i just checked my stats and someone...possibly even matthew baldwin HIMSELF visited my blog. i hope i was writing something snazzy and hip and not in any way embarrasing that day

Carly
Carly for sale. aff
Check out the deals now!
www.eBay.com

that was an add on a google page i just saw. so i went to ebay and searched for carly.
of course there were a hell of a lot of carly simon things for sale, but there was also this. its kinda cute in an ugly way, BUT if you scroll down further you will see something extremely frightening. go on, keep scrolling. believe me, you'll know it when you see it.

i also found this, mehehe

yeah, im not going. its far too hot for my sexy self to drive into the city and sit in the sun.

have fun without me

Our Amazing ‘Squirting’ Strap-On Now Vibrates!
SHOOTS OVER 20 FEET


i dont even want to know what sort of person would buy this

meat me!

well, it's been semi organised. the gorgeous glancey and myself have decided to have our blogger meet up at the feast picnic on sunday.
please feel very free to flaunt yourself in front of the lesbians at the lesbian and gay day in the park and join us for a big gay out

thankyou australia

you helped the fat girl win!



i always had a soft spot for casey. i really liked chanel and courtney, but once they were gone i was going for casey. i guess i really would have gone for anyone who was up against anthony. as you may remember i called him a plastic cunting bastard, and i stand by that. no, i do not have any hard evidence to back up my claim but everyone knows i rule so you should just believe it anyway.

i really didnt think casey would win. i said to kirsty earlier in the night that i thought anthony would win, but i had a tiny glimmer of hope, thinking that casey might actually have a chance. i'd really like to know exactly how many people voted.
i never thought she had a choice. not being mean or anything, but she's a fat aboriginal girl from the western suburbs of sydney, there is no way anything like this should be happening to her.

on the australian idol message boards there are cries of a conspiracy from anthony fans. that just makes me laugh. especially the comeback from this casey fan

By: bferbear_73
6 minutes ago
Message #419386

In reply to:
Re:jealousy and cons ...

Yahoo! Profile:
bferbear_73

Re:jealousy and conspiracy theories

It was Professor Plum in the Library with a candle stick.

That wasnt a theory on how Anthony lost idol btw, but how he lost his virginity.

we had the first read through of equus last night at harry's house. it went really well. i'm really looking forward to it. the cast is diverse (thanks kirsty) and harry's ideas and vision for the play sound great.

i'm currently in an arguement with optus. i went the strathfield last sunday and signed up for a mobile phone plan. my phone is really cool. i'll try and find a pic of it. the deal is pretty good too. send 3 texts and get the rest free each day. now thats all well and good for me, but the people who i talk to most and in a back and forth way are with virgin which is only 5c a message between virgin customers. and i doubt they're gonna want to write back to me all the time if its gonna cost them 15c more each time.
now, the reason im arguing is because i signed up on sunday and i havent been able to use the phone all this time. optus havent switched me over properly yet. so i fail to see why i should have to be paying $25 a month for a phone im not using. especially when i can pay $15 a month with virgin and get the same deal.
they're ringing me back today to see what they can do. if it doesnt work out for me, can anyone remember the name of the website that investigates things like this and does all the calling and explaining for you? it was on today tonight or a current affair a while back.

mmm, yoghurt

ok, im off to do the washing and enjoy my monday at home while i still can.

GO CASEY!

the natural order

without realising it i have an order in which i do things, and if i dont do them in that exact order, my life is turned upside down.
for instance, i must boil the kettle, and while its boiling i get the cup ready with the tea bag and honey, i get my effexor out of the cupboard and then i get the milk. if i differ from this i will more often than not forget my effexor thus fucking up my whole day.

i didnt realise that this effects me and my car as well. today when i pulled into bilo i but my hand break on first rather than putting it into park, turning my car off and THEN putting my hand brake on. this caused me to try and leave my car with my seatbelt still on

yeah

even i think this is pretty bad

Reward offered for 'baby Jesus'
November 18, 2004

THE South Australian Brewing Company has offered six cases of beer to anyone who can produce Jesus.

The company today offered the reward after thieves made off with baby Jesus from its traditional nativity display earlier this week.

Brewery managing director Mark Powell said security footage showed a man scaling a fence and swiping baby Jesus from his manger along the banks of the River Torrens.

The nativity scene is part of the brewery's wider Christmas display - an Adelaide tradition for the past 45 years.

"The Christmas riverbank display has been an icon event in South Australia and this is the first time that anything of this kind has happened," Mr Powell said.

"We are very concerned about the wellbeing of baby Jesus and we are calling for his swift and safe return."

Mr Powell said a reward of six cases of beer had been offered for the return of the "child".

"That said, you would have thought that the incentive of a guaranteed exit through the right door after purgatory would be enough of an incentive in itself," he said.

news.com.au

there is a picture of the display here. its a pretty crap picture but its the only one i can find.

i used to love going to see the christmas lights. there were always kids there in their dressing gowns and slippers and for some reason i was always jealous of those kids. i suppose that was an early insight into my love of spending all day in my pyjamas.

the christmas display is totally and utterly lame. there are even things in it that have absolutely nothing to do with christmas. for instance, my all time favourite, that guy who hits the thing with the hammer. im sure that is his official name...i'll look it up later. this guy lives in a volcano, and he hits something with his huge hammer and then 2 seconds later theres a spark and a bang, its great.

i wonder if they've put anything in the cradle in jesus's place. it'd look pretty scary for the kids who know what is supposed to be in there if it was empty. perhaps i could donate my pretty little maori doll. she's just sitting in a box in the boys room and they dont play with her that much. she'd definatley be a closer colour to the real baby jesus, if there was such a guy

warning - pic heavy post


haalllrighty, first up, party pics. so far we've only seen photos from nathans camera. nathan is the guy in the pic with me. and there are no full length shots of me so you'll have to make do with this one for starters



next, a couple of months ago i was stolen and taken down to the beach to be a model for a day. i sucked at it, but i like this photo



i photo shopped mazz out of it. he was under the stairs making a face.

next, you will see my special little guy eli.



last year he had his photo taken by this lady and he was holding a sword. this year she dresed him as a wizard and i was a bit fneh about it cos i thought he'd look lame, but the photo turned out really sweet. until you look at it again and realise that that boy has the devil in him

now, i cant see these pics so i dont know if they've worked or not, so could someone let me know? thanks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pics have been fixed, i still cant see if they work or not, but apparently they do

If you are depressed, please know that you are not alone. Please get help. If you know someone who is depressed, please understand that they are in pain, and please help them get help. Most importantly, listen to music a little louder, dance a little crazier, sing out loud in the shower, honk your horn for no reason, give your dog an extra treat, call your mother and tell her you love her, hug your friends even if they aren’t the touchy-feely type, eat french fries once even though your diet tells you not to, walk around your house naked, and hold tight to your motherfucking family.

dooce

decisions decisions

ooh, pay me! lower your salary please! sorry, just had an 80's television commercial flashback. dont get me started singing the song about germs or vitamins.

so you al know about my stellar job that rules the rulingnest? yes. 23 hours a week, library officer, collection management. what that means is that i process the books so they can be put on the shelves; checking the barcodes, printing and sticking on the spine lables, putting the tattle tape in, then entering them into the computer. i cover books, i process cds, videos and tapes, i do a whole heap of stuff and as well as that i get to do desk duties for a couple of hours a day.

im really liking it at noarlunga. the people are really nice and they seem to have accepted my uniqueness straight away. even when i unintentionally outed myself in front of them they're still cool.

the one thing that sucks about my job is that its a contract position. because i'm covering somebody else maternity leave hours, my job could end after 6 months, or a possible 12.

so while i'm working away, hapily cleaning gunk off of books to make them shiny and new again, gill comes in and says quietly, 'carly, have you got a minute?'
i freak a little bit, wondering what i've done wrong. she walks me to the bosses office and i freak a litle more. i calm down a bit once i realise he isnt in there, but helen is and she's still a boss to me.
'take a seat, we just want to have a little chat'
now by this point i am understandably shitting myself. so much so that i ask what i've done wrong and tell them that they're freaking me out. they laugh a little and tell me to calm down, that its absolutely nothing bad, 'well, it might be for us, but not you'

woodcroft library called and offered me a full time permanent position in their library.

38 hours a week, monday to friday. but that's not all. i would be in programs, specialising in childrens, which means i'd be in charge of all the activities and guest speakers for the childrens library, adult programs, school holiday workshops, and outreach into near by schools and kindys.

yeah

full on decisions need to be made.

the main reason im thinking no is that i dont want eli in childcare for that long. he's my baby and i want to see him grow. i should be the one looking after him, not somebody else. he's my responsibility. but i cant turn something like this down. noarlunga said they dont want to lose me, that they'd be very sorry to see me go. but that they would rather lose me now to woodcroft, than lose me completely at the end of my contract.

i dont know who i slept with to make things swing my way but i must have been bloody good.

i have to make a decision by monday. i'll let you know

if liking her makes me a lesbian, then colour me dyke!

He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note
That said "use these down to your bones"
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him
I thought "this one knows better than I do"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

So the next one came with a bag of treats,
she smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea
And she told me don't trust them, trust me
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one,
looked at my insides clicking
her tongue and said "This will all have to come undone"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

I think I realized just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
Could you leave me with a scar?


AND she's sexy

sneaky

i'm blogging from work. what a sneaky sneak i am.
today is the first day i have to work late. i'm here till 8 tonight. bleh. i will get home in time to see all saints tho so im not complaining too much.
hmm. nothing too exciting going on here..news...news...hmm..oh!

i got the part of jill in equus.

yeah

so i did a lot of walking yesterday and i've been taking the stairs all the time at work today

i WILL have a sexy bum

woohoo!

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/images/samantha.jpg
To link it (the actual code):

Pisces

Many people long to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex - but you’ve taken it a little too far! Everyman and his dog is chomping at the bit to… erm, chomp at your bits. If this was Sweden, you could have both of them. As is, you might just have to wash five times a day to control the overpowering pheromones that ooze from every pore.

sandy update

i decided that sandy was possibly fibbing to me and wasnt actually going to give me a million US dollars, so i thought i'd see what would happen if i never wrote back again.
as suspected, sandy stopped writing to me.

what a fibber. i had plans for that money

imagine my delight when somebody craved my indulgence and sent me this

From:Danny Merchant
Email:danny@dannym.org

Dear Sir/Madam,

May I crave your indulgence to open this business discussion with you by an informal letter of this sort. It is pertinent that a business of this magnitude should have commenced properly with a formal meeting between you and us to enable both parties know ourselves, have a fore knowledge of the nature of the business, discuss and acquaint ourselves with the responsibilities and functions of both parties and appropriate shares accordingly.

I am Danny Merchant, secretary to Finance Minister of Nigeria .This is an urgent and very confidential business proposition.

Nigerian government is about to collapse, so I with the help of various other ministers am trying to transfer money outside Nigeria. I am looking forward to invest US$21,500,000.00,(Twenty-One Million, five hundred thousand Dollars) in your country with your assistance. Because my main problem I need assistance from a foreigner who can invest money on our behalf in other countries. As I am public servant I can not use this money on my own, I need your assistance.

I will give you 25% of the total money for assisting me. For the confirmation of your willingness to assist me reply via my email with your full name, address, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. It will also help me to prepare relevant documents to transfer money to your account.

Due to the nature of confidentiality in this Transaction our communication can only be via email, and fax mostly.

Awaiting your urgent reply via my private email:

Thanks and my regards.

Danny Merchant
danny@dannym.org

i'm wondering id danny got my email address off of sandy. and you know what else i'm wondering? im wondering where all these millions came from. i didnt think nigeria was that well off but there's at least two people who have several millions of dollars between them. surely they could get together and help each other out?

perhaps if he doesnt already have it, i'll give danny sandy's email

it's been a while since i've actually writen anything of merit on here. i realise most of my posts are self indulgent rants about how cool i am.but this time im actually going to write about something that is important.

i was at work the other day and an old guy was telling me that he didnt have a problem with gay people getting married and having the same rights as normal people, its when they start wanting to have kids that the problems start.

this shits me.first of all, the inclusion of the phrase 'normal people'. obviously that shits me. secondly, he says he has no problem with gay people having equal rights but then says they cant have kids so what is it? equal rights or no? he says the problem arises when a heterosexual couple want to have kids and need to use IVF. and then a gay couple come along and need to use it to, and if the gay couple get teh help, the straight couple wont. now, not only is this utter bullshit, its crap!

gah, people make me so angry. i really wish those fuckheads at two cents would let us silly lefties see their site again. it was full of useful fodder for me to get angry about.

check out this site for the inequalities between gay and straight couples

btw

i went to the party as a school girl, complete with white ankle socks, mary jane shoes, pig tails and a back pack.

there will be photos

i hereby reclaim the queen of funny throne

vicki says:
apox on ur higher wage rate.
carly says:
$16.16 an hour. time and a half till 12 on saturdays then double time after that
carly says:
mwahahaha
vicki says:
while ur sitting in ur air conditioned lil building surrounded by books and doing what you've always wanted to do, spare a thought for me sweating in the sun and in a shed surrounded by dirt and dust and fucking farmers for $10.50 flat rate
carly says:
you fuck farmers for $10.50 and hour? i'd be asking for more than that
vicki says:
oh har har you are so fucking funny.
carly says:
i know

where is my imagination?

im going to a fabcy dress party tonight and i have no idea what to go as. i cant think of anything remotely cool. i guess i could go as a geek, but then i wouldnt have to dress up.

oh, and vicki's ex bf is maybe coming just because i smsd him and said he was cute. bwaaahahaha.

i honestly have no words for these people. i...nope, no words...

a letter

you are a sexy, dark haired girl. today you wore your hair in a messy ponytail with the end tucked under. so did i but it didnt look half as good on me. you were wearing blue jeans, a pale green knitted jumper and a scarf and were looking at the dvds in noarlunga library around 12 o'clock
if this is you, please come back. you were very pretty

love carly

anthony callea is a plastic cunting bastard

dear miranda airey branson and andrew bolt,
this post is dedicated to ms fitts

casey is adorably cute, and courtney fucking rules. anthony stood there afterwards looking like he knew damn well he shouldnt be there. what with his gay arse cover band already traipsing their pansyness all over australia, aided by mark holden who i will shoot and kill if he ever says one word to me

oh, im talking about australian idol incase you didnt know.
anyway, im off to watch law and order*

*if you are ms fitts, please read that as 'masturbate myself stupid over sexy lesbians'

subliminable

1610

hang on, i'll write that again for you. one thousand six hundred and ten. that is how many words i have written so far for nanowrimo. national novel writing month. novel. as in a whole book. as in way fucking more than one thousand six hundred and ten words. as in actually 50 000 words (fifty thousand words).

there is no doubt in my mind that i will fail

the flag on the round about along the esplanade is flying at half mast.
did someone important die or did they just realise the whole world has gone to shit?

imagine a donut in the shape of australia. so the coast line of australia is a doughy mess with sugar and all that gear, and the middle is a hole, right? you got that?

ok

did you know it is raining everywhere except the hole today? dont you find that bizzarre? great for the farmers, yeah, but bizzarre none the less since this is australia and its november.
november is hot. australia is the driest continent. (south australia is the driest state in the driest continent, i know this because i am a library officer). and it is raining. not just drizzling, but stormy and pissing down with rain.

i have playgroup today. here is a photo of what the weather looks like right now in seaford.
this is my new favourite website, btw. it proves my donut story from before. see this?, melbourne...raining.

rain is one of my favourite things.

alright, down to business. what the fuck is wrong with the world? i completely forgot about the reults of the US election. as in, i remembered people were voting that day, but then the next day forgot about it all together. and then im driving to work that morning and i hear the speach that the other guy gave, conceding defeat before everything was even counted. i was both completey taken aback and completely not surprised at the same time. here i was thinking that the american people would see what a crock that wanker is, and they proved me right by turning out in droves to vote. but what i didnt think about were the people who would have been sitting at home thinking, 'well we never voted before because we knew he'd always win...now there are all these weed smokin hipies who are against our country who want some other horse faced loser to win...well gee cletus, we'd better get off our porch and vote for the pres-E-dent.'
but you know what? it may not have even been that. if he can lie his way through four years before, who's to say he cant lie his way through counting votes?

cunt

cunt stained smegma, thats what that man is.

well fucking done, gah!

i cant imagine how broken half the american population must feel right now. they got out there and tried their best, most believing that they could actually make a difference. so many blogs i had read mentioned how good they felt after voting, how they could feel the change in the air. the results must be so disheartening to them, more than anyone else from other countries.

i'll finish off with some good news

go aussie go!

library officer from collection management = me

oooooow!!!!!

ok, my back is really hurting, and im very very bloody tired, but all in all my job is pretty good. i think my favourite part so far is checking the books in. i like using the clunker. i am the only person who calls it the clunker. it doesnt even make a clunking noise so i dont know where that came from, but yeah, clunker, woohoo!

today i worked in collection management for the first time. this is where i will be based for the majority of the time. when they told me this i thought it meant i'd be in charge of calling people and telling them they have overdue books and owe us money (vicki, i'm looking in your direction....did you order a symphony orchestra too?). but its not. collection management is the management of the collection, ie, the group of books that belongs to the libraries. we get to buy books, catalogue them, put the stickers on them and the anti theft thingoes, which are called tattle tabs or something like that which i think is really cute. then once they're processed and all that gear we send them off to the other libraries or down stairs to be put away on the shelves. the whole system from woah to go takes a few months actually, its very involved. i dont understand the majority of it and i dont plan to. can i just say at this point that woah to go is wrong, isnt it? because if it was round that way we'd be stopping first and then starting which makes no sense at all. so strike that, reverse it.

so yeah, i do that. i work on the desk for a couple of hours a day. only an hour at a time too. and tomorrow i'll be down in the childrens library which will rule. i got to look at so many cool picture books this morning while i was collection managementing. more books, more books i say!

no one has visited me. i repeat, NO ONE. this is despite many promises too. i am deeply hurt and upset.

oh, and while i was tidying my shelf today...yes, i have a shelf, and its poems, plays and theatre bizzo books so thats cool, i came across a book by none other than the delightful and delectible, miss alie beck. she has also written in a few other books. we love alie. everyone say it together, we love you alie.

my eyes are hurties.

WHY CANT I SEE MY PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck

stupid blogger. yeah, ok, its probably stupid me. but how come i can post pictures for months and now it goes and be's stupid. be's. what an intelligent word for a librarian to use. well i guess technically im not a librarian for another 10 and a half hours or so.
i think i might take this opportunity to use non librarian words.

snuck
pfft
gonna
tekalogicool (yes, i am a retired cricketer)
funner

tommorrow i'll either be smarter,(cleverer)or i'll know just how dumb i really am.

so yeah, all the massive blank spaces are suposed to be photos. i'll fix it when i work out how. shame really. this one especially had a tit shot....

your windows drive has only 4MB of free space

i'm getting really fucking sick of this message. admittedly the number of megabytes mentioned has changed over the last couple of weeks from 26 to the current amount of 4, but its still a boring annoying message.
what is also boring and annoying about it is that it seems that no matter how much i delete and or move, the number is still going down rather than going up.
there are no more files to move. they all say that as a windows program they need to stay there. can i move windows? can i pick the windows icon up from my D drive and carry it over to my C drive where i have some inordinate amount of space, and dump it there? can i do that without fucking my whole computer?
i doubt i can do anything computerish without fucking my computer. i suppose the only compfort i can take from this is that my computer neither has a penis or a vagina, so at least i cant fuck it literally. even if it did, i dont think i'd do it. nothing against ugly people, but generally you just dont do it for me.