i can feel it

i'm close to falling

part of me is still holding on, still grasping. i can feel my fingers are beginning to slip and one by one they will uncurl and i will fall

perhaps i will be caught at the bottom, who knows, i just hope my landing is a soft one

all my friends are fuckups



so who's coming? i reckon its been about a year since i last bopped along to the sounds of my sydney boys. i miss jak and pai.
i wont have my usual companion of sharyn this time since her belly is big with baby, so i'll have to meet up with some of you lovely people there. noranna, you're going, right? kent? i know they're not you am i, but you could make an exception? yeah?

see you on the 21st of october

loathing

i dont think it is possible for me to dislike a television show more than i dislike dancing with the stars.
i dont think i have anything against the show itself...im sure the stars put in a shitload of practice to dance like that. i know i couldnt do it as i have absolutely no coordination and do everything to my own beat. the thing that i dislike about it so much is that it puts all saints on half an hour later and that really shits me.

all of you out there in blog land may not know of my total adoration for all saints. i love this show. and i have for many many years. i was wary of them letting terry leave, but its been fine. i could have punched someone when mitch died, but it continued and its still as good as ever. i dont know that there will ever be another team like jarred, bron and that other guy who was a real life doctor, you remember him? but its a bloody good show nonetheless.

also, i loathe darryl sommers

j'ai passe une tres bonne journee

so, thanks to all who called/messaged me today. it was really nice to know that i was being thought of. you're all so great and caring.

the reason for the majority of these calls?



i spent the day with a rather nice boy who cooked me crepes and then we watched amelie and ate chocolate



very very nice day, i hope to have another one like it in the near future

thankyou tom
xxxxx

music meme again

i've taken another leaf from kents book (he wont have any pages left soon, the poor dear) and instead of a crapy american list, we're gonna use the hottest 100. this, again, is from the year i finished school, 1994

bold the ones you like
strikeout the ones youhate
? the ones you dont know
and leave the ones you're indifferent too


1. Zombie - Cranberries
2. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
3. self Esteem - Offspring
4. Come Out & Play - Offspring
5. Tomorrow - Silverchairdespite being indifferent/bordering on dislike to silverchair now, i did like this song and will still sing along if it comes on
6. Seether - Veruca Salt
7. About A Girl - Nirvana
8. Coma - Max Sharam
9. If I Only Knew - Tom Jones
10. Deadeyes Open (Remix) - Severed Heads
11. Do You Love Me - Nick Cave/Bad Seeds
12. Laid - James
13. Bug Powder Dust - Bomb The Bass (i sang along to this the other day. does it say jism? i never knew for sure but it always made me giggle)
14. Better Get A Lawyer - Cruel Sea
15. All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow
16. Sabotage - Beastie Boys
17. Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots
18. Longview - Green Day
19. Losin' It - Underground Lovers
20. Time Bomb - Nick Barker
21. Sweetness & Light - Itch-E & Scratch-E
22. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
23. Berlin Chair - You Am I (is it possible to double bold something??)
24. Basketcase - Green Day
25. Today - Smashing Pumpkins
26. Seconds - Youssou N'dour/Neneh Cherry
27. I Alone - Live
28. Doll Parts - Hole
29. Beercan - Beck
30. Confide In Me - Kylie Minogue
31. Fall - Single Gun Theory
32. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
33. Supernova - Liz Phair
34. Miss World - Hole
35. Conflake Girl - Tori Amos
36. Spin The Black Circle - Pearl Jam
37. Voodoo People - Prodigy
38. Atomic Electric - Rebecca's Empire
39. Mathar - Dave Pike Set
40. Undone - The Sweater Song
41. Your Ghost - Kristin Hersh
42. Absolutely Fabulous - Pet Shop Boys
43. Monkey & The Turtle - Christine Anu
44. Swap Thing - Grid
45. Loser - Beck
46. My Wave - Soundgarden
47. Einstein On The Beach - Counting Crows
48. Mr Jones - Counting Crows
49. Amen (Remix) - Falling Joys
50. Daddy Long Legs - Tumbleweed
51. Spoonman - Soundgarden
52. Lap It Up - Penny Flanagan
53. Fell On Black Days - Soundgarden
54. Vasolene - Stone Temple Pilots
55. Da Di Doh - Ed Kuepper
56. Bizzare Love Triangle - Frente
57. Burn - Cure
58. Everything's Cool - Pop Will Eat Itself
59. Sometimes Always - Jesus & Mary Chain
60. Cut Your Hair - Pavement (first song i ever crowd surfed to)
61. Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
62. Lemon Spark - Pale
63. Parklife - Blur
64. A Conspiracy - Black Crowes
65. Bull In The Heather - Sonic Youth
66. Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe - Whale
67. Andres - L7
68. Feel The Pain - Dinosaur Jr
69. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
70. What's The Frequency Kenneth? - Rem
71. Dropout - Urge Overkill
72. With The Lid Off - Lucas
73. Alone Like Me - Sharp (the original little man, big hair band)
74. Neighbourhood Freak - Swoop
75. You Got Me Floatin' - Pm Dawn
76. American Life In The Summertime - Francis Dunnery
77. Jaimmes Got A Gal - You Am I ( i fucking love this song)
78. Low - Cracker
79. I'm Gonna Release Your Soul - Dave Graney/Coral Snakes
80. No Excuses - Alice In Chains
81. In The Neighbourhood - Sisters Undergound?
82. Piece Of Crap - Neil Young
83. Am I Wrong - Love Spit Love
84. Saints - Breeders
85. Blues Music - G Love & Special Sauce
86. Thirsty Dog - Nick Cave/Bad Seeds
87. The More You Ignore Me - Morrissey
88. Purple Haze - Cure
89. Regulate - Warren G/Nate Dogg
90. Dancing In The Moonlight - Smashing Pumpkins
91. Round Here - Counting Crows
92. 2 Shine - Collective Soul
93. Wildflowers - Things Of Stone & Wood
94. Gallows Pole - Jimmy Page/Robert Plant
95. Masses Like Asses - Def Fx
96. Girls & Boys(Remix) - Blur
97. Here Comes The Hot Stepper - Ini Kamoze
98. A Certain Slant Of Light - Tea Party
99. Agolo - Angelique Kidjo
100. Stay - Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories

well that looks a lot better, dont you think?

obviously

x: i would like to have a sister
me: yeah?
x: yeah...does dad have two balls?
me: what?
x: does dad have two balls like me, you know, down there?
me: um, yeah, he does
x: well one of them has to be a girl

the happily handmade giveaway

a few weeks ago i entered the happily handmade giveaway. to enter, you needed to visit the websites of the very talented craftsters and join a mailing list or other such thing, and you were automatically entered.
i had such a great time scrolling through all the sites, oohing and aahing over the wonderful things i saw. i was very jealous of their talent, and i was hopeful of winning one of the fantastic gift boxes. and have a guess what? i did.

i was so excited. i love getting presents as it is, but its way more exciting when you've won something.

thankyou happily handmaders!

everyone go here and check out the links to all the craftsers involved, its well worth your time

from supermaxwell

A music meme, from Cast Iron Balcony:

For this one, you need to go here and type the year you graduated from high school into the search box.

Click on the link “Top 100 hits of… (your graduation year)” and cut and paste the results into your blog.

Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favourite. Do nothing to the ones you don’t remember (or don’t care about)

im changing it to put a ? next to the ones i dont know


1. The Sign, Ace Of Base
2. I Swear, All-4-One
3. I'll Make Love To You, Boyz II Men
4. The Power Of Love, Celine Dion
5. Hero, Mariah Carey
6. Stay (I Missed You), Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
7. Breathe Again, Toni Braxton?
8. All For Love, Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting
9. All That She Wants, Ace Of Base
10. Don't Turn Around, Ace Of Base
11. Bump N' Grind, R. Kelly?
12. Again, Janet Jackson?
13. I'll Remember, Madonna
14. Whatta Man, Salt-N-Pepa
15. Wild Night, John Mellencamp and Me'shell Ndegeocello?
16. Without You / Never Forget You, Mariah Carey? (but i'd love to strike it through anyway just on principal)
17. You Mean The World To Me, Toni Braxton?
18. Can You Feel The Love Tonight, Elton John
19. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Prince Symbol
20. Fantastic Voyage, Coolio
21. Baby I Love Your Way, Big Mountain
22. Regulate, Warren G and Nate Dogg?
23. If You Go, Jon Secada?
24. Back and Forth, Aaliyah?
25. Now And Forever, Richard Marx?
26. When Can I See You, Babyface?
27. Please Forgive Me, Bryan Adams (bwaaaahahahaha. phillip wrote the words out to this song and tried to pass them off as his own)
28. So Much In Love, All-4-One?
29. Shoop, Salt-N-Pepa
30. Any Time, Any Place / And On And On, Janet Jackson?
31. Shine, Collective Soul
32. Said I Loved You...But I Lied, Michael Bolton
33. Return To Innocence, Enigma
34. All I Wanna Do, Sheryl Crow
35. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Crash Test Dummies
36. Can We Talk, Tevin Campbell?
37. Funkdafied, Da Brat?
38. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
39. Gangsta Lean, Drs?
40. Because The Night, 10,000 Maniacs
41. Cantaloop, US3
42. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team
43. Come To My Window, Melissa Etheridge
44. Stroke You Up, Changing Faces?
45. I'm Ready, Tevin Campbell?
46. 100% Pure Love, Crystal Waters
47. Anytime You Need A Friend, Mariah Carey
48. Because Of Love, Janet Jackson?
49. Linger, Cranberries
50. Loser, Beck
51. Found Out About You, Gin Blossoms (i used to really love this song...probably in 1994)
52. Gin And Juice, Snoop Doggy Dogg
53. Never Lie, Immature?
54. Streets Of Philadelphia, Bruce Springsteen
55. Getto Jam, Domino?
56. endless Love, Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey
57. I Miss You w/ Aaron Hall 58, Understanding, Xscape?
59. This D.J., Warren G?
60. Cry For You, Jodeci?
61. Keep Ya Head Up, 2Pa?c
62. Who Am I (What's My Name?), Snoop Doggy Dogg?
63. Another Night, Real McCoy?
64. Your Body's Callin', R. Kelly?
65. Tootsee Roll, 69 Boyz?
66. I Can See Clearly Now, Jimmy Cliff
67. Never Keeping Secrets, Babyface?
68. Crazy, Aerosmith
70. At Your Best (You Are Love), Aaliyah?
71. Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through, Meat Loaf?
72 Amazing, Aerosmith
73. Always, Erasure?
74. Groove Thang, Zhane?
75. Dreams, Gabrielle?
76. Mr. Vain, Culture Beat
77. Mary Jane's Last Dance, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers?
78. Anything, SWV?
79. Beautiful In My Eyes, Joshua Kadison
80. Stay, Eternal?
81. Flava In Ya Ear, Craig Mack?
82. U.N.I.T.Y., Queen Latifah?
83. Prayer For The Dying, Seal
84. Secret, Madonna
85. Here Comes The Hotstepper, Ini Kamoze
86. Everyday, Phil Collins
87. Don't Take The Girl, Tim McGraw?
88. Got Me Waiting, Heavy D and The Boyz?
89. December 1963 (Oh, What A Night), Four Seasons?
90. Indian Outlaw, Tim McGraw?
91. Always, Bon Jovi
92. I'm The Only One, Melissa Etheridge
93. Back In The Day, Ahmad?
94. Love Sneakin' Up On You, Bonnie Raitt?
95. I'll Take You There, General Public?
96. Always In My Heart, Tevin Campbell?
97. What Is Love, Haddaway?
98. And Our Feelings, Babyface?
99. Bop Gun (One Nation), Ice Cube?
100. I Wanna Be Down, Brandy?

as you can see, i didnt watch video hits or listen to the "popular" radio stations so i have no idea about most of these songs. it may be an american list too, with songs that didnt make it over here. either way, it was a crap list with lots of crap songs

just to reitterate, i listen to better music than you

Plainsong

"i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
"and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second.

funnily enough, im not using that quote because im sad or sooky or depressed or any number of things. im using it because i have a cold, and if i was dead, i wouldnt be feeling as crappy as i am right now.

its midnight. and any of you who know me know that i dont work well past about 10 o'clock. i'll be fine one minute and you'll look away and when you look back, sad carly will have taken over. and she doesnt take no for an answer...ive just spent about 20 minutes looking for photos of me asleep and covered in texta drawings but i cant find them. ask vicki. she probably knows where they are.

its taken me forty five minutes to write this. im getting grumpy and my back hurts

why does my computer go into 'find' mode while im typing? stupid

ok, ive started whinging, im gonna try and sleep

bonne nuit everybody

when you find yourself in a movie

Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.

lyrics mash 2



i made this up last night, and this morning i found marks blog. you should listen to this music. you really should

clue to kalo

lyrics mash



architecture in helsinki

we are each here to fill our own small silence with dancing

my trip started off pretty well. it was a lovely day in adelaide, nice and warm. when i landed in melbourne it was freezing, something like 4 degrees. ridiculously cold. anyway, i was seated next to two boys who were flying over for some recording. i took a photo of us just after the one with the hat said he was convinced we were going to die because the wings were wobbling.

when i got to melbourne, adrian wasnt there. yeah, i know. but it turned out he was there, he was just on the other side of the road behind a pole. we drove back to his place to drop off my things and so i could give him some presents.you can go see adrians blog to read how thankful he is for his present. i really do rule at giving presents.


we went looking for somewhere for dinner but nothing was open. well, nothing that looked appealing to me anyway. there was one of those authentic chinese places that sold ants crawling up a tree or something like that. i didnt want to chance it so we went to safeway and bought canned soup and bread rolls instead. we also bought a packet of cookie bears. yay cookie bears! after tea we went to bed
the next morning i had the best breakfast i have ever had. it was so good infact that i needed to take a photo of it to preserve its goodness. feast your eyes, people, feast your eyes let me describe it to you. home made, seeded bread, toasted to perfecting and buttered to perfection too. a hash brown. a roasted tomato. some green green spinach. good bacon, not just strips of fat with a bit of meat on them, real bacon. perfect eggs. and on top, a toasted and buttered baguette. add to that a couple of cappucinos and you have the most amazing breakfast ever ingested. adrian had sausage and mushroom with his to. heavenly. i want that breakfast right now actually. yeah, thatd go down real nicely.

we wandered the streets of melbourne town. popping in and out of shops and admiring their wares. i dont think i bought anything at that stage, i just did lots of looking. here are some things that i looked at:

crippled pigeons







crippled lady with red smiley jeans







me realising i knew where i was on our way from theresas to bridge road.











when we ran out of things to look at we did what all nerds do. we went to the library and blogged





after theresa finished work, we headed on down to the nash and had a couple of drinks.we met her lovely friend bridget who has go go danced on stage with cyndii lauper and declared that she felt like becoming a lesbian. did i fall in love? yes i did



later that night we went to the housewarming party that i've already posted about, but here are some pics for you to take a looksy at




as you will have already read, i slept a lot of the next day. i had a good breakfast then too and bought a dress which i look very sexy in. and it worked for me last saturday night as you've already read. and then spent the monday with theresa, wandering around the streets having lots of coffees and lots of talks. it was really good. we bumped into hannah and mika, had more coffee, talked more then went to hannahs for a yummy stirfry. thanks hannah!! your name is the same frontways and backways!!

tuesday was the first day i had all to myself so i used it to take lots of photos



and to finish it all off here is a picture of scary adrian holding a gin bottle full of water



if you look in the background on the left hand side you can see a very cute girl. i was actually trying to take photos of her but had adrian pose so it didnt look too obvious

here is the photo that i took when i forgot all about being too obvious



and lastly, as we flew into adelaide airport, i leaned over the people sitting next to me and took these photos.



i hope you've enjoyed my post as much as i enjoyed doing all the things in it. thankyou, and goodnight

I’ve been waiting for a moment like that for a long time

Me too. And I got it on Saturday night. Since everyone else is lame*, I went to crank at the crown and anchor by myself on Saturday night. I knew craig and ross would be there anyway, so I wouldn’t be all alone, but I still felt like a bit of a loser going in there by myself. I shouldn’t have though, because I was wearing my new amazing dress which has magical powers.

I got there about midnight after hanging at matts for a little while, coming home and watching you am I on studio 22. I love you am i. they really are brilliant. Anyway, there weren’t many people there at 12, so it was easy to find ross and his friend who I’ve forgotten his name…tim? Maybe? Maybe I just think it was tim because he looked a little like the gnome tim that Adrian and I both know….oh well, I met tim, ross’ girlfriend kiarra and their friend Olivia. There was another girl there who I’ve forgotten her name as well. Bad carly. She had a girly, old fashioned name. hmm.

So we danced. Ross and kiarra fought, again. Poor ross. His sad little face. He really loves her, you can see that. Its unfortunate that they fight because you can see that she loves him too. Maybe she just needs to realise that he *does* love her, and relax and enjoy it. Maybe I should shut up because I’ve met them twice and don’t really even know them. Whatever.

There was some really good music. Ratcat, the cure, 99 luft balloons and two other bands which I seem to have forgotten, all in the same block of songs. It was so good. I felt old and young at the same time.
Strangely enough, doorbell by the white stripes was played and no one in my group of people knew it. I felt all kinds of special and knowlegable. I would have thought they’d know that song. Perhaps they spend too much time listening to Interpol** :P

Craig got there a little later and we all hung out and danced for a couple of hours.
It was then that dj ian started playing crap. Stupid current pop crap; gwen stafani and that milkshake song, ugh. He mashed two songs together first, which was annoying, but passable, then he just started on with the crap so we went out the front for a little while.
It was about 2am by this stage. I had an invitation to sleep at daniels ***which I was considering taking up cos I was kinda sleepy by this stage and it was cold out there. Also, some cuddles would have been really nice…

But then we were saved by some more dancey good tunes, and upon heading back into the disco arena**** we say ian was handing out show bags. Show bags! Yay! Lolly pops and hair ties and bangles and a cd and Charlie and the chocolate factory posters and yay!
Very exciting.

So, we’re wandering back to the table where we were before and this girl looks at me and whispers something to a boy. I kind of stare and frown a little, as I am want to do on occasion, and keep walking.
Then I hear the girl say ‘her! Her!’ and this is when I stop, turn around and stare at them both and say ‘hi….what?’
The girl, (who is very cute, by the way, all pixie hair and a school uniform. Very cute), puts her arm around the boy and says ‘this is tom. He’s looking for love in all the wrong places so I’m helping him….and he’s german’
‘no im not, im french’, says the boy
‘he’s French! Even better. Look at those cheekbones!’ says the girl
and as the two of us look over the boy who we now all know as tom, we both agree that yes, he is very cute. He has lovely brown eyes, very cute hair, and yes, rather nice cheekbones.
‘he’s all young though, isn’t he?’ I ask, ‘how old are you?’
‘he’s 22*****’ she says
tom just smiles

so we dance. And its really cute. And I gave him a lolly pop and somehow it got stuck on a passing man and that was just hilarious and we dance some more (rock and roll dancing, I’m told), and out of the corner of my eye I see the cute pixie girl coming over with another girl who seems younger than me, so I stepped away, back with ross and everyone else. Then I feel arms around my waist and I turn around to see a nice French boy, whispering in my ear that the cute girls first choice was much better.
And we kiss
And its really nice
And we kiss again
And this repeats for about the next couple of hours

I honestly cannot remember a time when I kissed non stop for that long since I was 15, and laying on my bad in the dark with phillip reid listening to tubular bells.

Its amazing what a good kiss can do for you. A really good kiss, you know. Like, hands on your face, cradling it while you kiss slowly, working up to a deeper, more intense kiss that makes you press against the other person, makes you forget everyone else in the room. I encourage all of you to go out and get a few of them right now. Go. Now. What are you waiting for?

The cranker was closing and we were asked to move along. The bouncerette said ‘I hate to ruin the moment guys but we are closing’ hehehe. I laughed.

While we were outside we took part in a discussion about whether or not guys could hold hands without people thinking they were gay. To prove a point, a girl, amy, and I were asked to hold hands. Did we look gay? No. we were asked to kiss. Did we look gay? No. tom and his Indian friend whos name im not even going to attempt to spell, held hands. Did they look gay? Amy and I said no, but Indian guy said ‘yes! Yes we look gay! They’re all faggots in India!’ he also looked at girls and asked them if he was going to get sex tonight. Oh yeah, he is so gonna get lucky with the chicks. Maybe with the guys…

And I went to shotz! Ive never been to shotz and it was as gross and dingy as I thought it would be so I wasn’t disappointed. The floor was sticker than the termi, but as it was tiled it didn’t have the squishy factor that the termi does that definitely adds to its charm.
We kissed there too, and when we stopped, he pulled away slowly, looked me in the eye and said 'ive been waiting for a moment like that for a long time...thankyou'

So I got home at 6:30 am after a night of kissing, kissing and more kissing. And a lovely French boy told me (in French) that he had a lovely evening, and accents never really did it for me before but that really did

*had other plans that did not involve me
**which was played using *my* mind power, thankyou very much
***I get a message the next day saying that maybe I’ve missed my chance. Feh, do you really think I thought I had a chance to begin with? You never kissed me before, why should I think you’d do it now?
****it really isn’t called this, but I think it should be
*****he’s actually only 20. do I feel old and like some creepy old cradle snatching woman? Yes, yes I do. But only when I thought about it. Most of the time I was kissing and thinking about how nice it was

well, i had an interesting night

and i'll tell you all about it when i get the time*. right now, however, i am sitting in the toy library at work so i cant go into too much detail.
i have no phone line at home, so that means no internet. after 2 nights in a row of being on hold for half an hour, it has been decided that my phone will be working by 7pm tuesday.

yeah, we'll see.

so in the meantime you'll have to make do with this boring lame postm and come back for more when its ready.

*so ross, you'll just have to wait ;)