almost exactly a week has passed and im only just feeling like i can relax now, that i can let down the front and feel exactly how i feel, rather than the version put up in front of people between the ages of 6 and 8.

the absolute truth is that i cant do this. i gave what i could that night and it was thrown back at me. even my horoscope said to smile and everything would be ok. so thats what i did. at three people. and it wasnt accepted by any of them.

instead, someone who is supposed to be lovely, shows absolutely no respect or manners and barrages me with the same thing over and over and even when i said no, i cant do this, it kept coming at me.

i cant deal with that. and i wont.

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clancy is walking around with a bucket collar on her head, dripping blood and pus from her shoulder. its quite disgusting. except thats partly a lie. she's not walking. because apparently she cant walk forwards without crawling, bumping into things and scooping stuff up in her bucket on the way, so instead she wriggles backwards

its quite sad