i think it's time i tried to let my guard down. i can feel myself being stiff and unwelcoming and its not a fun way to live. there are people who love me, and they really do. as much as i believe it, i dont let them in and i need to do that. for them and myself. it's going to be a hard thing to do. i physically feel uptight and tense and its not nice. i dont want to feel like this anymore, physically and emotionally, and i dont want to subject others to the feelings i radiate by being this way.