i've been reading a lot of stuff lately on people's blogs that i've been finding....well, disturbing, disappointing, and just down right sad. the first was something holly wrote. she'd found an article on an online newspaper about some people who had had their children taken away from them because they were suspected child pornographers. they were reported to the police by a photo lab who were developing photographs for them. now, reading what i just wrote, you could be shrugging your shoulders and saying, well, thats the way it should be, good on them for dobbing them in. but when you read the article, you'll see that it's just stupidity and feeble mindedness of the police, and also, the blatant laziness of some people. they'll pounce on a poor family and steal their children away for innocent photographs, and meanwhile next door there's probably a three year old being forced to have sex with a 40 year old guy 15 times a day and they wont do anything about it. if i was making child pornography, i sure as hell wouldnt get my filmed developed at a corner store. stupidity.
i also read in darcies blog, something sweet and cute that made me smile, and then something that was so sad i almost cried. i cant find it now...it's just not there or i'm blind for a little while or something. it was about a little girl that she'd met while walking home one day, and the conversation that they'd had, and then about how they'd found a little kid who'd had its skull crushed by it's dad or something. the world really is a fucked up place

as you all should know, sean is at a comic book convention thingo in pittsburgh this weekend. he just emailed me to say that he just signed his first autograph. we should all stand and gawk in awe at him now cos he's all famous and shit....i just re read that. i didnt mean he was shit, i meant, you know, like, he's all famous and...stuff...or famous and everything. how about just famous.
well, everybody yay sean anyway and go check out his shit :)

"Lovesong"

Its one thing to ask why we break up
Have you ever
Wondered why it is we fall in love
Can you tell me
Do you know what it is you're looking for
What do we need
Can you tell me why I care
How is it that we heed
That voice that says i want you there

Thanks you've been fuel the thought
Now im more lonely than before
But thats okay i've just ready-made another fucking love song
Thanks you've been fuel the thought
Now im more lonely than before
But thats okay i've just ready-made another fucking love song

In a single moment you might be perfect
And sit
In a window of my life
But how much how much more you yearn see
What would i strive to hide
Now there will be no compromise
So take it in your stride
I will leave you now with a smile

Thanks you've been fuel the thought
Now im more lonely than before
But thats okay i've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks you've been fuel the thought
Now im more lonely than before
But thats okay i've just ready-made another fucking love song

Look into my eyes
Our's is no love sacrifice
For it has helped us to grow
And im sorry i know just how far i have to go alone

Thanks you've been fuel the thought
Now im more lonely than before
But thats okay i've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks you've been fuel the thought
Now im more lonely than before
But thats okay i've just ready-made another fucking love song

I've just ready-made another love song
Just ready-made another love song

amiel

hair pie anyone?

aaaah, i'm still laughing....mainly at the words 'hair pie', not so much about the picture....hair pie....heheheh

how dare they

with matts it was just funny, but when they did it to me, thats when i got mad

THE MICE ATE MY EASTER EGG!!!!!!!!!

haikuriffic

a link i stole from katie

for those who didnt come to my tupperware party...tsk tsk tsk....

chocolate apple cake

125 grams of margarine or butter
100 grams of dark chocolate melts
1 cup of packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup of smooth apple sauce
1 cup of self raising flour
1 teaspoon of vanilla essence
icing sugar

1. put margarine in a microwave jug and melt on high for 1 minute
2. add chocolate, microwave 30 seconds at 70%
3. stir smooth. blend in brown sugar, microwave for 30 seconds at 70%
4. beat eggs and add to mixture, stirring immediately
6. sift in flour and stir
7. place batter in TUPPERCHEF KUGELHOPF*
8. microwave on 70% for 10 1/2 minutes. allow to stand for 5-10 minutes
9. turn out onto serving plate and dust with icing sugar

*fancy name for this rubberish kinda cake pan...they're like $60

now, i have no idea how to cook this in a normal cake pan in an oven so you'll just have to work it out for yourself

baileys

3 eggs
300mls of thickened cream
1 tin of condensed milk
2 dessert spoons of chocolate topping
1 dessert spoon of coffee essence
1 cup of scotch

mis it up, add milk if you like, add ice cubes and drink until you cant drink no more

yeah, im on my way to being a drug lord, and if you give me shit about my mega tough druggie name, i'll bust a cap in yo' ass...or words to that effect

firstly

to all of you who said you'd come to my party tonight, i expect to se eyou there. if this means you have to book a plane ticket i suggest you do it now to avoid disappointment.

secondly, MACHINE GUN FELLATIO ARE FUCKING AWESOME

wow, yeah, wow. music, humour, costumes, dancing, nudity and strap ons, you cant go wrong really. miss kk juggy had about 5 costume changes, i think, and they got smaller and smaller as the night went on, finishing with a pair of red glitter, heart shaped pasties and a strap on. the widow jones wore a bright orange, vinyl number with matching boots and looked lovely as ever. she still reminds me of kaarin fairfax....
i think i opened lochy's eyes a bit. coming straight from choir to a machine gun fellatio concert was a bit of a change of pace for him but he enjoyed himself. hopefully there'll be more outings for him in the near future.
on the subject of lochy, whoever broke into his house last night and stole everything, first of all, thankyou for being so careful and neat, but could you please put everything back, i mean, fuck, stealing is just nasty. steal from people who can afford to replace things, thats kinda ok, i guess. but people who have no money and not that many things to begin with, stealing from them is a bit harsh, dont you think. just give everything back, fuckers....and i say that with a smile, and in the nicest way possible, or be doomed to wear the shit hat forever.

for more adult photographs of kk juggy please click here and here

remember, 7:30, my house, be there....free alcohol

ok...this probably isnt a good sign...

i turned on my computer, sat down and ate my tomato soup. i thought i'd better finish it before i start typing because my 'p' button still hasnt recovered form the 'tea spilling' incident of a week or so ago. so i'm sitting there eating soup, and staring into space which happened to be the space around my 'c' button. and then i see it. something is moving. something...looks kinda like a...crumb, maybe? something yellowish...maybe its a toast crumb, like a crumb with butter on it, thats why its yellow...but why is it moving? maybe there's...i dont know, vibrations or something from the tower, but i know that cant work cos they're nowhere near each other. maybe some freak gust of wind blew past my keyboard and i just didnt feel it? then it happens again, except this time it's red. i look closer and i can see the red head of a small yellow wormlike thing wriggling around behind my c button.
now, i dont know whether this has changed or not, but i always thought worms lived under the ground. in the dirt...in the dirt of the under keys of a keyboard?
i've tried blowing around the keys but i cant find the worm now. im debating whether or not to pop all my keys off and clean it out or to purposly drop food down there and keep him as my little pet. casey, i'll call him...he lives under the c button...hang on...under the c...under the sea, quick, whats that lobsters name from the little mermaid? sebastian! thats it. sebastian my pet keyboard worm

words that should be used more often

gee
gosh
golly
willy nilly
the phrase 'a wing wong for a gooses bridle'
weeeeeeee
snark
peachy
fab
free strawberry shortcake dolls

party at my place!!!

and you're all invited

14th of april at 7:30, free baileys and chocolate apple cake

andmaybesomesortoftupperwaredemonstrationbutipromiseitwontlastlong

did i say free baileys!!!!

ok, so ages ago when i was addicted to online quizzes.....ok, so im still addicted, but, when i was more addicted, i signed up with emode. and i went back there today and found out that emode is also a match making wbsite, and that i am 94% compatible with an 18 year old boy who looks about 12, a texan cowboy who's into hard rock

im finding this guy rather amusing

particularly this

"Upon arriving at the DMV I see a long, long line. about four hundred yards long. As I
stepped to the end to wait my turn I had no idea I had stepped center stage in Satan’s
community theater.

Cast Of Characters

Old Guy
This guy can barely stand let alone drive, he has but one job in this little show...to be old.

Rich Soccer Mom
Until this morning this woman had no idea that cars had tags, and that they expire. Also
she thinks she can pay with a cheque.

Stupid Sweater Lady
She always wears holiday apropiate sweaters i.e. pumpkins for Halloween, eggs for
Easter, guillotines for Bastille day. Also she wants to make friends with every one in line.

Read everything out loud guy
To this guy every sign, poster, card or letter is a chance to brush up on his reading...out
loud.

Guy Who Never Pays Attention to When The Line Moves
The line moves about twenty feet in front of him....but he can't see it. Then, he has the
audacity too look suprised every time he looks up at the gap between himself and the next
person in line....like he didn't know the line would move."

because i have been inthe same room as these people many times, and that soccor mum drives one of those wanky 4 wheel drives that never does any 4 wheel driving, let alone get a speck of dirt on it

and this

The Joys a Co-habitation

When I was a single guy I had to cook all my own meals (okay, White Castle had to cook
my meals) and I had to do my own laundry (okay, I sent my laundry out to be done) but a
roll of toilet paper would last for six months and the toilet never overflowed.

CUE Story

I was pondering what to do today's article about. So I went to the room I do my best
thinking. While sitting on the lue I remember Jennifer telling me not to um...uh...make any
"deposits" until marty the maintenance guy came to fix the toilet, she said it had been
clogging all day. I won't go into detail by I've made a diet change to combat high blood
pressure and my "excretions" will be featured on an upcoming episode of Fear
Factor and need to be flushed quickly before greenpeace finds them and traces it back
to me. So I figured she was just being hysterical as usual so I flushed with confidence. The
water rose like the mighty Rio Grande spilling about two gallons of water on the floor.
Subject Break
From my work as an Emergency Medical Tech. I have learned how to stay calm in any
situation from boat fires to massive heart attacks nothing really excites me. But in this
instance I just panicked.
End of Break

Seeing that this is a bigger mess than I expected I did something stupid. I began to think
that if I flushed again the pressure of the water would push the blockage on down the
pipe. It didn't. All it did was spill an additional seven gallons of water on the floor. My trio
of cats assembled at the doorway to watch all looked at me as if to say "she is going to kill
you, when she gets home from work"
I explained to them in no uncertain terms that I pay for this house the water in this toilet
and their food so if battle lines are drawn they better think long and hard about
where their loyalties are. After scolding those ungrateful S.O.B's I went to work plunging
the clog. This was easy enough but there was still about and inch of water on the floor so I
went to the Lenin closet (that's not a typo I keep a poster of Vladimer Lenin in that closet)
to gather all our towels after sopping up all the water I remembered that my poop was
floating in that water. I felt the overwhelming need to shower'

because i can SO see those cats faces

just a warning; this post may make certain people feel uncomfortable. please don't feel as is you have to read this

a month or so ago, deidre asked me to write a letter to him. i had to say how i was feeling, and how he made me feel, i had to write what i would say if i could let him know how he made me feel.
i don't think there is enough swear words in this to adequately show how angry i am, but this is what i wrote.
this is only the second time i've looked this letter over. i wont be correcting any grammar or anything like that.


i blame you for everything. i blame you for making me sad. i blame you for stealing something from me that you had absolutely no right to take.
i need you to get out of my head and to leave me alone and to never come near me again. and never go near anyone. its wrong what you did, and for all i know, what you still do. what satisfaction can you get by being so manipulatively cruel to someone? how can you live with yourself? if you for one second start to answer me with things like, 'you liked it', or 'you wanted it' i will shoot you down with such a look that you will fall to the ground and burn. you don't warrant my time, my energies, my emotions. you aren't worth that to me. just give me everything back and go away. i don't need you here anymore. leave me alone when i am watching my kids play. leave me alone when I'm shopping, when I'm talking about the weather, when I'm listening to music. stop making me see you everywhere, and feel as if I'm going to break apart and never be put back together again. just go away. i don't need you here.
there is no space for you in my life. i am handing it all back. take it. take all the guilt and the shame and the secrets and all of the blame. take it and bury it deep inside yourself and live like that for half your life and then lets see how fucked your head is. then bring it out into the open. for EVERYONE to see. show your parents and your friends and your children what a horrible person you are. show them all the terror you are capable of.
not even a word i can remember. but i remember enough to know that from the first time you touched me you became nothing. you are worthless. the ground needs to swallow you and spit you out towards the sun. you need to disappear. the world is to beautiful a place for someone so disgusting. leave me alone. go away. get out. i don't need you anymore. its a nasty thing what you did. its mean and nasty and it makes people cry. how could you not get it? how could you not understand? i want to know why but i will not listen to ridiculous answers. you need to know this was all of you. i wasn't even there. i was somewhere else, far away from you but i still wasn't safe. I'm still not safe and its because of you. you make me scared. i cant even say your name. i cant talk to my mum and its all your fault.
what did i do? i cant remember that time. its not there anymore. you need to give it back. it doesn't belong to you. its mine. the only thing that's yours is the guilt and the shame. YOU did something wrong. you did something illegal. and you did something hurtful and harmful to a child. you don't deserve to know what it feels like for the sun to tickle your skin or for a child to hug you. you need to be far away. go away and never come back. go far away from me and stay out of my head. go away.
i'm reading a new book. i really like it. and then there's your name. must you spoil everything.
just so you know, soon i'll be making a sticker for my car. its going to say that you are a child molester

enjoy

well, according to blogger, everything should be fixed now. so i'm just posting a little thing or two to see if it really is working.

yes i had pancakes today but that doesnt mean i'm falling back into old habits

'we fall into old habits...talk about giving it up after getting right on it.
letter to your mother says you're doing everything you can and i'm glad that she wont get the joke
you're as free as a ten year old, with a room of your very own
doesnt matter at all what all those people say at home with your good humor, you're a hero
and you cant stop them dragging you down, they've got nothing better to do
sometimes you gotta laugh in their faces'

so HA! pancake goblin who makes me eat pancakes when i know i shouldnt, HA!

so, blogger...how come you wont publish my stuff, huh? huh?

a long, picture painting sentance or two

it was in her night-time dreams that her daydreams came true. there, freed from the cold bondage of her priggish upbringing, her hothouse fantasies blossomed in candy colours: she crawled through an orgy in a pitch-dark room, tasting everything she touched until the flavours made her brain ring like a holiday bell; she performed a fantastic cartwheel through a constellation of stars and blue moons onto a cosmic buffet table where she lay naked amid the viandes and desserts, dappled with sauce, prinked with flecks of celestial mayonnaise and meringue and sweet adhesive gravies, herself the piece de resistance for the gods and godesses who began to jostle one another in competition to taste her hot and savoury corpus; she drank ginger beer from the black-leather boot of a countess while the lovely lady's toe tickled sparks of orgasm from the tender tinder of her clit; she swung on a braided golden rope across a huge ballroom where a host of naked lords and ladies played a roistering parlour game on all fours, dropping herself carefully and with unerring accuracy onto an uptilted erection that her plaush sex encapsulated as smoothly as a velvet glove did a well-manicured hand.

and the one that makes me laugh

not for nothing was he a mathematician. he divided her legs and added his body to hers, then began to do immeasurably pleasurable things with their figures, multiplying sensations, faster than any computer, losing himslef in the soft geometry of her vital statistics, their libidos mutually entwining like an exercise in hot topology. his cock harder than advanced calculus.
'soixante neuf, soixante neuf!', she begged, reaching for the ceiling as he plowed her like the proverbial north forty. but, aslas, he did not speak french and thought she was sneezing.
later, in the aftermath, she would reach for his abacus and only half playfully attempt to lodge it in an uncomfortable place, while whispering to him a bit of advice on the value of learning a little about the language arts.

the notebooks of gatling wessex - larry tritten

i auditioned for emma on saturday morning. so did jamie, jen, louise and megan. all of us felt like we did pretty well. i'm also going to an information night for the killing of sister george tomorrow night. i'm going to try and audition then, i'll let you know how i go. i told my nanna that i was auditioning for it and she got all excited until she found out it was about lesbians. i wish i could spell the noise she made. i also commented on how heather didnt look the least bit interested in my play. and she said that was because i wasnt chris, which is totally right. also, it was dads idea not to hang around afterwards, even though nanna and poppa wanted to. whatever.

i couldnt hang around anyway, i had to go see sharyn do a belly dancing performance. i am so proud of her. yay, go sharyn :)

we got lots of books and...well...crap for the toy fair. we should hurry up and pay for the stall or we wont get a table to sell all of our crap. especially if sean is going to be selling his stuff too, we'll need to hurry so we can get the two tables in time.

we had a fight with matts mum and dad about the boys. apparently because we hadnt called them or come to pick the boys up before lunch time, this meant that we were dead or drugged and being raped. yeah. his dad was about to call the police to say we were missing and matts mum was even making plans to change the house around so the boys could live there. sheesh. i was having a good day on sunday too.

and as of last night, my new favourites on queer as folk are justin and the sexy violinist. i so wanted to be a gay boy last night