Sunday, May 18, 2008

square eyes

i wonder if in the days before television, parents would tell their kids they'd get square eyes from reading too much? i doubt it.

in the last week i have read the poisonwood bible by barbara kingsolver, abandoned by anya peters, and the princess bride by s. morgenstern (abridged by william goldman version). next i'll be reading cloud atlas by david mitchell. basically, thats all i've been doing.

i've fallen into a kind of routine that isnt very...friendly? well, theres not room for friends, anyway. depending on the week, i wake up, grab my tea cup, turn on my computer on the way to the toilet, put my cup in the hall way, go to the toilet, grab my cup, go to the kitchen, make tea, return to bedroom. by then, my computer is ready to go. i check my emails (none, and spam. fantastic), open up all the blogs etc that i check, read those. during this time i drink my tea, and then i go back to bed.

i grab my ds and play animal crossing until my eyes close and i fall asleep. depending on whether i've shaken all the trees, when i wake up i will either continue playing or grab a book. it is warm in bed, and comfortable...and comforting. when i feel i have nothing to do, or...well, nothing, i can just close my eyes and burrow deeper and hope that when i wake up, things are brighter. instead, more often than not, when i wake up it is darker, both inside and out. i've successfully wasted another day, gone a whole day without speaking to a person (and really, telling a cat to get out of the way isnt exactly a conversation anyway), and pretty soon its time to turn the lights off and do it all again.

i could be handling this differently. "i think comfort at the bottom of a bottle is in order for my depression. that and bad music". i know a couple of people who have done it, or are doing it, this way. and maybe thats, in a way, healthier because at least they're out, seeing people, breathing outside air, talking, moving.

i was trying to decide if i should do that or not last night. i could have. i had invitations. but i would have been doing it on my own, and thats not something i can do at the moment.

im not sure how i managed when i first started going out. i guess it was different then. turning up to a pub by myself wasnt that bad because i knew that sooner or later, 10 or so people that i knew would be there. but now i just dont know. its a whole new crowd. its younger, and its different, and there are less of us.
now it seems safer to stay home in bed, read books, and look at the same internet pages over and over until my eyes are almost bleeding so im hopeful that sleep might actually come when i close them

i burned my hand on friday. it really hurt. i was filling my tea cup from an electric urn on the wall in the council chambers, and the water hit the bottom of the cup, and bounced back up and over my hand.

i needed a bandage

i took it off today to have a look. it only hurts sometimes, something between and ache and a sting. its not as big as i thought, but the skin is yucky and dry and has started to peel and thats quite quite gross

thankfully, you dont really need massive mobility in your hands to play the glockenspiel. ben and i have been asked to play at the ed castle on friday night, supporting bing goes to monaco. i know nothing more than that, but if and when i find out, i'll let you know

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