Monday, March 17, 2003

he gave me a rock and that was it

and both of us are to blame for doing things without thinking.
i had rehearsal yesterday from 10 until about 2, when we broke for lunch. this i did not know was happening, since i got an email from thorin the night before saying 'bump in at 10, runthroughs at 7', i thought we were going to be there all day. but matt turned up just as we were breaking for lunch, so we went and had lunch among the 'i thought you were rehearsing all day' s. i went back to where locky is house sitting and ran through the big scene, then decided to go see nanna and poppa since poppa will be starting radiotherapy next week, i wanted to see how they were.
they werent home. robert was home and i dont particularly like him. he said they'd be back within the hour. so i thought, where shall i go, and i went to daniels. yeah, i know, stupid place to go, but no one else was home and i hadnt seen him for so long i thought it would be ok to visit.
we talked, and caught up on stuff, it was good. then i left, went to nanna and poppas, then went back to rehearsal.
when i got back there, matt was waiting for me with a bag of clothes. he said that i wasnt coming home, and that he'd packed or 4 changes of clothes for me. i knew why, but i was more pissed off at the fact that he'd followed me or checked up on me, than anything else, so i didnt fight it. i didnt have time anyway, rehearsal was starting, so i said goodbye and went in. i spoke to stacey and told her what was going on. stacey probably isnt the right person to talk to since she's all man hater and that after she broke up with her husband of 15 years, but she said things that made sense. i also spoke to ...cant remember her name...but she said she'd been on matts side of it, so it was good talking to both of them. i didnt have a good rehearsal since i was practically still crying as i walked on, but i got through it.
mum rang, and she said she'd talk to matt when he came back to get the kids. i got a message from her later on that said it was really ok to go home, but i didnt really want to. i planned on sleeping on the lounge at least, but matt made me come to bed. he was sorry that he freaked out the way he did and he said that he believed me about what happened. theres that, at least, i guess. and then he a gave me a rock with his name on it, he's got one too, and he said that if i accept the rock, i have to promise to be faithful and true to him, and to try to work things out with us, but also, if i take the rock, it meant that we'd broken up. i cried, but it was with relief. i know that sounds bad, but i had been saying for a long time that we needed to be apart, at least in words, for this to work. we're both staying in the house but he's not going to pressure me about anything anymore. as long as he knows that things are going to take time, i think it can work.

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