Thursday, April 03, 2003

im finding this guy rather amusing

particularly this

"Upon arriving at the DMV I see a long, long line. about four hundred yards long. As I
stepped to the end to wait my turn I had no idea I had stepped center stage in Satan’s
community theater.

Cast Of Characters

Old Guy
This guy can barely stand let alone drive, he has but one job in this little be old.

Rich Soccer Mom
Until this morning this woman had no idea that cars had tags, and that they expire. Also
she thinks she can pay with a cheque.

Stupid Sweater Lady
She always wears holiday apropiate sweaters i.e. pumpkins for Halloween, eggs for
Easter, guillotines for Bastille day. Also she wants to make friends with every one in line.

Read everything out loud guy
To this guy every sign, poster, card or letter is a chance to brush up on his reading...out

Guy Who Never Pays Attention to When The Line Moves
The line moves about twenty feet in front of him....but he can't see it. Then, he has the
audacity too look suprised every time he looks up at the gap between himself and the next
person in he didn't know the line would move."

because i have been inthe same room as these people many times, and that soccor mum drives one of those wanky 4 wheel drives that never does any 4 wheel driving, let alone get a speck of dirt on it

and this

The Joys a Co-habitation

When I was a single guy I had to cook all my own meals (okay, White Castle had to cook
my meals) and I had to do my own laundry (okay, I sent my laundry out to be done) but a
roll of toilet paper would last for six months and the toilet never overflowed.

CUE Story

I was pondering what to do today's article about. So I went to the room I do my best
thinking. While sitting on the lue I remember Jennifer telling me not to um...uh...make any
"deposits" until marty the maintenance guy came to fix the toilet, she said it had been
clogging all day. I won't go into detail by I've made a diet change to combat high blood
pressure and my "excretions" will be featured on an upcoming episode of Fear
Factor and need to be flushed quickly before greenpeace finds them and traces it back
to me. So I figured she was just being hysterical as usual so I flushed with confidence. The
water rose like the mighty Rio Grande spilling about two gallons of water on the floor.
Subject Break
From my work as an Emergency Medical Tech. I have learned how to stay calm in any
situation from boat fires to massive heart attacks nothing really excites me. But in this
instance I just panicked.
End of Break

Seeing that this is a bigger mess than I expected I did something stupid. I began to think
that if I flushed again the pressure of the water would push the blockage on down the
pipe. It didn't. All it did was spill an additional seven gallons of water on the floor. My trio
of cats assembled at the doorway to watch all looked at me as if to say "she is going to kill
you, when she gets home from work"
I explained to them in no uncertain terms that I pay for this house the water in this toilet
and their food so if battle lines are drawn they better think long and hard about
where their loyalties are. After scolding those ungrateful S.O.B's I went to work plunging
the clog. This was easy enough but there was still about and inch of water on the floor so I
went to the Lenin closet (that's not a typo I keep a poster of Vladimer Lenin in that closet)
to gather all our towels after sopping up all the water I remembered that my poop was
floating in that water. I felt the overwhelming need to shower'

because i can SO see those cats faces

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