You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

outwith

as soon as is humanly possible, i need you all to go out and read 'the boy in the striped pyjamas' by john boyne. if you really need to see the cover, go look here but i strongly recommend you dont go searching for what its about. just read this, and then go read the book

The story of The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas is very difficult to describe. Usually we give some clues about the book on the jacket, but in this case we think that would spoil the reading of the book. We think it is important that you start to read without knowing what it is about.

If you do start to read this book, you will go on a journey with a nine-year-old boy called Bruno. (Though this isn’t a book for nine-year-olds). And sooner or later you will arrive with Bruno at a fence.

Fences like this exist all over the world. We hope you never have to cross such a fence.

in other clothing related news, my knickers matched my top today. i am a fashionista

where you've been hiding

words courtesy of architecture in helsinki.

picture courtesy of google.

feelings courtesy of whats inside me.

meaning courtesy of what i cant say.

when i grow up


yesterday a friend and i drew a picture of what we wanted to be. this was pretty much mine. i said 'just happy' she said 'hmm, not just happy, but a girl. not a woman with responsibilities, but a happy little girl'

yep

and she judged boys by their shoes

saw darren hanlon on friday night. as always, a stellar performance. there was even a marriage proposal which was oh so cute. congratulations to...hmm, mind blank, cant remember their names, but best wishes to you both. justine! justine was the girls name. i might remember the boy.

in other news, my dislike for you has now manifested itself as bleeding. i have a physical aversion to you. stay away. i am liable to run you over with my car and i dont think i could be held entirely responsible.

hi, nice to meet you. my name is carly and i have a mental illness

when i was little, i thought you were the queen

you would know by now how much i miss my nanna, my mums mum. she died of breast cancer 10 years ago, and as my mum said the other day, 'theres nothing i want more than to see her walk through that door, or for the phone to ring and have it be her'

this morning i had an ultrasound and mamogram on my left breast. the sunday of womad, i found a lump and freaked out. then i relaxed a little bit because any time i've found anything, the doctor has felt around and said that it was fine, nothing to worry about, and ive said, ok, and gone about my mery way.

but this time it hurt a little, and it felt bigger than i remember the other ones. then i thought, 'the sixe of a pin head!' and freaked again, and then commenced a series of freaking out and convincing myself i'd be fine.

but i made an appointement anyway.

just a side note, since the doctors near my house introduced NOT bulk billing, its busier. i really thought it would cut down on the amount of people going there.

my appointment was 2 weeks away. sure, i'll wait 2 weeks, TO FIND OUT IF IM DYING! and i was promptly put on a waiting list and called a couple of days later to say there was an appoitment for me.

my doctor is lovely, she really is. she said it was probably fine, and that she'd happily leave it a month and check it again if i wanted...but i think you want to get it checked out, right? right.
so, an ultrasound and mamogram it is, and off i go.

the ultrasound room was cold. its 30something degrees today, and im wearing shorts and a paper gown, and laying directly underneath a gigantic airconditioner with a man feeling my breasts. unsurprisingly, im feeling a little uncomfortable, and the way he keeps clearing his throat and adjusting his tie. he doesnt talk much. just lots of ultrasounding and clicking of his computer keys.
'im just going to get he doctor to have a look'
all this time ive been looking at the screen, watching as the foggy shapes move across the screen. what i suppose are my muscles, look like rivers, and anything that looks remotely out of place is scaring me. even though i have no idea what would be remotely out of place. a cow maybe? or a for sale sign? neither of those things were there, just a lot of grey, white and black that i didnt understand.
while he's gone, i start to panic. i wish i had brought someone with me. why is he taking so long? why couldnt he make the decision himself? im going to die, right? they're just trying to work out the best way to word it so it doesnt sound so bad.
they come back in, laughing and i think how inconsiderate they are.
the doctor has a feel and looks at the screen. she says she agrees. yes, you're right. just here? she asks me, and i nod. does it hurt? i nod again. she looks at the screen again, yeah, she says, just as i thought, and hands me the towel to clean myself up.

'the breast is made of of predominately fat' she says, wiping her hands. ' and a lot of that fat is globular' i nod. 'i really think its just a fatty globule...are you cold? its freezing in here. this room has a massive airconditioner, i dont know why' and she walks out and im told to get dressed, and taken to another room for a mammogram.

for the first time in my life i am almost glad that after having kids and my breasts swelling 2 sizes, that they're a lil floppy, cos i cant imagine how painful it would be to squish nice firm boobs between those plates. it was painful enough and really uncomfortable with a cold metal corner sticking into my underarm.

but im sure its more comfortable than having cancer

po ta to

is mashed potato a meal? i think it is. i like potatoes. i'll get them for lunch over most things when im out and need a meal.
i used to be quite...not bland, but i guess you could say boring when it came to potato toppings. butter, cheese, pineapple and corn. mmmMMMMM! the wonders of the white and yellow dinner.
now, ive become rather risque with my toppings. wanna know what i have now? i know you're dying to...tuna mornay. yep. so very tasty.

for a couple of weeks, murphys spuds at colonnades was my favourite place to get a potato. they had herbed butter, which i thought was a nice touch, and their tuna mornay was really tasty. not so any more. they've gone back to boring ordinary butter, and the tuna mornay should just be called 'mornay' as i dont think they put any tuna in it any more.
now i like ozbites at marion. they're good and the girl has marvellous patience when it comes to dealing with problem customers.

why am i talking about potatoes? well, personwhosnameimustnevermention was supposed to come over for tea tonight. actually, he was supposed to come over tuesday night but couldnt, so we made the plans for tonight.
i messaged him earlier today to see if he was still coming, and the reply?

'im at a funeral, by the way'

uhuh. he then turned his phone off apparently because while i was freaking out wondering which member of his family had died, he wouldnt answer. turns out it was a mates dad. he was only 55. he had a brain tumour. according to personwhosnameimustnevermention, ben (the mate) is doing ok, and is pretty much his usual joking self, which is good. i just hope he lets himself go for a little while so he can cry. he's a lovely boy.

still doesnt explain the potatoes? ok ok. so i was going to cook mustard crusted steaks which i cant find on the internet, but i did find a sauce called 'monkey gland' which sounds...interesting. they go really well with mashed potatoes and crunchy vegies, so that was what i was going to do, but then personwhosnameimustnevermention called and he was drowning his sorrows in the city and couldnt make it. so i freezed the meat, forgot about the vegies and made mashed potato. what an exciting story!

tomorrow morning im going to the doctor.

i dont really want to go into it right now, but i'll let you know how i go

vermin

over the last week or so i've had to deal with some pest erradication of different sorts.
you may remember my two beautiful, lovely, sweet lil kit kats, banjo and clancy. beautiful, beautiful.

since i got them (from the RSPCA), ive kept them as inside cats.i believed that if they didnt know about the outside world, they wouldnt miss it, right?

wrong

i understood before i got my cats, that it is in their nature to hunt and pounce. thats one of the reasons i kept them inside, i didnt want them killing any wildlife. not that there's much actual wildlife around here. im talking possums and bilbys, that sort of thing.

then they started breaking out of every window in the house.

every one of the fly screens has a corner pushed out of it because of my houdini cats, breaking out of everything.

so i let them out for a couple of hours in the mornings now. im being a good, responsible pet owner. they are microchipped for starters so if they run away, there's more chance of finding them. i make sure they arent out at night, hunting native nocturnal visitors.

see me? responsible pet owner.

responsible pet owner of KILLERS!

well, of one killer and one that tries really really hard.

i let them out. put the kettle on. went to the toilet. washed my hands. came back to the kitchen to make my cuppa. noticed a movement under the cupboard. leant down, what was it? clancy, holding a pigeon with one paw and smacking it in the head with her other paw. ok, pigeon? get out. pigeon is picked up in a plastic bag and placed in the bin out the front.
gross, im thinking. gross. i dont want a pigeon in my house, dead or a live. i come back inside and wash my hands and go back into the kitchen to make my cup of tea. there's a movement by the kitchen door, something not unlike a small grey cat jumping through the air with something in her mouth. i turn to see clancy sitting there with a rat in her mouth. its been, what? 3 minutes? this cat is a killing machine!
the rat is dead, and i again, pick it up in a plastic bag and take it outside to the bin.
about 10 minutes later, banjo comes tentatively through the kitchen door and places...something on the floor, and looks up at me. what have you got? oh. its a semi decomposed rat, with half its body missing and its ribcage exposed. well done sweety, that was a good try.
i dispose of the halfrat, shut the back door and vaccuum my kitchen. because it is carpeted. like every good kitchen should be.

a couple of days later im walking around my house, picking up various toys and sundry while im on the phone to sandi. chatting away happily, probably discussing boys. feh, boys. when there is a movement in the hallway.

WHAT THE FUCK

"sandi, i have to go for a sec. clancy has brought in a rat the size of herself...and its alive."

i put down the phone and clancy puts down the rat, we are looking into each others eyes. the rat limps forward and squeaks. clancy reaches out her paw and brings it down, slowly, on top of the rat, as if to say 'oh no, you arent going anywhere dearie. you're staying right here with me'

"GET THAT THING OUT OF MY HOUSE!" i yell, pointing my finger towards the front door, the closest exit, hoping she doesnt decide to take it over my bed to the windowsill, one of her favourite places. she picks it up at the scruff of its neck and trots through the lounge, the dining room, the kitchen, and back into the hallway. a nice circle of the house. more yelling and pointing and running follows until she has taken it outside. i get her inside, shut the door, the front door, and all the windows. there will be NO MORE ANIMALS IN MY HOUSE.

sandi comes over. we need to discuss her exboyfriend. its very important. she needs to get things off her chest. i understand that. but i meet her on the front porch and stop her before she can say anything
'i know we need to talk, i understand its important, but i really need you to see my problem first'

we look out the back doors at my backyard, and under the clothes line, just outside my back door, is a dying rat. its breath is shallow, but it is still breathing. its face is kind of nice. its not an ugly rat. its also not as big as i thought it was when it was being traipsed around my house, but its still on the large side. we lock the cats in a bedroom and venture outside. the rat is laying on its side, all four little pink feet poking out from underneath its soft belly. there is blood.
sandi takes control. we scoop it into a cardboard box. it rolls in sadly and slumps to the bottom...and? what do we do now?

we sticky tape the box up and put it in the outside bin.

we are horrible horrible cruel human beings

it is dead. we checked on it. i had visions of opening my bin and finding the corner of the box chewed out and a very unimpressed rat looking up at me, living off potato peelings.

as i didnt sleep sunday night, when i got home monday morning after droping off the boys, i had a little nap. i didnt want any 'presents' from clancy when i woke up, so i shut all the doors and windows and went to sleep, safe in the knowledge there wouldnt be a dead animal dropped on my face with love.
i woke up to some knocking on the front door. i laid there and listened. thats cat knocking. im still tired. they can wait.

an hour or so later, i got up and tidied up a little. took the rubbish out, checked the letter box and walked back up to the front door. my stomach dropped and a cold shiver zoomed through my body. what a lovely present, clancy. that dead rat is by far the prettiest one you've given me so far.
thankyou

at least she's only killing pests, i suppose. whoever owns those chickens i can hear from my backyard has a lot to answer for. we seem to have a rat problem, perhaps?

and the third little pest that has found its way into my house?

head lice. the little fuckers. i guess i've been lucky so far, with notices coming home from school every week that someone there has nits, this is the first time ive ever had to get rid of them myself. and of course, as soon as you read the letter, your head itches, and you start freaking out a little bit. toms head has been a bit itchy too. i had looked before, but couldnt see anything. admittedly, i didnt have a reeeeeeally good look. but i looked where he was itchy and found nothing.

i looked this time. boy did i look. saturday and sunday, apart from everything i mentioned before, were interspersed with removal of live and dead head lice from me, tom, x and e.

a horrible, horrible job, but our hair is so straight and shiny from so many comb throughs, so at least thats a bonus.

so far today there hasnt been any pests of any size, from pin head to half a cat, nothing.
i'm just going to shut the door...just incase

disappointing

the internet is exactly the same at 9:30am as it was when i left it at 3 am. disappointing.

ah yes, it seems im beginning another bout of unsleeping. and for a committed sleeper like myself, not sleeping is very annoying.

my weekend was a rollercoaster ride of emotions and experiences (check out how emo i just was! fuckin-a! i'll fit in with the cool kids no worries).

as i mentioned earlier, friday night was iceskating night and that was rad. saturday was voting day inwhich a liberal...spruker? one of the guys who shoves flyers in your face? managed to piss me of in about 2 seconds. i really despise these people waving their leaflets in front of me as i walk in. im annoyed enough as it is because voting is just so annoying. it doesnt really matter if you agree with who you vote for, its more about what they agree with and where their preferences are going, which sucks and is crapy. anyway, i digress.
we walked up to the school and two men approached me with flyers. im not sure who one of them was promotomg, as when i said no thankyou he backed down straight away with a smile and a nod. but the other guy? what a fucker. 'no thankyou' i say, and he practically puts them in toms hands.
'he's from france, he cant even vote today, dont give him anything' i say. and the fucker, he has a dumbass smirk on his ugly face and says 'better take one anyway, because guaranteed she'll walk in there and she wont know what to do and she'll be looking around....blah blah blah' im not sure what he said after that because i said 'guaranteed i wont be voting for (looking at his badge) liberal, what a surprise'

fucker

then we went to spotlight and i bought stuff to make cute magnets. cute! mine arent as good because the little gem things i had were smaller and a little bit...pearly? not as clear as i would have liked. i'd be interested to find some that were clearer.

then we watched wolf creek as tom has decided to hitch hike around the place for a month or so in a few weeks. you know, it actually wasnt as bad as everyone was making out. i mean, yeah, he was a bit of a nutter. and yeah, severing someones spinal cord, pretty mean and all that. but i dont really understand what was so overly bad about it. people walked out of this film. kirsty wont see it again. hmm, i dunno.

it didnt change his mind, by the way

saturday night, tom and i went into the city to see tripod. apart from a little disagreement, the night went well and tripod were hilariously amazing as always. also, i reccomend the chicken and sweet corn soup from the last vendor at hawkers corner.

sunday was a lazy day of bacon and eggs and john cusack. who could ask for more?

about 7 years ago, personwhosnameimustnevermention and i were driving back from melbourne and we stopped in at robe for tea. we decided on pizza, and pulled up infront of a pizza/fish and chips place, put in our orcer, and waited. you know, it took a hell of a long time to get that pizza, from memory, but i cant remember if the pizza was worth waiting for. what i can remember, is walking slowly out of the doors, brushing through the plastic curtainy things, and falling down.
pizza in one hand, other arm wrapped around my growing belly, protecting the child inside, i fell straight down onto my knees. both pizza and child were unharmed, thanks to me. my knees? really really sore.

had you asked me yesterday when the last time i had fallen over was, i would have told you that story. 'oh, about 7 years ago' i would have said.

ask me now, go on.....

last night! last night, kirsty, sandi, tom and i decided we'd go ice skating. sandi and i were by far the oldest ones there apart from the few parents who were pulling their little ones along. everyone else had a general age of 15, and werent they showing their 15 year oldness? the girls were tarted up, and the guys were sufficiently cunty. by the end of it, snadi couldnt hold back any more and yelled out 'fucker!' as a baseball capped boy swerved too close to us.

she and i were skating merrily along when she said to me 'look at us, we are SO skating' i agreed, and then was on the ice laughing my arse off. it wasnt as spectacular as toms stacks, but it still amused me greatly. i should say that a very nice almost-emo helped me up, which was lovely of her.

today, i get to vote. yay! so exciting. i guess i go for the lesser of all evils, i dunno. all i know is that if someone shoves a piece of paper in front of me, telling me to vote for their party, i will bite their heads off and shit them back into their neck holes.

if you havent checked out my links yet, well you bloody well shoud. in particular, you should check out the #3kitten

im going to paste her entire post from today. its so happy and joyful, and exactly what i needed when im still feeling crappy that i'm not 'spunkyface'*

a brief interruption
They were running late for school, but the sound of Rob Kerin's voice on the radio made the whole car feel somehow calm. Adelaide was particularly reassured to hear Kero explain that of course they could find efficiencies and cut 4,000 public sector jobs. Take education, for example, he said. With all those children leaving the public sector, we just don't need that many teachers any more.

It was the kind of thing that once you heard it, it just made perfect sense.

What a pity things had been so hard to hear over the noise of the Festival and the Fringe and the Adelaide Cup.

Adelaide put on her blinker as she waited her turn at the lights. The windscreen could do with a wash she thought.

'Mum, you forgot to give me my undies to put on,' her little boy said.

There are some mistakes you make your child live with, Adelaide thought, and some you don't. She turned the car around.

'I can't wait to tell my friends about that,' her little boy said and both of the children laughed. And then they said undies to each other over and over again. And they yelled mum forgot and they laughed a lot and Adelaide couldn't hear Kero's voice any more.

Adelaide hoped they wouldn't be too late for school.

*you really dont need to know about this, its just a sulky thing

apparently all it takes is a message sent to the wrong person to tip your mood arse end up

every tuesday night, i fight the urge to kill darryl summers

womad



so, as i said, womad was excellent. the whole weekend was brilliant. the pics i took are from saturday when we took the boys with us. im glad i didnt take the camera sunday night. my phone was in the bag and it had to spend the day in pieces drying out cos it got rained on












of course there were some grumpy faces occasionally. i caught one here



but all in all it was a pretty cool day and i'll definately be getting a weekend pass again next time. it does suck having to go back and forth every day but i can understand why the council wouldnt want people camping in the gardens. i would say they suffer enough having that many people in there over those three days, although there wasnt that much rubbish. all the food shops had recycleable plates and cutlery, so that was really good, and there were seperate bins for everything. that sort of thing should be a normal occurance in every day life. and macdonalds wrappers should come with a barcode that says who it belongs too.



driving home from toms today i saw a group of, dare i say, youths, walking past red rooster. as i watched, they threw handfuls of yellow paper into the air and kept walking. it looked really staged, so im hoping they were film students perhaps? either way, they bettar have picked up that paper or i will be very cross.

to reitterate how crap toms living conditions are, let me tell you this. you buy your own toilet paper. as in, you buy your own, take it into the bathroom when you need to go, and then bring it out when you're finished. another weird thing, everyone leaves the seat up, and im pretty sure there's only one other guy living there. weird.
thirdly, we got back on sunday night about 2am, i think. we could hear talking and laughing and tom looked all hopeful that perhaps they were normal people after all, and it was only that he'd seen them on weeknights when they went to sleep early, that he thought they were unsociable.

poor tom

we got upstairs (after literally 5 minutes of struggling to get the front door open without anyone offering to open it from the inside), and they were all sitting at the kitchen table. doing homework. when we walked in they all stopped talking. we said hello. they said 'hi'. tom said, 'uni work?' they nodded. we stood there uncomfortably for a couple more seconds then went to his room. they were very quiet and all went into their rooms, leaving the kitchen light on.
and this morning as we were leaving, one of the girls walked straight past us and deliberately stared intently at something in the kitchen as she walked instead of making eye contact with us. he's not asking to mary them for fucks sake, just a chat would be nice.

i can see clearly now

if there was one thing you could ask me about this weekend that i never thought i'd end up doing, it would be this : singing hakuna matata in the rain with thousands of other people at 11 o'clock at night

i spent the weekend womading, and finished off my night by seeing jimmy cliff and it was....joyous. it was so happy and...well, joyous. a perfect way to end the weekends festivities. much nicer than saturday night when a drunk 20 something guy spat on x. fucker.

anyway, i'll post more about it tomorrow. i was working on the pics and 'photoshop encountered a problem and had to close'. feh to you too

new banner thingo

i really apologise for the crapness of my new banner thing. i do have photoshop on my computer i just cant work out how to use the stupid fucking thing. why cant it just be like photoshop except better? why cant there just be buttons for all the things i want to do? why is it all dumb and layery?

as i said to kirsty,

i wanted to blend the glowy bits, but fucking publisher doesnt have a blendy tool, so i copied, pasted, cropped, edited the wrap points and stretched

and thats what i came up with. and i realise theres a white line. deal, people. it'll get fixed

aaaand sophies on the bus

my birthday weekend was great, thanks for asking :) starting on thursday night, with a visit from sandi and shayla, a babysitting gig (my own kids, BUT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, DAMMIT!, and a visit from my mum and henk with chocolate mud cake.
i scored pretty well this year. side table, $20, heaps of sms's, brand new bath sheets (no more kids towels for me, nosirreebob), a hello kitty lolly pop, sparkly bangles, 'must love dogs' dvd, a travel guide for paris 'to help make up my mind', a flower, a plant in a lovely pot and a hand made card, necklace, incense holder, lip gloss, cute little trinket box, A PARTY BAG!, a sparkly ring, pretty scarf. yay!

on saturday, after helping tom move house, we went out to lunch at fasta pasta and it was yummy. i did plan on having some lemon gelati for dessert but after i saw the baileys and scorched almond icecream, it had made up my mind for me. just a little bit of advice here, its probably better to specify the price of the icecream you want, rather than just asking for it. i said 'a small bowl' and while the bowl itself was small, the icecream was two rather large mounds. yummy tho? why yes.

on saturday night, kirsty, sandi, tom and i went to the city to see fiona o'loughlin. can we all say funny? yes, yes i think we can. so very very VERY funny, i definately recommend seeing her, go do it, now.
after that we wandered on down to the garden of unearthly delights again where sandi was waved at by a boy on a rotating giraffe and we watched as people were strapped to some bars and wires and thrown off a very high platform. then we watched as it was done voluntarily without the strapping. scary. fun. enjoyable. yes.

by this time it was just after midnight and about time to head on down to crank! fun? again, i have to say yes. apart from the so very very sticky floor which impeded our dancing a little as when we moved our feet, our shoes stayed where they were, and the broken glass that kept embedding itself in our shoes and feet, it was great!
i got love cats played, which ruled, but unfortunately we had to leave before we heard any of our other requests. thanks for the good night, ian, and thanks for the hello in the email. way to make a girl feel all special and stuff :)

so my birthday was pretty excellent all round. x asked 'so mum, you're...28, right?' and i said that i was, but that i'd been telling the people at work that i was 22 when they asked

his smiley face, full of love, immediately turned deathly serious

'so you lied'

i then tried to explain how when you get older, you dont realy like telling people how old you are, so you sy something younger, but the people know you're not really telling the truth.

and with his face still serious 'so, you lied'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok, so tom has moved house again but he's not really enjoying it. unfortunately, the places he's lived in are not what he's looking for. to quote his email today, 'people living TOGETHER and not besides each other...' his new place is full of people who come home and shut themselves in their rooms, only emerging to rid themselves of waste or fill themselves with food. he's looking for a place close to the city, between there and royal park. something around the $100 mark per week. somewhere where the people are sociable

if anyone has any names and numbers for tom to call that would be great. the only thing is, it will only be for a few months as he's going back to france in july.

thanks

the world belongs to those who can afford it

the world belongs to those who can afford it

eli has glue ear. it basically means his ears are blocked and the world sounds like its muffled through his hands or something. i may have posted about it before, i dunno, and to be honest, i cant be bothered checking.

he's been to an ear nose and throat specialist and they've said he needs tubes in his ears to drain the mucous and crap thats in his ears. this should be done before he starts school so as not to impede on his learning.

i called the womens and childrens hospital. their waiting list is 4-5 months for an appointment, and then after that, 8-10 months before his operation. flinders has a waiting list of 2 years.

parkwynd private hospital can do it pretty much straight away

for $800

personwhosnameimustnevermention: fuck it, i'll home school the litle shit with a megaphone

happy birthday



to me

i will now reward myself for living 28 years, with an afternoon nap

lunch at beach road fasta pasta on saturday if you feel like dropping off my presents