title: outside? fuck no! explanation: i do this instead of doing other things disclaimer: my room looks tidier there. cat doesnt look as crazy. smile generally isnt there. view from my window doesnt even remotely resemble this. i dont own a pink mug. nor can i balance it on my quilt. hair is pretty spot on
this post will be boring for you. but its something i have to do.
peaks and troughs. "i thought you were a peak but it turns out you're a ridge, i must climb over you". you know how it goes. so, its right now that i say hello to you from way. down. here.
medicine has been increased by 1/4. this is making me itch. maybe not itch. possibly just tingle. scaring the fuck out of me. if this doesnt work, will i have to stop my life again for three months? its looking that way. can i just live with tingling/itchiness so i can leave my house (when i *can* leave my house). it would be handy to be better it would be handy to remember which toothbrush is mine it would be handy to remember where my indicators are it would be handy to keep my eyes on the road
so, the plan is, to do things
and write them down, so i have concrete evidence that i am, in fact, doing things. instead of telling myself that i do nothing, and that the kids are far better off with voldemort as they do things there, i write down the things that i do so that i can actually see, in front of me, with my own eyes that are hopefully looking straight ahead and not wandering to the side of the road, that i am doing things
things include taking kids to the bakery, taking kids to the playground, playing lego rockband, playing lego, singing and dancing in the kitchen
things also include taking recycling out, removing clothes from the kitchen table, unpacking the dishwasher
things also also include leaving the house for reasons not related to children, like visiting miffy, or going to the shops.
i dont know if i have been successful yet.
wed 15/9/2010 went out at 10 am, came home at 1pm. i know i went to the doctor first, currently iunable to remember where i went afterwards looked after noah for 3 hours
thurs 16/9/2010 went to work went to kmart went to marion cleared off the kitchen table did one load of washing took out recycling went to bed early
fri 17/9/2010 worked 930-6 read went to bed
sat 18/9/210 currently midday and am still in bed. have wiped over one bench in the kitchen
i need to put this out for other people to see. i need to put this out of my head