hand it over!

i went to my mums house this morning on my way home. after a couple of cuppas and some toast she handed me the things that she'd saved up for me over the last couple of weeks, and i put them in my bag.

then she said, 'wouldnt it be funny if the police pulled you over and asked you to empty out your handbag?'
and i said 'or if i was walking downt the orad and got mugged, wouldnt they be disappointed'

here are the contents of my handbag today



it was then i realised i would never be a proper mum, with the tissues and the bandaids and other assorted things a child may or may not need at any given hour of the day or night

1. my bag. originally priced at $29.95, i was definately in the right place at the right time when i scored this baby. when i bought it, it was marked down to $5.04 until someone realised their mistake and were repriced at $20.04.

2 and 3. moisturiser and soap my mum has gotten for free from work thinking that someone might want it at some stage (please see above, where i said i would never be the kind of mum who carries those sorts of things around)

4 and 5. deoderant and hair removal gel. spent the night at toms. had to do my legs and ran out of time at home, therefore, hair removal products travelled with me

6. potato masher

7. jila min...hang on, what the? potato masher? yes. go mum, again. i mentioned that i have lost my potato masher. i realise this is a stupid thing to do and in all probability, quite hard to do. a potato masher is not something that just disappears. mum doesnt have mashed potatos, and therefore, does not need a potato masher. the 30 year old instrument has been handed down. it has become an heirloom. get excited kids, one day it shall be yours

7. jila mints. two packs for 50 cents? yes please

8. purse. possibly the only thing worthy of stealing in the entire bag. you cant really see it in the pic, but theres actually a ten dollar note sticking out the top. yep. im rolling in the cash

9. beaded bracelet. you never know when you may feel the need to wear one

10. mobile phone. speaks for itself really. ha! no it doesnt, its a tool you use to speak to other people!

11. tampons. self explanatory

12. badges. the shins! garden state! i checked my letter box about a month ago and these were in there. i still havent taken them out although ive worn them occasionally and just put them back in my bag.

13. STA travel business card. one of the places tom and i looked for plane tickets. if anyone knows of a good travel agent, could you let me know? thanks

14. fringe guide. as with the last item, if anyone knows of a good show to go to this saturday night, please let me know. im in need of somewhere to go to celebrate my birthday

15. two different types of lip stuff, watermelon and vanilla. because you never know what mood your lips will be in

just so you know

i dont just think americans are stupid, here is a quote from our very own prime minister

JOHN Howard says the refugees he falsely accused of throwing their children in the sea deserve no personal apology because they did the next worst thing - "they irresponsibly sank the damn boat, which put their children in the water".

with many thanks to jessausculture. please please read this. fucking.hilarious

now that vickis back i can begin my rant of the stupidity of americans*

tom sent me this.

"i never realised how much bigger south korea was than north korea"

do you know why? BECAUSE YOU'RE COMPARING THE SIZES OF MAINLAND AUSTRALIA TO TASMANIA YOU STUPID STUPID MAN

*now then, dont get your knickers in a knot. you know i dont mean *all* americans. detective goran is american and he is quite quite lovely *and* knowledgable. infact, he could do whatever he wanted to my knickers

probably not the chance of a lifetime

so i'm getting to the stage now where i have to make a pretty big decision. its a $5000 decision, and thats pretty fucking huge for me.

if you had the opportunity to travel to paris with someone, would you go?

thats an easy question, but its not as simple as that.

say you had feelings for this person but they werent returned 'in the same way', meaning, 'i love you, but only in the way that you love me, not the way love really is.'

add to this the fact that you're prone to anxiety and panic attacks and you had one in port lincoln of all places because you felt too far away from home. for those of you without a map, paris is further away than port lincoln.

stir in a dash of uncertainty as to whether or not the aforementioned person could support you when/if a panic attack occurred. you believe they could, but you worry that witnessing it and having to help calm you down may damage the relationship you have with them.

and lets just say you knew that when the time came to leave, you'd be going back on your own, with the very probable possibility of never seeing said person again.

what kind of thinking is it, to say that you're having second thoughts about leaving? is it selfish? is it scared? when you think that money could go towards your very own house, should you be spending it on a trip to paris?

it'll always be there, paris, that is. but your savings are dwindling as it is, and that $5000 is a significant chunk.

can you wait? do you have to go now? when most of what you can see ahead of you is pretty hazy but leaning towards the crazytown way of thinking, do you think maybe you should just wait?

spellbound

every morning this week, and every afternoon, as im driving to and from work,i find myself gazing off the main roadway and resting my eyes on the many stobie poles lining the streets.

i am spellbound by one man



isn't he jusy dreamy? im hoping he'll ask me to the enchantment under the sea dance

post-no-more

any of you who got to read my post about valentines day/botanical gardens/josh pyke/garden of unearthly delights/sex shop/deep fried mars bars/dollshouse garage sale/watermelon bags etc, you are a small crowd. blogger spazzed out and lost anything that was published in those few hours, and that post was one of the things.

im not writing it again

it was long and took ages. if you really wanna know, just ask me

so instead, i'll press shuffle on my itunes and tell you the 10 songs that play

• shifting sands - anthony atkinson
• different names for the same thing - death cab for cutie
• the loneliness of a middle distance runner - belle and sebastian
• kissing the lipless - the shins
• move on - mike doughty
• we'll live free (in NYC) - clue to kalo
  
• baby boomerang - the shins
• the invention of ordinary everyday things - the lucksmiths
• flown - machine translations
• this dies over distance - clue to kalo
  

damn you blogger!!

blogger ate a post

a post that was already up and here for a day or so

a rather lengthy post

fuckers

im going to make a cup of tea

part deux, section b

there were a few parts of the last few days which i forgot to tell you about. the first being that on thursday night i managed to get lost. yes lost. in adelaide, i hear you ask? yes, i answer. arent adelaides roads pretty much laid out in a grid formation, therefore making it virtualy impossible to get lost? yes, i answer again.

after watching the film in the botanical gardens, instead of turning right onto hackney road and driving home the way i came, i made the decision to turn left because of my fear of crossing over main roads.

this was my first mistake

somehow i ended up near regency road, then upon asking a guy at the traffic lights, we found out 'the port' was way back towards the city. i always get lost in that area. if it gives you any idea of how far i drove, i used almost a quarter of a tank. go me!

i am very certain that there is a black hole/timewarp sort of deal going on around that area. its the third time ive gotten lost out there. never.driving.out.there.again

the second that happened was on saturday while kirsty and i were looking for a park at marion. we were waiting behind another car with its indicator on, who was waiting for a parked car to leave. you with me? we had our indicator on as well, as we were waiting for another car to pull out so we could park there, afterthe car infront of us had gone into that park. still with me? excellent. while we were waiting another car drove up from the other side. kirsty and i simultaneously yelled out 'NO!!!' and shook our fists in frustration. kirsty beeped the horn a little and they got the message. that'll learn ya. when we got out there was a family walking past the car, the dad said something along the lines of 'i thought that mercedes was going to steal your park' and i told him that we both had yelled pretty loud so that was probably what saved us. his wife remarked on the way in that he'd better not mess with us. too right, sheila.

thirdly, part of a horoscope email that insists on coming to my inbox every day even though ive unsubscribed;

Gird up your loins and get to it

im not so sure of the meaning of that, so i think i'll just leave my loins ungirded for now

and lastly, JOSH PYKE EMAILED ME!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah, who's cool? why, that would be me

happy valentines day

dont say 'happy birthday'
dont say 'merry christmas'
dont say 'happy new year'
unless you've got some evidence

seasons greetings-rob clarkson

you've broken up with your boyfriend. its been a while, and you've both moved on, with your lives and to other partners. you dont really get along with the new girlfriend. you tolerate her as best you can, which isnt much.
your ex has lost his license, and today requires you to drive him to a few places. you stop off at a shopping centre, and he says 'lets go lok in kmart'
you then spend the next half an hour shopping for a valentines day present FOR HER

i hope you all had lovely days

i'm gonna go watch clerks

rock photography

i read daniel boud's post recently about how to take good rock photographs. im not sure how many of the rules i followed, but what do you thinnk of these?



ps. notice the capo? "it makes the sound sound different"

sigh

uni workload must be pretty low at the moment

question of the day

why is it that my cat enjoys sitting in my pants while im sitting on the toilet?

thursdays child has far to go

i was born, and quite possibly concieved, on a thursday

lying in advertising

i dont think any of you would understand the excitement i experienced when seeing tonights ad for law and order criminal intent

i was getting my goran back

sure, according to the ad, i'd have to share the screen time with mr big. thats ok. i know that vincent collapsed a few times during filming. he's exhausting himself, he deserved a bit of a rest. he was in basically every scene in the other criminal intent series, im sure he would have welcomed the break

but do you think he was in the opening credits? aaaah,that would be a no
perhaps he was a special guest star? babow
maybe he just sticks his sexy little face in for a second? wrong again, idiot

dear channel 10,
i am mad at you for your false advertising. to get my vagina tingling for no reason is very mean
i want detective goran!
and while you're at it, could you please bring back young talent time?

thankyou

love carly

the grammys

most of the time i cringe when i see these ads on television. great, more american crap to be crapped down our throats to join the rest of the crap.

crap

at least when the boys saw the ads, x said, 'yeah! foo fighters! gorrillaz!'. im so glad he doesnt like r'n'b or top 40.

but when i see pictures like this, i wonder why i dont spend my night watching and pointing and laughing

for those of you too lazy to click, here is the caption :

You're at the Grammy Awards, honey, not the gynecologist. Put your peaches back in the can, stand up straight, and stop visually begging people to use their trophies as a speculum.

oh yeah, you're clicking now

dont throw them away!

when i was in year 10, it was 1992. i would regularly wear my hair in plaits and wear corduroy pants to school. for a while, i was happily overlooked and left to wander around from class to class, enjoying my own friends and rarely being spoken to by anyone else.

in 1993, that all began to change. in 1993, melissa george hit summer bay and started dressing like me. ok, so i didnt wear the make up, and i also didnt have the boobs, but according to my class, the only reason i woreth clothes that i did, was because i wanted to be like angel from home and away

i would generally make a face like this and continue to write cure lyrics in my diary

the reason im talking about 1993? well, just like it did in 1993, plaits and cords and all things boho, is back. you all know that. its a tad hard not to see that

but

wouldnt you lik eto know whats gonna be in next, according to some thing that i read in rip it up?

bubble skirts
leggings
high waisted pants
stirrup pants, look, heres a gallery

apparently the late 80's early 90's is gonna be the next big thing. i really dont see myself wearing fluro, do you? but as i wasnt wearing it when it first came around, i guess its safe for me to say i wont be wearing it this time

i'd really like to find a picture of someone wearing black stretchy pants, a reeeeaaaally long jumper (this can either be woollen or with some ridiculous picture on the front, lets say, cats in a basket), some slouchy socks over the top of the leggins, and some kung fu shoes. can we all please take a look at this photo and imagine her, less attractive, and with bleached blonde hair with black regrowth?

yuhuh, good luck world

just the way it is

eli has developed a...well, not a fear, but, he's a bit worried about wiping his bum after doing a poo. for the last couple of weeks, 'mum can i please go to the toilet and do a poo and then you wil wipe my bum, ok?' and for a little while i was doing it but then i thought, hang on, he's been doing this himself for a while, whats going on?
so i said no. and he held on for a couple of days until he screamed and writhed on the toilet in pain.

today though, i found out the real reason

eli, sitting on the toilet, screaming, crying, wailing 'mum.you.can.wipe.my.bum.please' (insert the crying and sobbing between each word)
'eli, why cant you wipe your own bum?'
'because i dont know how'
'do you know how to learn something?'
'no'
'by trying'
'but it cant'
'why not?'
'because i just know how to play with toys and thats all'

monday nights

they'll never be the same. south park, drawn together, john safran, queer as folk. geez, if we really want to go back, life support.

but what i think has changed monday nights the most, happened just this week.

on monday night, kirsty came over and i found myself watching a dvd wherein a grown man told a dog and bear puppet that a panda puppet was taking a look at his top cock

things will never be the same again

my favourite book*

*at the moment

if you can get a hold of this book, please do it. do it. im not asking you, im telling you. do it and do it now.

now

done? excellent

liar!

just so you know what im talking about, go here and read along with me (you will know when its time to turn the page whenyou hear the chimes ring, like this blalalalalalaling....lets begin now)

briliiance. brilliance in a box. well, a book, but still. the rest of the book is equally brilliant and hilarious and you must read it now

big day out

so, was anyone else a little disappointed by this years big day out? i mean, i still had a great time. saw some good bands, saw people i havent seen in years, and i only got a little strip of sunburn, but comparing it to other years ive been to, there werent many bands that rocked my socks.

the day started off quite nicely. kirsty came to pick tom and i up and we drove via foodland and the fruit shop to the showgrounds. there were lots of people walking, but as far as line ups go, there was nothing. straight in. even got given a free mini can of coke zero.

the thing with the coke zero though, was that as soon as i got to the bag check, even though the can wasnt open, it was taken away by the grumpy looking security guard and added to the pile of mini coke zeros. as i protested, he said 'im just following the rules' and behind him in all the other lanes, people were walking in drinking mini cans of coke zero. just following the rules my arse. you just had a hankering for 400 mini cans of coke zero.

also, my three unopened bottles of water were questioned. one per person, apparently. so tom held one and the girl behind me held one and we walked through the gate.

how the people with the beer bong got it it, i'll never know

immediately after our bags were sorted though we were told to 'move behind the line' even though we hadnt finished putting everything back. everyone was in such a hurry.

i managed to catch the last song and a half of little ice age who i enjoyed. i also saw a bit of faker, sleater-kinney, gerling and end of fashion. i really enjoyed the couple of songs the go team played. that girl can dance dance dance. the kings of leon were actually pretty boring and i was surprised because i've always read good reviews of them. it looked like the fans were enjoying them though, so im glad they had a good time.

i got to see no through road for the first time and matt was as full of himself as i was expecting and hoping. it was fantastic. one of the highlites of my day.
sarah blasko was absolutely beautiful, angelic and magical. so very very special.

after a yummy potato and a lay down an a giant inflatable phone, we made our way to the living end and i lost everyone until we all met up again after the white stripes. we did bump into each other intermittantly, and kirsty and i sat together for iggy and the stooges. but mostly we all spent that time by ourselves surrounded by the mosh. its really the best way to experience the big day out though, in your own world, with everyone around you doing the same thing.

im a bit disappointed that i didnt get to silent disco. maybe next year.

another thing that disappointed me was the camera work for the white stripes. i get that jack is the main singer, but with only two of them, surely you could cut to meg a little more often? thats all im saying.

franz ferdinand were franz ferdinand. not that impressive to me, but the fans enjoyed it. really, there werent any bands (apart from sarah blasko) that i was dying to see. hopefully next year.

heres a list of the bands that played, followed by bands i think should play

The Hot Lies
Stolen Youth
Sumi
Mindfield
No Through Road
Wendy Icon
My Sister the Cop
Little Ice Age
Bit by Bats
Foreshore
DJ Brendan
DJ Beckylove
The White Stripes
Iggy & The Stooges
Franz Ferdinand
Kings of Leon
Henry Rollins
The Mars Volta
Soulwax
2 Many DJs
Sleater-Kinney
The Magic Numbers
The Living End
Shihad
Wolfmother
End of Fashion
Gerling
Dei Hamo
Mudvayne
The Go! Team
The Subways
DJ James Murphy
The Greenhornes
Kid Kenobi plus MC Sureshock
Magic Dirt
Cut Copy
Hilltop Hoods
Cog
Beasts of Bourbon
Sonicanimation
Faker
The Grates
Youth Group
Wolf & Cub
Vitalic
M.I.A.
Sarah Blasko
Airbourne
The Presets
DJ Ajax
DJ John Ferris

next years big day out line up

the shins
weezer
brighteyes
kings of convenience
death cab for cutie
the postal service
augie march
pollyanna
pavement
archers of loaf
the lemonheads (with nic and david)
you am i
the whitlams
humblebee (mehehe)

hmm, ok, thats all for now. im sure i'll think of more later

from outside my house and the end of my street

11:18pm

tom's asleep in my room. im awake out here because ive had an arguement with personwhosnameimustnevermention and now i cant sleep. when i say arguement, i mean, he said something mean, on purpose, and when i questioned it, he wasnt sorry. so i hung up. then swore at him in 160 characters.

so now im awake and out here when i should be asleep and in there storing energy for the bigness and outness of tomorrow. i need to buy water and fruit, and decide whether to overcome my fear of the train or drive, dress or jeans and a tshirt...so much to do

ive started writing a post about the hottest 100 in response to the surly boys comment. i'll finish and post it soon, just like the rest of bevis' cd review. it'll happen. these things take time. hold your horses. patience is a virtue. all those sayings, you know what i mean

my boobs are really heavy today

thirsty. yep. thirsty.

hmm....

really wish i could sleep. that'd be good. this time tomorrow night im gonna be so fucking tired. i wish you am i were playing, that'd be good. i cant wait to see this lovely lady again. photographed by sexy sexy sex dream boy, daniel boud

excuse me, but what the fuck is wrong with my computer? my mouse is highlighting back-to-front, everything is loading slowly even though i signed up for a new, faster, expensiver, never run out of bytes plan that started on wednesday? pissed off much? well, i was already, but now even more so.

whinge and whine, sorry, forever stroppy and all that....oh!

x lost a tooth. i've got a photo but i cant get to it right now, will post soon though. nothing i like better than being woken up to look at a fleshy hole

blehi

im home sick from work today. just incase you're wondering, shakes+hot+cold+needing to wee+not much wee coming out+achey+sleepy+almost kinda maybe vomiting=urinary infection. so im on antibiotics and ive been told to drink 'lots lots lots lots lots lots lots, and i mean lots of water'. i have to call back in a couple of days to find out if im on the right medication which worries me slightly. i just hope im ok for tomorrow.

so, to take your mind off of my wee, or lack there of, go look here. just scroll past the axles, gears and whathaveyou, and check out the escher and mathematical stuff. its all pretty fucken cool. if anyone has a spare few hundred dollars, they could get me this lego that i used to have when i was little