i think that guys have a different set of...i dont know, like, what matters and, time frames, and a whole lot of things.
if you email someone, you kinda expect them to write back, dont you? well, i do. especially if there are questions in the email, or, well, it's just common courtesy to write back to people who you suppose are your friends. even if they arent friends, a little 'i got your mail, thanks' is always nice.
i know of someone in particular who is waiting for an email from someone in particular. and it's shitting me that he hasnt written back. well, it's not really, because i had a feeling he wouldnt. its just the sort of lame-ass thing he'd do. but enough abou that, i am choosing not to comment about said someone on here.
i am also waiting for emails. something going on with cam. i dont know what. i tried to email him but they keep coming back saying that the email doesnt exist anymore. i know he's alive cos his band is playing gigs, but it would be nice to be able to talk to him again.
Last night, matt and i tried some stuff. i know i switched off almost immediatly, but i was conscious of everything happening for a while. probably until the sex started. i remember looking at the clock at 11:40 .next thing i remember, im crying and its ten past 12. i dont remember the rest.
apparently i really freaked out. didnt look like me. i didnt look like i was even there, which i guess, i wasnt. i was wherever i go when i dont like the thing that happening. that place that seems safe to me, even though i come out of it feeling even more scared than when i go in.
I dont know what happens to me while i'm in there, but i spent half an hour in limbo last night while matt had sex with me.
i was going to put a 'rate my blog' thing on like holly has....cos i copied her....but i clicked on the the template thing and there's nothing there...hmmm...maybe next time. or maybe tomorrow morning i can ask my lovely computer boy to give me a hand. *smiles and winks* you know who you are.
marc and lyndell broke up again. i reckon it might be for good this time. as far as i can see, it's because marc has been being a bit shitty and moody lately and taking it out on lyndell and she's tried to work things out with him but he doesnt want to. i dont know. lyndell's gonna call me tomorrow or the next day, i guess i'll find out more then.
on another note, words look really funny sometimes when you either press the space bar too soon or too late. like, i wrote 'copiedher' before and i thought that looked funny. but the one that still makes me laugh is when you forget to press the space bar typing 'pen is'.
yes, childish mind, but i'm happy with it.
it was eli's 2nd birthday and my cousin christopher's 11th birthday yesterday. it was aaron's 18th today, and in about 3 weeks it'll be xander's 4th and alisons 18th. all these people are growing up. it's weird. i saw a boy today that i babysat as a baby, and he's taller than me with this deep deep voice and funky clothes.
sharyn saw a guy that we used to hang out with years ago. years as in 10 or so. she said she didnt recognise him at frist until she remembered that other people grow up too, not just us, and that they're bound to look, older, fatter, thinner, balder, etc.
'What I want to know is who in the FUCK green-lighted Jurrasic Park 4? '
i will never see this movie, i am yet to even say its name
'I mean, the first movie was mediocre. It's on the same level as Congo or Waterworld or Weekend at Bernies. It is, for all intents and purposes... Okay.'
here is where i have to say, weekend at bernies is ok? okay? its a pure 80's gem! those two guys who were always in movies together and i cant remember their names....andrew mcarthy and the other one, I LOVE THOSE GUYS!!!!
'This movie is right up there with... uh... Americas Funniest Home videos.'
i saw some of australias funniest home videos the other night and they had a video of a guy who proposed to his girlfriend. she was sitting in the loungeroom watching tv and he came and sat in front of her, took off his top and she freaked out. he turned around so his back was to the camera and he'd shaved 'will you marry me?' into his back hair.... yeah
check out my little dot things i'm doing, i am the html king!
i dont know whether to be proud or feel degraded.... On friday night, sharyn and i went out. yay. we had a nice time. we went into the city and did a bit of looking around in the shops. found lots of things we liked but were waaaaaay out of our price range. $279 for a pair of shoes? hello! we went to a noodle bar place for tea and had some yummy dinner. i had nasi goreng which was rice with chicken and prawns and vegetables in this yummy sauce thing, and sharyn had pud thai, i think, which was basically the same as mine except with pasta instead of rice. we had to complain about the drinks though cos sharyn got hers and it was like...clear, almost. which would have been ok if it had been lemonade but it was supposed to be coke. i think maybe they didnt put enough squirts of syrup in their soda stream.
then we walked down to hindley street and saw some bands at enigma. it was hummels last gig and it was really good. i've heard them before, and even seen them play live and i've never been that impressed with them. but they were really really good. i had a great time and i jumped around and sang and laughed at their stupid jokes. career girls played too and they were cool as well.
the only thing that wasnt cool...and this relates to the title of my entry today...we were watching career girls and the place wasnt full yet. there werent many people standing up watching the band and the people who were had made a kind of semi circle around the stage. sharyn and i were right on the end, about 2 or 3 people from the end, of the front row of the said semi circle. there was no one next to us on the other side. so going from the end of the line, 2 or 3 people, me, sharyn, whole room. ok, got it? so, where do you think you'd stand if you were walking past and decided to stop and watch the band? right next to sharyn? like, uncomfortably close? like, touching? like, your arm resting on her arm? no, id idnt think you would choose that, but my psycho did. we moved over and he moved over as well. we didnt think too much of it, it was just more annoying than anything. but then while we were watching hummel, we were standing around, with people all around us, dancing our little hearts out. and i understand that its hard not to bump into people when you're in close proximity and moving around. sometimes a hand may brush your back or shoulder, or bum even. and thats what happened to sharyn, and she didnt think anything of it. until the hand went between her bum cheeks and stayed there. and when she turns around, who do you think is the owner of the hand? yes, psycho boy. well, no, not boy. i'd say, 30 ish, balding fat guy drinking a VB and looking like a bad geek, not a cool geek. so sharyn moves his hand away and turns back around to watch the band and he does it again. she turns around and moves his hand away, 'do you mind!', she says. we dance some more and everythings ok for a while till he's at it again. when that happened, i asked the guy in front of sharyn if he would swap places with her and i told him why. he was cool with that, he was a nice young lad, very sweet of him. that was fine for a couple of songs until we got jostled around again and psycho ended up next to sharyn again. now, all of this time, we could have moved, but why should we? we were having a good time, we had a good spot, he was the one being horrid and rude, he should be the one to leave. and he should leave my sharyn alone! so he rubbed against her and i grabbed her and swapped places with her, so i was next to the psycho. and what do you think happens? HE MOVED AWAY! what? was my bum not good enough for him? did he only want to go after little sweet sharyn? was my bum not as nice for poking at? obviously not.....or, on the other hand i could just look really tough and all like, you dont wanna mess with me cos i'll fuck you up or something. that might be the reason.....
tim won $2,500 yesterday. that in itself just isnt fair because he's always winning things. but that isntthe reason i find it disturbing, it's the way he won it. first of all, he didnt have to do anything for it, just be himself and go about his normal everyday business. then he heard something on the radio and called up and won. sound like any normal radio competition? i guess so. he had to listen out for clues and guess who the person they were talking about was. still sound normal? yeah, i guess so, unless the person they were talking about was him!
you work at number 50 in the city
you work for savings and loans
you own a property on kangaroo island
you were hanging out your washing on wednesday
you have one car
hello stalker freaks! i'm sorry, but i find that more than a little disturbing. sure, i'll take the money, but i dont want some SA-FM radio guy following me around, watching my every move.
you live near the beach
you have two noisy kids
you sit at the computer all day
you scan various things regularly
because i chose to, i didnt know much about the war on iraq. i actually didnt even know it was over until a couple of days ago. one thing i did like to hear about was the information minister. apparently her gave himself up to US troops the other day but they turned him away because he wasnt on their deck of cards.
what? do i have to hose them off the porch or something???
i saw them standing outside my house, down the bottom of the driveway. four of them in a huddle. i know they saw me through the loungeroom window, i know they saw how i was standing, and i know that i was putting forward a 'dont fuck with me' kind of attitude. i watched them for a while and then continued with my business.
there was a knock at the door. i sighed and eli and walked into the loungeroom. i could tell what they were. without having to look at their little newsletters and pamphlets and magazines. i didnt open the screen door.
'hello, i'm a minister from the local chursh up on beach road. and as we're neighbours i thought i'd come along and say hello..'
'aaah, yes :) hello. i was thinking the other day about the state of the world and what bad shape it's in. and i was thinking about how it's great that i have something that i believe in, that can see me through'
'yeah, thats great for you, and im happy for you that you have that in your life' (turning to leave)
'yes, but, wouldnt it be great if we all had this to believe in? if we all had something stable in our lives, something true and good'
at this point i'd like to point out that elijah had no pants on and the other minister was looking at him. i had a t shirt on that had ' ask me about my beautiful babacos, the champagne fruit' written across my boobs and he was staring right at them. btw, dont ask me about my beautifil babacos cos all i can tell you is that they are the champagne fruit.
'yep, and it's great that you believe in that. and if it happens for you...'
'when it happens'
'if it happens for you then i'm happy for you and thats great'
'you dont believe?'
'no, i dont believe'
'well what do you believe? evolution? the big bang? do you believe in 'some thing'?'
and i can see him getting ready to spurt off all his pre prepaired answers for saying you believe in any of those things, but he's not ready for me
'i believe in faeries'
and he laughs
now, did i laugh at him when i saw him and knew that he believed in god? no, no i didnt. but he laughs at me, and my beliefs. thats not very nice, is it?
'i believe in faeries, and i dont push my beliefs onto anyone. and thats the way i think things should be. be good to each other, believe what you want to believe, and dont push your beliefs onto other people'
'no, i dont think you should push your beliefs on other people'
'but dont you wish you could know for sure that your family, your little ones, would be looked after, will be taken care of, have something truthful to belive in...'
'my kids can believe whatever they want to believe. if they want to believe in god, then thats fine with me, if they want to believe in faeries, then thats fine with me to. they can make up their own minds when they're older'
'no, i dont want to hear buts from you. i dont think you should push your beliefs on other people. you can believe what you like and i have no problem with that as long as you keep it to yourself.'
'yes, but i believe i am saving people by telling them. if i saw someone swimming and i saw a shark coming at them, id need to tell them, to help them. i know i can help by telling people about the...'
here is where i interrupt, for the last time
'look, i wish you well, i hope you have a really good day, thanks, bye'
turn around, shut the door
i am surprised i lasted that long. im also surprised at my composure. i didnt yell, i didnt get rude or angry at them. i spoke calmy the whole time.
i think it's time i tried to let my guard down. i can feel myself being stiff and unwelcoming and its not a fun way to live. there are people who love me, and they really do. as much as i believe it, i dont let them in and i need to do that. for them and myself. it's going to be a hard thing to do. i physically feel uptight and tense and its not nice. i dont want to feel like this anymore, physically and emotionally, and i dont want to subject others to the feelings i radiate by being this way.