perfect now




i'm a bit obsessed with e at the moment. i dont know what it is, maybe its because of his birthday coming up. im not sure.

when he was born i was very...distant...i guess when i look at it from a 4 year distance i can see that it was the post natal depression that did it. still left over from x, not totally healed, and all of a sudden this tiny little boy comes into my life. he doesnt need anything. he wont eat, so i dont feed him. he rarely cries, and when he does the nurses take him. he just lays there and sleeps so beautifully

but i didnt really want him. no, thats a lie. i did want him, i just didnt want to hurt him. i wasnt sure of myself, sure of anything. but i brought this perfect tiny person into the world without a say or a thought for him.

i did have a special feeling about him. i really think he has saved my life.

but i'm still scared i'll break him

perfect now

Everything is perfect now
I dont want to make a movement
I'm too scared to breathe; I might do something wrong
As you're sleeping silently
Perfect beauty laid before me
I feel every second is a life time long

Here's a place I've been before
A place some say I should go more
But every journey just leads me so far away
When I just wanted to stay

So that's why I wont wake you where you lie
If I could now I'd freeze time
I cant find forever in your eyes
I should leave you while they're dry

Living underneath this guilt
I cant leave a house that I have built
Though I feel it sinking further everytime
And th weight of my mistakes
Means that everything I touch breaks
I dont want to see you as the next in line

So that's why I wont wake you where you lie
If I could now I'd freeze time
I cant find forever in your eyes
I should leave you while they're dry

sarah blasko