dreams

for quite a while now my sleeping hours have been quite similar to my waking hours. my mind has been full of the same subjects and i cant seem to get away from them, even by retreating into sleep which is my usual way of coping. books are helping, but they only keep me awake all night to find myself asleep during the day where i still dream the same things.

dont dream its over?

i'd love to dream it was over

there are two stars of my dreams that i never really want to dream about again, and i was lucky enough to get rid of one of them last night, to start dreaming about my upcoming trip.

rushing, always rushing. worrying i'll be late, and i was, but they made an exception and they let me on the plane but then he wasnt there. he called to say he was meeting me. then i realised i didnt have my ticket for the next plane. i ran to the taxi stand, jumped in a taxi, cried the whole way thinking i'll never make it.

flash to a grey set of flats, staying with m and x. its raining. we're running late. m is staling and stuffing around. wants to put a letter f on his guitar even though we need to leave and he's packed it away on its case up on top of a bookshelf. we leave. we're driving in japan on roads that looks like the hills and paddocks towards victor. we miss a street. we get out. there is mud. there are baddies. back in the car. drive again. something to do with a frog.

flash to my house. baby cat that looks like banjo. being told to squash her. suffocate her and watch her lungs deflate. its a science class. biology lesson. i dont feel anything till its over.

and then the shining moment, the part where my brain comes through for me and saves me from a night of not great.
harrison ford wants to do it with me, and my mum knows and shes encouraging it. its not everyday you get to have sex with harrison ford. he comes over, bringing his baby son who is holding a cigarette between his tiny baby fingers. its burning down really low and i worry it will burn him so i try to take it away but he moves and it does burn him. harrison is a bit upset, but he understands. he's wearing a bathrobe. its a weekend, you see, he doesnt like to rush around in the morning. he sits me down on the floor, leaning against the couch. i think to myself that i wish i wasnt wearing jeans.

and we kiss