dre e e e eam, dream dream dre eam

i start work on tuesday. i'll be working as a librarian. being a librarian was my first wish when asked what i wanted to be when i grow up. now, when i eventually do grow up, i'll be all organised and know what it's gonna be like.
i've gone out and bought some sexy/funky clothes. im so gonna be the favourite librarian around there.



regardless of whether or not i can do my job, people are gonna ask me questions just so they can talk to me. now, i know this for a fact, so stop huffing and guffawing. i just have a quick favour to ask everyone who'll be coming my way in the coming weeks, could you ask me something fun and interesting? please? i hate working. i really do. when i was working at bunnings i averaged one sick day per fortnight purely because i couldnt stand the place. im dreading this happening with my new super sexy library job so i need everyone's help in ensuring i keep interested and unbored.
that said, im subconsciously freaking out about work.
i dreamed (dreamt? as a librarian i should know that. oh well, i'll wait till tuesday to find out, im not a librarian yet, sheesh) i was working. they made me work fucking hard. all day. hours and hours. and hours. and hours and hours. with no break. and by the end of the day i was so achey and sore and tired. i went home and i cried and fell asleep and when i woke up the next morning i realised i'd slept in and even though i was so sore, when they rang me and yeled at me to come in or else i just said yes and left.

eeep

even though i know that im only working 8:30 till 5, and i know i'm having an hour for a lunch but somewhere inside my head im freaking out about working there.

gah

as well as starting work next week, i've also roped my self into NaNoWriMo. it's been a long time since i've had to write with any sort of a time frame. i know i dont have to finish it in the month, but the fact that it is possible, and that i've almost promised myself that i will, well im sure to be making myself feel guilty about it if i dont.
thursday night is the info night for equus. i'm gonna be so tired for that but i have to go. i also have to stop eating bilo brand fake tim tams if i wanna be 'jill'

that big blank space is supposed to be a picture. it sucks. tell it i hate it

i have a bottle of painstop for children. i like to read every piece of information on the bottle. actually, thats not entirely true. its not exactly that i like to read it, its like its a decision my brain and eyes make without me knowing. about everything that has words. i read everything. anyway, i digress (me digress? oops, there i go again, digressing). i was reading the bottle, and i come across this

this product may cause drowsiness

ok, thats fine. drowsy kids i can deal with. i'll just stick them in bed, they can drowse away in there, no probs

and then this

if affected do not drive or operate machinery. avoid alcohol

so i took away eli's keys and put the whiskey on the high shelf. i dont want any car accidents around here

this little boy is acting like the spoiled child he is, stop encouraging him

from glancey (who didnt write back to my email or text message, *sniffle*)

car crash in the blue

i just heard stone me into the groove by atomic swing. hello early 90's (hello carly)

georgie should pack his bags and head for niger

did you vote?? huh?? hey, i dont even know when the US elections are on but i know they're about now. check out this link sent by leeza.

George
Special Ones

Isn't it funny how you never really screamed at my face,
but your anger so unspoken and unchannelled permeates my essence to the point where I
Don't want to see you hear you, be anywhere near you,
you probably think I'm threatened by you but your illusionary power doesn't threaten me
Actually I think it's kind of funny that you create an illusion that is a mirror,
I don't appreciate you and I know that that surprises you
I suppose you see that those who follow their heart always win,
those with integrity have won the match before it's begun

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

Some can see beyond the barrier of threshold whereas others can't see beyond their sculptured mould,
you could offer me nothing, you could offer me nothing that I need
Do you think I'm asking too much?
A kind of respect and trust that shouldn't even be questioned,
how can I open my heart with dishonesty sitting next to me?
I've honoured your honour to the point of embarrassment,
but innocence in the hands of the guilt-free is kicked to, is kicked to the curb
I was ashamed of my innocence,
I was ashamed of my innocence but now with clarity I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

I don't want to be angry....
This is not worthy of me and now with clarity I see that I can walk away, I can walk away

a funny feeling

sitting here at my computer, quietly minding my own business by snooping into other peoples (ie reading blogs) i feel a cold wet...something on my lower back. i turn around and eli is sitting on the floor behind me, looking up and smiling. i figure he must have licked me because, for some reason he enjoys doing that. in a lot of ways he's like justin from parenthood "he likes to butt things with his head"
so i turn around again and continue with my perusal and i feel it again. this is definately not the feeling of a three year olds tounge on my back. and i know what that feels like. in a very unsick way, sickos!
i turn around and look down, and ask eli what he's doing

'making you a yogurt bum' he says, holding up his tub of yogurt and a spoon.

err...thanks

----- Original Message -----
From: sandra bilo
To: Carly
Sent: Monday, October 25, 2004 10:33 PM
Subject: call the bank director on how to transfer my late father money intoyour bank account




Dear good friend Carly,
compliment of the season to you infact i dont know how to thak you for yor effort in helping me but i believed you will be happy for the rest of your life for knowing who i am you will never in your lifev regret helping me rather you will gain a lot from me , infact is not that i am silence on you i wasz having a smail problem because my wicked uncle went to the bank to claim this money then the bank director told him that he is not the right person to claim this money that it is i sandra is the right person for the claim the bank director to him that i am the next of kin of my late father that i am the claimer so since that time i dont have chance to go to the computer so please dont be offended now please that is what i was telling you to call the bank so that they will kinow that you are the right person to help me so that another fake person will not come to the bank to claim it please understand me you have to call the bank right now because the bank director told me that if they did not hear from you they will not transfer any money so please and please for the safety of my life and the safety of this money please call the bank director told him that you are calling on my behalf mension my name tell him that you are the right person to help me transfer this my late father money into your account please if realy you want to help me call the bank director immediately you receive this message because delayed is dangeriuos for the safety of my life remember the direct number of the bank director is +22507516392 or 0022507516392 the name of the bank director again is Mr david okita so please call him now if realy you want to help me thanks

i am eagerly waiting for your urgent response that you have contacted the bank director

your good friend

sandra bilo

dear sandy,
your silence worries me. here i am giving you my bank details in good faith and i've not heard from you or seen 10 million US dollars in my account. dont tell me you wee pulling my leg all along?? i specifically went down to the bank and started that account just for you.
that money will realy come in handy for our town. did i tell you where i live? a little coastal town in southern australia. we even have a post office and a bank now. i'm not sure what sort of schooling you're thinking of doing here. you'd have to catch the bus to the city and it takes over an hour, but its ok.
anyway, give me a yell when the moneys gone through. im gonna donate some to the council so they can finish putting the bitumen down on the roads. the dirt is really fucking with my asthma

thanks, love carly

keep on walking, dont look back

next week i am going to the info meeting for the next production opus will be working on. the panto has just had its auditions. we're doing cinderella but as i start work next week i wont be able to make it to the performances. but that means that i can focus on the production i really want to be involved in, which is equus.
here is a pic from the film version of equus. the girl pictured is the role im considering. yep. naked. as harry said, its just another costume, but im still a little iffy about it. i could go for this role. although i'd look cute in the uniform, i feel like i need to push myself. yeah, jill isnt that much of a stretch from any of the other roles i've played, but the whole naked part will be a major stumbling block for me. i'm really not happy with the way i look, and if im going to let a few hundred people see me unclad im gonna have to get happy.
so yesterday i took daisy for a walk around christies beach. we were only gone for just over half an hour because i had the feeling i could just keep walking and not go back.
i cant put my finger on what the actual problem is right now. i guess thats basically what depression is, its just that down feeling. the heaviness that surrounds your head and weighs you down. everything about you seems a little lower. your head is tilted towards the floor, your eyelids dont open as much, shoulders droop. it seems you cant even open your mouth as wide as you used to, and the volume of your voice is lower.
im reading alice in wonderland. when she shrinks down so small to fit through the door but realises she's left the key way up high on the glass table, i can totally relate. here i am, way down here. i can see that there are answers somewhere but the key to fixing the problem is way up there beyond my reach.
there i go again, reverting to faerietales.
i'll keep my eye out for a cake that says 'eat me'

all about me

Name Origin: Latin
Number of Syllables: 2.00
Gender: Female

More interesting facts about the name Carly:

Lucky Number: 5
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Element: Air
Primary Color: Blue
Traits: Active, both physically and mentally. Inquiring, exploring. Fond of reading and researching. Good at languages. Would make a very good teacher, writer, secretary. Makes friends easily. Usually methodical and orderly; adept at simplifying systems.

coming out

i havent written much about the election. even if you arent from australia, you probably would know by now that john howard is still our prime minister.
this bothers me more than slightly.

whoever i meet that says they voted for howard says it was because he'd done such a good job with the economy over the last 3 years. statements like this make me uneasy. it bothers me because 'the economy' is something that the public generally find out by what is written in the newspapers. it isnt something that you can actually experience. i dont know about anyone else but i havent experienced the joy of opening my purse to find extra cash. last night i pulled into the petrol station, opened my purse, saw that i had $7 left the day after pay day and decided that i could go a bit further with my almost empty tank of petrol. $7 isnt going to buy much when you're paying 112.9 cents per litre.

all my bills have gone up. petrol has gone up. it seems like you have to pay more for everything these days. the economy may well be doing ok, but its more than likely because we're paying all this extra money to boost it up.

when i voted i wanted to make a difference to my life. it probably sounds selfish, but im the one who has tolive it so why not make it as comfortable as possible. i wanted better healthcare, more money for schools, a promise to not fuck up the environment anymore than we already have and to fix what we've already done.

another important part of my vote was gay marriage. i cant seem to put my thoughts eloquently enough. i tend to get angry and swear instead of calmly putting my point across.
perhaps you could read this instead

Sadly, it is in such times that great opportunity to lead and rise is lost. Those that preach intolerance and forgiveness and faith miss a wonderful opportunity to include others when they marginalize those who believe differently. It doesn’t take more than 30 seconds into the debate over marriage rights to see that it’s about God. If you believe in God, why don’t you want your brothers and sisters to be happy? If they want to marry, to show their love, why would you deny them this? Because of stories from an old book, which may or may not be true, despite what you might think? We don’t live in ancient times. We live today.

blurbomat

it makes me sad that a person cannot be who they truly are. i was at a 21st birthday party last night for a friend who happens to be gay. he told me earlier in the night that he was thinking of coming out o all of his friends that night. as he stood up to make his speach his mum said something about how he was nervous because he'd been drinking. he stood and said 'im not worried about what i wont say, im worried about what im going to say'. i sat upright and got tingly, 'he's going to do it' i thought. but he didnt. he thanked everyone for coming and stood there with his announcement on the tip of his tongue.
it hurts me that someone who was having such a great time with his friends cant be himslef when it comes to the crunch. i was ready to run to him and hug him tight and tell him how proud i was of him. instead he just smiled and shrugged a little uncomfortably and sat back down again.

if you are unsure about gays...poofs, faggots, lesos, whatever you call them, i'd encourage you to get along to feast. take an open mind and the ability to listen

----- Original Message -----
From: Carly
To: sandra bilo
Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 1:23 PM
Subject: Re: *****SUSPECTED SPAM***** urgent


ok sandy,
ive had a good think about this. you're obviously very determined, and im sure you're shit scraed of your late father brother so i have decided to help you.
i dont think i need to contact the bank. im sure you are an honest god fearing person who would never lie or trick somebody into doing something illegal.and anyway, as i have absolutely no money i cannot afford the international phone call. im just gonna have to trust you on this one, sandy. you said i was your good friend, and good friends look out for each other, right? wow, i cant wait to meet you. how old are you anyway? will you be continuing your education here in australia? at university or are you still in high school. hang on a sec, im not gonna have to marry you or something weird like that am i?

so here are my bank details

Bank SA
bsb 290-835
account number 229975340

now, how much did you say i'll get from this? i need a new dishwasher and theres a pair of shoes i'd really like to get.
love carly

spam-o-rama

i'm sure you have all been following my little email chats with sandy bilo with excitement and antici pation. i love spamers. well, sometimes. i love the ones who take the time to talk to you nicely and have a real story to tell.
unfortunatley i got an email today that was not nice at all.

i couldnt read the email or see the attachment because my internet company were mean enough to remove it cos they thought it was a virus, yeah right, whatever. whoever heard of viruses being senty by email? you pick them up from trolleys and bus seats, morons. anyway. this email had the subject line : ok cunt.

i take immense offence to that. i do not have an ok cunt. i have a marvellous cunt. its quite pretty, it does its job like a good cunt should. how dare this peter whatsisface accuse my cunt of being just 'ok'. bastard.

peter, you have an average penis

i know where you are

in about 20 minutes you will be in christies beach magistrates court hearing what charges are being laid against you

have a nice day