sad face



thankfully for you, i've left out the gaping wound in her shoulder

guess how much i love the lucksmiths - much more...more than that...more than that

And it hurts even more than you thought
And the words get caught
And sad as you are, you’re glad of the wine you brought
And it hurts even more than you thought
And it feels like forever just now
But one day you’ll look back on this
As a hiccup in your happiness....

Are you ever coming clean?
Or will I never know the meaning
Of the lines you scribbled out
So that I couldn’t read between?
Are you ever coming home?
Or should I learn to do without you?

I know by now
That no-one cheers up when told to
That it’s more the arms that hold you
Than whatever words are said

And I try, and I try, and I try your patience
How low must your expectations be?
Goodness gracious me
Goodness gracious me

I’ve got nothing on today
Which is not to say I’m naked
I’m just sans plans
Maybe you could come over
God knows I’m going nowhere fast
Since you asked

Whenever you want
There’s a spot out the front of my place
The time it takes for you get from A to me...
I suppose we’ll just wait and see

And when I spoke to you
You said ‘I’ll see you soon’
But I won’t see you for ages
And your voice sounded so small
The loneliness of the long distance phone call

She’s OK occasionally
Not today, but wait and see

almost exactly a week has passed and im only just feeling like i can relax now, that i can let down the front and feel exactly how i feel, rather than the version put up in front of people between the ages of 6 and 8.

the absolute truth is that i cant do this. i gave what i could that night and it was thrown back at me. even my horoscope said to smile and everything would be ok. so thats what i did. at three people. and it wasnt accepted by any of them.

instead, someone who is supposed to be lovely, shows absolutely no respect or manners and barrages me with the same thing over and over and even when i said no, i cant do this, it kept coming at me.

i cant deal with that. and i wont.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

clancy is walking around with a bucket collar on her head, dripping blood and pus from her shoulder. its quite disgusting. except thats partly a lie. she's not walking. because apparently she cant walk forwards without crawling, bumping into things and scooping stuff up in her bucket on the way, so instead she wriggles backwards

its quite sad

im not quite sure how to explain it

its like a mixture of techno, doof doof, someone yelling, someone screaming and 17 or so people all having a go on a double bass kick drum pedal all at the same time

and its outside my window

2 weeks, 2 days

last night i messaged miffy, telling her it was the longest i'd ever gone without messaging tom. ever. in the entire time i've known him. two weeks, and one day. 15 days all up. i can tell you without a doubt that there wasnt one day that i didnt think about him, grab my phone and then fight with all i have inside me not to call or message him. not to get on the computer and email him. i checked what time it was in dublin, again and again, even though i already knew from the many times i've checked before. and i laid there, not sleeping, thinking about...well...thinking about him

tonight, as is usual for a tuesday evening, kirsty came over and we watched all saints. when she left, i shut the door, checked the cats, turned the lights off, walked up the hallway, checked the boys (who had fallen asleep to the sound of track 19 of the hottest 100 volume 11, which...upon research is...pete murray - feeler. poor kids), and sat down at my computer to find an email. 'i havent heard from you in a while'

no, you havent. and it was hard. and it was hard writing back this time because it almost felt like giving in. i'd fought hard not to contact you, but writing back was too easy. i couldnt do it. i wanted you to miss me more. think about me more. worry about me, maybe even call me. instead, i write back. i gave in. and now im back to where i started, waiting to see your name

just scraping the surface - currently thinking...

no
maybe, but i'd have to dose up first...and be thinner
is it possible that i even enter his mind for a second?
why cant i sleep, when sometimes there is nothing i can do but sleep?
i hope she's ok
i hope she's ok too
i wonder what they're dreaming about
i wonder if my car smells a lot like alcohol or a little like alcohol
it would be nice to know
i should and could do it for him, but who would help afterwards?
headaches are dumb and make me mad
if i knew i wouldnt wake them or get annoyed they're taking up so much room, i'd sleep there now
it'd be nice to know what he's thinking
it'd be nice to know what he's thinking
it'd be nice to know what he's thinking
its funny how the same thought applies to different people
i dont even know where she is
i dont even know where he is
i really should call optus
i really should hang that washing out
i really should be in bed without a headache
i feel like i did last time i spewed. that wasnt nice. taxi driver was helpful...kinda
really over how much my head and neck hurts
im going to try sleeping again

its most definitely my turn now

you wouldnt think it would be so hard to find a picture of zach braff with BALLS written on his forehead

but it is

if ever you need some cheering up*



*or possibly enjoy the feeling of your ovaries internally combusting with lust

funniest thing i have heard all week

Besides, you allowed - nay, encouraged him to stick his pee-pee inside you. That's probably evidence enough already that you like him. It might just need to be said.

is it called an analogy?

'the ball is not in his court. its in your court. and anyway, even if it was in his court, hit him another one. he can only catch two of them, pretty soon he's gonna have to hit one back'

just so you know

if you hear screaming and things that sound like i am possibly committing murder coming out of my house, just ignore it and hope that it goes away. thats what im doing

it is really very very windy

the thought of looking outside at my recycling bin is not a pleasant one

could someone please make me a cup of tea?

thanks