if i still had my old computer, and it didnt fuck itself in the eye with its giant penis, i could show you a photo of the first boy who stole my heart online.

many years ago, i started chatting in an irc client called mirc. i met quite a few lovely people there. quite a few freaks too, that goes without saying, but some nice people as well.
among the list of names down the side of the screen, was rancor. its not an attractive name...i guess the main thing it has going for it is that its not 'hotstud69', but there was something that attracted me to this boy. quiet and polite, we started talking

his name was jonas.
he was from copenhagen.
he worked in a zoo.

we spoke lots. lots and lots. chatting turned to emails which turned to letters and parcels and phone calls. one night i broke the payphone trying to make sure i had enough coins to talk to him. that night, i later found out, he was going to tell me he loved me.

time went on. i came into a few thousand dollars. i contemplated leaving thepersonwhoimustnevermention and flying to denmark.

then i got pregnant.

jonas and i spoke less frequently. he got a girlfriend. we spoke even less. i emailed him once a year on his birthday. then that stopped. and then there was nothing.

then the other day i was playing in youtube. im not sure if you know how retarded i am at computers. oh you do? then what im about to say will come as no surprise to you, especially those of you who were recipients. i clicked a button in youtube which i thought would show me who in my address book had a youtube account. instead, it emailed everyone and told them i had videos to share. this is a lie. i have no videos.
the replies started rolling in. there were many 'this email cannot be sent's, which was great. a whole lot of people i havent embarressed myself infront of. then there were messages from people i dont know, trying to work out how they got in my address book.
for a little while, my favourite response was

What??????????

Ciao.......Audrey

and then this came through

Hi Carly
Hope YOU don't get nervous breakdowns hearing from ME :)
Didn't get nervous or anything about the link... mainly because I had no idea who sent it :)
Hope everything is fine down there in "under"? :)
Jonas

and my heart skipped a beat and i smiled bigger than i have in a long time.

my jonas :)