Tuesday, September 03, 2002

it's sun showering :) that always makes me smile. it reminds me of one day when i was little, i must have been in year three or younger....from my memory of where i was standing, my guess is year two, and there was a sun shower and heaps of us kids started laughing and running around on the quadrangle in the rain. it's a happy memory.
i finished my 100's and 1000's just then. i was glad to have had so many pieces of faerie bread. and im glad that i was the one who finished it. is that selfish? probably, but sometimes mummy's deserve something a little special.
i hate the bank. i went to get money out today to buy the kids a treat for being so good and it said we had zero dollars. nice way to scare me ATM! when i got home and rang the bank it turns out that i had $14, so, since $20 is the minimum it showed up as no money. stupid way of doing it. anyway, i listened to the last transactions and they were a $5 and $2 miscellanious debit. which means fees. if they hadnt taken them out the boys could have had something nice. stupid bank.
matt wants to have another baby. i told him he has to either build me another room on this house or buy me a new house, THEN we'll think about another baby. my money is on us not having a baby.
mary is very happy with how im going. i dont have to go back and see her for another 3 weeks. she said she's proud of me for what i have achieved since starting to see her. she can see a definate difference and it's for the better. she talked to someone she knows about reporting sexual abuse. and this person said that i would have to talk to someone and have a statement taken down, then they'd look at it and see if theres enough evidence to convict. if there is, they will, if not then my statement goes on record. i dont know whether i will or not. i know for sure that there isnt enough evidence to do anything cos i never went to the doctor about anything and i didnt say anything until years after it happened. and i dont know if i can go through saying everything that happened if nothing is going to be done about it. it goes on record, i know, but what does that mean? its not going to stop him from doing it to someone else. mary said i have to stop looking up his address. i told her there's only one person listed with his name, but it isnt his initial. she's trying to convince me that its probably not him then. but his name isnt common, its a relative of some kind. or it means he's got a silent number, no phone, or he's living with some other woman and doing stuff to her kids. i told mary that and she said that he may well be but i shouldnt worry about that. but of course i do cos i feel like if i had done something then that i could stop things from happeneing to other people. i'm supposed to keep telling myself it isnt my fault.

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