Saturday, February 25, 2006

probably not the chance of a lifetime

so i'm getting to the stage now where i have to make a pretty big decision. its a $5000 decision, and thats pretty fucking huge for me.

if you had the opportunity to travel to paris with someone, would you go?

thats an easy question, but its not as simple as that.

say you had feelings for this person but they werent returned 'in the same way', meaning, 'i love you, but only in the way that you love me, not the way love really is.'

add to this the fact that you're prone to anxiety and panic attacks and you had one in port lincoln of all places because you felt too far away from home. for those of you without a map, paris is further away than port lincoln.

stir in a dash of uncertainty as to whether or not the aforementioned person could support you when/if a panic attack occurred. you believe they could, but you worry that witnessing it and having to help calm you down may damage the relationship you have with them.

and lets just say you knew that when the time came to leave, you'd be going back on your own, with the very probable possibility of never seeing said person again.

what kind of thinking is it, to say that you're having second thoughts about leaving? is it selfish? is it scared? when you think that money could go towards your very own house, should you be spending it on a trip to paris?

it'll always be there, paris, that is. but your savings are dwindling as it is, and that $5000 is a significant chunk.

can you wait? do you have to go now? when most of what you can see ahead of you is pretty hazy but leaning towards the crazytown way of thinking, do you think maybe you should just wait?

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