Sunday, July 28, 2002

it's funny how much not thinking helps. i mean, everything still hits occasionally, but for the most part it's been good. M and i had a good day yesterday. we dropped the boys off at M's parents house and went for a bushwalk and a picnic down at this gorge past glenside. M found it while i was at helen mayo, letting them find out if i was crazy or not....'do you get messages from things like microwaves and toasters?' we walked down through all these gullys and little trails, it was really green, but not really slippery, although M fell over twice. the only time i freaked out was when i almost touched a used tampon. nice. a few steps further there was an empty condom wrapper. if that doesn't spell hurried teenage sex, i dont know what does. anyway, we had an olive foccacia with metwurst and cheese, saladas with spicy capsicum dip, and for desert M had a finger bun and i had an apple scroll. yum.
we found this little hollow thing, it was just like out of lord of the rings. you could just imagine a ringwraith riding down the hill, and some hobbits scurrying behind the fallen tree stumps and hiding in the long grass. we followed a little trail and found a kind of a clearing, surrounded by cliff faces. and there was this owl in the tree. it was so still. owls amaze me. they look so sturdy, they're so strong, smart, patient, and underneath all those feathers they're tiny things, fragile. it followed us around with it's little 360 degree turning head. cute. and we kissed. and it was a nice kiss, not hurried and forced. M went to kiss me and as i started kissing back, my head said, 'stop trying to force things, they'll happen eventually', but then i told myself to shut up, i switched off my brain for a little while and i kissed like i wanted to, but didn't let myself before.

we had a good day.

we also bought a funky lounge. emptied our savings again, but we dont have any big bills for a couple of weeks, so we should be ok. it's a sofa bed, so, if our visitor/visitors do come, they can sleep on that. it's pretty comfy actually, considering how old it is. we think it's from the 50's or 60's. it was made by american steel supplies and it got bought out over here. it's really cute.

M's having a kind of down day. there are things that he needs to talk about with certain people but he's scared. his worrys are about one person in particular...well, two i guess, but he doesnt feel like he has a right to feel them. in his words, 'she isnt mine'. he asked to read H's blog, we started reading and, as i am a faster reader than him, i read some words first that i knew he couldnt see. i told him to stop but he kept reading. he's really sad and hurt and i don't know what to do for him. i'm trying though.

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