the things that are hurting are things that shouldnt be. i got a phone call to say goodbye and i cried more than i have for anything else to do with this. even cried while M was here. everything just hit me. i dont have anyone anymore. all the people who are important to me arent really here anymore, they're just floating around pretending. it's all my fault and as much as i say sorry i'm not apologising for the right things so things will never be right again.i've been asked to make the decision today. all i can decide is that i want this to end and things to be happy again. i cant decide where i want to be and who i want to be with for this to happen. im supposed to call to find out how much money we can get from the government. M is going to quit and be a stay at home dad. he said if i go i'm not to come back.