oh, btw, apparently i slipped a disc

post started 4/7/05


disclaimer

apparently the members of the band simple people are all up in arms about what i have said on my blog. somehow they've taken it as the velveteen habit badmouthing them.

dear simple people,
yes, i know the memebers of the velveteen habit, but this is not their website. this is a space voiced soley by myself where i express my views and my opinions.
i would appreciate it if you stopped being mad at them and directed your anger where it is warranted, ie, me. i wrote whatever it is you are upset about so have it out with me.
do not hold it against the members of the velveteen habit or jet studios as it has nothing to do with them.
should you wish to discuss this further, please comment below and we will discuss it. you and me. not through the bands and hearsay.
love carly

i remember this, i think.  i have a vague recollection of seeing the band, but not of the kerfuffle mentioned.
i googled simple people. they dont exist anymore. neither does velveteen habit

ups and down, ins and outs

so last week we had the forgetting, the seeing mystery things, the not seeing actual things, the not wanting to leave my room.... what can we do with this week?

oh! i know, how about i make everyone at work think im having a heart attack?! awesome idea, me!


i checked some books in, i grabbed one, (in the correct way, OT lady), turned and placed it in the trolley behind me. goodness me, that hurt. i'll just rest here until the pain in my back stops..... doesnt seem to be stopping.... actually seems to be getting worse... oh look, i cant breathe! handy!
to save you all the tiny details, i was wheeled on an office chair into the staff room, where i lay on the floor with a wet paper towel on my forehead, my legs on a block, my arms not moving, turning paler and paler, feeling hot and cold, getting numb tingly hands

apparently i was dying

ok, i wasnt dying, but everyone was super worried about me. so super worried that i was transported to the hospital in an ambulance.

i wasnt dying though. id *just* pulled a muscle in my back. but when i say 'just', the doctor said 'they can be excruciatingly painful'. she was correct!

then i went home

i had endone. i recommend endone for all your pain needs. i will say it every day if someone gives me a life time supply

~~~~

the next day is today. i feel a lot better, and i discover this

The Honey Pies, HENNY PENNY from Laneway Pictures on Vimeo.


WIN!

Monkey magic

Just heard a banging noise on my roof. I'm imagining a troop (barrel?) of monkeys. Those ones that have tiny faces and really long arms that they hold above their heads when they do their funny little side step run

right, so i had a cat scan

JOKES!

but i did. i had a cat scan and a shitload of blood taken. cos, im not sure that you know, but seeing things that arent there and not seeing things that are? that is not correct brain procedure.

all that we found out is that my brain is fine. but as far as my blood work goes, my pain receptors are heightened. this basically means that i hurt, and i hurt lots. and if you were feeling that hurt it would probably be quite ok, possibly non existent, but probably handleable. when i hurt, it HUUUUUURTS. and its real because thats the way my body is feeling it.  so, dont hit me or anything, k?

to fix this i have to get lighter and fitter.

im considering a photo a day thing. this is for a couple of reasons.

it will help me post more.
if i do lose weight, i'll be able to put it together like in a flip book an watch myself get skinny.
if i make the commitment to post a photo every day, that means (for your sake and mine) that i will need to get dressed every day, and therefore, put some sort of effort into my appearance.

but as you know i am very very lazy.  so i guess i'll aim for 3 photos a week and see what happens

100 questions, started in 2005, finished in 2012




100 QUESTIONS

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin: nope
2. Ran away: yep
3. Pictured your crush naked: yep
4. Skipped school: yep
5. Broken someone's heart: yep
6. Been in love: yep
7. Cried when someone died: yep
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yep
9. Broken a bone: nope
10. Done something embarrassing: yep
11. Lied: yep
12. Cried in school: yep
WHICH IS [BETTER]...
13. Coke or Pepsi: coke
14. Sprite or 7UP: sprite? whatever
15. Girls or Guys: depends for what
16. Flowers or Candy: flowers
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: either
18. Blondes or brunettes: brunettes
19. bitchy or slutty: neither
20. Tall or Short: whatever
21: Pants or Shorts: pants
22. Night or Day:night
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first? if you are nice
24. Like Being Spanked: meh
25. Worst Question For Her/Him to ask: how good is *insert a terrible TERRIBLE band name here*?
26. Showered: yes
27. Stepped outside: yes
28. Had Sex: yes
ABOUT YOU...
29. Ever been Engaged/ Married: yes
30. Your Good luck charm: i dont have one
31. Person You Hate Most: him
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: x and e
33. Where did it go?: ...where did what go? its probably under the couch or down the side of the bed
34. Picture on your desktop: books
36. Movie: labyrinth, princess bride, garden state, scott pilgrim, once... there are too many
37. Artist or band: again, far too many; darren hanlon, lucksmiths, shins, phoenix, keepsakes, honeypies....
38. Cars: ive had 4. morris 1300 was my favourite
39. Ice Cream: cookies and cream with cookie dough and brownie
41. Food: cheese and chocolate and chips
42. Makes You Laugh The Most: cat party
43. Makes You Smile: charlotte
44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: hugs are good
45. Has A Crush On You:  no idea
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: yes
47. Who Has It Easier?: do you mean the crush or the crusher? probably the crush. unless the crusher is a psycho
48. Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them: no one for a while
49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: I have
50. Save AIM Conversations: i have
51. Save E-mails: i have
52. Forwarded Secret E-mails: i have.... who says theyre secret, they're half mine
53. Wish You Were Someone Else: yes
54. Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex: sometimes when i need to pee
55. Wear after shave: i have
57. Cuddle: yes please
58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time: ive been known to do that
59. Fallen For Your Best Friend?: no
60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: yes
61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: yes, i think
62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day? no, i dont think so
63. Been Rejected?:yes
64. Been In Love?:yes
65. Been In Lust?:yes
66. Used Someone?:yes
67. Been Used?:yes
68. Dumped Someone?:yes
69. Been Cheated On?:yes
70. Back Doored It?:im assuming that means ran out on someone. ive not done that
71. Done Something You Regret?:yes
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. Hung out with?:nick
73. You Talked To?:nick
74. You Hugged?:nick
75. You Instant Messaged?:walter
76. You Kissed?:nick
77. You Yelled At?:kids
78. You Dreamed About?:people i didnt recognise
79. Who Text Messaged You?:nick
80. Who Broke Your Heart?:tom
81. Who Told You They Loved You?:nick
Body
82. Color Your Hair? yes
83. Have Tattoos? no
84. Have Piercings?: yes
85. Boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes
86. Own A Webcam?: theres one in my computer. it occasionally works
88. Ever Get Off The Damn Computer?: sometimes
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?:pfefferneuse
90. Habla espanol?:dora the explorer
91. Buy Designer Clothes/Shoes:no
HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...
92. Stolen Anything?:yes
93. Smoke?:no
94. Schizophrenic?:yes/no... no
95. Obsessive?:lil bit
96. Compulsive?:lil bit
97. Obsessive compulsive?: probably
98. Panic?:yes
99. Anxiety?:yes
100. Stressed?:yes

ive just discovered i have heaps of posts in my drafts folder.  over the next few days i'll be posting these, as i left them, from oldest to newest

this is the first

4/3/2005


100 QUESTIONS

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin: nope
2. Ran away: yep
3. Pictured your crush naked: yep
4. Skipped school: yep
5. Broken someone's heart: yep
6. Been in love: yep
7. Cried when someone died: yep
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yep
9. Broken a bone: nope
10. Done something embarrassing: yep
11. Lied: yep
12. Cried in school: yep
WHICH IS [BETTER]...
13. Coke or Pepsi: coke
14. Sprite or 7UP: sprite? whatever
15. Girls or Guys: depends for what
16. Flowers or Candy: flowers
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: either
18. Blondes or brunettes: brunettes
19. bitchy or slutty: neither
20. Tall or Short: whatever
21: Pants or Shorts: pants
22. Night or Day:night
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first?
24. Like Being Spanked:
25. Worst Question For Her/Him to ask:
26. Showered:
27. Stepped outside:
28. Had Sex:
ABOUT YOU...
29. Ever been Engaged/ Married:
30. Your Good luck charm:
31. Person You Hate Most:
32. Best Thing That Has Happened:
33. Where did it go?:
34. Picture on your desktop:
36. Movie:
37. Artist or band:
38. Cars:
39. Ice Cream:
41. Food:
42. Makes You Laugh The Most:
43. Makes You Smile:
44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What:
45. Has A Crush On You:
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone:
47. Who Has It Easier?:
48. Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them:
49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: I
50. Save AIM Conversations:
51. Save E-mails:
52. Forwarded Secret E-mails:
53. Wish You Were Someone Else:
54. Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex:
55. Wear after shave:
57. Cuddle:
58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time:
59. Fallen For Your Best Friend?:
60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?:
61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?:
62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day?
63. Been Rejected?:
64. Been In Love?:
65. Been In Lust?:
66. Used Someone?:
67. Been Used?:
68. Dumped Someone?:
69. Been Cheated On?:
70. Back Doored It?:
71. Done Something You Regret?:
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. Hung out with?:
73. You Talked To?:
74. You Hugged?:
75. You Instant Messaged?:
76. You Kissed?:
77. You Yelled At?:
78. You Dreamed About?:
79. Who Text Messaged You?:
80. Who Broke Your Heart?:
81. Who Told You They Loved You?:
82. Color Your Hair?
Body
83. Have Tattoos?
84. Have Piercings?:
85. Boyfriend/girlfriend?:
86. Own A Webcam?:
88. Ever Get Off The Damn Computer?:
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?:
90. Habla espanol?:
91. Buy Designer Clothes/Shoes:
HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...
92. Stolen Anything?:
93. Smoke?:
94. Schizophrenic?:
95. Obsessive?:
96. Compulsive?:
97. Obsessive compulsive?:
98. Panic?:
99. Anxiety?:
100. Stressed?:

what i believe today

• that outside was dangerous, and could quite possibly kill me
• if outside didnt kill me, when i am driving in my car i will be attacked by the worms that, as of friday morning,  now reside in there
• the safest thing to do today would be to stay in my room with my dog
• i will do one, two, or all of these things : cry, vomit, sleep

what is actually true

• i doubt very much that outside will kill me
• ginger beer is not gross
• there arent actually any worms in my car
• i will do one, two, or all of these things: cry, vomit, sleep

where i am in my head is somewhere between those two lists. i am in bed. i didnt go to work because outside was too scary. i dont know what is scary about it. i have just returned from taking 4 steps out of my back door, and i didnt die, nor was there any inkling of something heinous approaching.
although, while out there i asked my boyfriend to marry me one day. he said 'maybe one day, actually, i take that back'.

probably an intelligent, sensible answer. i did hallucinate worms in my car on friday morning and almost run off the road. i also hung my dress on a coat hanger the other day, before tossing it onto the pile of clothes that is devouring my floor space.

kailey slept with me. i slept. i managed not to vomit or cry. i woke up to find nick had been to the shops and brought me in a trolley of tea and chocolate.