well, i checked my letter box and there it was. a postcard for matt from niagara falls. well beth, i dunno, maybe matts theory about it being posted to sean was wrong. or maybe....yeah, hang on, i think i'm getting somewhere here....yep....maybe the reason it took so long to get here even though they were all posted on the same day was because it did get to seans, and he didnt get around to burning it cos he was checking my blog first (cos, you know, everyone out there are avid readers of my goings on), he saw that we'd cracked his scheme and posted it off again, thus getting it here without too mush suspicion. *nods knowingly* yeah, so what do you think about that huh??? or, yeah, i know, it could be because the postal system is sucky. i mean, thats a possibility, but so is our theory, so there. ner.

ow my back is sore

both my boys are sickies. eli is sleeping all the time and when he wakes up he's all drowsy and falling over and looks like he's gonna sleep again at any minute and they're both coughing and snotting everywhere. poor guys. its hard to explain to xander that running around outside naked isnt going to help him get better. he says he likes being sick cos he likes the medicine.

i've still got a headache. grrr

i was supposed to go to a massage class on how to help with headaches yesterday, but i forgot. the car seats were in matts car too, but i probably shouldnt have gone even if i could with the boys being sick.

so today i have more washing to do and i have to wash the floors. i dont know how i'm going to fit everything in my room again cos we changed it around the other night and now i dont have a dressing table which means all my clothes at the moment are squashed into a draw and a shelf and thats it. i dont even have a bedside table. right now i have some cute little old suitcases there, but they arent that sturdy realy. i need a funky little bedside dram thing, i think. maybe i'll go op shopping again this weekend and see what i can pick up. i'm pretty sure the market is on this sunday, there might be something there.

xander is doing a poo and he's amking a face like cameron from ferris bueller.

and on that note, seeya later :)

la la la lala la la la lalala la laaa laaa laaa lalalaaaa

i found this in another blog

Friend . . .
When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile... I'll know you finally got some.

When you are scared... I will tease you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick... stay away from me until you're well again.

When you fall ... I will try to keep from laughing.

This is my oath. I pledge 'til the end.
Why you ask?
Because you're my friend.

Send this to five of your closest friends. Then get depressed because you realize you only have 2, and one of them is not speaking to you right now.

And remember, always:
A friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.

i just scanned my hair and sent it to sean. it turned out more red than purple and it actually looks ok there.
i was doing a search for something the other day and came across a site called margarine - americas favourite spread. i find that disgusting, ( or as xander would say, biscusting). it's not honey, or peanut butter, or jam, its margarine. and would you like me to tell you something? well, you know, you probably wouldnt but i will. margarine isnt really yellow, its grey. they put yellow colouring in it to make it look more appealing. that said, i still eat it, but i think about that everytime i do.
sean and holly's pressie is fiiin-isshed. and it's about time. i'm quite happy with the contents of this one and i think they will be too. xander even made something for them and it's so funny. i'd just like to point out at this point for sean and holly to remember that i didnt help him or offer any advice at all in these things, it was all him. i simply wrote what i was told.

i signed up with a website called school friends. it's so weird seeing all those names there. like i walked into bizarro world, i mean, my first real boyfriend was there.....how did i write that without laughing? its not like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. the funniest thing about that relationship that i remember is hanging around in the change rooms after PE and i think it was danuta jablonska? maybe, said she'd give me a dollar if i went out with him. and then afterwards she said she couldnt pay me because if she did she would be contributing to my first steps into prostitution. lmao.
my first real real boyfriend is in there too. *waves to mark :)*
what's weird is that most of us are married/with someone and have kids. like, not just one, but 2 or 3. oh, and for anyone who's visiting from that site and is wondering how sharyn is doing, (yes we're still friends), she's living with her boyfriend and has two kids called isaac and cooper, who are around the same ages as my boys and NO we didnt plan it.
i dont think anything will come of me adding my name there. i doubt people would be looking for me for any particular reason. also, i doubt many people have paid the $19.95 to actually write to people so we'll all sit there and check our messages and wait for people to write and nothing will happen. i dont know what i'd do if someone did try to contact me. it's not like i had a huge circle of friends at school anyway, but....would be nice to see jake again....
although, in a totally selfish and self serving way, i would like to take this chance to say to the boys of my year 12 home group, (well, to anyone who thought that plaits and cord pants werent the 'right' thing to wear) i am SO ahead of fashion.....falls about laughing, teehee

is there any reason at all why i eat when im not hungry and that i eat things i dont een feel like? i think thats why i got into the habit of eating so many mandarins. i'd eat a few kilos a week, id say. as well as because i like them, its so i dont eat crap instead cos i dont even think when im eating, i just eat. pisses me off.
i dyed my hair today. i dunno if i like it. its that cinnamon colour but it's not exactly what i'd call cinammon. its more like purpley red. and matt cut it too, so its all short, above my shoulders and prupley red. hmm....dunno.....maybe

ow. my eyes hurt and i'm sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy. i've just sent 3 hours in front of the computer finishing some of sean and holly's presents. at least they're done now. stupid computer stuffed it up a bit, but its ok. i could do it again, but i'm way too tired...

ninight, sweet dreams, i love you, see you in the morning

i just realised that if i colour my hair cinnamon, sean might be allergic to me

*runs off giggling*

complaints for the moment:

every single mandarin i have eaten today has had an average of 4 pips per piece
my back is the sorest it has been in a long long while, even compared to while i was pregnant
panadol doesnt work, i dont care what the packets say, i'm taking 6
my house is messy, no matter how much i clean it
it'd be nice to wash my hair today but i doubt i'll be able to
i bought a hair dye cos it was on special but i dunno if im game enough to do it....hang on, i'll see if theres a website with the colour..
ok, there is but there isnt a link to copy. it's cinnamon from loreal feria, number 55....dunno about it yet
and enetation being on and offy


ok, thats all for now
return to your places of business

YOU AND ME SONG



ALWAYS WHEN WE FIGHT,

I TRY TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

'TIL EVERYTHING'S FORGOTTEN,

I KNOW YOU HATE THAT

BA BA RA RA BA BA BA BA

BA BA RA RA BA BA BA BA

ALWAYS WHEN WE FIGHT,

I KISS YOU ONCE OR TWICE

AND EVERYTHING'S FORGOTTON,

I KNOW YOU HATE THAT

I LOVE YOU SUNDAY SUN,

THE WEEK'S NOT YET BEGUN

AND EVERYTHING'S QUIET

AND IT'S ALWAYS



YOU AND ME,

ALWAYS, AND FOREVER

YOU AND ME,

ALWAYS, AND FOREVER

BA BA BA BA BA

IT WAS ALWAYS,

YOU AND ME, ALWAYS



YOU TELL ME I'M A REAL MAN,

AND TRY TO LOOK IMPRESSED

NOT VERY CONVINCING

BUT YOU KNOW I LOVE IT

THEN WE WATCH TV,

'TIL WE FALL ASLEEP

NOT VERY EXCITING,

BUT IT'S



YOU AND ME

AND WE'LL, ALWAYS,

BE TOGETHER

YOU AND ME,

ALWAYS, AND FOREVER

BA BA BA BA BA

IT WAS ALWAYS,

YOU AND ME,

ALWAYS, AND FOREVER

YOU AND ME,

ALWAYS,

AND FOREVER

BA BA BA BA BA

IT WAS ALWAYS,

YOU AND ME,

ALWAYS,

AND FOREVER

BA BA BA BA BA BA RA RA

we went to the show yesterday. i've woken up with a headache, and eli was delirious last night. he cried through the night but put himself back to sleep. i realised in the morning that it was because he had spewed all over himself. poor little guy. bad bad mummy.
i got the new woman showbag after seeing the faerie winks one and realising, even though i knew before, that there was no way in the history of the world that i was going to fit into any of it. but matt bought me too tiaras, so that made up for it. they are both silver and one has purple feathery bits and the other one has blue. he also bought me a pretty necklace. we spent a total of $120. really, it was only $20 because matts mum gave us $100, but i still feel bad. xander went on some rides. one he cried and kept saying, 'ive had enough, i've had enough' and the other he had a very solem face until about 5 seconds before it finished when he started smiling. we paid $5 and he had a go on this game where you get a hook on a stick and you have to catch these plastic ducks and they have a number under them. he got a pack of three cars and a water pistol. you should have seen his face when he got the water pistol. that made the whole day worth it. ive been saying no to guns of any kind for so long now. the only ones he's played with really are the weapons with the star wars guys, but we take them away after a while. he was squirting everyone and he's even given up his morning tv to be outside and squirting the dog. me: 'did you squirt daisy?' xander: 'with my water pistol, that's what i do :)'
matt got a cantina band member mask for $15. matt: 'i'm incorrectly named, barquin dan'. and we got a couple of things for some certain someones. we looked everywhere for the pretty girly bags for holly but there didnt seem to be any. i took my list and everything and i only found a couple that she wanted, so i got her a tried and true one. she'll love it. matt is jealous of seans showbag. he wanted to open it and i said no. all day yesterday, xander kept saying, 'dont touch that dad, that's seans'.
you should have heard eli when we saw all the piglets. he went off. kicking and pointing and yelling some incoherrant babble. there was this huge mummy pig, and all these babies fighting to get milk from her. most of them had a little system where there was a bottom row of piglets, and a top row that was directly on top of the bottom row, so all you saw was two little curly tails on top of each other. reminded me of something on a cd that matt was sent.... they were just laying right on top with their foor little legs on either side of the bottom ones. and then there were the extras digging around wherever they could. elijah was stoked. he liked the cows and the chickens too. i took him into the hands on part, the agricultural learning centre, and i got to hold a baby chicken. and i showed eli and he almost ripped its head off with excitement. xander got the hot wheels showbag and eli got the thomas showbag and we are going to share some bertie beetle, cherry ripe, fruit tingles and smarties bags.
all in all, a huge waste of money but a good day anyway :)

holly emailed me. well, she emailed matt and i to say that she got to california safe and well, which i am so proud of her for. and she said that if either of us wanted to write to her, we could. i thought that was nice. i wonder if she got matts card yet or not. he sent it to her hotmail addy incase she couldnt get into her normal mail, but she didnt say anything. i hope she likes it.

i'm really about ready to lock myself in a nice padded room. at first i thought about locking xander in there, but then i realised that i probably wouldnt even need a pillow in a padded room. all i'd need would be a few good books, a cd player and some good music. and my computer. and a kettle, tea bags, honey, bread, a toaster, some water, milk, butter, a fridge to keep the milk and the butter cold, and a blanket...oh and a spoon and a knife. hang on, thats not really, 'all i'd need'. it'd probably be a better idea getting my kitchen padded and locking myself in here. and sounde proofed too so i wouldnt have to listen to the kids banging and screaming at the door.
well, i have a bit of research to do before i can finish seans present. i need to make it as realistic but crap as possible. this is kinda hard, but once you get started, pretty easy. i did it with the 100% authentic aussie kit i made for his last present. i thought it looked pretty authentic from the outside, and the little animals were good too. it was just the back drop that made it crap and that was my favourite part.

it's sun showering :) that always makes me smile. it reminds me of one day when i was little, i must have been in year three or younger....from my memory of where i was standing, my guess is year two, and there was a sun shower and heaps of us kids started laughing and running around on the quadrangle in the rain. it's a happy memory.
i finished my 100's and 1000's just then. i was glad to have had so many pieces of faerie bread. and im glad that i was the one who finished it. is that selfish? probably, but sometimes mummy's deserve something a little special.
i hate the bank. i went to get money out today to buy the kids a treat for being so good and it said we had zero dollars. nice way to scare me ATM! when i got home and rang the bank it turns out that i had $14, so, since $20 is the minimum it showed up as no money. stupid way of doing it. anyway, i listened to the last transactions and they were a $5 and $2 miscellanious debit. which means fees. if they hadnt taken them out the boys could have had something nice. stupid bank.
matt wants to have another baby. i told him he has to either build me another room on this house or buy me a new house, THEN we'll think about another baby. my money is on us not having a baby.
mary is very happy with how im going. i dont have to go back and see her for another 3 weeks. she said she's proud of me for what i have achieved since starting to see her. she can see a definate difference and it's for the better. she talked to someone she knows about reporting sexual abuse. and this person said that i would have to talk to someone and have a statement taken down, then they'd look at it and see if theres enough evidence to convict. if there is, they will, if not then my statement goes on record. i dont know whether i will or not. i know for sure that there isnt enough evidence to do anything cos i never went to the doctor about anything and i didnt say anything until years after it happened. and i dont know if i can go through saying everything that happened if nothing is going to be done about it. it goes on record, i know, but what does that mean? its not going to stop him from doing it to someone else. mary said i have to stop looking up his address. i told her there's only one person listed with his name, but it isnt his initial. she's trying to convince me that its probably not him then. but his name isnt common, its a relative of some kind. or it means he's got a silent number, no phone, or he's living with some other woman and doing stuff to her kids. i told mary that and she said that he may well be but i shouldnt worry about that. but of course i do cos i feel like if i had done something then that i could stop things from happeneing to other people. i'm supposed to keep telling myself it isnt my fault.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

2
10
"?'/"
27211072

that was from eli. he knows how to say dont touch. he even says it when he's touching something he shouldnt so he knows what it means. i guess he just doesnt like to do it when other people tell him. all males have selective hearing, dont they?

anyway. it's weird weather today. its hot, but cold. and its dull and bright at the same time. i think summer is coming. there were mozzies everywhere last night, and it was 11 pm and we went outside to feed daisy and it was still warm. when i woke up this morning i was warm too, even though it looked cold outside. yeah, summer is coming, spring at least. i'm looking summery today. i have a little white singlet on and blue and white thin cotton three quarter pyjama pants. you know when i was writing that sentance i forgot the e on white both times. anyway
we had a pretty good weekend...oh hang on, my toast just popped... ok. yeah, on saturday matt hung the laundry door. when matts parents got a door hung at their house it took the guy a day and a half and cost them $500. matt did it in half a day, and got it first go. tradesmen dont know anything....aaah, my matty is a handy man :)
i made a nice dinner on saturday night. we had four cheeses pasta, broccolli, peas, corn and carrots, and chicken wrapped in bacon, oh, and garlic bread. it was really nice. yum.
on sunday it was fathers day. matt loved his presents, obviously. i cant remember if ive written what we got him, and i cant be bothered checking so i'll just say. we bought him a carton of beer and a nice t shirt. he loves the t shirt. he wore it yesterday and he's wearing it again today. the beer, well, you should have seen his face. cartons come in two 12 packs now, so i wrapped them seperatley. so i gave him one, and he opened it, and he was smiling and smiling, and he says, 'man, i love these little mini cartons' and i said something like, yeah, they're cute arent they, ok, heres the rest of your present. and it clinked as i picked it up and he just started laughing and calling me a knob. we went to the markets and got a few things. a zurg for xani, and its a real one too, not a macdonalds one, and it still makes its sabre noise, as xander calls it. was only $2 as well, so thats even better. and i also picked up a little ham the pig, and bullseye the horse for 20 cents each. AND something little and cute for holly. i really need a baby girl you know, holly is gonna end up with so much little girl stuff cos i just cant resist buying it.
then we went to matts parents for lunch cos his grandpa was out of the nursing home for fathers day. we had baby spinach (mmmmmmm) and snow pea salad with real parmesan cheese, roasted tomatoes, which, might i say, ROCKED. there was avocado but i gave mine to matt. home made chips/wedges on the side, and swordfish wrapped in proscuittio. SO GOOD. matt had hte one piece of salmon, but i got two pieces of swordfish so thats ok. there was chicken too but i was so full. not full enough to stopmyself eating half of the fruit platter. i dont feel guilty for pigging out on fruit though.
we watched crazy/beautiful last night. kirstin dunst is hot. yep...cant say much else about the movie...kirstin dunst is hot
i got a nice card from sean this morning. i wish i had a bum like hers. like, a bum like hers for my own bum, not just a bum like hers laying around in my house for me to look at and wish i could somehow join it to my body and get rid of my bum. where are thses thoughts coming from? i think i need another cup of tea