saturday
nothing

sunday
visited karli in hospital, went to lily and oonahs party, visited miffy, had tea at mums, vacuumed

monday job list
clean up bird leftovers
go to jb
buy cat food

doing things

this post will be boring for you. but its something i have to do.

peaks and troughs. "i thought you were a peak but it turns out you're a ridge, i must climb over you". you know how it goes. so, its right now that i say hello to you from way. down. here.

helloooo..oo.oo.o.o.o...

medicine has been increased by 1/4. this is making me itch. maybe not itch. possibly just tingle. scaring the fuck out of me. if this doesnt work, will i have to stop my life again for three months? its looking that way. can i just live with tingling/itchiness so i can leave my house (when i *can* leave my house).
it would be handy to be better
it would be handy to remember which toothbrush is mine
it would be handy to remember where my indicators are
it would be handy to keep my eyes on the road

so, the plan is, to do things

do things

and write them down, so i have concrete evidence that i am, in fact, doing things. instead of telling myself that i do nothing, and that the kids are far better off with voldemort as they do things there, i write down the things that i do so that i can actually see, in front of me, with my own eyes that are hopefully looking straight ahead and not wandering to the side of the road, that i am doing things

things include taking kids to the bakery, taking kids to the playground, playing lego rockband, playing lego, singing and dancing in the kitchen

things also include taking recycling out, removing clothes from the kitchen table, unpacking the dishwasher

things also also include leaving the house for reasons not related to children, like visiting miffy, or going to the shops.

i dont know if i have been successful yet.

wed 15/9/2010
went out at 10 am, came home at 1pm.
i know i went to the doctor first, currently iunable to remember where i went afterwards
looked after noah for 3 hours

thurs 16/9/2010
went to work
went to kmart
went to marion
cleared off the kitchen table
did one load of washing
took out recycling
went to bed early

fri 17/9/2010
worked 930-6
read
went to bed

sat 18/9/210
currently midday and am still in bed.
have wiped over one bench in the kitchen

i need to put this out for other people to see. i need to put this out of my head

music ideas

alan plays a song with bill. bill plays a song with clare. clare plays a song with dan. dan plays a song with enid. enid plays a song with frank, and so on

lyrics are written and distributed to 10-15 local bands. each band writes music and melody to the lyrics given and performs them all on the same night

10 bands. each band plays a song of their own, and a song written by a band playing that night

tonight!



last night!


(video from last year, but you get the picture)

friday night

sometimes people make decisions that you know are completely wrong. most of the time theres nothing that you can do about it. and sometimes you're the one making the decision

sometimes you have to let the person make the mistake, even though its killing you to watch it happen. and sometimes you know that you have to make the mistake, to learn from it, and try not to do it again

history repeats. the 90s are in fashion again, which im happy about. smudge are playing in adelaide in a few weeks. im going to buy a pair of lace up boots tomorrow, and hopefully a cute floral dress to wear with tights. if only id kept all my clothes. if only id kept the same sized body.

"12/3/1996 i asked him why and he said he doesnt have the time. he wants to surf and hang out with his friends. he's not ready to grow up yet or have a serious relationship. (i told him i already knew that). he's been thinking about it for a while. i know he has. he said 'all i can say is im sorry' "

"Play Dead"

darling stop confusing me
with your wishful thinking
hopeful embraces
don't you understand?
i have to go through this
i belong to here where
no-one cares and no-one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear

i play dead
it stops the hurting
i play dead
and hurting stops

it's sometimes just like sleeping
curling up inside my private tortures
i nestle into pain
hug suffering
caress every ache

i play dead
it stops the hurting

"6/8/2010 i would love to chat again, we have heaps to catch up on"

what i want to say today to someone, but i wont, as its none of my business:

you are a fucking idiot

yes simba, its the circle of life, and it moves us all. what ive been wanting to talk about for a long time, and havent, i will be talking about tonight. im unsure how much detail i'll go into... i guess we'll see when it happens

i think my band has finished. or at least has been paused. i only have one definite member left, three maybes, and 2 definitely nots. so now im wondering what i do. do i just stop altogether? do i enlist new band members and continue? do i enlist new band members and start again?

right now, im pressing the pause button and hoping the tape doesnt break

blogging should return to normal* shortly

*and by normal, yes, i mean actual writing

last night, miffy and i went out. and we went out like we used to.



this is from almost exactly 2 years ogo

now we look like this