i really wish that everything that was in my head would just work its way down my neck, to my shoulders and start pouring out of my fingers onto the keyboard and somehow end up in here in some semblance of order
merry christmas everyone. i hope you had a lovely day. mine was busy busy busy, and i got very full
and would you have a look at what matty got me. thankyou pinaroo!!! thankyou for not liking original milo bars so much that matt could get a whole box full for me for christmas. pinaroo, you rule.
a lot of people have been blogging lately about how crappy this year has been, and yeah, it has been. but i think i'd like to focus on any good things that might happen.
yep, a lot of things have ended this year, and in their place i am going to start some new things
start sticking up for myself
start doing better for myself as a person, not just a mum
stop eating so much crap...she says, munching on a milo bar, hey, its still 2003
learn to accept that as much as it has been drummed into me, i am not selfish
go for better roles in plays
do a live performance with humblebee
i hope your 2004 is all you hope it will be...just dont get your hopes up too high, ok?
the main reason i bought detroit rock city was because i am still teenagerly in love with edward furlong. look at that pic...is he not shaggy and spunky and hot??? yes, yes he is
i fell in love in 1991 when i saw him in terminator 2. i didnt hear the whiney little boy voice then, all i saw was a beautiful beautiful boy who i knew would love me. i then saw what i at the time, voted as the best movie ever, pet semetary 2. and yes, i was even more in love.
after growing up a bit, and harbouring my secret crush, i let it out and admitted to watching terminator 2 on tv purely for the eddie involvement. i also thoroughly enjoyed pecker, which i watched first out of the three john waters movies sean and holly sent for us, because he was in it.
so theres really no surprise that i bought detroit rock city. it was only $12 as well, so that makes it even better.
i really dont have much luck with cars. i had a beautiful 1970 morris 1300. it was tamarisk green....so cute. it started to break and started to cost lots to repair so we sold it. i was so sad. we bought me a 1990 hyundai excel. i've never liked it, maybe it knows that.
saturday night it overheated on the way to the city. we left it, went out for a bit, came back, put water in it and started driving home.
it overheated again.
then made some very VERY loud knocking noises that didnt sound great at all.
we called the RAA and the guy said there was no way in hell we'd be driving it home, especially all that way. we ended up getting towed.
we waited 2 hours for that, from 2:30 - 4:30 am. yes, we were tired. so much so that we wondered out loud about how we were glad it wasnt hot/raining/cold/snowing/flowing with lava/flooding/tornadoing etc.
the funniest comment of the night:
sharyn : that guy across the road has a big wet patch on his back
carly : maybe his mate was doing him and pulled out to cum on his back
whenever it's on tv, i *have* to watch it, and i will laugh and laugh and laugh, no matter how many times i've seen it
how much do i love this movie???
i used to love it because of keanu reeves and joaquin phoenix, but then i grew up, and now i love it because of how much i relate to it. my kids butt things with their heads, overreact to everything and cry, stick up for each other, are generally bizarre.
some things i love....
"You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car -- hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
Julie: I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!
Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
Karen: Do you really have to go?
Gil: My whole life is "have to."
Julie: He said that he loved me.
Helen: Men say that. They all say that. Then they cum.
Philia: Still a virginal girl, the beautiful and young, yet dumb, Philia none the less belongs to Lycus and is a courtesan-in-training, already contracted to be sold to Miles Gloriosus. She and Hero, however, are in love; and Hero has enlisted Pseudolus to get her for him. In the end the day is saved by the revelation that she is the sister of Miles Gloriosus who then nullifies his contract and allows her to go to Hero.
apparently i get a tad grumpy when im doing a production. well, all of you shitheads who think i get grumpy can just fuck off and make like a tree and leave.
make like a tree and leave, i love back to the future
so yeah. i have to sing, *and* i get to kiss a gay boy. how many of you out there are jealous of me now??? all of you, thats how many. you all know how much you wann kiss a gay boy and i get to do it, ner to all of you, ner ner ner!
over the last few weeks some pretty heavy stuff has been going down in my life.
it's stuff i should have dealt with a long time ago, but im only strong enough now.
in 1991 my mums boyfriend moved in. i don't remember a lot about him. he worked at a tyre place. he once drove me and my brothers around and around a round about for fun. i remember him filleting fish on our back porch. they are really the only normal memories i have of him.
i have more.
these aren't normal memories. these are memories that people shouldn't have to have. people should be able to look back at being 13 and think about having fun with their friends, hanging out looking at boys, writing in your diary and singing to your favourite songs. i did all that too, but there was always that other part, the secret part, that tainted everything, and still does now.
although there was no *actual* sex, ie penis in vagina, there was enough of everything else.
when it was happening i never told anyone. i often thought, for some reason, about running up the road to the fire station, or perhaps to the ambulance, never once did i think about the police. i don't know why. maybe if i told the police then it was really happening to me.
i managed to get on with my life and do all the normal 13 year old things, and 14, and 15, until at 15 my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me.
it brought it all back up, and i had to tell him about it. he'd be the first person that i told.
once i told phillip, it was easier to tell other people. it opened the flood gates i suppose, and i told sharyn, my best friend, and my other close friends. everyone was really supportive, and we formed a small army that vowed to kill him if it was needed.
since then, i think i've told almost all of my boyfriends who i had sex with. everyone has reacted the same way. upset that it happened, but there for me, and that has been great. but i've never felt the powerful urge to go to the police as much as i have this last year.
after i had my boys, i started to freak out in public places, thinking that i had seen him. i'd only ever had this once before. i'd freeze and my legs would go weak and i would feel as if i would fall to the floor in a puddle.
i needed to be strong for them. i didn't want them to have to see that someone could hurt their mummy so much. they needed me to be brave, and fun.
so i called the police, i told them what he did to me. not what i did, or what happened, what he did to me, because that's what it was. none of this is mine, its all his, and i need to give the blame back to him and start to live my own life without this shit hanging around me. cos its not my shit. it's his shit. no matter how many prettily wrapped parcels he gave me, they were always full of black shit that i kept having to wear, to carry around on my 13 year old shoulders.
now i am giving it back
the police are looking for him, they're looking all over south australia, and they've been really great about it
i feel taller and cleaner already
so i wanted to say thankyou to everyone for being there for me and for encouraging me, and giving me strength. *someone* wrote a thankyou over there in my tagboard, but this one is the one really from me.
she eyed her target up and down one last time before approaching him.
'you wanna do it?'
he was taller than she was, darker too. olive skin to her vanilla and he smelled like dessert.
she took his hand and lead him to the back, to the smaller room where couples and triples writhed and kissed. she sat him down and nestled her way onto him.
it was over in less than 5 minutes and she remembered him as cake...
had some cake. nice taste. may go back for seconds.
"The Breakfast Club is one of my favorite movies. I wanted to be Ally Sheedy's character from the very first time I saw it, except not get turned into a prep at the end. And I loved Judd Nelson, not Emilio"holly
u huh. i've suggested that we do 'the breakfast club' next year with young opus. i wanna be allison (ally sheedy). i already know all her lines so it'd be easy.
i was pissed that they changed her into an 80's preppy popular girl too. she looked cool with her shaggy hair and loads of black clothes. although, she does look cute when molly ringwald puts that head band on her and her cute hair goes all spikey and stuff... cute.
at the last young opus meeting i put forward the idea that we should change the name of our group, mainly so that i could still be a member. im already 3 years too old for it as it is. i thought 'a bit on the side', since we're an off-shoot of opus, and i think it was vicki who came up with 'side dish' which i think is a very catchy name. yes.
you know what i like about those google ads up there ^ ? i like the fact that they're related to my blog, and even though i know it doesnt happen this way, i like to think that theres some guy out there reading my posts and saying, ooh, she wrote about the faraway tree, i'll put a google ad up there for that, she'll like that.
makes me think that theres still some people out there who care
recently i have been complaining about how bored i am with the internet. i boot up my computer, connect to my crappy dial up, check my email, my blog and everyone's blog thats on my links, i check ebay, and thats it. thats the end. i feel like i need to press eject turn the tv off.
i found a new site and im ever so chuffed. it's pretty, and girly and cool and she thinks like me....perhaps im in love....
i just get so happy when i find a new place to visit. it makes me excited and hoppy and i need to tell everyone about it. ive already visited lots of her links, and thought, yeah! i want one of those butterfly mobiles from that cool online store. but, alas, im not spending $50 on postage for an $7 mobile. while i'm asking for things, i would also like this.
i'm making a cd at the moment for my secret FOW for the annual christmas swap. i'm pretty happy with it so far. if anyone else would like one, just email me and give me your address. if i knew how, i'd make that a link, but i dont, so you'll just have to click over there ->
sean and/or holly, you've probably heard all these songs already, but i'll make you one if you really want one.
my favourite book - or political correctness gone too far
when i was younger i had quite a collection of books, and i read them over and over and over again. enid blyton was one of my favourites. mostly because, and im not sure why, i had this orphan fascination, and enid blyton had a few orphans, or only children, or kids left to their own devices, in her stories.
the folk of the faraway tree was my most favourite of all. i dont know how many times ive read about jo, bessie, fanny and connie. ive recently finished reading it to x and he loved it as well. it had him thinking about trees and faeries and using his imagination rather than playing nintendo.
so how pissed off do you think i get when i find out that the original 4 kids, jo, bessie, fanny and dick, (the spoilt cousin) have had their names changed so they fit better in todays society?
jo is now joe, bessie - beth, fanny - franny, and dick - rick. also, because corporal punishment is not so ok now, dame slap is now called dame snap. i'm surprised they didnt take those chapters out completely.
dame wash-a-lot washes all the time. isnt that a bit sexist to have a female character that stays home and does the washing al the time?
what about moonface? that name is a bit mean, dont you think? just because he has a rather large head, doesnt mean you should call him that.
and silky, the lovely little faerie silky. its well known that she has a soft spot ofr moonface. could it be because she *has* to say that on account of moonface being her pimp, and loaning out pretty silky to all his friends. that squirrel with the red jumper is his little messenger boy, it all makes sense.
saucepan man is just like a bum with his trolley full of plastic bags, and really, they arent all that nice to look at so we should take him out of the story all together.
whatsizname forgets his name all the time, so is quite obviously suffering from alzhiemrs. thats quite nasty to tease an alzhemers sufferer. we should give him a name and more say in the story.
the angry pixie is just outright rude. he throws ink al over connies lovely party dress so he should be out. connie, she's just a prissy little whiner so she can get out as well.
and while we're at it, why dont we cut down the tree and build a superhighway and a shopping centre. inside the shops we can sell plastic replicas of the tree and make billions.
OR WE COULD JUST LEAVE THE BOOK THE WAY IT WAS WRITTEN
why is it that people have such higher expectations of me than i do of myself? how come people think i am capable of things that im really, honestly, not?
i auditioned for OPUS's production of a funny thing happened on the way to the forum today. its a musical (put that theing back where it came from or so help me....sorry, monsters inc intrusion), and, as you would remember from the last musical i did, and the last one i auditioned for, and as vicki would put it 'singing is not my forte'. so how come harry gets me to read for the lead girl? is it because im 'beautiful but vaccuos'? or because he expects more of me than i can give?
walking up rundle street on friday night i saw a girl leaning against a pillar. she had short black hair in a 'punk' style, messy and all that. she was wearing a short plaid skirt, pink opaque tights, boots, and a green army shirt with an array of badges on it. she also had a black wrist band with spikes on one wrist and a black sweat band on the other wrist.
i shook my head slightly
'kids,' i thought with a sigh, and walked a couple more steps when i noticed another girl. similar in every-single-way. her skirt was green plaid instead of red, her tights were fishnets instead of opaque, but she was *the same*
oh my, the scowl these two gave each other was nasty. nasty i tell you.
how dare someone copy my original style! its screamed, i am the one and only true punk rocker girl in the world, the rest of you are just imitators.
dear me....again, i shake my head and sigh a little...kids
oh, btw, i bought matt a black wrist band with a pink skull on it for christmas :P
im sorry about my outburst yesterday. things havent been great inside and outside my head lately. i'm trying to sort myself, and i will, you just may have to put up with the occasional spazz attack that seems to fly from my fingers at times.
i've really just had enough of everybodys crap and self serving sookiness. feel sorry for me! help me! fuck, help yourself you sad little people. DO SOMETHING. i am not the root of all evil, i am not the designer of al of your problems, nor am i a provider for more. if you have a problem with me, go away from me or get over it. im not about to change myself, the way i am, the way i think, the way i talk, to suit your idea of what is right and good in the world.