it's weird how guilt is presenting itself. i bought matt a flower. he asked me why and i said it was because i saw it and thought of him. he thinks that that was guilt. last night, matt watched clerks and mallrats, (we have chasing amy and dogma to go), and i sat up and made things for holly. i dont know if or when i'll be game enough to send them to her. i'm scared she'll throw it away, or burn it, or that i'd make things worse by sending it. i'm thinking of something for sean too, but, although not to the same extent, i'm thinking the same worries about him as i am with holly.