half an hour?

Last night, matt and i tried some stuff. i know i switched off almost immediatly, but i was conscious of everything happening for a while. probably until the sex started. i remember looking at the clock at 11:40 .next thing i remember, im crying and its ten past 12. i dont remember the rest.

apparently i really freaked out. didnt look like me. i didnt look like i was even there, which i guess, i wasnt. i was wherever i go when i dont like the thing that happening. that place that seems safe to me, even though i come out of it feeling even more scared than when i go in.
I dont know what happens to me while i'm in there, but i spent half an hour in limbo last night while matt had sex with me.

i dont know what to do