something in the way

its not pining, no matter what some people say, but my heart does still belong to someone else. its really hard. really hard.
i try and fill my time with other things. with going out, meeting people, having fun...and i *am* having fun. im just not having fun with him and thats what makes me sad.
i put on a brave face. when i talk to him, i try to sound happy. i know he can hear whats underneath though. he's not that stupid.

i am though

i keep saying the things he doesnt want to hear, and i read into the responses he gives, and the answers he doesnt say

and i think about how he has a whole other life, seperate from me, far from me, that i will never be a part of. even when i was, i was on the outside...

i miss him