to being amazingly coordinated or graceful since i am neither of these. i was once told i had my own awkward grace.

12. after young talent time was taken off air, i still held my dream of being part of a singing and dancing tv show. after school everyday i would take my stereo outside, plug it into the laundry, press play on my tape and something like summer 87 would start. this tape had such gems as a mater of trust, by billy joel, missionary man by the eurythmics, true colours by cyndii lauper and dancing on the ceiling by lionel ritchie (any of these songs could very easily have been on my choose 1985 tape, both were played...and played...and played). i would burst out of the laundry and do my dance to the song, performing to my imaginary audience. it was great.

13. its very likely i will be going to france next year

this scares me immensly

14. i've done a wee under the sydney harbour bridge. a couple of years ago, personwhosnameimustnevermention and i went to sydney to see the star wars exhibition.

heres a photo of me playing beatie bow around the backstreets of the rocks, where it was filmed.



we'd been walking around all day with our entire luggage and i was very tired. we'd sat down under the bridge and i realised i needed to wee. i looked around. surrounding me were little hills and lots of stairs. no toilets in close proximity. my back, neck and shoulders were aching. there was no one around. i sat on a low wall, slipped my knickers off, wriggled my bum to the edge of the ledge and wee'd.

much better

15. i wear sunglasses quite a lot. its very handy for me to wear sunglasses as i quite often will stare at people and frown with...i dont know...disbelief. the problem is that i also quite often forget, and will do this without sunglasses

16. i own more pyjamas and skirts than anything else and i cant help buying more

17.lets get international and a lil bit naughty... i have had "romantic feelings/interludes" with boys from australia, england, norway, france, america and denmark

18. i once stole a kitten. it died. i feel very very bad about this

19. dan just got voted out of australian idol by 27 votes??? what the fuck?? ok, this isnt exactly about me, but even people who cant stand the show must see the injustice of the only person on there who can actually sing and play an instrument, being voted off. this just reitterates my belief that people are stupid and ignorant. at least he wont have to record some crap album now. you know what this is like? its like novelty songs winning the hottest 100.
to make this about me...i watch these shows, dont vote, and then get pissy when the person i wanted to win, doesnt....ie i am lazy

20. my favourite things are my babies, sleeping, reading, cups of tea with milk and hunny

yay! it only took me 3 days, but i've done it. and i tag..............andy, ross and...well, it was going to be sherriff matty but it seems he's on hiatus, so its gonna have to be, ooh, marla

one more thing

i think dangermouse was at colonnades today, sitting outside wendys

you're it!

so the sexy surlyboy tagged me, and i'll be completing my list soon. i just got back from fish and chips and cricket on the beach with the boys, was really nice.
felt like real summer today, the kind that i like. apparently it'll be raining for the next couple of days and then sunny again.

tom keeps asking where this 'stupidly hot summer' he keeps hearing about, is. well, isnt he going to be pissed off when it gets here. it was 35 today and that was way hot enough for me. i told him to wait until next weekend. it should rain the morning of the christmas pageant, and then not rain again until about april.

i ate twisties today, with the complete knowledge i would have a headache afterwards

i have a headache

bedtime for me, i'll post my 20 things soon

realisations

*my bike has still not been returned
*nor has it turned up at a cash converters
*im really glad im not left handed cos my left wrist is really sore from work today
*changing names doesnt automatically change your ip address
*the biggest worry in e's life at the moment, called out in the middle of a dream the other night 'x! let me play with it!'
*court is a month away

funny

so, i called the police about my bike and i happened to mention the crappy week i'd been having. like how my brake fluid kept leaking, among other things. for some reason they found this interesting and asked if anything else had happened recently. actually, yeah, someone keeps pulling my lights out of the ground out the front, and there's a new scratch on my car.

they asked me if i could think of anyone who could want to cause me harm in anyway.

was there anything else going on that they should know about?

was there anything strange happening lately?

anything out of the ordinary...perhaps i hadnt thought so at the time, but thinking back...?

and i thought....you know, i really had to think....

i mean, they'd need some proof that anything was happening to me, but, where would i get proof that people were acting in any way untoward against me? i mean, would anyone just leave that sort of thing laying around for anyone to see?

i told them i'd get back to them if i could think of anything

public announcement

whoever stole my bike from the adelaide train station last night or early this morning, can you please put it back?
no doubt by now you will have realised its a girly gike with back pedal brakes and one of the gears doesnt work, so i'm sure its not actually what you were expecting when you saw it.
i'd really appreciate it if you just put it back where it was.

thanks

an apology



translated

dear mrs k's children,
i accidentallly broke your toy horse. i'm sorry
i'll wait a week until i am at dad's house then I will tell him to please glue it together

from x

i read on the adelaide index that sparrow had written about school photos.
x had his school photos on monday. he said they went well. he got to stand up the back because he is nice and tall, and he said he smiled nice for his solo photo and his class photo.
then came the whole school photo
how did that go?
'i stuck my tongue out and no one even saw me do it!'

by all means

i've been writing on his blog since 2002 and ive never deleted any comments. the comment button is there for you all to leave your opinions. most of you do, and most are well recieved by everyone. some people have differing opinions and that is fine too. i usually write back to these people, to try and suss out the actual reasons for the differences and sometimes this leads to interesting discussions. other times it just leads to people dodging questions and putting words into my mouth.

and so, ive decided that i'll be deleting the last lot of comments on my latest entries.

wendy, if you would like to continue our discussion, my email address is readily available on my blog. i'll be happy to keep talking abou this issue, which was a few lines in a whole entry, but only if you answer all the questions i ask, just like i answer yours.

i'll look forward to hearing from you

message from personwhosnameimustnevermention:

the internet is full of fuckheads. i dont know that l knows anyone called wendy, but i cant see how you've written anything bad

if he and i can be happy with the way things are going in our lives, why cant the rest of you?

yep, i think im gonna call it...

best.you.am.i.gig.ever

there was music and mayhem, there were laughter and (almost) tears, and there was you am i.

for the second weekend in a row i found myself at the gov hotel at hindmarsh, this time to see the amazing you am i. i think my favourite you am i gig of al time was the 96 thebarton gig when they played with powderfinger and flat stanley. as far as an overall feeling coupled with the support bands and the fact that gavin came up to me afterwards and we stared at each other, gobsmacked by what we had just witnessed, it was perfect. friday night, however, had the added bonus of playing at the gov which is a brilliant venue, you're so close to the band, its great. but also, the night was good because of the highs and lows that made it up.

to start off the day, i took tom to colonnades so that he could experience southern culture. and didnt he just. aaah, colonnades, what would we do without you?

tom said 'shouldn't you know everyone here?' just as we were walking towards embers store. before we got there we passed a girl i went to highschool with, and then we went to campbells newsagency where another girl i went to school with, works and also, lisa (james gf, natashas sister) was there buying lotto tickets. so yeah, it was good timing. except that at that moment, tom elected to go to a party, rather than see you am i. so we bought one ticket.

we went to target so tom could buy shoes, and he decided that he did want to go. but the campbells there doesnt sell tickets, so we tried to make it back to colonnades, but it was closed by the time we got there. 'we'll get one online!', nope. only tickets available at the door now.
so after we watched harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban, we made our way to the gov to find it totally sold out. totally, completely, utterly sold out.

and no one had a spare ticket. no one. then it happened, personwhosnameimustnevermention turned up with l. ooooh, switcheroo time! 3 in about 10 seconds. i couldnt look anyone in the eye, someone tried to start crying and i managed to stop that, but then someone else took over and almost yelled and i managed to stop that too.

then i was sad, very tired and a little headachey. i had decided to sell my ticket to some guys who were after one as well, and sit in the front room, getting drunk and listening to you am i, when a guy came up to us and asked if we needed a ticket. apparently his mate just hadnt turned up, and we looked so sad out there he wanted us to have it.

yay

i looked for kent once i got inside, but couldnt see him anywhere. a couple of guys looked at me, and i looked at them, and there was a flicker of possible recognition, but both of us just kept walking.
we made our way to the front and got a great spot. i went to get drinks after a while, and both on the way to the bar and the way out, i almost ran straight into personwhosnameimustnevermention and l after emerging from the packed in masses.
there was a cute girl next to tom and i who kept saying 'do you know how excited i am? have i told you how excited i am? you do know how excited i am, right?' we knew, she was very cute and danced with me and we did the clapclap clap together at the exact same time. i informed her i'll be looking for her at the next you am i gig and she blew me a kiss.
there was moshing, there was jumping jumping jumping and singing at the top of our lungs. it was fucking fantastic and as they left the stage i felt a sense of euphoria, a satisfaction that timmy and the boys were back to their true form and they definately absofuckinglutely ARE NOT and HAVE NOT split up.

tom and i were kissing and we got a bit heckled. apparently tom is setting a bit of a high standard among the guys and they dont like it. i was informed i was very lucky to have someone like him, and since then ive been reminded of the 'high standard' of my boyfriend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

managed to get sunburned yesterday after spending about an hour on the beach. all covered up, even wearing a hat. still burned. hurts lots. ouch. x is worried my skin will fall off

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

banjo is home and has a nice long scar running down her tummy. i'd show you a picture but personwhosnameimustnevermention has the camera and i dont know how she'd feel about me putting her on the scanner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one of x's friends at school has a new baby brother. he brought him in to show the class today.
'this is clayton, he's a week old and he weighs 9 pounds, any questions?'
the first question? 'what do you think it felt like when the baby came out?'

banjo

i called the vet. banjo is 'in high spirits, perky and bright' so im guessing thats a good thing.
clancy has gone insane while she's been away



she's running around like mad, hiding around corners and pouncing at me, wrapping her paws around me as i walk past. right now she's sitting in my bag, snuggled up in my clothes, resting her head on my deoderant

banjo will be home tomorrow

again with the 'why i love matthew baldwin'

October 25, 2005

Fairyland Headline News

BUNNY FOO-FOO ARRAIGNED ON CHARGES OF ASSAULT
Bodies of field mice found in forest
D.A. may seek goon penalty


KING COLE VETOS 2005 FREEDOM OF MATRIMONY ACT
"Marriage is between a dish and a spoon," says monarch


CRYPTOLOGISTS CLOSE TO CRACKING "FARMER'S DOG" CIPHER
Baffling code, in which letters are replaced by hand claps,
has confounded linguists for centuries
"We're pretty sure it's 'Bongo'," says expert

defective yeti

quiet

yeah, i know. quiet. well, not exactly quiet, just not wordy.

been to a couple of gigs lately. missy higgins and ben lee, as you would have read about below, and the whitlams on friday night. there are some photos from the missy and ben show here on vickis blog.

friday night was fun. i got to take tom to see the whitlams. i explained beforehand that whitlams fans were of the 'singing very loudly' type, and made sure to include 'by now pay later' on the mixed cd i made him. i think it prepared him a little but possibly not entirely. yeah, they're a piano based band, but fuck, can jak rock out on that guitar. and i dont know that tim could scream any louder, or bang on those keys any harder.

tom has asked for some live whitlams tracks and i am happy to oblige

once you go live...

this saturday night i'll be venturing back to the gov to see you am i. its been quite a while since i've seen you am i. i think maybe the last time they were playing at the tiv? or whatever it was called then...maybe heaven. thank fuck for the gov, huh.
the thing thats putting me off seeing them is that a certain person will be there. this person has every right in the world to be there. and every right in the world to be there with the person they'll be there with. its just that i dont want to see it. im fine for it to happen, i just dont want to see it. is that wrong of me?

she tells her parents she's sleeping at her friends house instead of his, for fucks sake...

gah!

banjo was in surgery for an hour and a half 'but i'll only charge you for a 45 minute surgery' says the vet. well thankyou. why it costs $1000 to cut open a cat is beyond me, but apparently she's doing well and i should be able to bring her home tomorrow afternoon or maybe friday morning.

inside her small intestine, and reaching out either side into her stomach and intestines, was a ball of cat and people hair. she had a hair ball. thats all. it was a particularly nasty one though, and she needed to be sliced in three places to get it all out. poor baby cat. but as personwhosnameimustnevermention said, she's a tough little bitch

for kent

banjo is at the vet. she's been throwing up white froth for the last couple of days

make me smile

I tried to read some of her posts but then I
fell asleep, then I got hungry, then I had a shower, now I'm talking
to you! Woohoo!

mattyb is my hero

ben

ben is currently, and has been for quite some time, the object of affection for both vicki and myself. this is a job he loves and takes pride in. but lately he's been asking more of us than our usual 'i love you ben'.
he's asked that we both write about how he loves us more
i bumped into him today in loot homewares and told him i'd been thinking over my essay and he explained it didnt need to be an essay, it could take any form, a sonnet perhaps.

so here is my contribution, not an essay or a sonnet, not a limerick, but a haiku

oh ben, he loves me
way more than he loves vicki
infinity, ha!

im not sure about punctuation in haiku but that will do for now

my current love

middle of the hill
josh pyke

When I was a kid I grew up in a house on a hill, not the top, not the bottom but the middle.

And I still remember where I cracked my head, in the vacant lot, there's a row of tiny houses there now.

And we used to light fires in the gutters, and I could cool my head on the concrete steps.

But the girl down the street hit my sister on the head with a stick and we hid behind my father as he knocked on her parents door, to tell them what she did, but the parents were drunk so they really didn't give a shit.

And the girl down the street said her dog couldn't bark, because a man with an axe cut its voice box out.

But my older sister told me that it probably wasn't true, and I believed what she said because she took me by the hand one time, when a couple of men drove down the hill in a white van said there was a phone box filled with money 'round the corner, and I would've gone along, but she took me by the hand to the house in the middle of the hill.

And our Mother knew the words to a lot of different songs, and we'd always sing the harmonies when we'd sing along.

She had cool cool hands when the fever hit, and then the noises that the trains made sounded like people in my head.

And the stories that the ceiling told, through the pictures in the grains on the pinewood boards.

And I could stay outside till the sky went red, and I could cool my head on the concrete steps.

And you can never really see the top from the bottom.

I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I've got them.

i love this song. i heard it for the first time yesterday on the way home from work. it perfectly sums up what it was like to grow up in the 80's and early 90's.
when we could leave the house in the morning, and be safe all day, playing in the creeks and streets around our block until the sun started to go down and it was home time.
now i worry about letting my kids play in the front yard


currently searching for

the word that lies between besotted and love

further proof of eli's coolness

he's just asked to listen to the decemberists and is now sitting in the loungeroom singing along

why am i always standing next to the bored people at gigs? people who dont sing along and who stand perfectly still unless its to check the time or stare up at the sky with a huff...

i went to see missy higgins and ben lee last night at adelaide uni. it really was about 5 times bigger than it needed to be, but i guess, it sold out so it did need to be that big. honestly, there were so many people there, it was like the festivals that used to be on there. like o-ball or something. people everywhere, and not just people, but lesbians.
when we got closer to the front where the people actually sang, we were standing in the middle of a river of lesbians and i felt a litle like a traitor thinking about tom.

we were first situated behind some bored BORED people. bored, i tell you. why go to a gig if you're just gonna stand there, look bored and complainy, and stare at your watch? so ember and i sang and sand and sang and danced right behind this girl and she still didnt get into it. thats when i decided it was time to find a better spot.

it was raining and people were huddling under blankets and jumpers, trying to keep dry, and completely blocking the views of the people behind them. there was a group of six women under a blanket, and i told them as i walked past that i thought it was really mean of them to block everyone else's view just for the sake of keeping your hair wet
'its not about the hair, actually'
'oh its not? hmm' i said, and kept walking
apparently there was some bitchiness as i walked off but fneh, they eventually got out of the rain and let people see again.

it was a really good night. lots of singing, dancing and so much talent it was astounding.

i never ever thought i'd get to see 'laid' performed live, and ben and missy did it and it was fucking awesome

and just one thing i need to add

couch
cushion
sock
lemanderin

thankyou, and goodnight

so, ive been thinking

four year olds really shouldnt drink beer. at four, you should know beter than to drink alcohol, mainly for the taste factor. you're old enough to say, nah, that actually tastes pretty gross you know, and i dont feel like digesting it. thats why we've now gotten e onto ginger beer. its the same sort of shaped bottle, except without the alcohol content. he's almost mastered the alphabet now so he's already showing signs of his brain cells regenerating.

at only a month old though, you dont really have a choice what you injest. so here i would like to share with you a photo of x and his first beer

he's not really that much bigger than it. we had to tuck it into his blanket cos the little guy was so drunk he couldnt hold it. couldnt hold his beer. piker.

when he got a bit older he was much better at it

you can tell by this photo that he can hold his beer much better. this is his christmas beer. he was really into it and only needed a little bit of help to hang onto it.
on that day, to prove what great parents we are, personwhosnameimustnevermention and i left x with his grandparents and went and spent mats christmas money on a star wars figure. cant think of his name. you know the one. tall, green and yellow, carries around skulls on a stick. yeah, that one

over it

ive tried not to let it bother me. and all the other times it has happened, it hasnt gotten to me. ive had people come here and accuse me of trying to steal their boyfriend. they wont, of course, say who they are, or who their boyfriend is beacuse then i may actually be able to defend myself. instead they hide behind anonymity, make their comments, and run away.
i've had people pretending to be me and my friends, commenting on posts and leaving tags on the board.
and now there are people, anonymous again, coming here and reading my thoughts and leving their comments. and thats fine. leave your comments and your thoughts on my posts, but when there are personal attacks on me, my friends or my family, thats when its not ok.
we cant even 'fight back' because your comments are just uncalled for.
you know full well that my son was not drinking beer, so why say that i'm feeding him alcohol? what was actually going on, was that he has really good taste in music,(he was singing a wilco song), he's just not so great at hearing the right words.
how dare you attack a 4 year old. cowardly, that is.
you critisize us for airing our personal thoughts and feelings, yet you will quite happily read them all and comment on them
i just dont understand how this is fun or entertaining for you. i dont understand how you can look down upon me for sitting on the floor to eat, when you find it so easy to poke fun at people and make them feel bad? i really dont get it.
all you know of me is what you read, you really have no right to judge me as a person. im quite willing to meet you in person. but im sure you wont do that. it would be too easy for me to find fault with you then.
the thing is that im not like that. i dont go round other peoples websites and leave nasty comments, and i really dont understand what you get out of doing it

4

eli is holding a jar of moisturizer, a pair of my knickers, a glow in the dark bracelet, a torch and some deoderant.
he is laying under my bed, singing 'you wont spill my beer'

im pretty sure clancy just fell in the toilet

i lied

its a problem i have, lying. i do it without even thinking. doesnt matter what its about, someone will ask me something and i lie will come out as an answer. sometimes i'll tell the truth afterwards, sometimes i'll let the lie answer for me

i lied

im not one of the bravest girls alive

i am so fucking scared

i dont know what to do with myself

i want to go

i want to hide

i dont want it to happen

i dont want him to win

i dont want him to win again

i dont know what to do anymore

im not brave anymore

home

when i got home i was greeted with this, as i am most days



two more little faces that make me smile

im good with you

a letter to someone in particular, but please, all can read it

dear truth fairy,

here i am, fighting my own battles like you asked. i dont know who you are...i can see that you're in adelaide and have visited my blog quite a lot, but apart from that, you are a mystery to me. and by the sounds of it, a very thin, svelte mystery. probably muscular and toned too, and you've never sat in your lounge room, watching tv with your friends and eating cake.

and you know what? i feel kind of sorry for you because of that. im sorry that you dont have the kind of friends who can forget about weight issues and the pressure to be thin all the time. im sorry that you cant lower yourself to my level and sit on the floor instead of at the table with a proper knife and fork and placemats. im sure you have some sort of butler who sets the dining room for you? your friends sit at the other end of the table and you make polite conversation about the weather? then you run off to the bathroom and vomit out all your food i suppose, so you can stay thin and beautiful.

no, this isnt a private website where you cant comment. i encourage comments, and i welcome them. what i dont encourage or welcome is people calling me fat. im not fat. im not a sickly size 6, nor am i even a size 10. what i am is the average size for a girl. size 12 to 14. hello world, i am admiting to you what size clothes i wear. i wear clothes marked 'large' because of people like you, truth fairy, who insist that people be boney and twig like.

im sorry that you saw my post and decided we gorged ourselves. im sorry it repulsed you. i had 2 toasted sandwhiches and a slice of cake. what did you have for tea on monday night? a small side salad? i actually ate some special k cereal for breakfast the next day. then i had some nice soup for lunch and chicken for tea. inbetween i drank lots of water and i even ate an apple. the cereal i ate standing up because i was getting ready to go out that morning, but everything else i ate at the table. please feel better about me now? am i as good a person as you? please let it be so.

oh, and thanks for helping me. i do feel so much better after whining about you and how you make me feel, and i hope, in some special way, that makes you feel better too because thats what this world is all about, isnt it? helping people, making them feel better, bettering the world and making it a happier place to live. hopefully without any fat people eating on the floor.

just as you choose to stay anonomous, uncontactable and without a website link for us to read and see what you're really like, i choose to be me.

my name is carly. i have this blog where i write what i feel and what i've been doing lately. on monday night i ate my dinner on the floor and had a great time.
i am a size 12-14 and dont complain about my weight. sure i have 'fat'days, but im healthy and thats the main thing. what i choose to put on this site is what you know me by and i really hope that the majority see me as more than fat.

truth fairy, all i have to go on are your comments. so, so far i can tell that you arent willing to show us what you look like, what your opinions are about anything except eating on the floor. you have something against people size 12 and over. and you like to wank.

wanking i have no problem with. its an enjoyable passtime, and it tones the tummy muscles. im sure yours are rock hard. its the rest of it i have a problem with, and i have every right to.

as i said before, there is nothing here saying dont comment, but now there is this

i dont appreciate you calling me fat. i dont appreciate calling my friends fat. until you are willing to discuss this on fair grounds, ie with me having the same background knowledge about you as you have on me, then i would appreciate it if you stayed away from my blog.

thankyou for your time

love carly

and then i got told i was fat

i've been pretty happy lately. im down to 2 75mg tablets of effexor a day now and im coping. i've only lost it at the kids a couple of times, and it has been confirmed by other people that they are being particularly persnickety lately. i've been keeping my house relativly tidy. i've not been messaging people i shouldnt. i've been returning emails. ive been having pleasant dreams. i havent been cutting. i've been going out, not hiding in my house.

a lot of this has been due to spending time with tom. he makes me happy and sparkly and i've been enjoying myself a lot. the way he looks at me makes me feel special and princessy and im feeling good about the time we have together. i know it has to end, but i think i'm dealing with it ok, especially for now.

i havent really been thinking about the court case, but when i have ive been ok. i keep telling myself i'll be fine, and that theres nothing to be scared of. and then i remember that its actually not very far away at all. december. early december. the first week of december. its only 2 months away.

nina from the dpp called me the other day and we organised a court tour. this is when i began to lose it. i could feel all my good work, all my keeping strong and brave starting to unravel. we went inside a court room and i got to sit in the witness box. to get to the witness box you have to walk right past the box where he will be that picture is an old one. now they gave some thick faintly tinted glass around the box that he'll be sitting in. and i can have a screen up between us. i said that i would have it there and use it if i needed it, but that was before i knew what the layout of the room was. i'll definatley be having the screen now. i'll be sitting right next to him. who designed these rooms? my mum isnt going to be able to talk with him right there next to her! i dont think i'll be able to either


i left there and i messaged people. i couldnt find anyone who was nearby. simon helped me last time i tried to find the court, so i messaged him. he reminded me there was nothing to be scared of...just an insect, remember.

tom messaged me, that made me happier too but i realy needed someone. a body. somebody to hold me and say it was going to be ok, not just electronic words in my palm.
i caught the tram down to matts work, crying all the way, and when i got there i was treated to information about l. i dont mind, i really dont. yeah, there's a part of me thats jealous, but only because its not me making him happy anymore. but it hasnt been me making him happy for years, so really its not my place. but it was just the timing, it may sound selfish but i needed it to be about me at that time. i dont know if im coping now. i dont know if i can do it. i dont know if i can sit there with him that close to me, and tell them what he did to me.

then i came home and read the comments of my last post. so thanks truth fairy and fat albert, you just added to my most pleasant day. now i feel like hiding again because not only am i a bad person who bad things happen too, im also fat and disgusting.

you know what? i know im not those things, but it only takes a little reminder, a little push for me to start believing again.

last night i dreamed of car crashes, of bikes smashing into cars, no one stopping to help, just keep on driving, just get out of there...just get out of here

you have no idea what we just ate

so i'll show you



please notice kirsty's sock in a couple of photos

that is all

i must roll to bed now

weekend wrap up



despite our best intentions, i spent the weekend on west beach road which, according to personwhosnameimustnevermention does not exist but here is the undeniable proof!!!! take that, beard man!

tom moved house this weekend and now lives even closer to the beach than me. i was going to take a photo of the view from his bedroom window but the sea was the same colour as the sky in a grey way, not a blue way, so the photo wouldnt have been very good. just know that he can see the sea. its a really nice place....the only photo i have of it is this one and its pretty much just a photo of tom with no shirt on. oops. that boy is always losing his clothes. anyway, its a nice place that he's sharing with tushar and even though its further away than his old place its easier to find and we all know that simple is best when it comes to me and directions to places.


my weekend started out on friday night when x went to the school disco. he actually participated in the dancing and the face painting and the spray painted hair. my little man is growing up. this is the only photo he'd let me take of his face though to prove he had it painted.they also gave out glow sticks to the kids. trying to breed a bunch of clubbers. when we got home, i took the photos then put the kids to bed. x came out after about 5 minutes and said he had something to tell me. apparently he'd snuck out during the disco so he could see the glow stick working outside, and teachers had to come out and look for him. i told him it wasnt the best thing to do, and that he knew that, but thatnkyou for letting me know....back off to bed.
"but i was so naughty mum *sniffle, tears rolling down his cheeks* i dont deserve to go to bed, you shuld make me stay up"
doesnt work that way, bucko

so saturday i dropped the boys off with personwhosnameimustnevermention's mum and sister at gloria jeans. e has the funniest, cheekiest sense of humour. he asked where we were going, i said 'to see granny and auntie r at gjs', he says 'oh...grandma and aaron at cjs' and laughs his little head off and runs away.
the i drove to west beach road and met up with tom and tush at their new place and took tom op shopping for bed stuff. i was supposed to go to jasons birthday party that night, but i'd spoken to alison earlier and we were gonna meet up later in the city. i was all set to go to crank for a while then mosey on down to supermild to see craig and ross but we had to have tea first. tom made spaghetti bolognaise. minus spaghetti and tomatos. mehehe. i made him toastie toasties for tea sunday night so im not much better. ooh, remind me about toastie toasties.
so yeah, all set to go out, but we fell asleep and i didnt wake up till about 3 so we didnt go out.

sunday was a day of first experiences for tom.he experienced what it was to be a librarian and then we went back to my place for toastie toasties and a night of australian idol and detective goran. he's such a quick learner. by the end of it, he was telling laura gissaro to fuck off before i was now, dont try and tell me you looked at that photo and didnt want to reach into your computer screen and stab that girls eyes out. look at that patronising git. she isnt feeling sorry for poor natalie, she's silently praising satan for all the money her family has so they can vote their little spawn through week after week.
unfortunatley i dont do australaian idol justice. i cannot sit here and go through each performance as i get side tracked too easily. i cant go 5 seconds without calling mark holden a cockhead or telling some one to fuck off. if you want to read about idol the way it should be read, go here, just come back afterwards so you can keep reading

hmm.hmm..la la la alaalalaaaaaaa, hmm hmmmmm, bebapbadoooooo...hey, maybe i *should* audition for australian idol next year...hmm.....lalalalaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ok, good, you're back

sorry, what? oh yeah! toastie toasties, thanks. tonight, vicki and kirsty are coming over and we are going to eat gross yummy food and watch the australian idol live verdict show!! we are so those two girls from the telstra ads. kirsty is bringing home made icecream and we're gonna attempt a recipe i saw in a book some lady borrowed from work.

this + this + this, this and whatever else we decide might be yum

yeah

i am a librarian

superheroes were kids once, too

not many of you will know this, but spiderman was once an angry little boy. i know you've all seen tobey maguire acting out his geekiness in the movies, but i'm talking about *before* his parents died, *before* he went to live with his aunt and uncle.

he was a wild and crazy, untamable child, prone to mood swings and uncontrolable fits of rage and tears. here are two such examples



now, on the other hand, my son e is a picture of serenity. hows the serenity.



and x is also a beautiful child. he just asks lots of questions. like, 'why are you taking a photo of me, mum? seriously....why?'

i wanna take you to a gay bar gay bar gay bar

on friday night i made vicki scoff her dinner down and drive me to the city via the bottle-o so i could buy alcohol. as the sms said, 'no tea, alcohol'. i think i made my wishes pretty clear.

miki and baz dropped me at the duke of york for a night of dancey dancey, but when i got there, even tho it was quite late, there werent many people there and no one was dancing. that was disappointing. i really felt like dancing, and dammit! no one was dancing!

so instead, i went to a gay bar and watched gay cowboys shake their sexy bums

and got caught staring at the gay cowboys eating pudding dancing

AND i got to experience the wonderful cleo cosmopolitan in action. fuck shes hot. and she touched my boobs. and i touched hers. very squishy. i dont know what she makes them out of but they're very nice. it was hard not to look at them since in nher towering heels they were at eye level with me.
a bi boy called me darling and kissed my cheek. it was all very surreal. ive not really experienced 'gay adelaide' as such. there were quite a few people there who looked very familiar.

after cleo trounced about the stage in her sexy way, we decided to leave because the music was hideous and was making me angry. i checked my phone and a nice drunk boy had messaged me so we drove over to the worldsend and drank alcohol. i got asked for ID on my way in and i laughed and thanked her. she also wanted to check my bag and its funny cos i had three smirnoffs in there and she just let me go right in. woohoo! no paying $8 a bottle for me, thankyou very much.

so i introduced miki and baz to the elvin boy and they were impressed by his cuteness and his glasses and the fact that he says im sexy. hear that? im sexy.

there were a lot of interesting games going on that i didnt quite understand. something with a peg, a lot of shoe steeling, a lost bag? i dont know, but everything worked out in the end and we were on our way home by about 3, i think.
the thing i dont like about share houses is that you cant guarentee that there wil be tea bags that you can use. and that was the very thing i discovered when we got back to toms, no tea for me. he shall have to learn that tea is a very important part of my life. its up there with sleeping and reading. oooh, reading, im reading fingersmith at the moment. its really good. it was on the abc a little while ago, im hoping i can get in on dvd. ha! dvd. we finished watching we can be heroes last night. bloody brilliant.

aaaaaaaanyway

i slept the whole night in his arms

saturday was fun. lots of lazing around and kissing. lovely. we went to the brickworks, walked to the city and caught the train back to my place.
i'd like to tell you what we did, but id rather wait for the photos. and its not rude, you disgusting people. minds out of the gutter,thankyou.

i went to my first coctail party. i felt very sophisticated in an underdressed way, but i was soon drunk and dancing and having a lovely time. i also felt like a foreigner as most of the party was german

'are you two...?'
'together? yes'

cue me blushing like crazy and getting all shy and embarrassed.

i participated in getting a room of boys to stop and stare when a girl asked me to kiss her. it was apparently a very popular part of the evening.

and quite a few people who were there have visited this site, shout out if you were there, and send me any photos you may have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

last night marked the rerunning of the last episode of last seasons queer as folk in preperation for next weeks return to fanfuckingtastic monday night viewing.
there will be homemade icecream cake, cheese, and snickers and mars toastie toasties.

you are all invited

my new favourite thing

papouilles

means kinda caress, kinda warm fuzzies, kinda tingles

stuff and nonsense

And you know that I love you here and now, not forever
I can give you the present, I don't know 'bout the future,
that's all stuff and nonsense

tim finn

stolen from clem

CARLY
C	is for	Confused
A	is for	Ambitious
R	is for	Responsible
L	is for	Lively
Y	is for	Yummy

What Does Your Name Mean?

ow

last night, clancy jumped from the ground, connected her claws to the back of my neck and hung there.

it really really hurt

well thats just weird

scrollig down my bolg and i see that there are comments on my melbourne post. not just comments, but unknown commenters. and not just one, but three

so, own up, come on. pre-pubescent boy, sairento, boobarama, who are you???

***UPDATE***

scrollig down my bolg???? what the fuck? basil, miki, we have a new song name.