i lied

its a problem i have, lying. i do it without even thinking. doesnt matter what its about, someone will ask me something and i lie will come out as an answer. sometimes i'll tell the truth afterwards, sometimes i'll let the lie answer for me

i lied

im not one of the bravest girls alive

i am so fucking scared

i dont know what to do with myself

i want to go

i want to hide

i dont want it to happen

i dont want him to win

i dont want him to win again

i dont know what to do anymore

im not brave anymore

home

when i got home i was greeted with this, as i am most days



two more little faces that make me smile

im good with you

a letter to someone in particular, but please, all can read it

dear truth fairy,

here i am, fighting my own battles like you asked. i dont know who you are...i can see that you're in adelaide and have visited my blog quite a lot, but apart from that, you are a mystery to me. and by the sounds of it, a very thin, svelte mystery. probably muscular and toned too, and you've never sat in your lounge room, watching tv with your friends and eating cake.

and you know what? i feel kind of sorry for you because of that. im sorry that you dont have the kind of friends who can forget about weight issues and the pressure to be thin all the time. im sorry that you cant lower yourself to my level and sit on the floor instead of at the table with a proper knife and fork and placemats. im sure you have some sort of butler who sets the dining room for you? your friends sit at the other end of the table and you make polite conversation about the weather? then you run off to the bathroom and vomit out all your food i suppose, so you can stay thin and beautiful.

no, this isnt a private website where you cant comment. i encourage comments, and i welcome them. what i dont encourage or welcome is people calling me fat. im not fat. im not a sickly size 6, nor am i even a size 10. what i am is the average size for a girl. size 12 to 14. hello world, i am admiting to you what size clothes i wear. i wear clothes marked 'large' because of people like you, truth fairy, who insist that people be boney and twig like.

im sorry that you saw my post and decided we gorged ourselves. im sorry it repulsed you. i had 2 toasted sandwhiches and a slice of cake. what did you have for tea on monday night? a small side salad? i actually ate some special k cereal for breakfast the next day. then i had some nice soup for lunch and chicken for tea. inbetween i drank lots of water and i even ate an apple. the cereal i ate standing up because i was getting ready to go out that morning, but everything else i ate at the table. please feel better about me now? am i as good a person as you? please let it be so.

oh, and thanks for helping me. i do feel so much better after whining about you and how you make me feel, and i hope, in some special way, that makes you feel better too because thats what this world is all about, isnt it? helping people, making them feel better, bettering the world and making it a happier place to live. hopefully without any fat people eating on the floor.

just as you choose to stay anonomous, uncontactable and without a website link for us to read and see what you're really like, i choose to be me.

my name is carly. i have this blog where i write what i feel and what i've been doing lately. on monday night i ate my dinner on the floor and had a great time.
i am a size 12-14 and dont complain about my weight. sure i have 'fat'days, but im healthy and thats the main thing. what i choose to put on this site is what you know me by and i really hope that the majority see me as more than fat.

truth fairy, all i have to go on are your comments. so, so far i can tell that you arent willing to show us what you look like, what your opinions are about anything except eating on the floor. you have something against people size 12 and over. and you like to wank.

wanking i have no problem with. its an enjoyable passtime, and it tones the tummy muscles. im sure yours are rock hard. its the rest of it i have a problem with, and i have every right to.

as i said before, there is nothing here saying dont comment, but now there is this

i dont appreciate you calling me fat. i dont appreciate calling my friends fat. until you are willing to discuss this on fair grounds, ie with me having the same background knowledge about you as you have on me, then i would appreciate it if you stayed away from my blog.

thankyou for your time

love carly

and then i got told i was fat

i've been pretty happy lately. im down to 2 75mg tablets of effexor a day now and im coping. i've only lost it at the kids a couple of times, and it has been confirmed by other people that they are being particularly persnickety lately. i've been keeping my house relativly tidy. i've not been messaging people i shouldnt. i've been returning emails. ive been having pleasant dreams. i havent been cutting. i've been going out, not hiding in my house.

a lot of this has been due to spending time with tom. he makes me happy and sparkly and i've been enjoying myself a lot. the way he looks at me makes me feel special and princessy and im feeling good about the time we have together. i know it has to end, but i think i'm dealing with it ok, especially for now.

i havent really been thinking about the court case, but when i have ive been ok. i keep telling myself i'll be fine, and that theres nothing to be scared of. and then i remember that its actually not very far away at all. december. early december. the first week of december. its only 2 months away.

nina from the dpp called me the other day and we organised a court tour. this is when i began to lose it. i could feel all my good work, all my keeping strong and brave starting to unravel. we went inside a court room and i got to sit in the witness box. to get to the witness box you have to walk right past the box where he will be that picture is an old one. now they gave some thick faintly tinted glass around the box that he'll be sitting in. and i can have a screen up between us. i said that i would have it there and use it if i needed it, but that was before i knew what the layout of the room was. i'll definatley be having the screen now. i'll be sitting right next to him. who designed these rooms? my mum isnt going to be able to talk with him right there next to her! i dont think i'll be able to either


i left there and i messaged people. i couldnt find anyone who was nearby. simon helped me last time i tried to find the court, so i messaged him. he reminded me there was nothing to be scared of...just an insect, remember.

tom messaged me, that made me happier too but i realy needed someone. a body. somebody to hold me and say it was going to be ok, not just electronic words in my palm.
i caught the tram down to matts work, crying all the way, and when i got there i was treated to information about l. i dont mind, i really dont. yeah, there's a part of me thats jealous, but only because its not me making him happy anymore. but it hasnt been me making him happy for years, so really its not my place. but it was just the timing, it may sound selfish but i needed it to be about me at that time. i dont know if im coping now. i dont know if i can do it. i dont know if i can sit there with him that close to me, and tell them what he did to me.

then i came home and read the comments of my last post. so thanks truth fairy and fat albert, you just added to my most pleasant day. now i feel like hiding again because not only am i a bad person who bad things happen too, im also fat and disgusting.

you know what? i know im not those things, but it only takes a little reminder, a little push for me to start believing again.

last night i dreamed of car crashes, of bikes smashing into cars, no one stopping to help, just keep on driving, just get out of there...just get out of here

you have no idea what we just ate

so i'll show you



please notice kirsty's sock in a couple of photos

that is all

i must roll to bed now

weekend wrap up



despite our best intentions, i spent the weekend on west beach road which, according to personwhosnameimustnevermention does not exist but here is the undeniable proof!!!! take that, beard man!

tom moved house this weekend and now lives even closer to the beach than me. i was going to take a photo of the view from his bedroom window but the sea was the same colour as the sky in a grey way, not a blue way, so the photo wouldnt have been very good. just know that he can see the sea. its a really nice place....the only photo i have of it is this one and its pretty much just a photo of tom with no shirt on. oops. that boy is always losing his clothes. anyway, its a nice place that he's sharing with tushar and even though its further away than his old place its easier to find and we all know that simple is best when it comes to me and directions to places.


my weekend started out on friday night when x went to the school disco. he actually participated in the dancing and the face painting and the spray painted hair. my little man is growing up. this is the only photo he'd let me take of his face though to prove he had it painted.they also gave out glow sticks to the kids. trying to breed a bunch of clubbers. when we got home, i took the photos then put the kids to bed. x came out after about 5 minutes and said he had something to tell me. apparently he'd snuck out during the disco so he could see the glow stick working outside, and teachers had to come out and look for him. i told him it wasnt the best thing to do, and that he knew that, but thatnkyou for letting me know....back off to bed.
"but i was so naughty mum *sniffle, tears rolling down his cheeks* i dont deserve to go to bed, you shuld make me stay up"
doesnt work that way, bucko

so saturday i dropped the boys off with personwhosnameimustnevermention's mum and sister at gloria jeans. e has the funniest, cheekiest sense of humour. he asked where we were going, i said 'to see granny and auntie r at gjs', he says 'oh...grandma and aaron at cjs' and laughs his little head off and runs away.
the i drove to west beach road and met up with tom and tush at their new place and took tom op shopping for bed stuff. i was supposed to go to jasons birthday party that night, but i'd spoken to alison earlier and we were gonna meet up later in the city. i was all set to go to crank for a while then mosey on down to supermild to see craig and ross but we had to have tea first. tom made spaghetti bolognaise. minus spaghetti and tomatos. mehehe. i made him toastie toasties for tea sunday night so im not much better. ooh, remind me about toastie toasties.
so yeah, all set to go out, but we fell asleep and i didnt wake up till about 3 so we didnt go out.

sunday was a day of first experiences for tom.he experienced what it was to be a librarian and then we went back to my place for toastie toasties and a night of australian idol and detective goran. he's such a quick learner. by the end of it, he was telling laura gissaro to fuck off before i was now, dont try and tell me you looked at that photo and didnt want to reach into your computer screen and stab that girls eyes out. look at that patronising git. she isnt feeling sorry for poor natalie, she's silently praising satan for all the money her family has so they can vote their little spawn through week after week.
unfortunatley i dont do australaian idol justice. i cannot sit here and go through each performance as i get side tracked too easily. i cant go 5 seconds without calling mark holden a cockhead or telling some one to fuck off. if you want to read about idol the way it should be read, go here, just come back afterwards so you can keep reading

hmm.hmm..la la la alaalalaaaaaaa, hmm hmmmmm, bebapbadoooooo...hey, maybe i *should* audition for australian idol next year...hmm.....lalalalaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ok, good, you're back

sorry, what? oh yeah! toastie toasties, thanks. tonight, vicki and kirsty are coming over and we are going to eat gross yummy food and watch the australian idol live verdict show!! we are so those two girls from the telstra ads. kirsty is bringing home made icecream and we're gonna attempt a recipe i saw in a book some lady borrowed from work.

this + this + this, this and whatever else we decide might be yum

yeah

i am a librarian

superheroes were kids once, too

not many of you will know this, but spiderman was once an angry little boy. i know you've all seen tobey maguire acting out his geekiness in the movies, but i'm talking about *before* his parents died, *before* he went to live with his aunt and uncle.

he was a wild and crazy, untamable child, prone to mood swings and uncontrolable fits of rage and tears. here are two such examples



now, on the other hand, my son e is a picture of serenity. hows the serenity.



and x is also a beautiful child. he just asks lots of questions. like, 'why are you taking a photo of me, mum? seriously....why?'

i wanna take you to a gay bar gay bar gay bar

on friday night i made vicki scoff her dinner down and drive me to the city via the bottle-o so i could buy alcohol. as the sms said, 'no tea, alcohol'. i think i made my wishes pretty clear.

miki and baz dropped me at the duke of york for a night of dancey dancey, but when i got there, even tho it was quite late, there werent many people there and no one was dancing. that was disappointing. i really felt like dancing, and dammit! no one was dancing!

so instead, i went to a gay bar and watched gay cowboys shake their sexy bums

and got caught staring at the gay cowboys eating pudding dancing

AND i got to experience the wonderful cleo cosmopolitan in action. fuck shes hot. and she touched my boobs. and i touched hers. very squishy. i dont know what she makes them out of but they're very nice. it was hard not to look at them since in nher towering heels they were at eye level with me.
a bi boy called me darling and kissed my cheek. it was all very surreal. ive not really experienced 'gay adelaide' as such. there were quite a few people there who looked very familiar.

after cleo trounced about the stage in her sexy way, we decided to leave because the music was hideous and was making me angry. i checked my phone and a nice drunk boy had messaged me so we drove over to the worldsend and drank alcohol. i got asked for ID on my way in and i laughed and thanked her. she also wanted to check my bag and its funny cos i had three smirnoffs in there and she just let me go right in. woohoo! no paying $8 a bottle for me, thankyou very much.

so i introduced miki and baz to the elvin boy and they were impressed by his cuteness and his glasses and the fact that he says im sexy. hear that? im sexy.

there were a lot of interesting games going on that i didnt quite understand. something with a peg, a lot of shoe steeling, a lost bag? i dont know, but everything worked out in the end and we were on our way home by about 3, i think.
the thing i dont like about share houses is that you cant guarentee that there wil be tea bags that you can use. and that was the very thing i discovered when we got back to toms, no tea for me. he shall have to learn that tea is a very important part of my life. its up there with sleeping and reading. oooh, reading, im reading fingersmith at the moment. its really good. it was on the abc a little while ago, im hoping i can get in on dvd. ha! dvd. we finished watching we can be heroes last night. bloody brilliant.

aaaaaaaanyway

i slept the whole night in his arms

saturday was fun. lots of lazing around and kissing. lovely. we went to the brickworks, walked to the city and caught the train back to my place.
i'd like to tell you what we did, but id rather wait for the photos. and its not rude, you disgusting people. minds out of the gutter,thankyou.

i went to my first coctail party. i felt very sophisticated in an underdressed way, but i was soon drunk and dancing and having a lovely time. i also felt like a foreigner as most of the party was german

'are you two...?'
'together? yes'

cue me blushing like crazy and getting all shy and embarrassed.

i participated in getting a room of boys to stop and stare when a girl asked me to kiss her. it was apparently a very popular part of the evening.

and quite a few people who were there have visited this site, shout out if you were there, and send me any photos you may have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

last night marked the rerunning of the last episode of last seasons queer as folk in preperation for next weeks return to fanfuckingtastic monday night viewing.
there will be homemade icecream cake, cheese, and snickers and mars toastie toasties.

you are all invited

my new favourite thing

papouilles

means kinda caress, kinda warm fuzzies, kinda tingles

stuff and nonsense

And you know that I love you here and now, not forever
I can give you the present, I don't know 'bout the future,
that's all stuff and nonsense

tim finn

stolen from clem

CARLY
C	is for	Confused
A	is for	Ambitious
R	is for	Responsible
L	is for	Lively
Y	is for	Yummy

What Does Your Name Mean?

ow

last night, clancy jumped from the ground, connected her claws to the back of my neck and hung there.

it really really hurt

well thats just weird

scrollig down my bolg and i see that there are comments on my melbourne post. not just comments, but unknown commenters. and not just one, but three

so, own up, come on. pre-pubescent boy, sairento, boobarama, who are you???

***UPDATE***

scrollig down my bolg???? what the fuck? basil, miki, we have a new song name.

i can feel it

i'm close to falling

part of me is still holding on, still grasping. i can feel my fingers are beginning to slip and one by one they will uncurl and i will fall

perhaps i will be caught at the bottom, who knows, i just hope my landing is a soft one

all my friends are fuckups



so who's coming? i reckon its been about a year since i last bopped along to the sounds of my sydney boys. i miss jak and pai.
i wont have my usual companion of sharyn this time since her belly is big with baby, so i'll have to meet up with some of you lovely people there. noranna, you're going, right? kent? i know they're not you am i, but you could make an exception? yeah?

see you on the 21st of october

loathing

i dont think it is possible for me to dislike a television show more than i dislike dancing with the stars.
i dont think i have anything against the show itself...im sure the stars put in a shitload of practice to dance like that. i know i couldnt do it as i have absolutely no coordination and do everything to my own beat. the thing that i dislike about it so much is that it puts all saints on half an hour later and that really shits me.

all of you out there in blog land may not know of my total adoration for all saints. i love this show. and i have for many many years. i was wary of them letting terry leave, but its been fine. i could have punched someone when mitch died, but it continued and its still as good as ever. i dont know that there will ever be another team like jarred, bron and that other guy who was a real life doctor, you remember him? but its a bloody good show nonetheless.

also, i loathe darryl sommers

j'ai passe une tres bonne journee

so, thanks to all who called/messaged me today. it was really nice to know that i was being thought of. you're all so great and caring.

the reason for the majority of these calls?



i spent the day with a rather nice boy who cooked me crepes and then we watched amelie and ate chocolate



very very nice day, i hope to have another one like it in the near future

thankyou tom
xxxxx

music meme again

i've taken another leaf from kents book (he wont have any pages left soon, the poor dear) and instead of a crapy american list, we're gonna use the hottest 100. this, again, is from the year i finished school, 1994

bold the ones you like
strikeout the ones youhate
? the ones you dont know
and leave the ones you're indifferent too


1. Zombie - Cranberries
2. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
3. self Esteem - Offspring
4. Come Out & Play - Offspring
5. Tomorrow - Silverchairdespite being indifferent/bordering on dislike to silverchair now, i did like this song and will still sing along if it comes on
6. Seether - Veruca Salt
7. About A Girl - Nirvana
8. Coma - Max Sharam
9. If I Only Knew - Tom Jones
10. Deadeyes Open (Remix) - Severed Heads
11. Do You Love Me - Nick Cave/Bad Seeds
12. Laid - James
13. Bug Powder Dust - Bomb The Bass (i sang along to this the other day. does it say jism? i never knew for sure but it always made me giggle)
14. Better Get A Lawyer - Cruel Sea
15. All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow
16. Sabotage - Beastie Boys
17. Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots
18. Longview - Green Day
19. Losin' It - Underground Lovers
20. Time Bomb - Nick Barker
21. Sweetness & Light - Itch-E & Scratch-E
22. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
23. Berlin Chair - You Am I (is it possible to double bold something??)
24. Basketcase - Green Day
25. Today - Smashing Pumpkins
26. Seconds - Youssou N'dour/Neneh Cherry
27. I Alone - Live
28. Doll Parts - Hole
29. Beercan - Beck
30. Confide In Me - Kylie Minogue
31. Fall - Single Gun Theory
32. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
33. Supernova - Liz Phair
34. Miss World - Hole
35. Conflake Girl - Tori Amos
36. Spin The Black Circle - Pearl Jam
37. Voodoo People - Prodigy
38. Atomic Electric - Rebecca's Empire
39. Mathar - Dave Pike Set
40. Undone - The Sweater Song
41. Your Ghost - Kristin Hersh
42. Absolutely Fabulous - Pet Shop Boys
43. Monkey & The Turtle - Christine Anu
44. Swap Thing - Grid
45. Loser - Beck
46. My Wave - Soundgarden
47. Einstein On The Beach - Counting Crows
48. Mr Jones - Counting Crows
49. Amen (Remix) - Falling Joys
50. Daddy Long Legs - Tumbleweed
51. Spoonman - Soundgarden
52. Lap It Up - Penny Flanagan
53. Fell On Black Days - Soundgarden
54. Vasolene - Stone Temple Pilots
55. Da Di Doh - Ed Kuepper
56. Bizzare Love Triangle - Frente
57. Burn - Cure
58. Everything's Cool - Pop Will Eat Itself
59. Sometimes Always - Jesus & Mary Chain
60. Cut Your Hair - Pavement (first song i ever crowd surfed to)
61. Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
62. Lemon Spark - Pale
63. Parklife - Blur
64. A Conspiracy - Black Crowes
65. Bull In The Heather - Sonic Youth
66. Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe - Whale
67. Andres - L7
68. Feel The Pain - Dinosaur Jr
69. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
70. What's The Frequency Kenneth? - Rem
71. Dropout - Urge Overkill
72. With The Lid Off - Lucas
73. Alone Like Me - Sharp (the original little man, big hair band)
74. Neighbourhood Freak - Swoop
75. You Got Me Floatin' - Pm Dawn
76. American Life In The Summertime - Francis Dunnery
77. Jaimmes Got A Gal - You Am I ( i fucking love this song)
78. Low - Cracker
79. I'm Gonna Release Your Soul - Dave Graney/Coral Snakes
80. No Excuses - Alice In Chains
81. In The Neighbourhood - Sisters Undergound?
82. Piece Of Crap - Neil Young
83. Am I Wrong - Love Spit Love
84. Saints - Breeders
85. Blues Music - G Love & Special Sauce
86. Thirsty Dog - Nick Cave/Bad Seeds
87. The More You Ignore Me - Morrissey
88. Purple Haze - Cure
89. Regulate - Warren G/Nate Dogg
90. Dancing In The Moonlight - Smashing Pumpkins
91. Round Here - Counting Crows
92. 2 Shine - Collective Soul
93. Wildflowers - Things Of Stone & Wood
94. Gallows Pole - Jimmy Page/Robert Plant
95. Masses Like Asses - Def Fx
96. Girls & Boys(Remix) - Blur
97. Here Comes The Hot Stepper - Ini Kamoze
98. A Certain Slant Of Light - Tea Party
99. Agolo - Angelique Kidjo
100. Stay - Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories

well that looks a lot better, dont you think?

obviously

x: i would like to have a sister
me: yeah?
x: yeah...does dad have two balls?
me: what?
x: does dad have two balls like me, you know, down there?
me: um, yeah, he does
x: well one of them has to be a girl

the happily handmade giveaway

a few weeks ago i entered the happily handmade giveaway. to enter, you needed to visit the websites of the very talented craftsters and join a mailing list or other such thing, and you were automatically entered.
i had such a great time scrolling through all the sites, oohing and aahing over the wonderful things i saw. i was very jealous of their talent, and i was hopeful of winning one of the fantastic gift boxes. and have a guess what? i did.

i was so excited. i love getting presents as it is, but its way more exciting when you've won something.

thankyou happily handmaders!

everyone go here and check out the links to all the craftsers involved, its well worth your time

from supermaxwell

A music meme, from Cast Iron Balcony:

For this one, you need to go here and type the year you graduated from high school into the search box.

Click on the link “Top 100 hits of… (your graduation year)” and cut and paste the results into your blog.

Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favourite. Do nothing to the ones you don’t remember (or don’t care about)

im changing it to put a ? next to the ones i dont know


1. The Sign, Ace Of Base
2. I Swear, All-4-One
3. I'll Make Love To You, Boyz II Men
4. The Power Of Love, Celine Dion
5. Hero, Mariah Carey
6. Stay (I Missed You), Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
7. Breathe Again, Toni Braxton?
8. All For Love, Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting
9. All That She Wants, Ace Of Base
10. Don't Turn Around, Ace Of Base
11. Bump N' Grind, R. Kelly?
12. Again, Janet Jackson?
13. I'll Remember, Madonna
14. Whatta Man, Salt-N-Pepa
15. Wild Night, John Mellencamp and Me'shell Ndegeocello?
16. Without You / Never Forget You, Mariah Carey? (but i'd love to strike it through anyway just on principal)
17. You Mean The World To Me, Toni Braxton?
18. Can You Feel The Love Tonight, Elton John
19. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Prince Symbol
20. Fantastic Voyage, Coolio
21. Baby I Love Your Way, Big Mountain
22. Regulate, Warren G and Nate Dogg?
23. If You Go, Jon Secada?
24. Back and Forth, Aaliyah?
25. Now And Forever, Richard Marx?
26. When Can I See You, Babyface?
27. Please Forgive Me, Bryan Adams (bwaaaahahahaha. phillip wrote the words out to this song and tried to pass them off as his own)
28. So Much In Love, All-4-One?
29. Shoop, Salt-N-Pepa
30. Any Time, Any Place / And On And On, Janet Jackson?
31. Shine, Collective Soul
32. Said I Loved You...But I Lied, Michael Bolton
33. Return To Innocence, Enigma
34. All I Wanna Do, Sheryl Crow
35. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Crash Test Dummies
36. Can We Talk, Tevin Campbell?
37. Funkdafied, Da Brat?
38. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
39. Gangsta Lean, Drs?
40. Because The Night, 10,000 Maniacs
41. Cantaloop, US3
42. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team
43. Come To My Window, Melissa Etheridge
44. Stroke You Up, Changing Faces?
45. I'm Ready, Tevin Campbell?
46. 100% Pure Love, Crystal Waters
47. Anytime You Need A Friend, Mariah Carey
48. Because Of Love, Janet Jackson?
49. Linger, Cranberries
50. Loser, Beck
51. Found Out About You, Gin Blossoms (i used to really love this song...probably in 1994)
52. Gin And Juice, Snoop Doggy Dogg
53. Never Lie, Immature?
54. Streets Of Philadelphia, Bruce Springsteen
55. Getto Jam, Domino?
56. endless Love, Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey
57. I Miss You w/ Aaron Hall 58, Understanding, Xscape?
59. This D.J., Warren G?
60. Cry For You, Jodeci?
61. Keep Ya Head Up, 2Pa?c
62. Who Am I (What's My Name?), Snoop Doggy Dogg?
63. Another Night, Real McCoy?
64. Your Body's Callin', R. Kelly?
65. Tootsee Roll, 69 Boyz?
66. I Can See Clearly Now, Jimmy Cliff
67. Never Keeping Secrets, Babyface?
68. Crazy, Aerosmith
70. At Your Best (You Are Love), Aaliyah?
71. Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through, Meat Loaf?
72 Amazing, Aerosmith
73. Always, Erasure?
74. Groove Thang, Zhane?
75. Dreams, Gabrielle?
76. Mr. Vain, Culture Beat
77. Mary Jane's Last Dance, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers?
78. Anything, SWV?
79. Beautiful In My Eyes, Joshua Kadison
80. Stay, Eternal?
81. Flava In Ya Ear, Craig Mack?
82. U.N.I.T.Y., Queen Latifah?
83. Prayer For The Dying, Seal
84. Secret, Madonna
85. Here Comes The Hotstepper, Ini Kamoze
86. Everyday, Phil Collins
87. Don't Take The Girl, Tim McGraw?
88. Got Me Waiting, Heavy D and The Boyz?
89. December 1963 (Oh, What A Night), Four Seasons?
90. Indian Outlaw, Tim McGraw?
91. Always, Bon Jovi
92. I'm The Only One, Melissa Etheridge
93. Back In The Day, Ahmad?
94. Love Sneakin' Up On You, Bonnie Raitt?
95. I'll Take You There, General Public?
96. Always In My Heart, Tevin Campbell?
97. What Is Love, Haddaway?
98. And Our Feelings, Babyface?
99. Bop Gun (One Nation), Ice Cube?
100. I Wanna Be Down, Brandy?

as you can see, i didnt watch video hits or listen to the "popular" radio stations so i have no idea about most of these songs. it may be an american list too, with songs that didnt make it over here. either way, it was a crap list with lots of crap songs

just to reitterate, i listen to better music than you

Plainsong

"i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
"and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second.

funnily enough, im not using that quote because im sad or sooky or depressed or any number of things. im using it because i have a cold, and if i was dead, i wouldnt be feeling as crappy as i am right now.

its midnight. and any of you who know me know that i dont work well past about 10 o'clock. i'll be fine one minute and you'll look away and when you look back, sad carly will have taken over. and she doesnt take no for an answer...ive just spent about 20 minutes looking for photos of me asleep and covered in texta drawings but i cant find them. ask vicki. she probably knows where they are.

its taken me forty five minutes to write this. im getting grumpy and my back hurts

why does my computer go into 'find' mode while im typing? stupid

ok, ive started whinging, im gonna try and sleep

bonne nuit everybody

when you find yourself in a movie

Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.

lyrics mash 2



i made this up last night, and this morning i found marks blog. you should listen to this music. you really should

clue to kalo

lyrics mash



architecture in helsinki

we are each here to fill our own small silence with dancing

my trip started off pretty well. it was a lovely day in adelaide, nice and warm. when i landed in melbourne it was freezing, something like 4 degrees. ridiculously cold. anyway, i was seated next to two boys who were flying over for some recording. i took a photo of us just after the one with the hat said he was convinced we were going to die because the wings were wobbling.

when i got to melbourne, adrian wasnt there. yeah, i know. but it turned out he was there, he was just on the other side of the road behind a pole. we drove back to his place to drop off my things and so i could give him some presents.you can go see adrians blog to read how thankful he is for his present. i really do rule at giving presents.


we went looking for somewhere for dinner but nothing was open. well, nothing that looked appealing to me anyway. there was one of those authentic chinese places that sold ants crawling up a tree or something like that. i didnt want to chance it so we went to safeway and bought canned soup and bread rolls instead. we also bought a packet of cookie bears. yay cookie bears! after tea we went to bed
the next morning i had the best breakfast i have ever had. it was so good infact that i needed to take a photo of it to preserve its goodness. feast your eyes, people, feast your eyes let me describe it to you. home made, seeded bread, toasted to perfecting and buttered to perfection too. a hash brown. a roasted tomato. some green green spinach. good bacon, not just strips of fat with a bit of meat on them, real bacon. perfect eggs. and on top, a toasted and buttered baguette. add to that a couple of cappucinos and you have the most amazing breakfast ever ingested. adrian had sausage and mushroom with his to. heavenly. i want that breakfast right now actually. yeah, thatd go down real nicely.

we wandered the streets of melbourne town. popping in and out of shops and admiring their wares. i dont think i bought anything at that stage, i just did lots of looking. here are some things that i looked at:

crippled pigeons







crippled lady with red smiley jeans







me realising i knew where i was on our way from theresas to bridge road.











when we ran out of things to look at we did what all nerds do. we went to the library and blogged





after theresa finished work, we headed on down to the nash and had a couple of drinks.we met her lovely friend bridget who has go go danced on stage with cyndii lauper and declared that she felt like becoming a lesbian. did i fall in love? yes i did



later that night we went to the housewarming party that i've already posted about, but here are some pics for you to take a looksy at




as you will have already read, i slept a lot of the next day. i had a good breakfast then too and bought a dress which i look very sexy in. and it worked for me last saturday night as you've already read. and then spent the monday with theresa, wandering around the streets having lots of coffees and lots of talks. it was really good. we bumped into hannah and mika, had more coffee, talked more then went to hannahs for a yummy stirfry. thanks hannah!! your name is the same frontways and backways!!

tuesday was the first day i had all to myself so i used it to take lots of photos



and to finish it all off here is a picture of scary adrian holding a gin bottle full of water



if you look in the background on the left hand side you can see a very cute girl. i was actually trying to take photos of her but had adrian pose so it didnt look too obvious

here is the photo that i took when i forgot all about being too obvious



and lastly, as we flew into adelaide airport, i leaned over the people sitting next to me and took these photos.



i hope you've enjoyed my post as much as i enjoyed doing all the things in it. thankyou, and goodnight