post secret

play wand

no longer do you need to scour pages online and send your credit card details, no longer do you need to head to the city, past the dodgies in the doorways, choose your purchase and pay the creepy guy behind the counter.

now, if you need a bit of vibration, you can just head down to your local chemist and ask the nice ladies at the desk which one would be best for you

driest state, driest continent



that is what adelaide looks like today, folks. and ground? best you soak it up and do something with it. im not enjoying the flood in my backyard

i love the rain. i love laying in bed and listening to it. actually, one of my happiest moments in my old house was being snuggled in front of the heater with my cats, watching amelie and having the rain hitting so hard i thought the windows would break. doesnt sound all that soothing, i know, but it was *my* place, my windows, my heater...my wintertime

whats not great about it is how last night i misjudged the corner at the servo and burst my tyre, and now my car is sitting out in the rain with one foot off the ground, waiting for someone to help.

you will all be astounded to find out that i actually took everything out of my boot so i could get to my spare tyre. sure, its in a pile on the loungeroom floor, but its out of my car and that is a start.

carly says:
the biggest loser is still on
carly says:
you know that hugest guy, damien?
carly says:
he lost 74.9kg
MedusA says:
yeah
carly says:
thats me
MedusA says:
wow
carly says:
thats insane
MedusA says:
yes it is
MedusA says:
who would want to lose you!

something in the way

its not pining, no matter what some people say, but my heart does still belong to someone else. its really hard. really hard.
i try and fill my time with other things. with going out, meeting people, having fun...and i *am* having fun. im just not having fun with him and thats what makes me sad.
i put on a brave face. when i talk to him, i try to sound happy. i know he can hear whats underneath though. he's not that stupid.

i am though

i keep saying the things he doesnt want to hear, and i read into the responses he gives, and the answers he doesnt say

and i think about how he has a whole other life, seperate from me, far from me, that i will never be a part of. even when i was, i was on the outside...

i miss him

i dreamed that i was driving my old green car, and i pulled up in the driveway of my old house.
my nanna was there and she had done my dishes.

when i woke up, i found that none of these were true

fruit and vegetables

smurfs are measured in apples. they are 3 apples high.

it seems that my progress out of whatever ive been in this last few months, is measured in potatoes.

even as recently as 2 weeks ago, if i was hungry i would make some toast, a bowl of cereal, or more often than not, just go to sleep so i wouldnt be hungry or have to eat. sleep is a great escape, and one i was using more and more as my old medicine slowly wore off. i found i was sleeping almost 20 hours a day, only waking to read a little, check emails, eat/drink a bit, take kids to school. it was the safest, most comforting place for me to be.

now im awake, and im hungry. and i could make toast, and i could have a bowl of cereal. both of those things i have had for breakfast since then. but for dinner?

i cooked potatoes.

ok, they were microwaved, but i still cooked them. and then, the next time, i defrosted bacon, cooked it, cut it up, and added it to my potatoes.

in terms of measuring how far i've come, thats a pretty big step.

today i drove down to bens and did some recording. it was great fun to do that stuff again too.

see you on the weekend

i dreamed that i was in a big backyard in the hills somewhere. e was holding a really long snake and it was biting him and that made him frown.
i ran to try and find a stick that i could hold the snake down with, but all i saw were more snakes so i grabbed the snake from his hands and it bit me.
i could feel the poison going up my arm.
i grabbed e and started walking towards the house and for some reason, called out for dad.

surprise surprise, he never came

so, counsellor thinks this is big me and little me calling out for daddy to look after me, when i know he's never there.

me, i think i dont want e playing with snakes

great big woah

scary and real and...yeah

its shit like this that makes me so mad at people who dont have real mental issues, but think they do, and also at people who use my mental issue as a way to have a go at me.

its not fun, and we dont choose this.

joanna says:
nah i just am not in the mood to deal with men
carly says:
fuck men!
carly says:
or not
carly says:
just aloof to the max!
joanna says:
well the ones that you count on always turn out to be scum bags
joanna says:
so i dont bother anymore
carly says:
aw
carly says:
what happened?
joanna says:
i might just become a lesbian
joanna says:
tis a looooong story
joanna says:
meh
carly says:
lesbians ok....girl sex is pretty good, but i found i wanted cock
joanna says:
yeah i do too
joanna says:
but its like
joanna says:
cock = having to deal with dicks
joanna says:
thats my theory
carly says:
yeah
carly says:
its a good theory
carly says:
may i blog it?
joanna says:
yes
carly says:
thankyou

conservapedia - the trustworthy encyclopedia

just incase any of you out there were confused about how koalas came to be what they are today:

Origins
Koalas are correctly said to be indigenous to the Middle East, as are all terrestrial animals. Australia became their adopted home to which koalas journeyed after the original two were released from Noah's Ark at the conclusion of the Great Flood. Most creationists believe that these ancient Koalas were considerably hardier, faster, and far less fastidious in their diet than their modern descendants, which have degenerated into sleepy, gum-leaf chewing opiate addicts as a result of human sinfulness. The virile, proactive Koala of Biblical times would have been far better endowed physically and emotionally to undertake the epic journey across the world from Mt Ararat to Australia. As original Australian fauna consist almost entirely of marsupials, it is likely that bands of marsupials undertook this journey together. Indeed, the Koala may have been carried by the Kangaroos in their pouches, along with other small marsupials for much of this time.

Retrieved from "http://www.conservapedia.com/Koala"

why playschool is really very funny

one toy has posted a parcel to banana (from bananas in pyjamas).
when the parcel is opened, it is a pair of pyjamas (!), but alas....

ingrid: its pyjamas, but - wrong pattern, wrong size! oh well, thats online shopping for you!

STILL RELEVANT!

check out what i found when i got home yesterday

e has his first wobbly tooth

my baby is growing up

melbourne

what had the potential to be a shithouse weekend turned out to be the bees knees and the cats pyjamas.

friday night started out wonderfully. i met ben in the city and we journied to the wheatsheaf to see two bands i have heard so much about, yet have not had the pleasure of seeing *ever*

i will now categorically state that i am in love with sarah masters and have been since hello minnesota. so last night, seeing her play with her lovely husband aiden in running with horses was such a wonderful thing. the songs make me smile and im just downright happy to see them. even the sadder songs give me a smile, but more a smile of knowing 'yeah, i get it'.
after their set, ben took me over to sarah and she gave me a badge. this also made me smile. chatting to them both at the end of the gig was a delight. this was also made extraspecially more fun by hanging out with pippa. we're gonna start our own library. its gonna be rad.

next up were little ice age, another band ive been itching to see for a long time. for whatever reason, im always either already busy or just have no idea that these two bands are playing and i miss them every time. this wont be happening in the future. if you havent seen little ice age, can you just go and do it please? this band is so good it makes me want to cry.
the drummer...tristan? came and sat with ben and i afterwards and we had a nice chat. i totally have mad crushes on absolutely everyone who played friday night.



so after that, we drove into the city for transmission. $5 and ten minutes later we were told we would be vacating the premesis as some cockface had blocked the toilets.

good one, cockface.

so after leaving ben with his friends i travelled east towards shotz. aaaah, shotz. with its sticky checkered floors and stage just made for falling off. i dont like the stools and tables though. much to high to maneuver yourself up onto whilst drunk. anywho, i took many photos which you can look at over here . lots of dancing, not a huge amount of drinking as i was driving, but i "YAY-GER-BOMB"ed with emma sarah which is always fun. the bald brothers were back, but i didnt like to look at them so i cant tell you if they were with the same girls as last time. i know you're all on the edge of your seats about that. lets just say, if you're on the side of true love, they were. if you love a scandal then *shock horror*, they were trying to eat the faces of two new girls.

i left when my alarm bells rang and drove home using my cruise control as i got a nice letter from the police people saying ive used up half my demerit points. i also managed to get a strawberry thickshake at 330 am, a fact that i know you are all interested in becuse we all know how upset i get when they're already turned off the icecream machines when im on my way home.

on saturday morning i jumped on a plane and flew to melbourne. twas sunny when i left, but when i landed in melbourne airport i was a tad chilly. no matter. i was tired, so all i did saturday afternoon was go back to my hostel to find....

HOT BOYS

i didnt realise i would be staying in a room with HOT BOYS but let me just say that i wasnt disappointed. pete was from canada, stuart was from england, the tatooed one with the girlfriend, i cant remember where he was from, but he had a girlfriend anyway and i dont play that way.

i stayed here, and this is a photo of what the rooms looked like on the website.

this is what my room looked like.

hmm.

well, at least it would be if i could get my computer to register that my camera was there.







***UPDATE***


got it to work! apparently it does make a difference which of the 4 usb cables you use to plug into the computer

anyway. i slept for the rest of the afternoon and later trotted on down to meet kate, hannah and kirsty for dinner and ben kweller. yummy. for both things.

so here is where it could have got messy, but thanks to my absolute coolness and radness, i kept my head screwed on and proceeded to have a fucking awesome night. ben kweller=absolute dreamboat

sunday was spent on brunswick street, having bacon and eggs for breakfast, drinking coffee and snapping up bargains. totally how i'd like to spend the rest of my life.

am i the luckiest person on the planet? everytime i visit some webpages it turns out i am the millionth visitor so i win a laptop. i am so great.

does anyone know of a site where i can change a cd into mp3s to send to someone?

would you look at that? that last post was my 1500th. i imagine i'll be recieving my certificate in the mail.

today i feel much better. wow, the wonders of prozac. its only my second day but i woke up (before lunch time) and wanted to get out of bed, which is a first for me in a very very long time.

i was starting to think maybe my good feeling yesterday had come a little prematurely when i started tearing up at all saints, and something else that was even less worthy of tears...what was it...something lame. 'something gay, no doubt'. i've had my fair share of tears these last few days. i think finally having all the medication out of my system opened the floodgates, so to speak.

but today im feeling better. and that can only be a good thing.

dear river murray and water restrictions,

i apologise for the shower i just had. if it's any consolation, i do feel a bit better. i can still hear it echo in my head when i blink and i still cant turn my head without falling over, but while i was in there i felt almost a smidgen of normality

love from carly

ring of rosies

i am so happy that you're insanely happy with your self

and i am so glad that you social circle is going the great guns you hoped for yourself.

when you return to adelaide it will

all

fall

down

today is the last day without medication. it has not been fun. apart from being able to spend my days doing one of my most favourite passtimes; sleeping, there has not been one great thing about this week

but i guess detox was never meant to be fun or easy

i thought i might feel better by now, but no.

i managed to leave the house last night, and as joanna said 'im so proud of you for being awake'. im quite proud of me too, but if its what has contributed to the way im feeling today, im not too sure it was a grand idea.

head is spinning, pounding without pain. my fingers reach for my phone and ive twice let them write the message, only to delete before sending.

boys suck arse

hugs to kym and steve, and much kudos to joanna for boysitting last night. pancakes and walking were a good idea.

hugs to ben for being my friend - lies are not much more fun, grates, sorry to break it to you.

chad - was lovely to see you again. im not sure reading the celestine prophecies is going to fix my head but i'll give it a go anyway

bedtime

hopefully when i wake it will be tomorrow

Shotz
This Sunday night is myself (Gosh! at Supermild, Jam) and Mr Mod Ross Phillips (Jam) for an indie only Shotz. No commercial pop and no emo guaranty!* Kicks off at 9pm. Saturday drink specials apply.

*rofl

josh pyke - covers thrown

If you're to believe in the things that I say,
You should know I speak up even when I'm afraid.
Cause it scares me more to think you wouldn't know,
How I feel when those covers get thrown.
And I kick them off in the night when we're sleeping,
So we wake from our warm dreams to find ourselves freezing,
And you corner me on edge and expect that I'm fleeing.
But it's just that those covers got thrown.

You're enough for me,
Am I enough for you?
And ordinarily I wouldn't ask such a question of you.

And it's only recently to me occured,
that I'm not at all sure if I could take the hurt,
Or the ache I'd incur from a heart-break like her.
But it's too late those covers got thrown.

You're enough for me,
Am I enough for you?
And ordinarily I wouldn't ask such a question.

But I've been investing much more than I'm worth,
Fully expecting to collect a return,
And based on the climate things could be much worse,
But this gambling frightens me.

Try not to be careless or jealous with hearts.
And try not to think of the end from the start.
And don't cripple your future with limps from your past,
Cause it can get cold when those covers get thrown.

scared

im scared of sunday and monday

for the first time in over 4 years i'll be completely unmedicated. not just gone a day without my meds, but entirely, completely, 100% unmedicated.

i've been sleeping most of this week, while i've been winding down my meds. its taken a while. its a long way down from 300 to zero. 4 days of 150, 4 days of 75, 4 days of 37.5.

then sunday and monday i have to go it alone

ive been waking up, getting the kids to school, then retreating back into my covers. when im sleeping i dont notice that im shaking. that im dizzy. that the silver sparkles are everywhere. that im staring off into space. when im sleeping i'm dreaming and i dont have to think about how to pass the hours.

when three oclock comes, i get to the school, get the kids, come home. feed them, settle them down, and im back to sleep. or if not sleep, im cuddled up with one, staring into space while i hear about which pokemon is the best one to catch and why its good to use lots if colours in a drawing. i try to be interested. i am interested. ok, not in pokemon, but in the fact that they have an interest. i just cant show it. right now i am incapable of showing an emotion that isnt 'im tired, leave me alone'

there is no where else i would rather be, than here alone or on the other said of the world.

.................................................................................

on tuesday i start prozac.

this makes me feel like a celebrity, in some way. at the same time its a fake antidepressant, but a name that makes me feel like what i have is real.

its possible that i will be quite quiet until my brain settles down and i start functioning properly again.

its also possible that i could be chatty and be writing on here all week.

who knows

i guess we'll both find out soon enough

proud

today, my baby won first place in a running race. when i picked him up from school, he had a blue ribbon pinned to his chest

when i picked him up yesterday, another mum came up to me;

"did you hear what your son did to my daughter? walked up to her, held her face, said 'love ya, lan!' and planted a kiss on her"

though it wasnt hard or far, i walked you to your car

oh oh oh

you dont understand. well, perhaps you do. i know of some people who will totally understand...let me explain.

what do these two bands have in common?



its kind of a hard question, but if you were my friend back in high school, you would know that these two bands were the favourite bands of my best friends.

my favourite band at that time? was it pearl jam? was it nirvana? was it something else sufficiantly grunge rock?

it was...the lemonheads

oh. i loved them. i loved them so much. i saved up all my money and bought the video 'two weeks in australia' and i knew it off by heart, even the facial expressions while they spoke, i asked for their tapes for my birthday and christmas. i had books about them and a big laminated poster. evan dando was going to marry me and we were going to live happily ever after, falling down and sleeping in parks together.

and last night he touched my hand.

they played at the gov with poly and the statics last night. im not sure i stopped smiling. i was so happy, that last night i managed to cross a road without needing to hold someones hand. there's proof for you right there. the lemonheads cured my fear! well, while i was still riding a high from seeing them. i got the set list too. not that it was a set list really, more a collection of songs that they played in whatever order took their fancy at the time.

oh. it was so great.

so great

a question

dear internet dilemma answerer,
im going out tonight to dance and get sweaty. i'll be wearing brand new dark blue jeans that say 'wash before wear'. does this mean when i get home my legs will be blue?

thanks,
from ratherhave skincolouredskinbuthavenotimetowashanddrypants

really, all i need to say is

phoenix*

jarvis cocker

the pixies

*i touched thomas's arm. skinny rock boy. hot.

my friday night, in a post made as a comment on audreys blog

me, looking rather cute in an orange dress, dancing and minding my own business.
him, dancing 'casually' up to me, looking, staring, walking closer til he's right in my face 'oh! i thought i knew you, sorry'
'thats fine', i say, as i turn away from the engineering student.
'oh, how embarrasing. i really thought i knew you and i just walked right up to you. oh well, we might as well introduce ourselves, i'm luke'
'hello luke', i say, and shake hands
'so whats your name?'
'carly'
'thats lovely. thats a really nice dress you have on too'
'thankyou' i am attempting to dance away from the boy, but he is dancing me against the wall. he then puts his arm over my shoulder and leans against the wall. he leans in. this is my cue to dodge, duck and weave and come back with my patented 'no boys on fridays!'
also, those bald guys were creepy. did you see the four way pash they had going on with those girls? *shudder*

saturday night? well..at one stage i had three tequila sunrises and was made to dance like pink

uhuh