what i believe today

• that outside was dangerous, and could quite possibly kill me
• if outside didnt kill me, when i am driving in my car i will be attacked by the worms that, as of friday morning,  now reside in there
• the safest thing to do today would be to stay in my room with my dog
• i will do one, two, or all of these things : cry, vomit, sleep

what is actually true

• i doubt very much that outside will kill me
• ginger beer is not gross
• there arent actually any worms in my car
• i will do one, two, or all of these things: cry, vomit, sleep

where i am in my head is somewhere between those two lists. i am in bed. i didnt go to work because outside was too scary. i dont know what is scary about it. i have just returned from taking 4 steps out of my back door, and i didnt die, nor was there any inkling of something heinous approaching.
although, while out there i asked my boyfriend to marry me one day. he said 'maybe one day, actually, i take that back'.

probably an intelligent, sensible answer. i did hallucinate worms in my car on friday morning and almost run off the road. i also hung my dress on a coat hanger the other day, before tossing it onto the pile of clothes that is devouring my floor space.

kailey slept with me. i slept. i managed not to vomit or cry. i woke up to find nick had been to the shops and brought me in a trolley of tea and chocolate.