Monday, January 16, 2006

the one where i talk back

so, how are you all? good i hope.
im thinking that this isnt going to be like one of my regular posts, and that ok. i just feel like the time has come for me to say a few things and here is where i have chosen to say them

most of you would know, or have heard by some way or another, about a certain person (persons?) flitting around the internet, signing comments as me. silly, isnt it. most of the people who know me, whether personally or via the net, know how i speak, how i comment, and its quite obvious if the comment has been made by me, or by someone pretending to be me. yet there are some people out there who i dont comment to as much, and therefore, they dont know 'me' as well. and its been on these websites where ive been made out to be a cock hungry psycho. like that name? i thought of it myself.

for instance, as much as im sure blowing sherriff would be immensly fun for all involved, i personally wouldnt have announced the idea to his whole blogging audience. i may have emailed him, left a few suggestive comments, and then offered. hey, i cant help the way i am, im just not as forward and brave as some people are making me out to be.

over at jessculture, i wasnt as forward. which is where i need to give the impersonators some credit cos they started talking a tad more like me. they must have gotten in some practice, who knows. im sure i'll find out sooner or later when someone lobs up on my doorstep with their cock out, proclaiming i promised them the best head job of their life. of course, the bouncing bunny of coffee?? or whatever the hell 'i' called her, and i have spoken and we know whats going on, but just for those of you playing at home, the first comment is me, the rest? no, sadly not me. i wish i did have a secret crush in melbourne. the only guy i know in melbourne who's phone number i have, ive already had sex with, so im sure he knows how i feel about him. its no secret. and unlike the merry reveller who comments as me, i comment with my own name. if i have something to say to someone, i just go ahead and say it. i dont feel the need to try and mess with other peoples lives. strange, i know, but true.

there are some people out there in blog land who have gotten mightily pissed off about this whole shebacle (do you like that word? i just made it up. its kinda like debacle, and shemozzle. oooh, i could add fiasco ito it. ive always liked that word. fimozzcle, now theres a word). so yeah, some people have gotten angry, and they're even going to the police about it. there are copyright laws, i know, and i know that some people involved here are in breach of copyright laws. but i also know that as far as the internet goes, there isnt a lot you can do in the way of fucksticks. its like everywhere you go, you know that saying 'theres always one'? well, it seems we've found our one.
there are also people who have joined in and laugh at themselves when they're the flavour of the month. and good on them, i am honestly happy that they are enjoying themselves as well.
im kind of in the middle of those two. a few things that have been said, ive not been happy with. the personal attacks and 'help', i can do without. some things? i have no words. i just dont see where its funny to continuously call someone fat and ugly. i dont know, maybe thats just me but somehow i doubt it.
the problem i have with the logic behind certain sites is that the reason they say they write their entries is because its better than the shite and drivel that most of the blogs are made up with. and thats fine. if thats your opinion, you are very welcome to it. but it seems to me that most of your content is bagging the shite and drivel of other peoples blogs. surely if the sites are that bad, you wouldnt visit them so often, comment, or take the photos? i dont know, again, maybe thats just me.
you say its the truth, your readers/fans say its all a bit of fun. but fun, to me, is when everyone is enjoying themselves and not at the expense of oether people.
i know its pointless writing this, as you'll just take some words of what ive written, rearrange them the way they suit you, and then just call me fat and whinging, but dont you think thats getting a bit old? honestly? your comic is pretty good. im liking the artwork a lot. and i agree that a lot of blogs are 'i went to the shops today' and 'omigod i HATE my mum rite now emo emo emo', but you dont have to read them. and yeah, your blog is different, if by different you mean complaining about other bloggers and what they say and do in their spare time.


and the rest of it? yes, i am a mother. yes, i am depressed. yes, at times my depression gets to a level where i need to cut myself to feel better. i write about it on here to get it out of me and somewhere i can look back and see how i was feeling. as much as you think you are helping with your smarmy get better soons, i'd really rather you didnt say anything. this may sound a bit drastic, but one day you might go too far and someone could realy hurt themselves over something you've said. it would be unfortunate. stupid too, that your comments could hurt somebody that much. but the sad truth is that some people are not stable enough to cope with constant criticism, especially when its coming from all angles.
before you start laying into me, you dont get to me that much. i have far more important things to worry my addled mind about than you, im just trying to make you understand that sometimes actions and comments hurt far more than you realise.
as far as cutting goes, im not proud of the fact that i do it, but i do. its part of me just like over eating os part of some people, like starving yourself is part of other people, like drinking, taking drugs, maxing your credit card till you're so far in debt there's no way out. these are all coping mechanisms and truth be told, they're probably not the best ones to be using, but they're the ones that work for now.
depression is fucked. anyone who has suffered from it, or has seen someone suffer through it, knows how bad it can get.
there are days when i just cant get out of bed. when i lay there and listen to my kids making their own breakfast because 'mummy is sad today'. i dont need you telling me that i am a bad parent because i know that already. i also know that i am a good parent because i love and care for my kids, and im also seeking the help i need to get better and be a better parent for my boys.
there are days when, when i do get out of bed, all i can think of is driving into the on coming traffic, or perhaps just not turning the steering wheel when i come to that corner.
but the thing to remember is that i stayed on my side of the road and i did turn the corner and i am here today in my freshly cleaned house because not all days are as bad as the others.

and i certainly dont need your help to work that out


so i guess the crux of this entry is, i know what my life is like. you've certainly pointed out what a sad and sorry life i lead, why dont you do both of us a favour and just stay away from it? if you are serious about helping me, do this one thing. if you think i lead such a sad boring life, dont read about it

i'll go back to ignoring you, and you can do the same to me. i dont see that as something too hard to do

thanks for your time

love carly

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