Monday, September 23, 2002

sonya from MAPS emailed me and told me about a movie that her friend is making. it's a 1950's detective movie so if i get a part that should be really cool. i've emailed him my resume and photos...i guess he'll get back to me when he sees it.
matt wasnt too keen on me doing it. when i told him instead of being excited like he normally is he said, 'do you want to talk about it now or later'. that pissed me off. a lot of things have been pissing me off lately, and a lot of them are to do with matt. i took eli to the doctor earlier. i knew nothing was wrong with him but i just wanted to make sure there wasnt a real medical reason why he isnt sleeping or able to exist without screaming. and i was right, theres nothing wrong. i really just wanted to get out of the house. he fell asleep in the car on the way back so i went to mums for a couple of hours and just yelled and yelled about matt. i felt better i guess. i wrote out a wishlist from the avon catalouge of new makeup and perfume stuff that i might like if mum was feeling generous and wanted to give me something that might cheer me up for a second or two.
when i got home matt was very sweet to me. he didnt act mad that i had been out for so long. he just asked how eli was and showed me the photos he'd put up. he also made me some cup of teas and played with my hair a bit. maybe it's guilt? maybe he's just trying to be nice? maybe it's nothing at all and i'm just looking for reasons? i dont know.
i told mum how i wanted to move back there for a while maybe. she didnt say no. she just said maybe matt and i should have more of a talk about it tonight.
i said to her, and mary when she rang today that i'd rather leave temporarily now and work things out than leave for good later on bad terms.

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