you know that dithery kind of thing that hugh grant does?

clancy does that. well, she just did that. i went out the back and she was holding a rat in her mouth by its head. she put it down carefully, did the dithery head thing, looked around a bit, gently picked it up again, took a couple of steps, dithered again, put it down like she was about to explain something (now...bridget....love...) picked it up again and slinked (slinked? slunk?...apparently its slunk) slunk off behind the cubby

presumably to eat the rat

i dont know if hugh grant does that part

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this morning e sang to me. well, he recited lyrics to me

mum...we must talk on every telephone get eaten off the web....get fired from the crystal ball of the books that we have read...strapped into a chair we must sing, we must sing we must sing

for a 6 year old, he's pretty good at brighteyes

if only eyeballs mcbulgy and doofus von trendy did the commentary for the election

so, are you packing it?

bwahahahah

so, i went to vote

i'd left it til later in the afternoon cos...well, cos i was sleeping earlier, but also cos it was hot and last time i had to wait in a line and it was hot. and, yeah, basically its the hot that was annoying me. i figured that by late in the afternoon, i wouldnt have to deal with people forcing pamphlets onto me.

as i pulled up, i was greeted by this



lovely. no one hassling me to vote the way they wanted. no one giving out thousands of pieces of paper, that just get thrown away. aaah, i might even get through this

so, i entered the school, and headed toward the polling room. uh oh. there they are.

'would you like one of these?' asks the democrats. 'no thankyou', i answer. the greens just smile at me as i walk past. labor is leaning against the wall a few metres ahead. 'can i interest you in..' 'nope, i dont want anything, thankyou', i say, cutting him off before he can finish. 'no worries,' labor answers, 'have a good day'. 'thanks!'.

hmm....theres one. oh. look who it is. i literally stop walking and just stand there. i probably look stupid. i dont care all that much. i decide to walk a couple of metres to my left to stay out of the way of this particular pamphlet bearer. this probably makes me look stupider. again - care factor is zero. i avert my eyes. i look straight ahead.

'have a how to vote card?' she says, walking towards me.
'no, please dont give me anything'
'its politics, its not personal'
'yes. i know that. i dont want anything'

she made it personal, she didnt have to. why couldnt she just say 'no worries' like everyone else. why did she feel the need to come over to me, where the others just let me walk past? i said no, why couldnt she just accept that.

and really, does she think i am that stupid? does she believe that i thought she was trying to make me join her fanclub, or something equally as ridiculous?

good morning, everyone, and welcome to 2am. i'm quite accustomed to it now. i dont know what i'd do if i didnt see it everyday...oh, hang on, yes i do. i'd be sleeping like a normal, sane person, thats what i'd be doing.

instead, im up. i've tried sleeping, it doesnt work. i just get to do the laying there and being awake part, and thats no fun. i've been reading. i'm half way through the 4th sisterhood of the travelling pants. before that i was playing animal crossing until tom nooks store closed. there's not much more you can do after that, i'll have to wait til tomorrow.

so far while i've been online i've stopped myself from buying dolls clothes from etsy, and i havent even begun a search on ebay. what i did do a search for is flights from adelaide to dublin. i know, shocked, arent you. that doesnt happen everyday, huh. seems i've found the cheapest ones so far though. 1,819.82 including taxes and fees. thats pretty darn good. i havent been able to find anything under 2000 before now. it's flying via kuala lumpur and amsterdam.

i need to talk to tom

i unflead the cats today. i sat them on my lap and squeezed the stuff onto the back of their necks, where they cant reach it to lick it off, and let them go again.

clancy looked at me like i was worse than the worst person in the world, and ran off to sit on my clothes. i assume so all the fleas can jump off and hide in my clothes. good thinking, on her behalf if thats what she was doing. go you, clancy, you'll show me.

banjo....sigh....well, what can we expect of banjo. she somehow managed to lick the unlickable and ran around the house for the next half an hour, frothing at the mouth and dribbling all over the place. she made sure she ran back and forth across my god lounge, and also shook her head so her spit landed in my cup of tea. she's awesome.

anyone want a cat? they dont have fleas

just to let you know that i've managed to flood my laundry again

that is all

2:29 am

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No,no,no.

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git.

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind

as i was laying in bed, awake, and composing letters, songs, sms's and blog posts in my head as i usually do, i decided to get up, and turn on my computer. things suck right now. i love a boy who is so far away and it hurts. x is giving me relationship advice and e is as confused as ever. but then i checked my email and i smiled so much :) theresa found me

but, lets start from the beginning

i cant sleep. i cant stop my brain. im going insane. i think there are all but a few lines of that song that fit my headspace right now. i dont smoke, its been more than 3 weeks, and i dont know who sir walter raleigh is, or whether or not he is/was a stupid git.

i miss tom. hear that world? i miss him, and it hurts and it sucks and there is no one out there who could possibly understand how much strength it takes to not click the button that pays for the tickets to dublin. and every night i lay awake in bed and i think about him. i think of other things too, but its mainly him. i think of times that we've already had together, and i think of times we could have together. and i wonder what would happen if i clicked that button and turned up on his doorstep. we spoke on the phone the other night. as we were saying goodbye he said, 'ok, well, i'll see you....' and just trailed off. i finished for him 'if im ever in the neighbourhood, i'll be sure to pop in'. he said 'yes, make sure you do that'. so, what do i do? do i do the girl thing and grab hold of that and not let go because he said that next time i happen to be walking the streets of raheny, i should pop in and we'll have a cuffa tea? do i think back to phonecalls where we cried and he told me that i was the girl he cared most about? or do i think about the other things he says, like 'this cant happen' 'i cant live in adelaide' 'you cant leave your boys to be with me' 'i dont want to settle down yet' 'i want to kiss you, but we shouldnt, we cant' (you can guess which part of that one i heard).

i do all of those things. i hear all of them and i see all of them, and it all comes down to the strength of pushing that button

the advice that x gave me was 'mum, dont you think that if you just liked her a little bit more, things would be a lot easier for everyone?'

and yes, i do think that. and yes, he is right. his magnificent 8 year old brain is perfectly right. but i cant. nor can i go into any detail about this, although im sure that the majority of you who read this understand what is being talked about. it's been two years and i have done some nice things. i've probably done things that could be considered not nice as well...what with the yelling and all that, but i've been civil mostly, i think.... and really, thats all that i can be right now. as right as he is, i cant do it. im sorry, baby

in e's fantastically confused brain, if we just went on a holiday together, everything would be alright. she could stay home and look after them, and we'd go on a holiday together and get married. and then we'd all be friends. and he says this with such hopefulness and certainty at the same time, it breaks my heart.

i dont know why things arent that easy, sweetheart, i wish i could make it better for you.

i look at my boys, in their honest and open, sweet innocent 6 and 8 year old selves and wonder what i did to deserve such beautiful children.

and then, theresa! im so happy. the slow and sad face i had on half an hour ago was instantly wiped away when i saw i had an email from her. i think....i think she's in adelaide, and this makes me smile even more. i shall call her tomorrow, and we shall catch up on everything and i know that i will smile and laugh the whole time.

that, at least, is one good thing

stuff on my banjo

starring pinkninja

crowded house

TEH AWESOMES

augie march were pretty awesomes as well. and good on you, adelaide, for standing up and dancing around at a seated concert. its about time.

between augie march and crowded house, we amused ourselves with taking photos. please take part in the newly thought up game of 'whose boobs are these'

whose boobs are these?

and no, i will not tell you who i went with

we had great seats, and could see both the stage and the screens really well. here are some crap shots i took with my phone. i only got a couple, i spent most of my time just singing along




then we went to villis cafe and i got a vanilla slice. most exciting. i am not the best at reviews, other than to say woot and such similar things, but this was awesome. oh, and, what was with the greyhounds?

if you build it...a cat will get thrown at it and knock it down


at school, e's class is 'using their imagination'. they're watching shrek as well, and talking about the storylines in it, like friendship and love and fear.
'shrek, fiona and donkey were scared and afraid when they were in the castle with the dragon and the lava'.

so here is e, making the castle (you'll need to check flickr later on for better photos). that orange thing on top is the dragon, and banjo is making a special appearance as 'the monster that knocks everything down'. she is, by far, the bast cat in the world

and how dumb is it, that i'm sitting here, ready to go out

except i havent left yet becasue, i know he's awake now

and maybe...maybe he might go to the library and email me

maybe

but i should go out

oh...yes...i know

i really, really know

The drive home wasn't very pleasant. I'm pissed off because (a) Pencils is howling noisily at the top of her lungs - there were tears and snot everywhere - yuck. (2) Noise is trying to show me where she's bitten him on the leg, hard enough to draw blood and I'm screaming at them that I don't fucking well care who did or said what because I think they're feral, selfish and horrid creatures who have stolen any chance of a decent life away from me forever.

p.s. love you, babies!

rundown of coke bottles removed from my fridge

2lt X 4
1.5lt X 1
1lt X 1


approximate volume of disposed of coke

4.6lt


approximate teaspoons of sugar in aforementioned disposed of coke

122.6


status of my drainage system in the kitchen now that 4.6lts of coke has been poured down it

probably pretty good now, since coke is caustic and all that...prolly pretty clear down there now


money lost on wasted product

well, i know for a fact that the 1litre was $3.30. what a rip off! the others were probably around the $3 mark, but i'll put one at $2 cos when i buy coke its only when its on special....so...

$17

money made by recycling bottles at a later date

30cents.

go adelaide

see this movie

things that are taking up my time right now

plus

plus

equals

except, you know, boyfriend version