heeheeheeeeeee

One day a pair of whales, Lucy and Fred, were swimming along when they came across their friend Ned, who looked terribly sad. They asked him what was wrong.

Ned said, “You see that boat up there? It killed my father.”

Fred said, “That’s terrible. But I know what we can do. We’ll take deep breaths, swim under the boat, then exhale and upset the boat. And then we’ll eat the sailors.”

Ned thought this was a great idea, but Lucy said, “Fred, Fred, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times. I don’t mind doing blowjobs, but there’s no way I’m swallowing any seaman.”

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Two nuns are riding bicycles down an unfamiliar road.

One nun says, “I’ve never come this way before.”

The second nun says, “It must be the cobblestones.”

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ok, this one made me laugh so much i cried...

Why do woman wear makeup and perfume?

Because they’re ugly and they smell.

i know my sense of humour is bizzarre

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and now for my joke....

one day there was a snail who was selling encyclopedias. he slid up to a front door and knocked. the man inside opened the door, looked around and couldnt see anyone until he looked down and saw the little snail.
"hello!" the snail said and smiled, "i'm selling encyclopedias"
the man picked up the snail, screamed "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!" and threw the snail across the garden.
two weeks later there was a knock on the mans door. he answered it and looked arouund, and again, it wasnt util he loked down that he noticed the snail sitting on his doorstep.
the snail looked up at him and said "what did you do that for??"

and off i go laughing myself silly..........